ps: sorry for the many typing mistakes ... phone version apparently is a bit buggy and did not let me scroll upwards after writing a paragraph, or edit the post )
I actually wrote a lengthy answer and then deleted it while on the phone... oh well xD
To start from my own experience and end with what you could so, daydreaming is very important in anyone's life and it is bad that Society only encourages children and not even then to daydream. For an empath/psychic this state of being means accessing different layers of reality or spheres of Information and it is cleansing generally ^^ found that only after i tried to block this tendecy of mine of spacing out sometimes and havig mental conversations in my head, and saw how bad i feel without my meditation/daydream moments. Sometimes, if inexperienced you might also pick up negative things so it is very important to stay grounded or avoid getting depleted of energy.It also enables you to detach from yourself and analyse your own situation, dreams, future, enrgetical blockages... quite a lot of things to be honest. For it to work this way you must feel safe in your environment though, or follow thepath someone you trust had already tried.
Now the thing with daydreaming and abilities in generalis that you do not activate them consciously and trying this is a mistake. You do not need tomanipulate the process. You letthe subconsciousness/intuition/genuine reponsesand a low percentage of will to havethe upper hand. it depends on what you are doing, but if its strictly "daydreaming", then yea, the above.
About movies/books... we all daydream or daydreamed at one pointabout them and us being characters in it and so on, hehe.
I feel like "see dead people" there has a negative tone. What would this mean to you? We rarely imagine deceased people/relatives just like that, and usually it happens in dreams. Death is just another step.
Well, yeah, stuff happens with a reason. A too free mind can be a pretty bad thing. I guess you maybe need a change of scenery in your working evironment right ? you say it impedes your work, so how does this daydreaming tendency go for you, like... an ADD, or you simply become bored?
Hmm... a good word for how the place makes me feel is almost... dysfunctional for some reason. Mental and non verbal communication, the balanced noise and spectrum people should naturally have around them, the natural inflow of creativity in certain places that you should have... they are being reduced to a minimum, to almost 0. What is this? :/
I believe i have problems with it because naturally i do not accept such things and seek to find ways out, but i am very unsure of howmuch i should react as my... enthusiasm and curiosity in general haven't been that well received by that many either, althoughit definetly started getting better than when i was younger.I use to stare into space for long period of time while having conversations in my head but sometimes i will look at people in that way that they will look back at me so scared and wondering what i am thinking about them and only then i am able to realise they might havefoundme intrusive, even though i do thatnaturally,and when i was a kid people didn't mind:/. What i do not understand is why every other being sees this (looking at someone's heart and noticing the kind of thoughts someone has)as something positive (children, certain older people or those who prefer honesty in their relationships, and animals, everythign related to nature) but not acertain group of people. i can't bethe one doing the wrong stuff always can I?I do not confine to old negative patterns and thus i appear highly different and with a different beat even to the people who never thought of such things previously; even if i do my best to hide it under a dignifiedpers. that totally isn't sobotheredby all the things and unsettlednessgoing on around^^ xD
Well, i still want to overcome the feeling but i do not know how other than go abroad with my studies >_>
Following Paul's idea but on a different path, i cannot help but feel such subjects are just lures for the public that has no idea what is happening with the planet, fauna and flora generally behind the "beautiful curtains".
If you think this is the first marked lion with a name to be killed illegally and for fun, you are in for a series of disappointments. If you think this is the first big cat to be killed for fun, you are in for an even bigger dose. Now extend this circle. The african lion is one of the less endangered cat species, there are still enough roaming around. Let's only stick to hunting, not even going to mention deforestation because this is an even bigger, more imminent threat to species (just some very few examples, see the Orangutan, Asian elephant, Tiger -or Leopard, especially the Amur ones-, Snow Leopard, Giant Panda, Macaws, Gorillas, different turtle species...). Take your time to read about Bear Gall Bladder industry in Asia (it is one of the singlemost horrible and gruesome things i have seen in my life, occupying the same place as the Foie Gras duck torture, what once were american horse slaughter houses, animal testing labs and Hitler's Gulags). You know what, forget about Hitler, he was a sweetie. Think about Middle ages iron maiden torture.
Going back to poaching, do you have any idea what is happening with the Black and Sumatra Rhinos?
Do you know how fast the number of species has declined over the past 20 years? Do you know about the fish migration issues (such as the Sturgeon) due to dam constructions and river-course altering, or about the Shark Fin industry, where sharks's fins are cut and then they thrown into the water still alive (but "disjointed") to die slow, painful deaths?
Did you know about illegal Dynamite Fishing?
We can't do much or anything you say? In fact, we can do everything. First and foremost we can spread the knowledge and make people feel, realize, open their eyes. Is there anyone penetrating your mind and telling you to make a living through exploiting the rainforest, cutting down trees, throwing garbage everywhere, against your will? No, but if only you knew about the implications of what you are doing in present and time. Didn't we claim to be "superior" beings able to transcend lower frequencies and desires? The Comic Books have become reality too by the way. 20 years ago people walking to work with gas masks all day because of the air pollution and 0% visibility, towns encircled by rivers that have become yellow of pollution were a SF scenario. Now take a look at Beijing on Google and enjoy the SF becoming reality. But you cannot act upon that which you do not know about. Or from a will that does not come form deep inside. An even more important question is how many resonate with the illegal hunting and natural balance declining more than with these mass waves and ideas spread mainly by mass-media (it's the last trend...). If this is only one of the very few first times you are thinking about Earth's situation, balance, energies, problems caused by humans, there is a high chance you are still not resonating with the cause because you have been concentrating on yourself. Have you ever started crying upon seeing the forest and natural environment where you had fun as a child being cut down illegally? Have you ever felt the desire to change anything regarding these aspects? Cecil has received quite enough love now that he is no longer around. And things will probably keep receiving the attention they deserve only when they are not there anymore. It is not through human voices that they cry.
Sure, the situation is not that critical and without a possible comeback, yet. See the Yellowstone Park successful projects or the Andean Condors one. But in fact it kinda is critical. Pollution, especially. But I am deeply worried at how people are being rendered passive by their own means of attaining freedom and knowledge too (aka internet, mass-media...) or how all the consciousness energy is being pumped in a pretty damned weird direction. Correct me if I am mistaken and some will say that the mass has been controlled for ages by the more egocentric, but we would still live in caves if we truly agreed or liked with this idea, wouldn't we? There is no such thing as end either as far as the universal mechanism is involved... practically everything should get recycled and reborn at one point?
Other kinds of unimportant subjects being tackled: people being killed by animals (lions themselves too), storms, thunders, etc... this isn't nailing it. That's not the point. It's not as if the lion took a gun and shot the human because he held a grudge against his good looks... incidents happen, it is a natural circle, and they confuse you with prey because this is what instinct tells them, that or you are seen as a threat from various reasons (cubs, protecting territory...). The problem is what we are doing to nature in general as sentient beings that desire to be independent and snort at the sound of predestination, chained events or having to do certain deeds before we can consider ourselves free. We claim one and do another. We want one thing and we end up doing the opposite... we are opposites ourselves in fact, the opposition is inside us, and one has to learn to balance it, earthling or not :P
I would like to add that i do not desire to attack and place judgement for one's decision or attention that has been focused on other areas, but deeply i am, in fact, seeing the barrier that has been instilled between human and nature as one of the most negative things and i desire to chase it away in the people i interact with the same way i instinctively do with other kinds of bad energies, and it cannot be changed for i haven't reached these inner mechanism myself either...
So basically I am criticizing all this worthless fuss for just the unlucky one that did a mistake and became the target of the public fury. The problem is not here, in reality, it has other roots, there are other far worse things going on. Also, I cried too many times as a child not knowing anyone else to care as much as i did for animals and such, or because i was misunderstood, or did not understand how this was useful in any way as a part of my character... uff. It's like the Cassandra syndrome: no matter how many times you tell a valid warning or concern to someone, that person won't truly internalize it until he/she literally hits his/her head. Now if this doesn't sound typical for an empath...
It's ok if they choose one subject to start making the people more conscious about the issues... but are the people really going to get it?
Thank you for the answers... I have heard indeed worse stories of roommates, including from my actual rommate and from friends (freshman here :D)... and she is leaving in a month and so am I, as it has been planned, but, I have to be pickier because I want to do so many things and help people and it is an impossible task doing it from an unhealthy environment I know how energy gets caught in my "layers" and... it is very unhealthy for me (and for the other one!) to block a natural flow and thus change occurs or try to occur around me when negative patterns are involved. I have actually managed to help my roommate not have nervous breakdowns in months (she used to have on a regular basis, she takes medicine for that, she recognised I am the nicest roommate she had until now; but she still had one 3 days ago and now brings me crackers )) It's also a bigger responsability though when you can access other people's hearts... and even though one of the first lessons is accepting your own "shadow" side and keep a balance and work with it in a good direction, I still do not want to go to that extent when I will have to break rules as they have been broken before me and mess up someone). I have had problems because of this energy signature until i learned to control it a bit more and because i simply channel stuff. I have both wonderful and nasty experiences, and many strange ones too, and i pretty much believe that the law of physics have so many more perks to them ) I am also picky because... if I get off balance it will also bounce on the people that are involved with me. To a certain extent, this happens to everyone, but for me it's... I dunno... Everything deserves a warm quiet "nest" to return to from the agitation of outside. This agitation is important too, one needs obstacles but really, I don't think I should create even more when I have the chance not to. In fact I accepted to go to this dorm (I had two other options: the studio, rent apartment with a girl...) to see how it is, and...it seems I was a tad unlucky in terms of encounters. But I will stil try to blend the spiritual side with my everyday life, undercover more or less, and this won't change ^^ It's been better from all points of view until now except for certain people's... anxiety, or fear towards a more open way of being (and I don't want to impose it though, it's in the process of interaction...)
I still felt like listening to some advice ^^ from people that feel similar things...
I do not even know where to start from... but I know I just hate the environment I am in right now, once again. I don't know why I keep listening to others instead of myself. Why I don't cater for my own well being more. Why I have to meet stupid, weird and twisted people again and again. From the happy go lucky person that i was or could be, I'll soon develop a bad form of social anxiety if this keeps going on, as if I didn' t have to fight off depression too for similar reasons. Right now, to make a resume, my roommate voluntarily told me that she had to see a psychiatrist, had and has nervous breakdowns, had countless abusive relationships (and she keeps getting into them obviously even though she thinks very high of herself that she can see and accept stuff about herself) and has a pathological problem that makes her hands shake most of the time. Her eating habbits are pretty horrible and so were her sleeping ones. I won't even start mentioning about mess in the room and how she was literally the most ill-talked of the whole dorm, and I started to understand why, though I had to move because the other girls were even worse from other points of view, such as total lack of mutual respect or any kind of understanding and me not being able to get enough sleep and being late for college. Now also add the fact that the city/capital in itself is... ok, maybe not horrible, but a very inappropriate place for meditation or creative pursuits. And all you see most of the time are tired people with sad faces and lack of ambition or passion for what they're doing, or simply, shallow, who have forgotten the unspoken language of body, mind... and it's like a spreading plague... I really don't feellike I need someone to suddenly have a mental breakdown, pick a broomstick and said that she won't let me sleep all night because I woke her up after she closed the door and locked me on the outside by mistake after I accidentally broke a mirror of hers and even told her I am buying a new one (and up until then she behaved as if we're friends and told me all kinds of stuff). And she's only a friggin college student with a not so good economical situation, not a friggin raped, war refugee. But it seems that both a stressful society + negative influences and war are able to create equally horrible, messed up people and erase any traces of humanity.
