Forum Activity for @alison

Alison
@alison
10/26/16 12:22:05PM
71 posts

Electromagnetic frequencies


Empath

Thanks :-)

Alison
@alison
10/21/16 12:12:23PM
71 posts

Electromagnetic frequencies


Empath

Thanks.  I really like this idea of blessing EMFs.  The information I read about blessing was about asking for EMFs to be changed so that they are beneficial to humans.  If I've read right, your approach is more about trying to get along with them as they are?  I get that everything is from the same source but, even if they're not out to get you intentionally, they very clearly do significant harm to people so how do you come to terms with that? 

Sorry if this sounds bit pedantic, just trying to find the right way for me.

Alison
@alison
10/20/16 09:36:56AM
71 posts

Electromagnetic frequencies


Empath

Thanks.  I've actually got an earthing sheet for my bed that I haven't used for a while but need to dig it out.  I can't say I felt any benefit from it but it did make me feel better to use it.  Impressed that you made your own!

Alison
@alison
10/20/16 09:16:10AM
71 posts

Electromagnetic frequencies


Empath

Hi

I'm wondering how people protect themselves from EMFs emitted from things like wifi, computers, mobile, phones and any other electrical equipment.  I've been looking into this lately and the health risks are significant. 

The best policy is to reduce your exposure, easier said than done I know.  I do try to do this but in situations where this is not possible I'm wondering if anyone has any thoughts.  I'm going to get some crystals because these can absorb and ground radiation, I believe.

Some people suggest meditating/praying/grounding can protect too presumably because we are connecting to a higher vibration than the damaging ones.  I even came across one guy who said that by blessing EMFs, you can convert them into a positive energy.  I'm particularly interested to know if anyone does anything like this for protection. 

Thanks


updated by @alison: 02/27/17 08:58:21PM
Alison
@alison
09/19/16 11:54:02AM
71 posts

thinking more about the wellbeing of others more than myself?


Empath

Have you heard of family systems theory?  It suggests people occupy roles within dysfunctional families  ... and it doesn't take much to be a dysfunctional family  Roles include caretaker, scapegoat, clown and hero.  We kind of morph into these roles and they become rigid.  They are a way of getting our needs met and gaining self esteem but not in a healthy way.  We get positive feedback for playing our role not for who we are.  We need to work to stop playing these roles and move towards self acceptance for who we are not what we do.

Alison
@alison
07/23/16 12:37:47PM
71 posts

Feeling Like My Chest is Being Crushed


Empath

Have you looked into PTSD? I think it's something that sensitive people are prone to. Even if they haven't suffered a majorly traumatic incident, there is something called complex PTSD which is an ongoing 'low level' type of trauma. Seems to get overlooked.

When you're in trauma, it's very difficult (impossible?) to ground yourself because you're so used to dissociating from your pain or difficulty. It can be a cause of chest pain.

Of course, it may not be this but just thought I'd mention ... it's something I've been looking into and imagine many empaths are suffering from trauma without realising.

Alison
@alison
06/02/16 07:26:24AM
71 posts



Yes I've struggled with this too for a long time. I am aware though that I'm not a very good friend to myself - I'm very hard and critical towards myself. Been trying to work on this lately and play detective as to why this is. I'm beginning to build a kinder, more positive relationship with myself. It's painstaking work but it feels really positive and I hope that as I am a better, more understanding friend to myself, I'll attract the same in friendships.

Alison
@alison
06/02/16 07:18:15AM
71 posts

Why do I feed bad for not helping someone?


Empath

I've just read a really good book about this http://www.amazon.com/Self-Care-Self-Aware-Sensitive-Empaths-Intuit... Self care for the self aware. A guide for highly sensitive people, empaths, intuitives and healers.

The author provides a clear explanation of why he believes that other people's problems are not for us to sort out and why, in his opinion, it's detrimental to try to heal another person's pain. He also provides exercises for returning energy that's not yours.

I haven't tried the exercises but found the explanation hugely helpful in understanding why we're so inclined to take on other's 'stuff'. He says that we are more aware of a sense of oneness and spiritual connectedness but that actually disables us in the physical world if we we don't have clear boundaries (and understanding enables us to set boundaries). I recommend it.

Alison
@alison
04/14/16 11:54:47AM
71 posts

Desire to connect to the "real" me


Empath

I'm still looking for the 'real' me too :-)

Somebody posted this article on here http://lonerwolf.com/sadness-sensitive-person/

Maybe it will help. I can definitely identify with the 'inherent wrongness' that the author talks about. As empaths/sensitives, we are prone to feeling wrong at our core. I think understanding this and realising there's nothing wrong with us is key ... still working on it though!

Alison
@alison
04/14/16 11:51:06AM
71 posts

Great article for Empaths


Empath

Thanks. Really good article.

