@cheshire-cat- You brought up something interesting that I've been trying to wrap my mind around. I took a look at the Myers-Briggs test to see what J was, which is judging or perceiving. I've heard it said that we shouldn't be judging anything or any one. Why? Because we are mostly wrong. We perceive a situation from a fixed perspective and we look for what we want to see based on where we are at. We don't see everything, only what is in our limited perception. We misjudge the rest. This makes us think we need to react. Reaction is always wrong. We are fallible humans and don't really understand what we want to happen anyway. We want to be right, we want to be fair and just, but we lack a true concept of what that is.
Then, on the other hand, our judgment keeps us safe. Or does it? When we see what is inside a person we use that to predict future behavior. At that point we only see what we are looking for. We adjust our behavior to negate the effect others have over us. In this case, we react out of fear. I do it when I don't want to be around a certain person thinking they will drain me, or their emotional output is to strong. I want to be free of this. I would rather there be no effect so I don't have to think about what could happen. This is why I don't judge. Well, I still do. I should say this is why I judge less. When I feel weak and have deal with the overall effect people have on me. I just go away to be alone. If I don't care about the effect I can do what I want. I despise humanity because I'm affected. I want to be free of this too. All I can do is let things happen and not care. I can't control the spirit of others but I can control my own. By doing so, I rely more and more on my Guides and less on my pathetic understanding. This is what God wants from me. To rely solely on God to protect me. It allows me to give up worry. This is what freedom looks like.
This goes back to emotional eating, as well as, other things we do to feel better in bad situations. If I could put away all my vices, I do believe God would step in and fill the void with Joy. He has many times before. I block it by doing things my own way. My reaction to being drained is to eat a bunch of M&M's to raise my blood sugar level enough to continue working. Problem is it isn't sustainable. It isn't the best way of dealing. I need to switch back to nuts for protein. I'm looking for a quick fix with sugar. I'm still in instant gratification mode.
This job has had me focus more on grounding and meditating. I clean a preschool everyday. Glue, glitter, paint, and the energy they leave behind. I have to do a lot of grounding throughout the day. I have at max a two hour window where I can get things done before I have to take a break and go to the woods. I take naps in my van and eat carbs like crazy. There are five pizzas in the fridge of the church and I'm the only one who's eating them! I could be upset that I'm the only one who feels this crappy feeling of being drained and try to protect myself, or I can let it happen and be grateful that others understand a little of what I have to go through. It's my purpose in this life to clean up after them. That gives me joy.
Cat, I have to deal with physical pain everyday to do what I do. Previous injuries are now permanent. In comparison to emotional pain, it's nothing. It's dealing with both at the same time that gets to me. Staying positive is hard when your sick and in pain. That is the most important time to be positive! It's how we overcome. We have to "Let go, and let God". Love you, Cat.