I won't even start about how mad I am at people in general acting like sheep with no personal opinion andlll money mongers. It really looks like we're different alien branches trying to co-exist (and basically only one or two branches actively care for that ) and the other one/s should "do a nick" and get out once and for all for their own well being)
Now joking aside (or who knows? lmao), how do you deal with such things? I'm not doing any major in psychiatry so I won't transform my dormmate special cases into subjects for my studies, but it's like they are pleading you to treat them in the lowest way possible so that they don't suddenly believe they are superior just because the other one is kind and does not treat the like a muck, the same way others do. I think a good deal of today's society is massochistic. Think only of how many with ongoing health problems give up and abandon themselves in the realms of internet, eat unhealthy stuff and so on, walking with an atrophied consciousness while something inside me gets revolted at so many things. And about myself, it won't and i'll take care of it so that it does not change... but... I don't understand what is the point in everything. Why choose restlesness, hypocrisy, agitation instead of peace or love? Now seriously... why is there so much energy wasted in all directions, so many trivial matters being made huge things, and why are there so many people so feeble in heart and mind and easily swayed away from (pure) principles? Also, how can people forget things so easily??? From universal laws to others... it's just uugh, I don't like it at all, I just don't "Normal" people would call you a child that hasn't yet "seen" "life" for talking about a better vision or cause, as if giving in and becoming a hopeless sad worker is so much better, yeaah, totally >_> (and after having said these then just proceed to complain about how unlucky are in life once again). My life is neither sad nor unlucky, but my own imagination and principles are being pressed down by weird and unlucky encounters somehow because I chose them more or less after being warned... Internally I am close to going back to not liking people at all in general like I felt when I was little (on the other hand I get along exceptionally well with animals and kids...) and obviously with those people that are more artistic & from which you can sense love or understanding & co ^^ And for some reason, there aren't many... I am trying to fix some of my views upon certain things but...
Haha, I actually might have underlined what i felt like talking about starting from your topic xD and I did not necessarily mean you stopped at something less You were referring to the tendency of giving events nuances depending on internal blockages (and I really enjoy these buddhist and taoist stories: they have this beautiful meaning in them and belief in something better and that things are not bad by essence and do not move towards it either)
I for one feel like I am trying, but I still can't let go of the need to feel more in control than not... and obviously, life likes proving the opposite ) But just like in the story you shared with us, i discovered it brought me better things, when change came unexpectedly and i did not tried to consciously direct anything... I'm thinking that learning stillness is in fact also about about accepting that nothing is actually stillor stays in one place, and you have to learn to let go and cleanse yourself. Off... endless journeys :D
Correctly assessing people's energy and your surroundings. Well, while that's not perfect either, or at least not for me, still: you stop at no mass-media-induced bulls*it, no fake appearances, no "just me" way of thinking, no "i don't care" attitudes (because this would hurt more than caring in itself)... and with a dose of optimism and some more wisdom, you won't stop at a situations that seems insurmountable either: because you feel those certain rules to which everything abides... what goes around comes around, there are no actual barriers, nothing stays in one place, one always has choices... even though, yea, it is not easy following life philosophies without fault ...
It's just that the world is a beautiful place. I couldn't live if i knew i had no access to this "way" of sensing the world around... it's just how i navigate, what makes me happy and what I am. No reason to hate what you are, but yo have reasons to find an expression for it. Even the most aggressive person could find peace within an army for example or on the battlefield protecting one's country. It is wrong to believe that someone who sees the light in the someone's soul doesn't have a place among so many lost people that all essentially search for the same thing: inner peace. Happiness and sadness are extremes, both positive and equally important. But what one needs more than anything is reaching a balance...
I don't know... i really wish more people understood and stepped beyond the fear of working with themselves, getting over the "skeletons within" they'd have to deal with. You can become something different when you open at the right time. Your thoughts are clearer, you mind processes things quicker, you take better decisions, your dreams and what you think manifest faster, you become more aware of your body... you must be then more responsible that's true...
Usually hands are an important energy "discharger/detector" (remember how many feelings you get from holding a child's or your loved one's hand).
In many asian arts such as Tai Chi or Qi Gong you use hand motions to cleanse yourself. Similarily, remember the martial artists breaking bricks not with their feet or head first, but with their hands.
In many cultures, including my own, there is something known as "hexes" and negative energy that gets transmitted to you by someone else that is envious about something (related to you) and this manifests as a sudden change of disposition or literally sickness, especially in children or even animals (in latin countries this is usually more common). To help someone that has been affected by this you say a prayer and massage the person's forehead (which coincides with the third eye that easterners/the asian people talk more about religiously-wise -the chakras & co). So here again you have the power of thought and the hand as a medium.
The japanese people also have a very interesting belief about hand-written charms as having a big effect (depending on the case).
So what I want to say about this is that what you might feel should not be abnormal :D Also think about massages /energy massages. When doing it, you feel the tensed areas through touching. Energo-terapeuts (not really sure how they're called in english) also use hand motions to channel energy or to create paths. Animals respond very well to energy expressed through the body/hands as well (dogs, cats, horses...) So yeah... try writting. Try drawing. Try related things when you feel stuff accumulating :D
Hello! I was not sure where i should put this topic as in encompasses more than just the healing gift of my/our empathic nature But i hope it's ok here
Before anything I know that i modify the energy of a place and that this happens wether i want it or not, even though i tried controlling or diminshing it. I have observed how this somehow provokes instinctual reactions within people. Some people have seen certain things that work interestingly for me (i.e: my best friends, my roommates, my parents/relatives...) in the sense that the law of attraction manifests faster. I do that, i want that, i work for it, it comes in a way or another. On the other hand, i do a mistake, and it is treated much worse than it is in reality (as if 100000xx other people do not do 100 worse things, such as when I am passionate about an idea or explaining something to someone, and i prefer treating and getting to the root of the problem, not avoiding it). I thought countless times why this happens but then i found out this could happento absolutely anyone, and all one's need is a clear mind and will. This comes from understanding what you are, who you are, what you want to do, and always learning, keeping both your mind and curiosity awake and your power of discerning good from bad/consciousness intact. Which means... basically opposing a lot of external factors from today's society.
I might be lucky because i always had this outer shell and had my own filtrers... i could spot lies from a mile, or discern good from bad thoughts if they were directed at me/friends/relatives. I never had problems with stray animals and when i was little i used to play with the dogs from the parking xD For me it was obvious why they barked or were aggresive with certain people: it was always about what that human being packed inside. If there was no kindness or warmth towards the animals they were facing, and instead aggresivity or fear, well, even i as a human being wouldn't react too well to that.(But few families are like "learn to love animals, you see, they actually have a quite clear way of being and psychology, and many times it it because of the humans that they got to be aggressive..." instead of "a stray dog! don't ever touch him or get close to it, they can kill you in an instant without warning!"). I also use to have a calming effect on kids (and i love being with horses for some periods of time; they are naturally high-spirited sometimes in their disfavour given that they have to work for people, so the energies blend well...)
I even went to one of my best friends' home whose mother really liked alternative medicine, gemstones & co... and she said i am like a crystal xD and what she meant i understood was that i used to transform/channel energy myself
But going back to the point, i always affected my environment and it has always affected me, but I am afraid something is starting to happen... or has been happening for about 2-3 years or so. Ok I know things happen much earlier than that, but ... It's just that i do not feel at peace and good anymore with the direction that my society is going and this has never happened. I am not fully aware of others even though i've had the occasion to travel abroad every year, but the energies i feel in a lot of cities form my country are absolutely... ehh xD It's the 3 S words: strain, stress, struggle. While funny people are playing around with ideas about how bad religion is for humanity (instead of realising that they are doing like in that saying with the gun: when someone gets murdered, do you blame the gun, or the one who used the gun? The same with religion: can you blame the idea of religion in itself, or the people using and twisting it in their favour, those ideas that were originally created thousands of years ago during some ill times to prevent people from literally killing or abusing each other in daylight?).
It's like the world is becoming more cruel and detached from the real values and nature, and from their own hearts. Technology steals away calm and real life interaction and experiences and only a few retain this empathy that does not change regardless of what is used (you can feel one through computer, telephone, or simply when thinking about him/her... and that's just it). At one point it looked as if we were heading somewhere nice, but suddenly people fell so easily for the deceiving look of a black cloud that i cannot understand it. In my own capital for example there are good aspects, but one of the most basic ones are ignored: it is almost impossible to meditate and recharge, this is how charged the atmosphere is with all kind of stimuli, like electric devices, radio waves and constantly agitated people that come mainly for one thing in there, because it is a pretty plain otherwise: to make money.
Trust is pretty much gone from people's hearts, and creativity lacks way too much: more and more literally think like robots. If you don't boast about something, it will likely go unnoticed, way too many have already forgotten to look behind appearances. It is like the lessons of yesterday or the well known, old/ancient teaching some teachers still try to teach you get erased. People fail to see in depth. I wondered about these things since i was little and saw some things that literally made me question the way society works and whys and hows, but i never knew that the more you grow up the more closed you become. So I chose not to. And now it brings suffering. Then I also suffer for the ones close to me: I want to protect them. And for how unknowing and easily manipulated people can be. And yet I'd rather suffer for being a minority with my thoughts rather than give up to ill ideas, as that would make me feel worse than anything else. Maybe from this point of view, i have a huge ego, but i only learned to respect myself and other human beings for what they have to give when i delved into these branches: psychology, empathy, psychichness, astrology... and as the saying goes, you won't loose something you worked for without afight :D
So i heard quite some things... directly or indirectly... masses of energy, the natural energy of a place, energy grids, related stuff. Saw people with some amazing abilities and i cannot help but wonder: is it only me who is having this weird feeling about a deep pit we should all avoid? That someone should make masses of people question their ideologies and, yet again, that they are searching for love, praise and confort through the wrong means?
It's not wrong to fight either... in fact i believe little things are right or wrong, and yet i think there's one factor that should be the bottom line for everything: the need to protect our environment in the long run. All until your very own resources get destroyed, until water becomes more expensive than blood, until you interfere with weather, natural cycles, and the fauna/flora that is also trying to live with your f****-up consciousness (for 4 years now, i have been watching how the forest from around our house from the mountains is being cut down illegaly, and i swore i have to do something about it when i grow up)
SIMPLY, why, and for what, are my questions?