Alison
@alison
01/25/16 10:54:31AM
71 posts

Not sure if I am an empath


Empath

Have you come across giftedness in adults? I read Mary Elaine Jacobsensen's book recently (the Gifted Adult) and it's helped me more than almost anything. I would never have classed myself as 'gifted'. I mention it because the three main traits are intensity, complexity and drive. Sound a bit like your description of yourself!

Alison
@alison
01/01/16 01:25:00PM
71 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

Me too! I live in a house that I think has mould in it. We're getting it checked out next week. I've found this really hard to deal with because I think people find it hard to believe me. Find it hard to believe myself. I call it a 'mould mindset'. I get really down and despairing. It's hard to be objective and positive about things.

Have you seen this? https://www.survivingmold.com/community/mary-ackerley-the-brain-on-fire-the-role-of-toxic-mold-in-triggering-psychiatric-symptoms

Alison
@alison
12/31/15 12:56:16PM
71 posts

What if I've shielded myself for so long I don't know what to look for?


Empath

Hi

Do you ground yourself? I know nothing about acting but I imagine so much time 'being someone else' could make it extra difficult to know what's yours and what's not. Grounding helps to bring yourself back into your own energy and body but it's a skill that empaths need to learn. Ironically, I think a lot of empaths need to learn how to switch their empathy off rather than switching it on (I think empathy on is our default setting).

Sounds like you're using energy quite skilfully on stage maybe you need to spend some time putting your'feet on the ground'?

Alison
@alison
12/30/15 01:59:29AM
71 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

Well said, Lotusfly.

You're not butting in at all. And no I'm not on any medication. I have managed to avoid that route thankfully. I've always been wary of medication, even from an early age, so luckily I don't have to worry about that.I haven't got a complete downer on it though... I know it really helps some people to cope.

Alison
@alison
12/29/15 09:31:08AM
71 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

You don't sound crazy at all:-) Thanks for the autism link ... so interesting.

If the medical profession really wanted to improve health, surely they would be looking what the Amish were doing to avoid autism.

I don't mean to say that ascension/toxicity is an either/or situation... it could be both. I just think that perhaps there can be a tendency to think it's all spiritual. I've worked on my spirituality for MANY years and I still feel stuck. I've come to believe over the last few years that toxicity is very likely a big issue that's helping keep me stuck.

I've only come to this realisation because of the CFS and the research I've been 'forced' into doing. I find that when I talk to people about this, they don't really want to know because it's huge and overwhelming and it means them having to make big changes. And why should they if they're feeling ok? But I'm not feeling ok so I've done all this research and found out all this awful stuff about the world we live in. People think you're an extremist when you talk about toxins in food, water, atmosphere, cosmetics,EVERYWHERE basically but I'm not. I just feel I've had my eyes opened.

I believe that awakening is not just about being spiritually aware but also waking up to what's going on in the world too. And most people don't want to because it's scary. So yes a separate discussion sounds good ... we'll be conspiracy nuts together!

Re social anxiety, I can identify with the feelings you describe. Honestly, I've done so much to try and address it over the years and I'm still as anxious as ever. And I don't see why. I'm older and wiser and thought I'd be a bit more relaxed about it by now. I know I'm affected by people's energies but I also now strongly suspect mercury in vaccines has had a part to play in this. It's taken me years to come to this understanding because I've been so conditioned to believe thatthis isjust how I am. But have you read about mercury poisoning? The neurological symptoms are very similar to those ofsocial anxiety. I can't help but wonder ...

Alison
@alison
12/28/15 01:06:33PM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

Thanks Lotusfly.Really glad that the energy work has helped you so much.The Power of Now is one of my favourites too!

Alison
@alison
12/28/15 06:20:35AM
71 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

Really enjoying your posts, Karma. You haven't rambled, what you say is really interesting.

I've been labelled with social anxiety for years and have always thought there was something wrong with me. Over the last few years, I've come to appreciate the dangers of toxins in our lives and I'm really glad you said that they can block us from our intuition. That's exactly what I feel and I have problems grounding too.

I believe the SA may have been caused by mercury in vaccinations and I also have a mould allergy which may be linked to my CFS. Thought you might be interested in this ... it's about the link between mental illness and mould http://paradigmchange.me/wp/fire/ You do really have to question what 'mentalillness' is. I feel like I'm having a gradual awakening as to how these toxins are affecting every aspect of our lives. We really do have to learn to look at health differently.

It also concerns me that some people may believe that they are having ascension symptoms when, in fact, they have toxic overload. I'm not knocking the former but I just think that we are asleep to what's going on. And, I too, believe that there's an agenda behind all this pollution. Look forward to hearing your thoughts on that :-)

Alison
@alison
12/23/15 10:41:53AM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

Hi Lotusfly

Thanks for your long post ... I appreciate you taking so much time in replying.

I appreciate what you're saying. The problem is I have been practising loving kindness, forgiveness and self care towards myself for the past I don't know how many years and my CFS is still here. In fact, it's got worse this year. Over the last few years, I've begun to favour an integrated approach which covers many different aspects of health. It includes the spiritual but also covers diet, lifestyle and environmental factors. I like this because it seems a common sense approach ie if one thing doesn't work, try something else.

