stuck in love
I thought I'd be upset about it, cry at losing him, try to evoke emotion or anything. But I honestly couldn't give a shit.
It's not the first time he walked out, I was just a fool for assuming this time he wouldn't. How many times he's done that been a piece of shit and I was just too sweet for him to handle, who needs a f* bag like him anyway..
I just find it oddly weird that from past experiences I'd sulk and cry.. now I feel I don't have to do anything, he can just be gone and know that I'll breathe and live without him just like I was before I met him..
And instead of me wishing I didn't exist because of the sheer awkwardness of some of it, instead I want to actually condition myself to believe that he didn't exist, why should I mourn over someone who couldn't have the decency to be real, to be honest, if he thinks what he has is real love, that was love based on the idea of me and of others he had created in himself..
I'm not bitter about it, not sad, not mad, not nothing, shit everywhere reminds me of him, but I learnt today that why should I drop some of my standards who couldn't drop some of his own for me, and why should I raise mine to prove I can get on without him, truth is dropping/raising anything would have shown that I ever cared, that he meant anything to me, he did for some moments but what I needed was a man not a boy who thought he'd figured out what love was all about..
Thank you for your support, and on that note I'm wondering if someone whose gay or bisexual has taught me this important lesson? Since I know fully well I'm not in my own energies but what this person feels about this male is quite spot on how I feel about this ex..
Having said that could it be external influences of thoughts/perceptions? Or could this person be experienced someone else's sexuality too but I'm aware? I'm a light worker so can help heal him perhaps?