Also, if stuff like thiswas shownon TV at least once a day instead of some Bra commercials, i think i would be so happy (yep, we are pretty much atoms compared to that Giant ^^ and now one should know that worm holes are even bigger). Like, seriously, someone should start making people question themselves and their environment... and also, their own reality. It seems it's something that needs to constantly be done... none of us is the wisest or most intelligent. Facts are there could be more intelligent life forms than we could realise. Sure, I've met really cool people as well, that made me joyfull. But I've even met people from such communities (with knowledge about energies& co) that were really unrespectfull and a bit exagerrated/ or had a tendency to loose energy and thus vampirise people, so not even knowledge makes you wise or more correct in your action right away. or they went past someone's boundaries and then started judging (or I might simply/personally not like this one, i had a tendency to judge as well )
I wish i would know about your opinion as well! It never hurts to know other exeriences/points of view...
~a 19 y old student (with ageless thoughts) on a rainy Sunday evening ^^
And I don't know why I forgot my childhood favourites, Backstreet Boys... They are still kinda touchy, i think their songs are actually pretty sensible.
One of the songs (along with it's vid) that made me cry a lot (and still does) is Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley and Alison Kraus... I do not smoke, drink, never had similar happenings in my life or cheated, and yet, everytime I hear it my heart breakes. But I still think it is a beautiful song.
Another one that I cry at is Take me away by Globus. The message really resonates with me I guess xD
For some reason The Islander by Nightwish also had similar effects. I didn't even know english too well when I first heard it (in fact, when I first heard all of them), but the rythm and the fact that I caught the main idea (I always pay attention to the music and just reaaally little atrention to the lyrics) were enough. Well, I guess clear hints are always more than enough for us...
Other songs that bring out stuff
like that would be Sakura Drops by Utada Hikaru, Angels by Morandi, and more songs from Linkin Park (numb, breaking the habbit...)
However, loving the fact that you put Hero in there... I also really enjoy the likes of Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin or Darren Hayes (and Alexander Rybak, hehe :D )
Hello everybody and happy christmas/holidays!
It might probably be weird that I'm starting such a subject now but I guess that on another hand it is a time of actually listening to your heart a bit.
I don't know how to name it but I had to work with some horribly difficult people up until now and I others barely understand it, while, of course, asking the same things from me. I think I have accumulated quite some sadness in there as I can't remember how many times I've put my heart or hopr into something and it's like it has just been consumed instead of used for anything good . Even though I feel when something is bound to fail I still try to help and now I wonder why, why do I have to bring myself to such an emotional state trying to make more people governs their life, what it means to be calm, to not swear, to not gossip like it's the end of the world, to walk without masks and accepy kindness and sincerity instead of bashing them like they're some sort of weakness. I feel fed up by the community I'm in but it would be futile to name all the things that are happening and how sad I can be upon meeting so many lost people and being unable to at least be strong myself and showing them its better to first search within yourself and then in others... I try to recuperate after a hard year yet again when I think I finally can something happens, I meet someone that likes to throw with sticks and stones and then I have to start it all over again.
I don't know, I'm just so deeply sad and disappointed in others and in myself a bit maybe that i can't help but feel like i'm not understood at all, like only kids and animals and a few other rarer people realise what's truly good in this world and how stuff works... that the premises for a disaster gather beforehand and nothing happens just "suddenly" and "out of nowhere" and "because life has something against them", the way gifts of heart and mind are pittied and instead lies and thefts of all kinds are better off in a freakin post-communist society, where you will never see happy weird grandmas giving a dragon necklace as a gift for example, as if playfulness of spirit or happiness are a crime when you're older than 10, and sleeping around with 3 different guys and having tantrums and being a jackass is much more socially acceptable. And I'm honestly just observing these around myself and I cannot help but say one thing: it's like I'm a spectator watching beings stabbing themselves and then wondering why is god doing this to them, and now not being young anymore I have to play my role which... cannot be and is not the same. I'm deeply .. fed up with everything, and I don't even need much, I'm pretty self-sufficient, sometimes i just don't want to describe anything at all, but again, but again, I don't only feel not understood, but misunderstood I have had the ocassion to travel abroad with different activities and I've met such wonderful people and settings... so this is probably why I criticise what I see here and feel so depleted by my own environment in a capital where everyone goes because of money and necessity....
But that's another thing, I constantly wish to be in other places. Even within myself seems a bit better, even though I actually really enjoy to make new friendships with people and movement and all... it's literally weird to be truly happy and calm here, to know your path, its like you're an extra terrestrian of some kind and I feel so freakin annoyed I can't find words for it!!! WHAT IS HAPPENING? I know I should be glad I wasn't born in a poor african country or in the time of public executions or that I don't have god knows what desease and that my family is ok and all. But it's not like that... my path would have been different from the start in such cases. Being in a sad society where it feels weird to be happy and talk freely saddens me a lot because I have to build different kinds of things and I can't. From the agitation I sense when meditating to the things I still haven't clarified within myself... and because I don't want to share my hard thoughts with the people that can't take it I have refused possible boyfriends (well not entirely but stil...) since I've known myself. I don't know why but ever since I was little everything around myself was real and serioys, and yet in all this and after doing my job I could be happy: happier than many other people, happy watching birds, a tree, a dog eating, happy helping people that needed it and happy seeing other people choosing good over bad or helping a stray animal.
But it's hard to be like that or standing up for something you believe in... at one point you simply wonder why? how do you guys deal with these?
It's definetly not just you, and as soon as i started observing a pattern when going to certain cities and returning to others, i searched around for more info to understand the phenomena and the reasons after i cleared my mind a little as well. So what i noticed before coming across what others have written is that there are 2 kinds of energy to feel (well not only, but there are 2 major ones): the natural energy generated by that area if it wasn't totally detroyed (and which can start from a tree and extend to an area as big as a metropolis) and the energy generated by the people inhabiting that place.
I have also noticed that those places where the air was more relaxed my inspiration for drawings comes easier :D It is the same with other forms: you can not meditate that easily in a crowded area, and you must create a space around you so to say, you must shield more or less in such places, and it is very important to clean yourself, but more important not to force it or destroy the links to certain places or people (as i've seen it can be done with people forcefully doing one thing because they read about it, but did not integrate that information inside them correctly, because they also have to give themselves time). I believe it must be at least 50% a subconscious impulse, the necessity of cleansing yourself, your own body vibrating against a form of negative energy before your conscious mind even has time to realise it, because i came across such things like this one as well (feeling/hearing the car coming fast and avoiding it, feeling something is goin to fall, feeling someone walk after you, feeling you should say a thing, help someone or not). Of course, i also have my right to choose, to do a thing or not, to do more or less, even now my instinct is subject to my consciousness which has the last word, and it took me many years to actually trust my instinct because it meant accepting a lot of things that were different about yourself.
When you do your "homeworks" you are able to forsee a lot of things to a certain degree and feel where you foot might sinks or stay dry.
But going back to the subject (;))) there is also the energy generated by the people. If we talk about a metropola in a poor/underdevelopped country for example, where nature is continuously destroyed, and you go there because you want to realise a thing but you are different, you realise money si not everything, you understand what would help you move further, you want to make friends and you are an open person, well, you might get knocked a bit by the following: people rushed, not paying attention to details, stressed, smiling more rarely, went there for the financial aspect of life and subsequently aren't happy or able to function on different planes... and then they think life has something against them. Less or no spiritual values, little listening to the voice inside yourself.
That's what i felt. It's not only this of course, there are indeed some more ok aspects, but... they are not the predominant ones unfortunately.
Now have you guys heard of the Earth Energy Grid? Or what about the Hartmann one? what do you think about it or their accuracy?
Also, the energy... definetly modifies according to the nature. The more trees, the better (ok, not going to mention certain schools/libraries where the "air" is awesome :D; not to say the monasteries...). When I little we used to travel across the country during our holidays with friends or not (well not too much but enough to experience a lot of places) and the first time my parents drove me through the capital, through a huge area/long streets where i could see NO TREES OR GRASS at all i became stupefied and endlessly questioned my parents how could those people stay there, weren't they stressed, wasn't the horrible sound made by the cars not good, wasn't the smell of gasoline and other things too much for them?
So there are the little energies and the big ones... and we can be a pretty big modifying factor
I too have some wonderful experiences with animals! Yet for some reason I've suffered a bit due to my affinity to them for some reason, people from my society never saw it as something good, cool, positive, more than strange and not suited to a girl like me, for reasons i still fail to understand
But apart from that, I've always been the kind that attracts dogs and calms animals when agitated My godfather breeds shepherd dogs and a lot of them are pretty anti-social with strangers, guarding-oriented. Some of his dogs even bit my brother as he was just playing in the huuge backyard and he had to go to thehospital, and another one even proceeded to almost jump at my father from the back if someone wouldn't have interffered at the right moment. They even have some metallic things at the entrance in the kitchen so that they don't wander around there while there are guests.
And there I was, a 12 y old creative animal-lover kid. Of course that on top of the hill there was this shepherd tied to its cage because he had guests again and a sign saying "attention, bad dog". So the little me saw that and naturally wondered if the dog really is that bad, and i ended up playing and feeding him like we were best buddies, so i actually wondered if he had another one that was "bad". And then i came down, with the jacket covered in spots of course because the dog jumped all over, and asked "Hey, where was that bad dog again?" and when i told them what i did they looked at me as if i fed a shark or something )
Then he also had a pretty aggresive female shepherd at one point (he still has her). And naturally i tried to befriend her and after a while... she simply threw herself at the ground with her belly up and waiting for a good scratch )) my parents smiled, but my godfather thought i was making fun of him or something because they were talking about how she's kind of unapproachable...
But i trusted my instinct :D I used to play daily with the pack of dogs from my parking, feed them, observe their behaviour... it was all very interesting for me, moreso because i thought their hearts were kinder. And I have so many cool memories, like when i took care of a female and her puppies, when a very cool looking striped lost pitbull stayed in that area for a few months and knew all kind of tricks and i loved it, with the funny old alpha male that had such and amazing heart and big deep eyes and a funny way of walking, and used to follow me when i went to different places... and when he did that the other dogs came as well and people would look at me like i was crazy )) so i kind of had to shush them away which saddened me
We once walked to the market in the center of the town and 2 dogs followed us... well... me, and they were quite annoyed because they even waited us to come out of the shop!! So i had to stay in there for like half an hour or more and pretend to run away so that they returned home... which again kinda broke my heart so i still remember it.
I also remember coming from school once, it was night, and suddenly one of the dogs come whining towards me with 2 paws covered in blood and shaking all over so i couldn'thelp but wonder what could have happened; and he followed my every step not letting me to go ) . Then I looked around the corner and saw 2 dogs from the same pack, and he, well, probably picked a fight with them... then a lady from a shop "pssst"-ed me and told me to bring the dog inside (which was a pretty big dog by the way, and people actually fed them around there so they were friendly, especially as they saw how i used to play with them daily) and we bandaged him and put some solutions on his wounds... and started talking about animals. I was in the 5th grade or something.