I just think that spiritual work only is not always the only answer. In fact, my intuition is telling me to look into environmental factors.

Thanks again :-)

Alison
@alison
12/22/15 01:47:31PM
71 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

Firstly I'm not an expert, I've just read a lot over the years because I have CFS and this is the way I've come to understand things. As sensitive people, we are highly sensitive to energy, emotions, light, noise, smell or whatever. It makes sense to me that we could also be more sensitive than the average person to toxins maybe because our nervous systems are more sensitive or also because we spend so much time being stressed/ trying to handle our empathy. Stress lowers immunity and makes you more susceptible to health problems.

Maybe that's where the castor oil packs come in ... calming the nervous system.

I'm assuming you've read about gut bacteria if you know about GAPs. Well, things like stress, modern diet (sugar), medication, toxins eg heavy metals, chemicals, pesticides, etc can all impact negatively on the gut bacteria and this leads to leaky gut. If we're really stressed or hypersensitive to any of these thingsthen this can affect the bacteria negativelyand cause leaky gut.

An imbalanced gut flora causes digestive problems. If we're strong and healthy then the immune system (gut bacteria) is much more able to deal with toxins. More and more people seem to be saying that the gut flora is the immune system (or most of it anyway).

Hope that makes sense. I can recommend Natasha Campbell McBride's book if you haven't already read it. I think there are many roads to healing. This is just what I'm following at the moment. I also work on the energy side of things.

PS I think that sensitivity may make us more susceptible to toxins but I don't believe that toxins increase empathy.

Alison
@alison
12/21/15 01:04:09PM
71 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

I don't think that empathy is caused by toxins, I think it's something we're born with. I do suspect, however, that our sensitivity makes us more susceptible to stressors such as toxins (see central sensitivity syndrome) and this leads to problems in the gut where the immune system is said to reside. The gut becomes 'leaky' and allows toxinsinto the bloodstream which shouldn't be there. They travel throughout the body including tothe brain and are said to cause mental health disorders (and many otherhealth problems)as you mention.

I've had social anxiety for many years which has resisted all attempts to 'cure' it. I now strongly suspect this was caused by mercury in childhood vaccinations plus lots of amalgam fillings. The symptoms of social anxiety and mercury toxicity are very similar and the effects of mercury well documented in the 1800s yet most doctors today would have no idea about this because they're taught to treat with drugs rather than investigate the root of the problem.

Have you come across the guts and psychologydiet (GAPS)? Said to heal the gut and address ADHD, autism, etc.Won't get rid of empathy though :-)

Alison
@alison
12/21/15 05:55:35AM
71 posts

Whose stuff is this ...?


Empath

I don't mean that it heals the other person per se but ratherif you've healed something that's been passed down over the generations, it's one less negative energy hanging around to bother anyone. I suppose I mean in a global sense.

Alison
@alison
12/21/15 03:29:07AM
71 posts

Whose stuff is this ...?


Empath

Thanks L&R for your concise, practical advice :-) It makes a lot of sense and is what I'm trying to doso it's helpful to see I'm (hopefully) on the right track.

I have had counselling before and, funnily enough, a few months ago I found a really nice HSP counsellor. At the same time I also read a book aboutgiftedness and because of what I learned from that I decided to put the counselling on hold. I needed to try and integrate some of that learning first. And what you've said reminds me of that book. It says that our false selves have received all the support and attention to grow and develop habits whilst the true self has remained hidden and unsupported. It also says, like you, that it takes time and effort to support and validate the true self. It's good to hear you say that the other stuff has 'fallen away' though.

It's interesting what you say about projecting energy onto children and other people. I think there is sometimes a perception on the forum that people are 'bad' for 'dumping' their energy on you but, in my experience, it's often done unconsciously. So rather than giving it back to the person, if we deal with it are we relieving others of a burden too? What I mean is, if we learnto heal and overcome negative energies, does that mean wetake some of that negativity out of circulation and help others (people, the planet, etc) to heal too? If I heal my stuff, does it help others heal too? Is this what the empathy thing is all about???

(I don't mean extreme situation where people are trying to consciously control or manipulate).

Alison
@alison
12/20/15 01:46:27PM
71 posts

Help?


Empath

Hi Yarnie

Sorry to hear you're feeling hurt. You're not a bother at all ... that's what this place is for.

You sound pretty 'scattered' and panicked at the moment. Do you know how to ground yourself? If you feel a bit more balanced, you might feel better able to cope with what's worrying you. There's an empath survival program on here. I haven't done it myself but I've seen lots of people posting about it and I know there's a grounding technique there.

Hope it helps.

Alison

Alison
@alison
12/19/15 11:00:16AM
71 posts

Whose stuff is this ...?


