People do forget bdays. However my dad and I have the same bday. I would think that is harder to forget.
The relationship has never felt mutual. He's just never really cared for me. I do come from a relationship he had before he got married. That side of the family is very traditional. They still believe in concepts like bastards, so to them I am one.
So growing up during this time of year when my friends where preoccupied with family stuff. I was not. I was an embarrassment. As I got older that sort of changed but whenever someone was around that wasn't family it was like he regretted having me around. He didn't want anyone to see. There are family members I meet to this day who never knew I existed.
So when I had the opportunity I moved away from my family. My goal was to create my own family and surround myself with those who would love and accept me.
As I am much older now I thought all those things where in the past. A couple of years ago I was committed to establishing some kind of relationship with him.
While I can accept his flaws, and I recognize we would never have a conventional father daughter relationship there are other things I cannot accept.
I love my father because he is my father. However as a person no matter how hard I try, I am not okay with who he is.
I was considering moving home this year. Then I realized I already am home. I have a life here one I worked hard to build. Moving back would make it easier for me to connect with him, but that is because he doesn't try. I'm the one who picks up the phone and calls, not him.
I spent a large portion of my life in a state of abuse. There where those that cared, but they could not get to me due to the circumstances.
When I was finally able to get away a good friend told me that it wasn't my fault. I was a child and powerless. He also told me that from the time I left to now, I was no longer powerless. I could either allow myself to be put in the same type of loveless situations or I could chose something else.
I have followed that advice to this day.
I love my father but it is not a healthy relationship. I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that it may never grow into one.
Which can be lonely. But feeling lonely is a lot better than what I feel around him and my mother (she a different story).
Also I'm really only recently noticing feeling healed. It took years of work, but I'm okay with what is. I do still get triggered, however that may be a life long reality and I can handle that.