I also once started a "campaign" at my school (4th grade i believe ) ) and actually convienced my classmates to donate only how much they want so that i can buy food for some other dogs... xD And I brought them my share of sour milk and croissants (i wonder how they're called in english :D) daily... i had a best friend for 4 years that loved animals as well... but then kinda changed her priorities and i was pretty sad for a period of time but, oh, well...
We also had a family general practitioner and her dog always hid under a piece of furniture when people came into the living room. If anyone tried to approach him he would growl, snap back... with everyone, except 2 people: me and another girl
I also had a best friend dog in another town by the countryside where i sometimes used to go along with some relatives to relax during summer weekend and do all kinds of activities. The dog came everytime.(her name translated in english mot-a-mot would be something like "she-wolfie" or something ) ) Then one day my relatives sent me to buy some thing from the market, yet it was evening and there was an aggresive pack of dogs on the road. I saw them, i think i became a little scared, they saw it and some of them started running towards me growling like i was a cat or something! I was like stunned for a second, then i started to run, and then guess who came from behind and started to fight with them to protect me.. the same dog i loved and fed and played with when i had the occasion. I was scared and run back to our house and wondered if my dog would return... and she returned without blood and such, so i was relieved
I recently (2 or 3 years) started training my hand with horses as well... and they react well to calmness too! I just can't stand seeing how many mistakes people and even trainers do when working with them, and then wonder why the horse bucks 'n stuff... ugh. That's one reason i prefer trust and subtle communication, natural horsemanship over spurs and complicated, pain inducing bridles or neck ties.
Right now I'm doing some volunteer work at the only place for abandoned horses in the country (yeah, i know, but nope, we're actually not small at all, but shush, not gonna say my position, i don't want to attract even more bad stuff to my country even though this is the reality more or less xD)
I was unfortunately only allowed to have a parrot, so this is why i analysed and liked every animal i saw. I also used to catch lizard, frogs and fishes bare handed. I would have loved to experience with wild animals as well or work with goats and such, but unfortunately where i live there are no wild animals sanctuaries or veterinary clinics for anything else other than pets and of course, none accepts volunteers that do not follow the medical/veterinary career. And that's (almost) on a national level, you won't find the things you have there in France, Germany, USA, England... and I've always been like, WHY ME... )
Apart from that i showed my classmates how i could approach stray dogs and at first they found it interesting and then started to make fun of me as if it was something strange that they shouldn't have accepted. Erm, i guess i won't go into other related details >_>
I just want to say that i would have loves to have the opportunity to work as a volunteer anywhere, from aviaries, to Zoos, Aquariums, Sanctuaries, just for the sake of interacting with animals and teaching people about the importance of having nature around.
Even now I didn't choose this field of working (studying foreign languages as i found them more useful and because even though sciences appeal to me as well, and of course, because of social setting&pressure >_> and the image i would have made if i chose to follow an underdevelopped branch, unlike this of foreign languages) aand of course the urge to act in this environmentalist direction is still there and big, so this week I'm becoming involved with WWF as someone invited me at the Day of Open Gates or dunno how it's called in english :D
Naturally, i grew up from the kid i was back then and delved into other branches as well, such as empaths, spirituality, astrology & co, as i noticed that my sensibility extended beyond animal-whispering so that i couldn't essentially escape dealing with this side of mine... i mean, i would freakin have headaches when walking in hypermarkets due to the radio waves and i would simply feel where the air was more "stressed" or not xD And I was the type that didn't want to pass my problem to other ones so i tried to solve them by myself, never telling anyone. Then I learned how to cleanse myself, how to protect myself, how to become more open, i met some very interesting people and more than everything i could function on an earthly level as well.
Yet the desire to work in the environmental are is so big i simply can't help it but try to get myself involved once and actually try to raise the awarness... which would be something i'd love to be able to do, yeah, anyways...
We also have a house in the mountains, and for some reasons we have found, over time, all kind of animals in our yard: hares, snakes eating frogs, snake skins, tortoises around the fence, moles, field mice, lizards, so many species of bugs i don't even know where to start (fireflies, horned beetles, bees, huge moths, different species of butterflies and small colorfull insects, centipedes/millipeds & co, a falcon pair nesting in some trees at a few metres near us, and outside our yard (which by the way isn't that big at all), a river full of fish, birds such as wild ducks, ospreys, herons, black storks... i have also photographed 2 species of trotoises, 3 sp of snakes (puff adder, water snake and natrix natrix), hedgehogs, wild boars coming at our altitude only during winter and deer. A lot of deer. And of course, at higher altitudes, bears and even lynxes.
And what do they do today to this area that has protected species? Mass deforestation of course, because f*ck police or moral values! You should see the garbage left (and near our gates as well) by those poor people that have no other career choices to feed themselves or their families...
I felt like i can't start talking about my experiences with animals without touching this less happy subject as well guys, sorry
I erased my post once and i think i regret it a bit, but maybe now I can fare better in calming the whirlwind of questions inside my head, and actually, they are not questions at all i am afraid, they are observations, transient observations just like the human nature I HOPE. It's really... there are a lot of things to be said, but in essence it's just one or two.
So what's up with the Fear around? Ok so it's not something personal anymore. I've become freakin' tired of seeing so many closed-up and rushed people around me, that have no spirituality in their life and who do not have any idea why they are here and what they should do. I got tired of the people that want to avoid instead of doing something, that think they can mimick being something else while in reality they're moving backwards.
I think I'm starting to realise why there are so many people obsessed by sex and similar things. They are so sad and down that this is the only thing that passes through the muddiness or creates even more. There are so many people that give up so easily and let themselves be influenced by the media and people around them I cannot stand seeing how easily everybody accepts to get depersonalised or deshumanised. And depersonalisation is a very bad side-effect of our today's society.
I'm currently in my "i'm staying in the dorms" period of life and far from being all cutesy and nice, i feel like my head is going to explode, and I'm so pissed of i feel like i should punch some people in the face and settle down things faster once and for all, no more words. I've never felt so many black clouds in a city before and i cannot help but hate the ones existant in this one either, and it's a capital for god's sake, and I'm so not planning to stay here, though i kind of have to cut through it 3 years from now on. And it's not easy to cleanse yourself either, it's actually the hardest part, and if you do something, if you are happy and your heart transmits that, people actually look veery surprised and it pisses me off once again. This is the worst of the things: the fact that people think sadness and isolation are more normal and natural than happiness and content. This is a problem of the place I'm currently in, and i do not know if this is a problem where you live as well. And these people are supposed not to be like that I wouldn't even run around the tail about this if i felt there's nothing under the surface, but there are so manyt things, yet... ugh. I'm so saddened by what is going on around me i started crying today again, for the fact that i have to socialise with these people and for the fact that i feel it: they have so much fear inside, and cover their inner voices and succumb to the noise around. My head has become noisier as well, I'm starting not to like it. Ok, that's the point where i feel a bit frustrated i erased my last post, because now I'm less outraged and more tired. WHY fear if i may ask? All my childhood I had an "inhibition" when it came to people. I'd rather have talked with objects, or animals, or people much older than myself who had good thoughts. As I grew up, i started seeing kids as truer being even though i didn't like them in the past. To be honest, i didn't like humans at all, and neither did i like apes& the likes, and even though i expressed myself through writing, painting, drawing, i just couldn't draw humans. I only came to aknowledge the human naure upon opening and reading things from a spiritual point of view and getting in touch with the fact that there are people who try their best to be better and overcomes their flaws. I met some really good people and I've grown so much that now I want to do good and help, not only people but cut through patterns that are ill. And as I find myself growing, trying to bloom, i see that the waters have retreated and the soil is deserted again, and i ask myself when did that happened, and why is it happening, after the "shower" i got, or after the short showers i get. I cannot stop but have a feeling that inter-human relationships are getting diminished (and no, the more you stay on the so called social medias the more doors you shut in real life, you know, the moment you step back from the technology that gives you a sense of inclusion you find yourself in a world of confusion, because we have become some slaves of the technology we mastered; with only a few exceptions) and less and less know about the true essence of friendship, of love... not able to commit, create beautiful situations or friendships... a shadow thought pops out and wonders wether things have always been like that and I'm grossed by it. If there is something that creates shadows, it's only our mind, and even if something existed in the past, it's only us that's bringing it again into the future, and you are free to STOP it any time, push the discouragement back, or torn it apart, channel it differently.
I think there is a problem with forgetfullness as well: is it me or people forget unnaturally fast these days? It's just that as time passes some people seem like they prefer to totally cut themselves away from their past, cover everything up, change their hearts, they think they move on, but in fact they just shrink? I do not want to judge though, what i know is that every time i judge something i will get to experience it at one point as well )) In fact this is one of the reasons i dwelved into occult things. It's like a missing key. And it's a pretty beautiful one from my point of view. I just had this sensitivity since i was little and it wasn't hard for me to catch underlying notes, hidden thoughts, unspoken impressions & the likes. But at the same time i had to live more truthfully as well and i've been criticised a lot for it, until i developped a better looking social shell. What I think gets across, but so do other's emotions. I'm also a curious being and i need to have mental stimulation, so this was just the good thing. And yet... i really have a lot of other things to learn. But i do not like what is going on in this society of mine, and what gets on my nerves are the people not doing anything... and the kids that grow seeing this behaviour as something normal, ugh xD
Yeah, just another normal end of the day thinking session..
Really, why is it easier to spread negative waves in this world and not those of love and care? Is it just habit?
the rhyme written at one point inspired from here, such an accurate vid about the current situation that i happened to come across :http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XerOBejxoU
I guess fire has always been known for the purifying part, not only for the fact that it destroys... the same is true about water, it can cleanse or make everything more permeable, dissolve boundaries...
When i was a kid i used to joke around trying to put out light out matches with my thoughts or make them last longer... I'm not sure how it turned out, but my weirdest experience related to fire was after a liturgy at the church (it was a holiday of some kind, and i don't go too often, i believe i was 16, but i just felt like going, i mean why not, it was a good opportunity to get in touch with myself) and i was alone there with my thoughts and waited to get out the last, and while i was getting ready to leave the man that was selling stuff at the little shop within the church came to me, grabbed my hands and put them on his chest, looked me in the eyes and told me not to use/handle fire for an hour!
I honestly thought he was sincere... but then of course i wondered if should test it to see wether the man was actually delivering a message or just a bit insane ) I was tempted to simply ignore it, but i believe i waited l about 50 minutes or somethin' and then light up a match... and honestly, nothing really happened as far as i could tell. I tried searching on internet to see if that's actually a custom i was not aware of or if it's something strange that only applied to me right then, but i found nothing xD
The other thing i know is that i don't really like fire and water made me feel better many times (swimming, sea-side... it's like you suddenly gather yourself, although i do like Sun a lot as well. I'm not that comfortable around fire. It's just that in my family there've been a few weird things related to fire: our grandapernt's huge country side house was burned to cinders due to someone's ill mind and our apartment once caught on fire and it was one of the most shocking experience of my childhood xD I've never really been scared of fire and all, but i was very mistrustful of it. I love the feeling of campfires nontheless. But even then the thought of being carefull so that the fire doesn't get too big will cross my mind even though i'm might not be the one entitled to maintain it.