Empath

Yes, that's it... it's the difference between someone's belief/opinion and the deeper hurts and traumas that you mention. I'm realising (I think) that the belief is the person's but that belief has created fears, hurts, traumas. etcbecause I've taken it on board. So it's my responsibility to reject the other person' s belief but also to deal with the consequences ie the trauma that it's caused in my life.

Does that make sense?

Alison
@alison
12/19/15 10:53:48AM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

That's ok. I was just interested because, as you say, it's a high number. Thanks.

Glad to hear you are taking care of yourself. Yes, definitely, we need to put ourselves first :-)

Alison
@alison
12/19/15 06:18:12AM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

Hi Lastar

Thanks for the info. Yes, I too believe that our sensitivity makes us susceptible to illnesses that might not trouble others.That's interesting what yousay about childhood trauma and fibromyalgia. Do you have a reference for the95% figure you mentioned?

I have to disagree with your comments about my parents 'sucking the life out me!' Can't agree with this at all. I wish they understood a bit more but then I wish most of the world did!! But they are extremelysupportive in other ways and I'm really grateful for that.

Thanks for the reply :-)

Alison
@alison
12/19/15 06:06:26AM
71 posts

Whose stuff is this ...?


Empath

I am really influenced by other people's opinions, perspectives, etc. So much so that I often doubt my own.

This is probably largely due to a lack of validation when I was growing up ... I learned to believe there was something wrong with me because I was too sensitive, introverted, etc. I'm sure most people here can identify with that.

I'm wondering who this 'there's something wrong with you' energy belongs to. On the one hand,it came from people around me when I was young so it's theirs but, on the other,it's been with me for so long it feels like something I have to deal with.

I think what I'm trying to ask is 'is this energy something I just need to hand back or is it something I need to process too? Or both? Maybe process is the wrong word but I feel like I need to give it some attention ... I can't just ignore it.

This always confuses me.


updated by @alison: 01/10/17 11:15:43PM
Alison
@alison
12/18/15 01:13:28PM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

Thanks :-)

Alison
@alison
12/18/15 10:19:57AM
71 posts



I find it difficult to connect with people too. I always expect people to be like me and anticipate my needs but sadly not many people do. It's disappointing. Saying that, it doesn't necessarily mean people don't care. I have some family members who are really kind and will always help me but they're not sensitive enough to know that I'm upset or in needor whatever. I have to tell them and then they're (generally) more than happy to help me. People just don't notice things the way that we do.

It's hard work and I think part of it is accepting that you are different and don't quite fit in like others. I'm still working on it but I think the more you can accept this about yourself, the more you are likely to meet people on your wavelength.

Alison
@alison
12/17/15 10:14:54AM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

It doesn't sound arrogant at all. I think we know best about our own health. I'm trusting myself more as time goes on but it's a slow process! I can't eat any probiotics (used to make my own sauerkraut) because some of them are histamine producing and I have a problem with histamine. Fish are high in histamine and I can't eat mushrooms because I have a mould allergy. I'm very limited in what I can eat now which is not good.

I wonder if my sensitivity, over the years, has set the scene for CFS and a compromised immune system. I know I need the energy work but I suspect I need to repair physical damage that's been done too. I have trouble trusting my intuition but it is telling me to get a damp area looked at in the house because there's mould there and that could be continuing to keep my immune system suppressed. A lot of CFSers struggle with mould. In many ways, I wish I could just do it all via energy work. I live with my parents who don't understand CFS (don't think anyone does until you experience it) and so it's not just my decision to get work done in the house. And that's not been easy. I'm not great at asserting my needs (especially within family) so it's been quite a challenge for me to speak out.

Thanks for the prayer link. I thought your prayer was lovely. I especially liked the bit where you gave permission to override (paraphrasing here)any limiting thoughts and beliefs. I do remind myself every day that I am consciousness and I'm bigger than my problems and negative beliefs but they just feel so big, I don't really believe it. I never thought of asking for help in that way so I'll definitely give that a go. I suppose it'slike asking the divine to undo the negativity instead of having to do it all yourself. I like the idea of asking it to connect to you rather than vice versa. It takes the pressure off me thinking I'm doing it wrong ... something I do frequently.

Like I say, my intuition is telling me mould but it's hard to believe without back up and validation from others. Maybe my energy work is working via my intuition and I am connecting more than I realise. Time will tell.

Thanks for replying. I enjoy reading your posts and your upbeat advice :-)

Alison
@alison
12/15/15 12:27:11PM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

Thanks for the thoughtful replies.

PD2012 and Lavender & Rose - yes, I have really struggled over the years with 'needing' to help. I actually feel this is a lot more under control now and do wonder if it played a part in my getting sick. I don't see many people these days and I wonder if this is something I need to help myself heal.

I think what I find difficult is that people are so lacking in perception. I've always focused on being highly sensitive but recently I've been reading about high perceptivity and it's been a bit of an eye opener. I pick up on so much stuff from others and just keep forgetting I won't generally get the same back. And I get annoyed that I keep forgetting and keep getting disappointed. It's been interesting because I think it's very hard to see how your empathy works ... it's just normal for you ... but this has really shown me how differently I respond. I try really hard not to get hurt by people's insensitivity and thoughtlessness (because I know they don't mean it and they do care for me) but is just hard going sometimes. I am trying to focus more on who I am and what my gifts are and being more accepting of myself.

