What is wrong with me?
Oh. There is a lot of responses, thank you ^^ For everyones wish to help ^^ But I think I will need to reread everything few times, because of my way of thinking...To analyze everything ^^ Need to take it slowly...
Yes...Keeping everything inside can get extremely hard sometimes. I just got used to it. Still its better to open up sometimes, yes...To do something about it quickly, before it causes more damage to other people.
Eh...My way of thinking is like...I'm constantly confusing myself ^^ I don't know if its depression, but it sure is if you are so familiar with subject. In my mind I just ask myself "Am I depressed? What are symptoms of depression? Do I experience these symptoms? What if I actually read my feelings wrong and they are not what I think they are? Uh. And from where definition of these feelings even came from? From first human that experienced it? But how I can know how that person felt and compare to myself?"...There...Already got confused and gone somewhere far away ^^ Ehe ^^ Im like that ^^
I was abused and bullied a lot as a child too. But its not something that bothers me anymore and does not bring any negative or positive feelings. Just some thoughts and wondering about how lives of some of these people are now.
Its not long since we separated. And like always with narcissists it was ugly separation. She went away about 4 months ago. But during these 4 months there was a lot of violent arguing, blames, projections and all other stuff that narcissist do. Last 2 things, projections and blames are actually what I feel are just pissing me off right now, since I finally woke up. While in my minds I understand this kind of behavior and its root...Still I am very mad. It feels, like there is flame in my heart, except it is not made from fire, but from boiling blood, that just sucks more blood from every limb of me and gets bigger and boils stronger...
I try to care myself, but I am honestly very bad at it...I just think I am just a person that does not need much for comfort. Or maybe I just never experienced more? But I try to do more for myself still ^^ And this may sound strange...But its hard to care myself for me O_o
Burning note could work ^^ I remember I wrote a letter with regrets and my feelings, that I wanted to put into a bottle and throw into the sea in capital city, thankfully I woke up before I did it. Maybe note burning can help ^^ I will try ^^ I hope I wont burn the paper, while I will write though, ehe ^^
I really hope one day you will overcome all these struggles you have and will feel free from them completely.
I really cant answer if I picked it up from someone. Maybe its spirit...By the way I saw shadowy figure few times today at work, when I was completely alone. Few times it scared me, but I never got good look at it, because it disappeared fast. I just think I saw black pants..Maybe just some mind and eye trick, I do have some problems with my sight lately. Everything is blurry and no matter if object is close or far...Its just blurry, has some blur around it all the time, like gravity, that bends the light or mirage in desert. But this figure really frightened me few times today. Good thing no one saw my sudden scares...Also today I felt difficulty to breathe. I don't know if these are related to anger anyhow.
Also my dad gets angry easily sometimes. But I'm not sure its from him. He was pretty calm lately, despite me being like complete rebel...
Its been time since I noticed anything strange in my home, except for a bird that made a habit to fly to my balcony, while there is basically nothing for her. No food, no cigarette thumbs or something to steal. That bird just flies inside, sits a bit on my outside lantern for candles, flies inside a balcony a bit more and then leaves. It happened many times already. While it made me happy, but this kind of behavior is just strange for me O_o Or maybe because I'm not an expert in "bird psychology", ehe ^^ I checked it in internet. It was bird called "Eurasian blue tit". I read also in internet, that it could be a sign of news.
I will google about psi ball O_O Sounds interesting O_o
I do walk in circles from one problem to another, yes. I always try to "survive" with natural way...I really fear medicines, chemicals and stuff like that. Don't want to take those. I want to experience all as it really is, no matter how hard it is. So different techniques is my way in everything, or some natural products ^^ Like warm tea, with lemon and honey, when I am sick ^^
I do feel, like I need deep rest. I don't even know how long. Maybe week, maybe month or half year. I don't think about that, but that I really need a lot of time...You hit the center of the target there. Trouble is I just cant get this deep rest with everyone spinning around me, judging what I need from their own perspective and needs. I got a feeling that it will be hard and long road, that's why I exactly think that I need a lot of time...
Thank you for reply. I will read more about adrenal fatiique...Uh..I feel like uneducated student right now ^^
Yes. I love crystals ^^ They do affect me a lot. Actually yesterday I could not get sleep, because of my anger. So I decided to sit in peace a bit, while wearing my crystals. Its been time I put them on, because I had no work, because of being sick. I used powerful black tourmaline, soothing lepidolite, magical labradorite and calming malachite. After hour or so anger became weaker and I finally got sleep around 7 am ^^
Actually after that, my anger changed to sudden bursts, that appear and disappear. Right now I feel a bit better, but still feel like I don't want to see anyone. Still feel, that if my phone rings -it will start to annoy me and wont take long for me to become angry again...
I don't know any empaths in my country. I wish I would, but all I meet are just regular people, that don't usually care to listen more than few minutes and then just give some cheap response, like "Its gonna be alright". Basically only trough internet I can connect with other empaths and HSP and I am very happy that I can do that and thank you that you exist ^^
And thank you for sharing this link for book. I already started to read it during breaks at work, it really got my attention. It also helps me to distract from my constant thoughts. ^^
You all wrote a lot, thank you, really ^^ I just need to take it slowly, like a sloth. One thing at a time, because of my branching mind. So I will need time...Also I hope I wrote all this in positive enough way to burden you all less ^^
Health and joy to you all ^^ Good night ^^