How, just how can one balance the 2 of them when there are so many possibilities around? What can you do and how do you know you don't mess up your entire life when you know you chose something which the majority agrees upon but which doesn't give you that inner satisfaction even though you can't say you don't like it or anything, and throw it away for a deep feeling that you want to do something else similar as domain of activity, which you find so appealing and good, as if you know there's something in there for you, but yet upon which the majority doesn't agree too much and they are right for certain obvious reasons that in my head i honestly can't feel they would apply...?
How do you accept someone in your life when you want peace at any cost and yet you are off-putting some things that should happen at this time, also because you don't want your mind to be taken off of future career, college life & etc...?
In a way, my life has always been about trying to find a balance... and step by step i manage to reach my goal. But I am very conservative with my energy, and this is why i cannot accept anyone into my life, from boyfriends to close friends. Well that doesn't mean i don't get lucky with some people, and also horribly unlucky with some others of my own age. I also don't want to depend on anyone emotionally, but i can be very profound and that's a problem, especially in our society, it seems >_>
There are some things that i tried to negate and yet i never could, no matter how people affected me in the meantime: the love for animals and nature, drawing, crafting, needing my alone time and meditation, thinking about my own stuff and readings things from all kinds of domains, from medical to civilisations (well basically needing to think about something all the time, but being relaxed as well, not stressed or hyper)
But it's hard to balance the spiritual side with the mundane life, and even harder to try and convience people it is not good to separate them and put everything in little boxes. I do have a lot of will, but i can get demotivated fast, depending on what kind of people i come in contact with (too much). Humans are simply weird.
So as someone who feels so many things from the people around and evironment, did you ever had false feelings or something like that? (i can't trust my intuitive side 100% yet, even though it saved me more times than i can imagine, i did punch myself really hard, unwantingly, and suffered, more or less from it, for some reason)
Ok, I think I have a veeery "tricky" question: you know those people, who pop out of a sudden in front of you, even though you hadn't even thought about them during the last... um... weeks, or months, and starts talking trash because they simply want to cause bad, but especially, to make you feel bad? [well, i guess everyone went through that. But how many times must it take for the person to stop and for the situation to go away?] I know someone like that, unfortunately, and i thought that by being kind and trying not to care about what she does she'll get the idea. But i was wrong. It seems some people are... very clingy. Well, this is where i don't know about what i should do. I try not to think about it, but the energetic imprint is there, and it's annoying. So I try to act upon it, but when i do that, i practically enter on the same length as her, and she literally resists any good thoughts or... normal thoughts... or normality that is. She has those inner turmoils and it seems she likes keeping them there like they are jewelries. During school she had sudden bursts of anger, not towards me but in general, and she's kind of strange. Her face is pretty strange, she's kind of short and stubby, and what i want to illustrate with this description is that she doesn't really get compliments about her look, which for a girl I understand it's hard, but is it necessary to do something like she does on a energetic level?
What i want is to literally block her. She just stays there, right before our high-school freaking final exams with which we will go to College (which we have tomorrow), and attacks me on internet even though i was talking with someone else on a group and never ever adressed her, and i was actually telling people about how to write something on a specific official document! And the problem is now my concentration is kind of gone, and she affected me a little once again. And I literally don't want her there. My luck is that i got on the same classroom with her. Yeah, my luck... but the other thing is, this isn't exactly normal, because it's been a while since she had this thing inside her even though i literally have 0 contacts with her and we were only classmates. I never did anything to her, because i knew how she was...
What could i do about her? And maybe about myself as well?
I'd suggest you try searching more thoroughfully within yourself and practice in trusting your intuition, if the online resources can't open up certain feelings/ideas that you bottled up and appear as problems through the nightmares.
Then again, maybe it is not something you keep at bay within yourself and you shouldn't, but maybe about what you don't do/refuse doing in your daily life that keeps you from walking on an ascending trail. Maybe it is about having to do something with your environment, maybe you maintain a toxic relationship with someone you shouldn't anymore, and as we all know, sometimes, letting go or forgetting is the best solution, when growth is needed and everything else has been consumed. Maybe you are tired, and you should do something for yourself more, from a physical point of view as well (exercise, getting rid of negative energies, your general mindset about life & co)
Well, these are just a few tips and starting points, maybe it would be better if you could describe your nightmare? :d
Thank you so much guys! I've got to tell the funny thing that happened after i posted this )
Ever since we started school after the Easter Holiday, she has been behaving really nice and normal, finally. No tantrums or losing control over herself episodes & co, and i don't feel drained the same way i used to feel. Though i realise it still isn't normal to say this. I actually feel how i am drained by other people now, and the problem is that... the problem is in my class, again -.-" I've got no idea what i so wrong with people. I'm literally sick (literally, my immunitary system hasn't been too good in the past year because i felt so stressed and pressed all the time) and these are the first people with which i haven't been able to create something more agreeable and connect and find my place in a way or another. There have been so many negative things going on and I've been the target for so many temper tantrums, that i started wondering how can people even walk through life with so many dark clouds inside them? I imagine itmust be a very heavy feeling they don't even realise, not that i don't have my episodes too...
I'm honestly confused. I don't even understand how i should judge or understand people anymore. The only logical beings in my head right now are children, old & calm people and animals. Way too many people act like stags in rut period, and even worse, actually. I don't know if it is the right place to tell what happens usually in my school environment (which is pretty fallen in morals). People imitate sex scenes on the teachers desk, girls go to some of the boys to be touched everywhere and then start "screaming" like they didn't ask for it, they couldn't care less about their future or non-verbal means of communication except yelling at each other all the time and talking only about 2 principal subjects: nail polish, boys (to name it 'delicately') and gossip and "biting back" the other people they perceive as competition, even though we only have 3 more weeks together and after that we will go to college, they still act like they are bewildered and snap back at teachers and so on. Not to mention the boys still play with a football ball in the classroom, knocking down the flower pots and making the walls dirty and 'head-shot-ing' some classmates in the process )
I don't even know what to say anymore, other than the fact that they are strange, an di wonder why life doesn't slap them already. Of course, i won't even mention the teachers who couldn't care less about the psychological dynamics of our classroom, those that also hold back the good kids... all in all, i just don't understand it anymore. I struggled so much with them, and tried to change the way things work, but i've constantly been hurt by all kinds of observations, and in the end we all reached the conclusion that i should have done what i felt like, not what others told me to do or not and how to judge people and it would have been better.
Anyway, i feel like i don't understand them. First, there was a problem with me and the lack of confidence in myself. But after i learned and saw how things truly work, and after i went through a series of happenings, i changed a bit and became more accepting with people. yet what they continued doing was... damn, if i may ask, just why are the negative areas and patches so strongly binded together and why do people try to deflect a good energy? What kind of environment/exposures creates these gaps in the human brain?
For example, I know i can sense a series of things. The radio waves inside big hypermarkets (which made me dizzy when i was younger and i really didn't like these places xD but now i learned how to deal with it: it's on a psyhical after all...). I could sense(actually, hear) certain movement detectors in some shops, when something is charging, when a TV is open inside an apartment while walking by the door on the outside and etc... these are just some that i realise i can tell apart on a conscious level. Then I know i can read people and animals generally. When people talk, i learned to pay more attention to the non-verbal signs i got from them and then keep the things i learn about them this way and act like i know less than i do.
This is actually very handy with animals and kids, but i can't understand why many people, again, seem to get so scared about it. They should know deep inside themselves that, wherever they live and whatever a society might be and might do, there are some essential traits that should not be forgotten, such as how to communicate this way, in a non-verbal manner... meh... I feel a little alone with these ideas, i don't know. I honestly feel they are right, but why are people so stubborn about what doesn't do them good?
Also, I'm talking from an east-european point of view. Maybe in the States or UK there are other concerns and society on the whole, and maybe the empaths living there have to deal with other things... haha, sorry for responding so late, i tried re-writing this message countless times but everytime i made it kilometric ^^". There is so much i want to say and so many thing i think, but i can't really talk with anyone here about more than a very small part, it would seem strange to people... I mean, when i was younger, my classmates categorized me as weird just because i used to draw a lot and participate in projects of this nature, and because i had quite a few hobbies and been interested in different cultures... honestly, they even excluded me from their groups and such because they could only recognise certain things, and they also saw the fact that i was good with animals as a very strange thing (we were young, 1-8th grades, but even at those ages, they had a lot of mean things stored inside them! i remember i cried a lot when i was younger because of what they were doing, but i still had too much pride to tell my parents about it when I felt i had to deal with it, and not burden them... or anyone at all actually) and i think it's because there have only been 20 years since communism ended and there still are fear-compacted areas... again, too many people that shouldn't be anymore are still numb about such things... um, has anyone came across similar thoughts/observations until now?
My mother reacts the same way in Churches and the way she describes it to me fits perfectly: she feels overwhelmed by other people's negative things. She also told me that she could stand being in a church for more than a few minutes if we were in a monastery or something where people would go there with pure thoughts, not to transform it into a daily gossip place that has nothing to do with the religious aspect more than it has to do with them wanting to be seen in a certain way in other people's eyes, ie, as religious/good people & co.
In my case, the same happened when i was little. It was weird, but i've got to say that it never became so unbearable in a church. The feelings of other people were more overwhelming in classrooms at school, or in buses, or anywhere where more agitated were put together in a small place. For me, churches have always been places when the noise form outside diminishes. Where turning to yourself was something normal and when you could think about your stuff, and cry if you feel like it and be honest and think about truth because this is what you are supposed to do and nobody will butt in. And everytime I feel so good and cleaned, i simply become more peaceful, but at the same time I'm not detached from people or anything, quite on the contrary, I am aware of them. The bad stuff doesn't really stick or simply gets filtered. Your own desire to reach a balance and seek spiritual growth is bigger than the feelings of the people around. But it doesn't have to be something extraordinary. Something you really wish for, someone dear you pray for... should be enough to guard you.
Some people found that they "received" other people's stuff because in their mind they did not truly desire to separate from others, they were still "open" about them, yet ungrounded. It happens on a subconscious level, but this somehow indicates that you've had healthy relationships with people, or you simply need more interaction (or more exercise... daily walks, and walks in nature help alleviate theproblem). Another situation... The mind should be "separated" into certain drawers, and some situations require that you only open the drawers containing certain information/desires/ideas/conceptions/visions to apply in a situation. When you go to a Church and you feel like "ah, i'd have some fun, i'd go to a party, i'd do that, i'd do xyz..."(which is normal from time to time ) ) or if you still seek an answer in people/certain people, or if you have always been compelled to go to church because your parents said so, which i don't really agree with truth be told, you should be prepared to feel more "impure" and earthy emotions. Or you could try to find a better place for yourself. Maybe you need to go to another church. Why don't you take a walk and see what suits you better?