Good energy healing - I have been doing the nutrition/diet thing for a long time but it's not working unfortunately. I have lots of sensitivities and have developed a whole load more this year, it's just ridiculous. I've had to stop taking all my supplements including Vit D and I can't tolerate probiotics because of a histamine intolerance... but thanks for the suggestions :-) I always feel likea drama queen when I tell people about how sensitive I am but I'm not!

Re channelling energy - I just feel really cut off from my spiritual self. I've done SO much inner work over the years, I've just kind of reached the point where I think there's got to be more to it. I've spent hours agonising, is my CFS caused by something emotional or something outside of myself? And I suspect it's probably both. I have a mould allergy and suspect many of my health problems are caused by mercury ... I know that environmental toxins affect the nervous system and brain so maybe they're an obstacle to my spiritual connection too???

Alison
@alison
12/14/15 01:03:39PM
71 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

Hi

I have CFS and am constantly reminded of how different my approach is to people who are unwell. I've always been a real helper and have realized over the years that I'm really driven to help people with their problems - health or otherwise. I've had to learn to hold back because in the past, if anyone's told me their problems I'm just there. It's like those problems become mine and it's my job to sort them out. And it's been a big eye opener to see that most other people don't respond in the same way.

From my perspective if someone close to me is ill, I do all I can to help make them feel better. My family are really good. I know they really care and want me to be better but I just don't get the same level of support that I give. I think what I'm trying to say is that if someone close to me was unwell, it would become a priority for me to help them but that's just not the case with most people. I think my empathic 'gift' enables me to tune into others' problems and to lend love and support in whatever way it's needed. It's not that people don't care but they don't have that empathic ability to tune in and just understand and support me in that way. I don't know if I'm explaining this very well but it's just exhausting sometimes not getting the support I need (and that I give).

I guess it's just the classic 'I'm different' and so people don't understand. It's not their fault, they just don't have the same level of understanding and empathy... is just hard sometimes and I just wanted to say that :-)

I guess we can all relate?


updated by @alison: 01/10/17 11:15:40PM
Alison
@alison
07/15/15 01:46:13PM
71 posts

Need help about whether to end a 52 year old friendship


Empath

Hi

Re the values exercise, basically you ask yourself 'what is important to me?'You can ask this in a general sense and later on you can always use it for individual situations if you want to. And if the answer is money, ask what would money give me? It could be freedom, security, etc. That's the type of answer you are looking for. Here's a list of possible values that might be useful. http://www2.sfasu.edu/advising/VALUES%20CLARIFICATION%20EXERCISE.pdf though you can add your own of course.

So come up with a list of ten values and on a scale of one to ten, rate where you are with each value in your life eg if you don't have enough money (freedom)to do as you'd like, you might rate that a low number. You can then go on to compare all the values with each other and end up with a ranked list. This can be quite laborious and I can't really remember it properly (but can look it up if it would be helpful). I find that just having a top ten and seeing whether or not they're currently being fulfilled is really useful. It immediately shows you where things are lacking in your life and, if you want, you can take steps to try and address these areas.

For example, it sounds a bit like you are relying on your friend for security if anything were to happen to your husband. I might be wrong but it's just an example. So say that score came out low for the value of security, maybe you could look at other possibilities to address areas were you don't feel secure. That would make you less reliant on your friend and give you more freedom to make your decision about your friendship.

Once you have your list, you can ask yourself 'does my friendship fulfil this value?' and go through your list. You don't have to do it perfectly, just asking what your values are is very revealing and something that most people never even think about.

I hope that makes sense ... is a bit hard to explain but feel free to ask if you don't understand:-) I wasn't sure how to PM, do I have to add you as a friend first?

Alison
@alison
07/15/15 09:36:31AM
71 posts

Need help about whether to end a 52 year old friendship


Empath

Hi

So sorry to hear you are so poorly. I do hope the integrative doctor can help you. Do you take probiotics and fermented foods for the SIBO? I hesitate to ask as you probably know all this but wanted to ask just in case ...

When I referred to tough times, I meant her childhood and having to bring up her siblings. You mentioned cutting her some slack. I just wondered if you were cutting her too much slack in allowing her to be so dominant. I only say that because I know I probably let people get away with things they shouldn't because I feel for them. It's hard to know where to draw the line sometimes.

It sounds like you have a lot ofconflicting(and powerful) motivations for being friends with her. I used to do this life coaching exercise when I had a difficult decision to make. It involved getting clear on underlying motivations/values in the situation and deciding which was the most important to me. You then use this as a guiding factor in your decision.Really helped me to gain clarity.Happy to pass it on if you're interested.

