Forum Activity for @dvrat

DanCZ
@dvrat
12/08/17 09:20:47AM
12 posts

Empaths and Indulgence


Empath

There are two things that come to mind for me.  One is replacing the vice with a virtue of some sort.  Something more positive that I like that I can direct my energy towards.  Building on that then, is establishing those habits that overtake the vices over time.  

It's been a while since I've had the green stuff, but rum and coke definitely was a problem for me.  Now that I've created a situation where I might have some drinks once every couple of weeks or so, it's weird if I have that too often.

DanCZ
@dvrat
12/08/17 09:10:57AM
12 posts

I'm so suicidal right now


Empath

Positive thoughts/prayers from myself for sure.  But, in addition to the last two posts, I hope you seek the proper support that you need.  When things were tough lately, I have, and I don't regret it a second of doing that!

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/24/17 12:19:40PM
12 posts

Should I tell him more?


Empath

@hana.  Absolutely you can and you deserve no less.  All the best on your journey! 

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/22/17 11:47:45AM
12 posts

Should I tell him more?


Empath

Well, that is a tough one.  My wife was in a similar situation with myself for a while, until I was open to growing.  However, I think there are two important questions to ask yourself about this. One is about openness in the relationship.  To me it's crucially important to be fearlessly honest and open.  Can you truly be yourself if you aren't.  The second piggy backs on this question.  How happy will you be if you do not share.  How will that affect the relationship long term?

I came around because, though I didn't understand it initially, I loved my wife and respected her opinion.  Now, after examining myself and why I respond the way I do to certain people and situations, I've grown into understanding that I also deal with this and need to come to grips with what it is and what it means for me.  For me, it was because I was also overly analytical and only recently began to speak "from my heart" as my wife would say.

So, if there's anything in our experience, her honesty and openness was crucial to our marriage.  Even if I didn't understand at first, my love for her and respect for her opinion created a safe space for her to be herself.

For what it's worth, that's my experience and my opinion.  Hope it helped some.

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/22/17 09:36:54AM
12 posts

Empaths and Codependent Relationships.


Empath

Thanks for the comments again everyone!  It's been refreshing to be able to discuss and raise issues with people with experience :)  

@aaliyah Sorry, are you referencing me?  Or someone else?  The comments seem to be out of no where and don't seem in keeping with the type of interaction I've experienced on this forum thus far.  


updated by @dvrat: 11/22/17 09:37:25AM
DanCZ
@dvrat
11/21/17 03:00:15PM
12 posts

Empaths and Codependent Relationships.


Empath

I enjoyed reading your post and the correlation with Ying/Yang.  My wife is definitely introverted and her friend is definitely extroverted.  It's funny because as I read and learn from people such as yourself I can start to connect certain dots that I never even knew were there.  I appreciate the time you've taken to write this as well.

I completely hear what you're saying about cutting cords.  I think my wife doesn't want to end it in that way, but rather not pour the energy into it and let it die.  Funny you mention the friend reconnecting, because they've already tried.  However, part of the connection was to solicit help for themselves while my wife is currently in a very busy and stressful time.  This has helped to underscore what the relationship was about.  Only thing is I'm waiting for that stronger "I miss you/I love you" attempt, which will be harder for her to deal with I'm sure.

I will say, she's been more courageous than I.  I've tended to allow friends to break communication with me, to my relief, rather than actually dealing with the situation.  So she's still ahead of me.  It's just that this is a particularly difficult relationship to break for her.

Thank you for your response!

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/20/17 08:57:36AM
12 posts

Empaths and Codependent Relationships.


Empath

By way of update I'm happy to say that the topic came up organically this weekend.  My wife really didn't want to spend time talking about it, but she realized that she was never supported for being herself, but only in so far as their relationship extended to.  She's made the decision not to put any energy into the relationship and distance herself, instead of trusting on "natural boundaries."  I'm relieved, but I suppose, as I'm reading here and seeing, that's the constant struggle.  

Thank you everyone!

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/17/17 08:59:58AM
12 posts

Empaths and Codependent Relationships.


Empath

Thanks for the feedback.  She's been doing a lot of energy work recently.  Cutting the chords is a bit more difficult in this case, but that's also up to her.  

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/16/17 12:37:18PM
12 posts

Intuition vs. assumption


Empath

Hello, I can only go off of what I've read and been told.  However, for me the problem was always determining what is intuition and what is anxiety based.  Essentially, if it is your intuition, there will be a calmness and clarity that attends the intuition.  Specific advice given to me to determine intuitions from dreams, for example, was to meditate on the matter itself.  Or specifically what you think your intuition is telling you.  If you're filled with peace, certainty, etc, then it is intuition.  Whereas if you feel anxiety, fear, strong emotions, then likely it is not.  I know it's not in keeping with some of the thoughts given above, but perhaps it depends on the person as well.  Like I said, the peace and calm is important for me because I have to distinguish between intuition and anxiety.  Whereas this might not be a problem for you.

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/16/17 12:27:12PM
12 posts

Sensing Feelings/Thoughts when in the water


Empath

I am absolutely drawn to water.  Especially the ocean.  When I'm in water, I also find meditating much easier, as it can be difficult for me to keep in the moment.  I've noticed that water seems to aid that as well.

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/16/17 10:41:16AM
12 posts

Empaths and Codependent Relationships.


Empath

Thank you. Those are good points!  I didn't really think about it, but yes when my wife's tried to raise concerns in the past, it's never gone well.  I don't have a lot of contact with this person, but I've worked on further trimming what contact there is for myself.  I'm just realizing this, but I've never felt good or comfortable around her and I'm realizing why.  As to my wife, I suppose there's nothing to be done, as you said, if she's good with the current situation.  I can raise the concern, but I feel like I need to take care too when approaching it.  Thank you!

DanCZ
@dvrat
11/16/17 09:13:04AM
12 posts

Empaths and Codependent Relationships.


Empath

Hello everyone!  So far I'm exploring my journey and it's been wonderful, and a bit scary.  My wife is very in touch with herself and is an empath.  I wanted to ask everyone about a situation she's been dealing with and soliciting any thoughts or experiences on the topic.  She worked side by side with her best friend for years.  They had an intense relationship, however, I had some intuitions about their relationship and it turns out my wife's admitted that they had an unhealthy codependent relationship.  Her friend, though she has her moments, has strong narcissistic tendencies from what I can tell and their relationship displayed some classic patterns that I read about when an empath and narcissist develop a relationship.  

So, something happened, let's say a year or so ago, and there were hurt feelings on my wife's side.  It wasn't the first time really, but it's the first time she acknowledges it.  They grew apart a bit, but maintain a friendship.  My wife said she's been working on herself internally, and that they speak at most once every couple of weeks or so.  I suggested they discuss things, but I don't think she'd be comfortable doing that and I don't want to be in a position where I'm pushing her to do anything.  My wife feels that their situation has created boundaries and that they are in a better place now.

Now, I feel as though I'm in a delicate situation as her husband.  She has also felt that this friend was the only person, besides myself, where she can be herself fully.  Any advice or tips from anyone that's dealt with empaths they know well who had connections with narcissistic types?  Perhaps anyone with personal experience here?  

Thank you everyone for whatever you're able to, willing to share.  


updated by @dvrat: 11/23/17 06:18:43AM