I have quite a few in my town, and there is one, not too big, but pretty and the location gives me a very good vibe, and they have this huge old painting that was gifted from Jerusalem. I'm not sure if the feeling comes from it, but all in all, everytime i walk past it to school, if i happen to be in a more "stressed" state I just snap out of it and remember that i should not embrace such a scattered way of being... Quite interestingly, there's also this bigger and beautiful monastery on my grandparents' town, in a forest who's first quarter is in the city. I don't manage to get the same feeling... and i don't manage to balance myself out. It only worked once, when i was with a friend of mine because she had some problems with her mother. Well, I guess you cannot force it: if it doesn't come, it means the answer is, at that time and moment, in another place, or you have somethign else to do, or for the moment your state is... ok enough. For the most part I'd say i alwys feel a difference when going in and out of a Church, and it is the single place where I always perceived the difference as being directed towards a positive line.
These are some things that i think i caught over time. I guess some perceptions will change as i grow up, but for the moment... i felt like sharing them. Not that sure how these thinking processes go in an American society though, here when i am the majority is orthodox and our churches are more "private"/smaller than the catholic ones.I am also the kind of person that will go to other people to find an answer when I become too tired or something really, really not good is happening. I know i could always isolate/close myself from external influences (i guess this was a protective mechanism) and in turn i had a lot of hobbies, and i was always drawing and crafting things, and be very good with animals. With kids i became good in the latter years only), so what i had to learn was to become more open and perceptive... ^^" and, yeah, probably this is why i presented it in this light. Sorry for my english, it still isn't that good...
Well, not exactly shudders, but a sudden feeling, as if something electrical just passed thrugh you, and it kind of instantly made you worry what could be going on.
Now although my "sensors" play a primary role in my life, and i kind of trained myself to first let them be and listen to them because life was generally a pain if i did otherwise, i must alsso pass the infrmation i get through a logical/rational filtrer and find a reason. Usually it's there, you just know it. But some other times, like it happens to me and it's become so bugging, it's permanent and there everytime i dare to think or focus about it. It's something I am connected to because it's part of my life right now (ie: school... ) but this other bugging "electrical" feeling is coming frm my deskmate with which i had big problems, even though i tried to solve them countless times and draw clear boundaries.
I know about her that she has a pretty interesting energetic capacity, in the sense that she can make herself felt in this electrical way that I'm talkign about, but she had some huge problems with an abusive alcoholic father and money and her own rather closed native disposition, that she became what you can call an energy vampire, concentrating on extracting what she needs by verbally abusing others and starting fights around to get attention. Of course she ended up being ignored by all her classmates and in my rush of optimism and thinking it won't affect me, i tried to uplift and help her. Aaaah, bad move. The other problem was that i could see through her easily, and she didn't like it, even though i am very gentle generally speaking with these matters, something that i worked with while doing volunteer work with kids and generally towards animals.
But she saw both an enemy and an opportunity in this situation, thus when i started feeling really weird and uncomfortable around her, i wanted to talk with her: no use, she had other bigger problems, like her ego, even though she turned to me for advice a few times, such as why she can't sleep well during night and has nightmares, how accidents happen to her and so on. She clearly does not realise she is provoking these things, or rather, these things happen to open her eyes about what she's doing wrong. or if she did relise, she doesn't really do anything in the behaviour sector... she got some nasty habbits as well, such as lying, making up stories to draw attention, being boisterous, blocking outside influences or advice and other countless things.
But I described this because what bugs me is why do i get these weird feeling from her? I tried a few tricks i read about as being allright, such as imagining myself and her in 2 different "transparent boxes", or just distancing myself from her, well, basically what someone does after someone does a lot of bad things to you and definetly doesn't want your good, and even stealing your work or ideas... and not only that, but she simply made me feel agitated, as if she was giving me her internal state T_T f course, it's not the first time this happens with somebody else for me, but it's the first time i concluded this is being very toxic to myself, while all she does is actually taking adantage of my more composed energy and treating others like crap every time she finds something she thinks she is superior about... the problem is my tricks don't work o_o maybe it's something abut myself too? such as curiosity? something prompting me to help her athough i definetly won't end up with anything, straight away, as far as i've seen; quite on the contrary? I tried mving away from her, but she started behaving so good and finally acting normal that i felt bad for her ) and decided that maybe she has changed. She definetly changed since i came to know her more (since i moved to her) and i feel good at least that even though she did some bad things to me, she didn't end up being the black sheep of the class and they don't do so many mean things to her anymore...
And yet, now i was watching a video about something, and somehow she crossed over my mind: it was a horrible feeling though, because i was being so peacefulla nd feeling good and with my own stuff and thoughts, and suddenly, i got that "electrical feeling" inside me which totally changed my internal state, and it was as if i saw her: i honestly got pretty agitated, maybe because i couldn't grasp what and why, and tried to distance mysef from her again. Well, in the end i managed to, but i honestly didn't like it. What annoys me is that the mechanism i had befre doesn't get "activated" anymore. I used to be horribly picky about who i let pass certain boundaries, but now I am working with what i can do, what i should do and finding a balance, and integrating the spiritual aspect into the daily life, and it's pretty hard, but the problem is sometimes i don't get the reason behind these feelings that i get from certain people... it's also about the environment at school and the classroom, it's like it's a storm of charged stuff, and i wouldn't even mind a real storm or something overwhelming that is natural, but these feelings about the environment are really, really negative and pressing...
When i tried explaining them the first time i moves there, people wouldn't really believe me, and i naturally tried t change myself a bit and adapt, but soon enough real problems started appearing, such as classmates doing outrageous things and yelling at teachers and being violent and stuff became real. And I knew ages before, the feelings were lingering, but ah, people don't getting it when they should get it and then paying for it is another story...
Now do you get those "shudders" from certain people, suddenly, as well? How do you manage them? What is their cause in your case, generally speaking? this is definetly nt the first time it happens to me, but the nature of what i felt earlier alarmed me and i wished to talk about it before it goes away... because i know they are real, but i still don't want to believe that that girl, my deskmate, is going through something really bad, again... we're not even in the same town at the moment, and i can definetly not help her, whatever the cause. One thing I realise is that my curiosity and the fact that i might have been the pushy one in the first place caused this, and i have to stop it But how? Simply by not letting myself think about her anymore? I think i will have to do some "inner work" once school is finished, in 2 months, and put the boundaries in their place... but i don't know, i'm playing on my gut feelings
So has anyone felt the different way animals react according to your energy? I also feel like they all have a lesson to teach us, such as the joy that dogs embody, to the presence and assurance that horses give you, to the calming effect that swimming pisces have in a aquarium or the wondeful vibe of watching dolphins play around and communicate with each other on documentaries or at a delphinarium. The family sense and empathy of elephants. Not to talk about the disconnecting feeling of watching birds migrate or undertstanding that concentrating on the essence is the real way of withstanding anything, and regenerating yourself, like snakes and crocodilians do.
With each animal's survival technique that works there is a lesson to be learned about which truly brings balance to us as creatures living on the same Planet Earth, even if some do not agree we are the same or say that we are superior. I say we manage to complement our brain power that gives us the "superior" hand with just as inferior acts of being and behaving, like murder, promoting craziness and detachment or disrespect in front of real values, destroying each other's balance and ultimately, our own resources, the earth, and ourselves.
Think of what happens in Ukraine right now. Does anyone really think about the environmental consequences of using nuclear bombs? No. They don't. Money matters, social matters, artifical matters prime. And I believe they never felt tears running down when they saw a part of the forest they were accustomed to since little being teared down illegally by money-seeking people and leaving behind a mess and huge open areas of forests with previously great biodiversity (all kinds of weird insects, little mammals, reptiles (3 snake species and all kinds of lizards), amphibians, birds of prey, deer, hedgehogs, boars, singing birds/aquatic birds...). And with everybody being corrupt, nobody doing anything, even though old and precious trees were involved in the deforestation. And for what? So that the mayor's daughter could buy herself purses directly from Dubai.
And that was a corner for my soul, it gave me balance, i played and walked in there, listened to the sounds and the trees, imagining i will find elves if i go deeper into the forest while reading LOTR ( )) ) or trying to imitate birds and find caves or weird signs. I used to play around in the river, finding turtles and once a huge water snake, and catching little fishes bare handed because they used to hide under the rocks.
So has anyone felt anything magical while being around animals? I have been passionated about animals, zoology and archeology since i was little, and i watched countless documentaries ann had many encyclopedias i used to read.I usually accompanied the "studies" with drawings.
[story starts! ) ]One of my most energising experiences so to say was last summer when i went to a horse riding equestrian centre,a nd it was amazing. I don't know why i was attracted to a certain dark bay young Lipizanner from the Maestoso line they had just bought, and we bonded. I never did that with a horse before, because i hadn't had the chance, and i never actually ever been so close to a horse until those 3 weeks i spent there! but one day I simply hold his head in my hands and suddenly my heart felt full of love for that buddy and i knew what that was. And I entered in his stall to groom him and he stood there so relaxed, so i started scratching him and he almost fell asleep and closed his eyes. I never gave him treats or anything. So when i wanted to finish he followed me through the stall and when i stretched my hand and said stop he stopped with a funny expression and when i let my hand down he approached again and wandered after me. He was so sweet! My instructor was really surprised and watched us through the window. The little stallion that i befriended previously broke 2 bridles and a fence and acted like a wild horse, because the guy that usually broke horses in used force, trying to control horses through a healthy respect mingled with more fear than was necessary. And many horses were quite reluctant to go into the shower, although they should have perceived it as one of the most relaxing routines, including this stallion (Merlin was his name). Merlin however followed me like a little doggy and i didn't need anything to make him go into the shower, and we both enjoyed the cleaning ^^
My instructor saw how close we got, so one day he asked me to mount him to test and see if he learned something (he was almost 3 years old, and Lipizzaners shouldn't start such a complex training unless at least 3-4 years old anyway) and he had no problems listening to the instructions and he had such a fast gallop xD (lounged) It was amazing, out of all the horses there this one was the most receptive (he was still young, again) and after we finished the lessons the trainer came and told me this was the third time he was mounted, and i was the second one apart from him that did it.
When the other saw it they thought god knows what would happen to me because Merlin was thought to be pretty reckless and crazy and still young with a lot of training to go... and i was so happy!
I definetly learned to be more confident in myself, more centered, more perceiving, open, friendly and balanced!