It really sounds like you both need to have a good conversation and get some things out in the open. Is there no way at all you could schedule something in at some point?

Agreed re the toxins. We live in a toxic world. I believe having a mercury filling removed/refilled was the final straw for me. I'm working with a nutritional doctor but often struggle to tolerate the treatments as I've become so sensitive.

Good luck with it all. I really hope you manage to reach some resolution.

Alison
@alison
07/15/15 07:40:16AM
71 posts

Need help about whether to end a 52 year old friendship


Empath

Hi Cheshire Cat

How tough for you. I think I read somewhere that you have CFS? Me too and it's created lots of challenges with friendships but none of them are anywhere near as old as this one. I've been hurt that no one has really 'been there' although, after several years, I get that it's not meant, they don't understand, etc, etc. Even so it still hurts and I question the depth of the friendships. Part of me feels like saying 'right that's it' and just end things but at the same time I know they're good people and maybe I'll feel differently when (hopefully) I'm better. I certainly think that the friendships would be on different terms and more distant because I feel I've given more than I've received.

One thing I've noticed with CFS is that I can be extremely sensitive - even more so than usual. But then I'll have a good day and feel much stronger and I notice that I feel much more resilient emotionally. That's why I've decided not to make any major decisions because I'm so up and down. I've put things on hold really.

I wonder have you ever told her about how you feel about your relationship and how it's not good for you? You said :

For the first time in all these years I just could not keep quiet. I wrote back and said: "These digs really hurt", which was a lot less than I wanted to say, since I was very angry, but I controlled myself. She wrote back and said: "They are not meant to be digs. That's all I have to say".

I'm wondering why you've had to keep quiet all these years and why you controlled yourself when there was a lot more that you wanted to say? Do you feel you're not able to tell her how you're feeling?

I wonder whether you could put some boundaries around your relationship. It sounds like you don't want to let her go completely but don't really want much contact either. I can understand that. I have a friend from school who was a big part of my life back then (30 years ago). I've recently regained contact with her and it's just cards at Christmas/birthdays and I don't really want any more but that link seems important. You said in your post that if you met her you'd probably still be friends but notnearly as close - maybe that's something you could aim for??? Could you try and put the relationship more on your terms ie limit contact in a way that you're more able to handle.

I also get the impression that perhaps you feel responsible for her because of the tough times she's had and your history but you're not responsible (easy to say I know!!). Just people have had a tough life doesn't mean they can treat others badly. She sounds very demanding and is obviously having a negative impact on you. I know from my own experience that I need all my energy for trying to heal so anything that is at odds with this has to go (at least for now).

I don't know if this is of any help to you but I hope so :-)

Alison
@alison
07/11/15 08:42:22AM
71 posts



Hi

I've just sent you a friend request. If you accept it, I can send you a private message. :-)

Alison
@alison
07/10/15 12:08:05PM
71 posts



Hi Charlotte

You're welcome! It's nice to talk to you too.

I'm not sure if I fully understood what you meant about your husband's parameters. I am very close to my sister and I do tend to ask her advice about what is wrong or right. In some ways this is good because she often gives me validation for what I'm thinking or feeling but I find it difficult to trust in myself if we disagree. That's not so good. I'm not sure if this is the same thing for you. I think it's important that we work to try and strengthen our own boundaries because we're supposed to be bringing through kind and compassionate energies even if people think we're bit weird. Easier said than done, I know!

What struck me when you were talking about how much you care for animals was how exhausting that must be!! Are you able to switch off from it all to avoid all your energy being sapped? I'm still working on it but I find that things which absorb me like gardening or housework really help to switch off the worrying.

Alison
@alison
07/10/15 11:53:24AM
71 posts

How to connect?


Empath

Thanks for your reply and for the link. I like the idea of handing things over. I realise that I try to control things, make sure the connection is notbroken, wonder which chakra to work on,etc - it all becomes a bit stressful. It never occurred to me that I just need to open up and let the energy do the work as and where it's needed. I will try this. I think mystuff is very big and enmeshed (though maybe it's not helpful to think that) but I guess just practising handing over as a new habit is a positive step.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Alison
@alison
07/10/15 11:46:24AM
71 posts

How to connect?


Empath

Thanks for the suggestions, Tracie :-)

Alison
@alison
07/07/15 11:43:21AM
71 posts

How to connect?


Empath

Thanks, this is really helpful.

Pat Starbridge - yes you're right, meditation can be done lots of ways. I needed reminding of that. I struggle with grounding but one of the best ways I find is doing some housework or something practical that really absorbs me and switches my mind off. I am aware that I get answers to questions/things popping into my headbut it's all a bit random and easy to put down to coincidence. I think I need to start writing things down so I can join things up a bit. I'm also aware I get ideas as I'm waking up in the morning.l I need to start monitoring these too so I can see if they are helping me. Thanks.

Only yesterday I was in a shop and got really annoyed because somebody jumped in front of me in the queue. Straight after that I went to the library and a book I picked up opened at a page about dealing with anger and the example they used was queue jumping!

Cat Whisperer - I'll look into those CDs thanks although I've tried so many different things (music, guided mediation, chanting, didgeridoo!) and can't seem to stick to anything.

Good energy - yes, I think I need to 'collect experiences' in order to build trust. I guess that's what I'm talking about above. I like the fact this feels like 'practical spirituality' - I do find a lot of stuff is airy fairy to me.

How do you know when you are connected or hooked up? Your shower analogy is very interesting. I've always thought it's hard work to maintain a connection (exhausting) but you're saying it's not the case - just know it's there. I like the analogies you use in your posts - they really help to illustrate your point. Keep using them!!

Alison
@alison
07/07/15 11:24:37AM
71 posts



Hi Charlotte

What I mean by 'standing in my own energy' is that I find it difficult to stand strong in my opinions and feelings particularly when I'm challenged by someone with a different view. I think this comes from being told I was too sensitive ie my feelings werewrong and I still struggle with that now. I didn't get a lot of validation for my feelings and so I doubt myself. It's funny, I've noticed that when someone does validate what I'm feeling it's like a huge weight is lifted off me. It's like the sun comes out and I feel happy. Sometimes I think that must be what it's like to be 'normal' and accepted by others!!

I noticed your post below and thought it really interesting that you say your husband has parameters for you that youcan't find in yourself. Exactly! I feel I have either no or very weak parameters. I'm constantly trying to set them for myself but I'm so sensitive to other people's way of seeing the world that they get knocked down whenever I come into conflict with someone.

It feels like my default setting is a desire for harmony.I sometimes wonder if I have a memory of what it is like in spirit where we are all in harmony and peace and understand each other completely. I feel like I'm always(unconsciously) striving for that harmony and understanding here and am so often disappointed becausemost people aren't like that.

I'm a sucker for anyone in trouble too. I'm not asconnected to animals as you though.I'm veryfond of dogs and I love the birds in the garden ... I feel guilty/responsible if I don't feed them. How ridiculous is that! But then I realised I've rescued two stray dogs, taken a poorly goldfinch to the vet, rescued various imprisoned sparrows from the greenhouse and am always rescuing insects. So I'm not doing too badly!!

Alison
@alison
07/06/15 01:14:35PM
71 posts

How to connect?


Empath

I've been reading some of the discussions on here with interest. I'm interested when people talk of connecting with angels, guides, etc ... this is something I've never really been able to do, not for the want of trying. So I'm wondering how do people connect with spirit?

I have health problems which prevent me from quietening my mind so meditation is difficult. I don't have some of the experiences some people talk about... in fact, maybe some of you could enlighten me, what actually happens when you connect with your angels or whomever? How does it work? How do you experience that communication?

I tend to have very 'low key' experiences eg I occasionally have significant dreams or I'll dream about someone I haven't seen for years and then meet them the next day. This makes me think I'm dipping in and out of my spiritual connection so it is there but I'd really like to strengthen it but don't know how. I'm guessing I need to pay more attention to these things that happen and trust that they're part of something bigger rather than just seeing them as weird, individual incidents. But that's another question ... how do you trust in something you're not sure of? Do you trust first or do you have to experience something first to make you trust?

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks :-)


updated by @alison: 01/21/17 04:43:04PM
Alison
@alison
07/06/15 05:37:50AM
71 posts



Hi. I love this idea that the main problem is not you but with the rest of the world! Seems such a healthy way to see things.

I notice a few people have said they have CFS. Me too. I've been under the care of an environmental doctor for nearly three years but progress is slow and I often ponder spiritual/emotional causes. I have problems accepting feelings of anger and hurt mainly because I've learned to distrust my own feelings and I struggle with anger and hate the thought of upsetting people. I have a lot of compassion and a strong desire to help people. I'm the peacemaker. I'm not 'light and fluffy' and I do have a lot of the warrior spirit but I have struggled withstanding in my own energy and expressing myself. Working on it:-)

An example is that I've lost most of my friends since getting CFS - not unusual, I know. Now many people say 'oh they're not true friends, you're better of without them', etc but I don't find it that straightforward. I do realize that these are not the fulfilling friendships I'd like but they are all nice people. I do feel let down by them and it would have been nice if they'd made more of an effort to understand but, at the same time, there are lots of reasons why they haven't been there. It's not just that they are bad or selfish.

The crux of it is that I seem to sense people's problems, it's as though it's in my DNA to try and help and make people feel better. I feela lot of hurt and bitterness that people (my friends)are not the same with me. And I suppose that's because I'm more 'spiritually evolved' than them. It feels arrogant to say that but I'm thinking that recognition of this is probably the way forward. The reason I'm writing this is because it seems to chime with what you say about the problem being with other people. I'm working on supportingmyselfand my feelings more but it seems such a huge turnaround in the relationshipI'vealways had with myself ie going fromextremely self critical to accepting. I'm guessing it wasn't an easy thing for you to do ... just wondering if you have any insights???