It was strange to impose my way of being with horses like that where everybody never saw horses as being so sensible and easy to deal with. And then there was this lady who came to me (she poseesed a white lipizzanner there and came daily) and she was still suffering after a fall she had a few months back, and she was verifying and treating the horses like they were her kids, and started talking with me about the law of attraction, universe, energies & co... Imagine my shock when i saw that she could sense stuff too! ) And so many other things happened... i actually befriended everyone, i learned to do all kinds of things, like tacking them, picking the hooves, feeding them, and there were also families coming there ans askinf for details and i acted as a guide pretty often and enjoyed it so much, telling htem all i knew about horses! And the guys saw it and once, when dome foreigners came and because i was the only one around at that moment knowing English and french, they let me enter the ring and i hold a lesson while explaining them what they had to do! And the next day they even let me give a lessons for 5 minutes to some guys from Arabia! It was the most amazing thing ever! I even got invited to a party held at that centre and when the day ended they gave me a lift to the centre fo the city to be able and reach my grandparent's house at which i was staying :D and sometimes i would even stay with them and have a drink at their usual places and talk and laugh... it really was special. More than anything because i could show them what empathy towards animals is, how good it worked, and they understood and accepted me.
I was once trying to calm down another horse and i was just standing there trying to transmit him something else than the agitation he was used to, and one of the grromer saw me and asked that lady who told me asked me about the law of attraction & co "What is she doing? The horses won't respect her like that, they won't even pay attention" and she told him "That's just how she is, more sensible, let her be that way" or something similar and of course after that the scenes from above followed where i got invited to the party and hanged with them at the end of the day for a drink and talked and laughed :D
There were other people coming at the Centre previously just as attached to horses & co, so they probably saw a similar behaviour to mine previously, but definetly not expressed daily by a 17 years old girl who has never been around horses before for more than 2 hours! (I actually managed to convince my parents to go to 2 state Horse Studs but it wasn't the same kind of experience, although it was beautiful too)
I can honestly say that more than anything, the riding lessons also did wonders to my stomach area/solar plexus chakra and to my back (i have scoliosis unfortunately, and although it is notthatbad, or at least not that visible, the energy has problems around the stomach and i have to concentrate on it more than others to balance stuff) and to the third eye/crown area.
I also had a lot of lovely experiences with dogs, such as random buddies i've never seen before following me on street or while going to school and stuff like that xD I also have an affinity with kids. Or had. In the last period i've been quite stressed, nothing out of the ordinary happened.[/story ends ) ]
Sooo... what about you guys? What kind of lessons did you learn/give? :D Have you ever had the chance to manifest empathy towards animals?
(unrelated p.s. thought: i will soon go to college, and i plan buying a Bonsai ). I think they're lovely, and i was thinking, from what i've read/heard that they act like "emotional metres" and need attention and balance in order not to wither... i've always been very curious about them!)
I sometimes feel weird to talk about such things. I'm not even used to directly voicing such thoughts even though this forum is a very wecoming place for it.. I met various people, from Reiki practicioners, to an amazing bio energy therapeut who used to treat athletes & co... It is just that i think what if people don't believe in me or such ideas, if they are afraid to give up their ego and see the real situation in front of their eyes, or what if they try to transform a message into a bad one by infusing weird beliefs or ideas that have been deply rooted... (such as, "this is too weird" or "it's just your imagination, stop being a kid, the real world is different")
Ok guys, i have no idea how the scenario had to become like this, but my seemingly continuous problem with the environment seems to never cease.
All i can say is that it is like having a foot in a basket full of leeches and trying to walk and live everyday as if it was normal.
Only that this sick feeling is primarly recepted by the stomach, and it hits like a punch. I haven't gone there for a week now because i had a contest and the teacher made it possible for me to stay home, and now that i know tomorow i'm going to the same place it makes me feel like i'm swallowing something nasty. The general air of the environment packs everything that no one would ever desire: fear, health problems, restlessness, frustration that sometimes transforms into violence between classmates(man, those daily verbal fights!) and what it really is bugging i how everything turned out like this, as i came here an year ago with good thoughts, a very good image, and a lot to do and stil to study!
I really don't want to name all the bad happenings and how mean these people could become (not only towards me, but towards others and teachers too!), and i do not personally have anything with them, but i cannot escape this feeling that i am drained and mye nergy is replaced by somethign really nasty.
I am usually very open, cheerfull, artistic and i love nature and animals, yet from the smallest things in life to any non-verbal means of communication, these things do not exist for them. I feel like a stranger in an oasis of people struggling with illusions and thinking violence is the best means of escaping them. The problem is, once you show them a better path, they react like God knows what you wanted to tell them, as if you wanted their bad! I understand many have family problems here, and money problems, and other and other problems, i don't know what was in my head when i moved here, i know i only have 3 months until i can finally go to college and summer holiday, yet this doesn't truly help me...
But what is the reason, and my real problem?
I felt such a push in this direction that i started studying astrology (western, chinese, vedic), psychic fenomenas & co and came across various articles and also information about empaths (in books & internet). Of course, this is something only i know and that my parents know about vaguely as i won't risk blowing up my cover and efforts into trying to combine these to aspects and balance my life ( I did have feelings like premonitions, i can read people, animals, energies of certain places) but the problem is the energy I'm getting from the environment constantly gets in my way of attaining a correct balance and i cannot even meditate! It is simply very disrupting, and my stomach is the first instance to receive this message, and it affects my energy levels and happiness overall. I try to cope with them, but i will never accept all the bad things directed at me out of envy and absence of understanding, as they are simply not open, well, with th exception of about 4-5 people that i perceive as being more allright but we do not really have anyhing in common... i still have my friends and i can normaly socialise during breaks (god-given giiifts!!) but the problem still is there... I just cannot function at my normal levels, be collected, prepared for college... it's like I AM NOT LET TO! Like i have to fight for it everytime, like it is something wrong and i should become just as agitated and confused because for them this is something more usual than being peaceful and happy. Here peaceful and happy are synonymes to being weak, or stupid. I wish to 'clean' myself, to forgive them and i try to block myself from having bad thoughts about them, but such things aren't even respectd or taken into consideration! I try creating boundaries, but this is something they do not respect either. It's like the law of the jungle here, only that in a jungle it would have been better, energetically talking. I thoughts i could overcome these obstacles, but it proves that it was more than i could handle
And I should have accumulated energy for the time that comes, for moving out of the town, it should have been such a nice year with nice memories and although there are a few in this classroom too, the bad ones totally exceed them. And my stomach continues to feel horrible everytime i think of my classroom.
Now i affected everyone around me, my friends, my family, the first ones being my parents and my brother... i come home and realise i'm so angry i sometimes leash out (or i used to) and afterwards i start feeling so sorry about it... and it is a very abnormal thing about me, i never did somethign like that, and it creates a lot of tension! Not to talk about the tension inside myself... offf. I have no idea what i should do, except strive not to let these things affect e any further, although i should have directed my energy towards completely different things!
i never really liked arrogance or allowed myself to feel "i'm better than you, so you are stupid", and i actually tried to diminsh every tendency i had in this sense because i just didn;t like getting this vibe form people, that i am arrogant and such.
Yet, although i tried my best, i also accomplished some things at school and with my college plans, and did certain things which of course boosted my self-awarness and overall happiness, which translates as confidence, and some people actually perceive confidence as arrogance -_-"
This is something that really bugs me, while i try to be nice and i work with myself daily and restrain my own thoughts in trying to become a better person, do empathy exercises and dwelve into the more esoteric area of life, yet you become envious at every step that i take further, just because you have a lot of internal negativeness you thought would be suited to be released to burden the person that happened to be next to you!
I sometimes feel that if i was a male, healthy confidence would have been better accepted and welcomed ) As a female you are expected to be weak, excessively receptive, and dependant, not too assertive... or at least this is more promoted in, well, my society. Fortunately, times have changed :D and yet...
People told me lately i seem very confident as i walk & co, and i strived to simply be confident without making another one feel down, and i do believe that the more you search and understand yourself and the more hidden aspects of life, the less you become afraid to follow your instincts and gut that never seemed to fail me, and which ultimately bring true happiness... i gotta say something about confidence, and i have a feeling it starts fromt he stomach )
I discovered that acting and horseriding do wonders, but in a very natural, healthy way, in the sense that one becomes peaceful with oneself... or these are what help me be more balanced. And males also appreciates more confident females. So yeah, no matter what others think, as long as it works for you and the confidence is bringing better rewards (and also focus, which is very, very important for meditation, healing, channeling and others) then don't let others bring you down just because they want to feel better in a selfish way (and too often, people judge their "worthiness" comparison to others, where, again, the majority of othersis made of people wandering through life with their eyes closed, not knowing where to go, when to stop, what to follow, managing to hurt a lot of people, and feeling good because some people dictate this and this is what television and media promote... loss of individuality, unhealthy herd instinct, sluttiness, confusion)
This is my subjective point of view From what i've read in your case, seems like you have a pretty interesting life and that you were extremely lucky with people, yet, try to not be so dependent on others, and thus risk getting in muddy waters, because you cannot be friends with everyone! Do not be fooled by plain words that are there just to flatter for personal gain, as extracting confidence solely from others can become the ticket to your own undoing. In the sense that if something happens at one point and someone wants to take advantage of your "openess", and messes up some things by putting a bad word (life brings unexpected obstacles, and you won't probably stay in one single place all your life, thus through journeys and changes you may meet different peole with different oppinions and that project different things), then you will have to learn how to stand by yourself and function from inside out, following what you feel and respecting yourself for who you feel you are with goods and bads, not for what others tell you you are.
At 21 everybody feels confident, has a big head... it's the cyrcle of life ) Sometimes this is how one can accomplish certain things, but remember that balance is the key, and no one is better than the other as everyone has it's own unique role in this world.
So in the end, i find "arrogance" to be a stubborn way of thinking that you are better that the others, and extracting this energy by projecting negative thoughts upon the, while confidence is that natural energy you have by doing and accomplishing certain things, the energy extracted from your memories, or healthy ways, without needing to make others feel down.
I woke up so abruptly from this dream last night, and it was so vivid, yet i felt so scared, because i couldn't understand where it was coming from. Although i do not like subjects releated to spirits at all, i usually do not get nightmares. This one, however, was quite... horrible.
So there i was, in my dream, i suddenly woke up in a very well known place from my town, where on the right side used to be a big theatre and on the corner a very nice Church. The theatre and church weren't there though, and in my dream i wondered where did the restaurant go too, and although i tried to bring the image of the church there it was very diffuse and i couldn't, but instead, there was a house there, eveything ina gothic style. There was like a pressure all around me, and everything was in black, white and grey.
While i was walking around being really suspicious and quite tensed, i saw some bushes and tried to walk away from that corner where i was staying, but suddenly there was a dog that appeared, small, lean, fox-like eyes, and he was golden with white (closely resembled the little stray dog that barked at me 2 days ago because, well, that's what he does with other people and cars all the time when someone walks on "his" part of the street ) ) i tried to approach him, but he started barking, so i tried walking away, but he was trying to direct me to a certain path. I didn't want to, so i suddenly got "teleported" a few metres on another street quite close to the first one, but i was rapidly brought back on that same corner with the dark-green bushes and the dog there... and everything became more diffuse, and everything started moving including the sky as if i was ready to pass out, but i looked at the house in front of me and i suddenly got teleported to it...