Alison
@alison
06/03/15 07:50:13AM
71 posts

Counselling/therapy


Empath

Interesting ... when you say you experience rejection as resistance, do you mean that people are resisting your more enlightened energy? I can understand that though it takes confidence in yourself and your abilities. I struggle with that although I think terminating the sessions showed confidence in my instincts.

And what did you mean by 'healing' people in order to have good friendships, etc.?

Alison
@alison
06/03/15 07:17:23AM
71 posts

Counselling/therapy


Empath

Thanks everyone.

I feel like a 'natural' counsellor too. I felt like I just wanted someone to listen to me completely and acknowledge what I was saying, even if they didn't agree. I was really open about my empathic abilities from day one but I don't think she was comfortable with that andit just felt like judgement. It was a useful experience in a way though. It took confidence for me terminate the sessions and trust my own instincts. So not all bad news :-)

Alison
@alison
06/02/15 05:23:49AM
71 posts

Counselling/therapy


Empath

Has anyone ever had counselling or therapy and found that they are more sensitive than the counsellor? This was my experience recently. I went into it thinking I would be open about my empathy/spirituality from the start but, even though she was a spiritual person too, I sensed that she was not open to some of my ideas. This made me feel rejected and wary of expressing myself. I could read some of her facial expressions but also sensed she wasn't supportive of some of the things I was saying.

I stopped after only a few sessions and it was quite a difficult decision to make. I feel a bit big headed saying that I'm more sensitive. I don't mean it like that, she just wasn't 'on my level'. It was ironic really given that I went there to talk about rejection. It wasn't her fault, she was a nice personand genuinely wanted to help.

I'm comfortable with my decision. I know there are counsellors out there who deal specifically with HSPs. Maybe that would be more suitable.

Just wondering if anyone else has had this experience? I find it so hard to find anyone that really listens and lets you be who you are.


updated by @alison: 04/11/17 03:38:03AM
Alison
@alison
04/11/15 11:10:01AM
71 posts

Why (some) empaths experience social anxiety?


Empath

Hi Gin

Sorry to hear you experienced so much pressure to fit in as a child. It's tough growing up with the feeling there's something wrong with you. I hope you manage to deal with it better now? I find that because I understand more I can be more forgiving towards myself ... still working on the anxiety though.

Alison
@alison
04/09/15 01:14:34AM
71 posts

Control Dramas


Empath

I read the Celestine Prophecy many years ago and yesterday I re-visited the concept of control dramas. Basically, when we interact with each other there is an energy power struggle going on. This is a link to the whole article but here's an excerpt:

http://www.planetdeb.net/spirit/cvovercoming.htm

Thus, when two people turn their attention to one another, they literally merge energy fields, pooling their energy. The issue quickly becomes: Who is going to control this accumulated energy? If one can dominate, managing to get the other to defer to his point of view, to look at the world in his way, through his eyes, then this individual has captured both energies as his own. He feels an immediate rush of power, security, self worth, even euphoria.

An example of the control drama is the interrogator ie someone who criticizes and judges. This is a way of gaining energy. If we don't have our emotional needs met as children, we learn techniques such as criticizing or playing up in order to gain attention. These aren't positive techniques but, unless we become aware of them, we continue to be controlled by them unconsciously and into adulthood.

The Interrogator's aim is to become the dominant judge of other people's lives so that as soon as interaction begins, others immediately defer to his worldview, providing a steady flow of energy.

Another example is the 'poor me' ie the victim who gets energy by making people feel guilty.

I think it is fascinating and extremely helpful to know that underneath it all there is a power struggle going on for energy. And that if we enter into someone else's point of view, we are losing our energy. This helps me to understand the dynamic of what goes on when I interact with people and, hopefully, will help me to stay more grounded when I'm challenged by these kinds of behaviours. So interesting!


updated by @alison: 01/10/17 05:31:52PM
Alison
@alison
04/08/15 11:15:38AM
71 posts

Newbie


Empath

Hi Christina

There seem to be lots of different types of empath. I've known about empathy for some years now and I'm still confused as to how it affects me. LIke you, I can cope with crowds and feeling other people's emotions is not a main feature for me, though I do it sometimes. I think that I take on other people's point of view ie their way of seeing the world. It is confusing!

The nearest I've come to a description for me is compassionate empathy ie you can understand people's problems and feel compelled to try and help them. To the extent that sometimes I take the problems on as my own which is not good! People have always told me their problems and felt better for it so maybe this might make some sense to you? Are you drawn to helping/healing people?

I'd suggest doing some research. There's lots of information out there, only you can say for sure ... you certainly sound empathic.

It's great that your boyfriend is encouraging you to look deeply and talk about this stuff.

Hope this helps :-)

Alison

Alison
@alison
04/07/15 12:35:52PM
71 posts



Hi Storm

You're very welcome.

I sent you a friend request a few days ago ... would really like to send you a private message but you need to accept it first :-)

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