Now the ghost part comes, and i literally still have shivers. Inside, there was a very weird and charged atmosphere, and i felt like i was in a freshly abandoned house with a distinct atmosphere where old people used to live. The Dog was there with me too, and suddenly became very aggresive, started barking, i looked at him and wanted him not to hurt me, for a second i thought i saw a weird girl waiting in a corner of the room. I wanted to go out of there, but before almost touching the door, i got teleported again in the middle of the room right next to a chevalet with a painting, a white sheet covering the colors, palletes and pencils, and the golden dog totally changed. He jumped in a chair and was calmly watching the painting. In the painting, there was a couple, with very definite features, a girl with curly long, dark red hair and a guy... they were very fox like, again, looking for something, wanting something, and started moving in the picture! I actually got curious, the pressure lessened up a little, but in the next moment, the dog got possesed, he raised up his head, light was coming out of his eyes and mouth, he let out a shriek.... and i felt my chest area burning, and how my senses were leaving me, like i was entering a floating-like phase... it was horrible, i got so scared, and in that moment i suddenly woke up!
And the sensation was still there, probably because i was still scared, but managed to reason with myself and calmed down quite fast. The problem is, the atmosphere was horrible, scary, full of pressure, and everything was very fast, and fragmented: i wanted something else, but the way the dream had to go... these were the last images i remembered in the morning, but there was another dream too, quite nasty, where i had to stay around many other people and had to catch a chicken and keep it inside a box or something... and it was a dark room, ah, nasty one too... ( although, fortunately, i never felt like totally losing the control over what was happening, so i wouldn't classify them as nightmares.
What could it have been?
Hey, I'm glad you responded Hmm, i do hope life in college will bring some positive changes... or at least i will work for it :D. did you have certain habbits/meditating techniques that helped your focus/attention/keeping yourself separate from others? Somehow, for me, everything mingles together ina w ay or another, so if there is something "heavy" hanging in an area of my life, it definetly is felt in the others too...
edit: the post above me has been deleted
Ok, so firstly, sorry for possible gramatical mistakes, because I'm not english ^_^"
I have a biiig problem that won't subside at all and i have no freakin' idea WHAT is this constant ... feeling I'm getting every time I'm thinking about a certain aspect. I know I had this problem ever since I moved to a new place/classroom (this is my last year of highschool) and, as... not important as it may sound, it is as if somebody is doing harm intentionally T_T in a more psychic sense.
When meditating, there is this feeling as if something is "attached" to my stomach and it is also the first point in my body which absorbs and reacts to the negative stuff there: this is why i have to watch over how much stress there is otherwise digestion problems occur (if combined with other really nasty factors, because my health is usually good). I'm not only staying next to a weird girl who's like switching from "distancing herself" to "vampirising everything" through verbal fights daily and not only.
Before anything, I know I've been prevented about coming to this environment, but i wanted soo much change, i literally felt the need to provoke myself, i was unsatisfied, i don't know from where do these impulses come, now i know i should've channeled them in other areas.
Now I know I've been mistaken to make a move that could potentially affect all my life and college choice, but from the "energetic" point of view, i feel like i am being driven crazy. I have been prevented by this girl before moving "Don't come, they aren't ok at all, they are weird, it isn't as it seems from the outside" and of course, i thought i will handle it. Well, wrong!
Niceness, patience, openess? what are those, they never heard of them. The teachers were behaving pretty bad with them in contrast to how it was in my old class and the kids got envious of a lot of things about me, including my general good image in front of teachers more than anything, so i really felt awakward and tried to diminish this impression: wrong move. I thought that maybe i am the problem, all the time, trying to change myself yet be careful not to sacrifice anything important, and adapt to a situation, but they are simply being outrageously weird. There's also this girl who has a form of ADHD or something, my deskmate who has horrible family problems, used to be a compulsive lier and had megalomania problems although she... well, wasn't smart, good-looking, or nice at all, but a complete profiteer when she was i was not treating her bad like other classmates of her did. She wanted to start verbal fights daily.One moment, she would "humbly" ask me why she can't sleep at night too well and that she had bad dreams, and when she was i was ready to give her a helpful answer and try to open, she would become scared and would push me back through being really mean. Or would simply profit all the way in trying to steal ideas from me, steal drawings, and weird stuff o_o
Then there si this other girl that's very into... boys. She has an overly sensual aura about her and yet she's kind of dark. At first i thought she was ok, the same i thought with my deskmate, but after a while, she started... being weird and stuff, and had fetishes which she openly talked about and... god i don't even want to remember, i'm glad i saw stuff in time.
And of course, there are also the "divas" which unfortunately have to be very... extravagant to catch anyone's attention, and yet, i never truly had problems with them, i mean, they were more sane with their normal girl complexes than others. Then there are also these 2 weird anti-social girls from which one actually told me she saw ghosts and that one day she found her gas ring open although nobody was in her home... and she lives alone as her parents work in a foreign land... and there is this other girl who has weird health problems all the time that start abruptly, she doesnlt come 2 days or so, and then everything is back to 'normal' again. Some have problems at school and small marks... Then there's another one which became very, very strange, has good results at school, but is basically living in another world sometimes and believes in extraterestrians and is very pale and has a pretty rare condition and she is allergic to every anti-biotic and to many medicins available in case anything happens to her, and she's been very strange only in the last year, because this is the girl whose company i enjoyed and that was really allright and which forewarned me (that "This class is werid and i shouldn't move here if I'm not truly sure about it"). Sure, there are a few more allright, but honestly, no matter what i do, i cannot seem to dissipate the weird energies that crawl in this environment.
I've never been like that, but i can honestly tell i am being forced into being aggresive, loud, and mean. To use 0 ways of non-verbal communication or subtle responses as they are negatively recepted or not felt at all. It is, overall, a very bad place for a sensitive person to be in, and I want to realise stuff in mylife, go to college, i have dreams & so on...
Everytime i try to meditate it's like something goes betwen me and the "Ground", i can hardly center, and there is only one source of 'power' i can use to counter everything (it doesn't work that well at all sometimes) without harming others, myself, and so on... and that's rethinking the places i've visited and recepted as having a very soothing energy, a certain church from france i visited and made me feel so understanding, good, open and energised, and this horse riding centre which was absolutely amazing and i attached to the animals there so deeply and there was thsi lady sensible to energies too and she talked ot me about them... ah, and yet, it doesn't work. I'm not experienced with this, but this feeling hasn't dissappeared in 2 years and it's not a good sign as my resources are being drained all the time... yet so little can do so much for me! Doing sports, being out in the nature, in the mountains, swimming... i can clean myself so fast, but honestly, with this class, it's like I'm being forced to shut down my senses and be a sheep in a flock: I'm also pretty artistic, i draw stuff all the time and i love creative outlets as well as acting... (Well, school acting as it was, but i wouldn't choose it for my career )
And normal protection techniques seem not to work anymore. Is there anything i can do? Should I go search for stones such as Tourmaline to help me? i never wanted to take refuge in these methods... because i thought that my lifestyle was enough. But, now that i can't seem to resonate with anyone and feeling engulped by weird energies... i wish i could distance myself from them There are only 4 months left to go in thsi environment after whic hi get away from it, but i don not like to think like that, i wanted to enjoy my time, to be friends with people, but these walls keep appearing and i regret that i listened to others instead of my own voice that always guided me well... until ego kicked in once and i made the move...
I know I wrote these in a pretty tumultuous way, but, pff, I'm not even trying to escape from it other than using these forums and the internet in itself: i don't want to drink, i don't want to smoke, i don't want t use others to "replenish" myself, including members of the opposite gender. There are things i have to do by myself, and i feel compelled to do many things or pursue a lot of topics of interest about the world, animals, or astrology & co, and i do think there is a good thing in the fact that i moved... but I'm confused in how to handle it..
I have always had these questions that never seemed to leave me since i was little: it is not only about the energy shifts and how "my head suddenly becomes a much noisier and restless place" whenever i return to the city from a vacation in the mountains from my region (where you have to search looong for a telephone signal! ) an amazing area nontheless, with great biodiversity, just a little populated, house situated between 2 villages, near the forest, near a river... ; but also when spending prolonged times in front of a computer (and the feeling in the region of the pineal gland...). My body has always been sensible to energies and stuff (I'm very good with animals too :D and with children) but crowds, noisyness and the different energy of rooms/houses/places have always been a great concern to me because i could sense them easily while the others (friends, parents, family friends) had no clue about why i was feeling in a certain way (and i had no clue either so it was a constant struggle in trying to fight all the feelings, images, ideas or to accept &develop it)
The amount of stuff i can though sometimes extents to another level: i can think of someone (usually works with close friends or people that i have an affinty with) and get diffuse information about him/her. This is especially true in relationships, where the rapidity with which we exchange thoughts and realise what the other has to say or what he's thinking is amazing, sometimes.
This intuition also made itself known at school where, well, my classmates started joking about it at one point ) My parents joke about it too, though i try to keep my researches more "secret"... not too many people understand And i put importance on my image, i worked hard with my ego... Anyway, i put great importance on school, so, yeah...
Yet again, i've always been a little scared of it and always tried to control everything in my life: what i eat, when i sleep, what kind of people i choose to have by my side... and it had been of a huge and a huge disadvantage at the same time: i kind of needed the quietness. On the other hand, i'm extremely self-conscious, i know when there is a problem inside my body, when i am going to catch a flu (and i usually feel how my mother is feeling too) although i don't get sick too often. (i mostly provoke it myself, such as innapropriate winter clothing, staying in draft and not caring about it ) i am pretty reckless with my health).
But I am telling these things because i wanted to illustrate the nature of my questions a little more: I have always been very aware, of others and of myself (sometimes more of others than of myself) and even when i was little and had no clue on a conscious level about all these thinsg about empathy, spirituality, healing, eastern arts & co, certain elements didn't pass the test of substantiality in my mind: some explanations provided by your average person weren't enough to explain all that i felt was happening, so i started delving for answers. This branch has provided them and actually improved my life (in a way... but in another, it's hard maintaining a balance... and suffering certain types of people or situations has become harder than before, as i cannot lie to myself that a certain situation isn't harmful...)
So this is why i believe that there is something behind the energy shifts i constantly feel when doing a thing or another.
What is behind these devices that harm us (monitors-simply the radiations?-, radio signals& co)?
How can we protect our Pineal Gland, being one of the most exposed to the things mentioned above?
Has anyone ever thought about how much "denser" the air and "atmosphere" in a city seemed to be even 60 years ago? And in a good way, in the sense that it was more natural and relaxing, less tensed, less bulked with radio signals, although, i don't know, that was just my feeling that i got when comparing an old photo of my city with a new one, and it was for a project, but the difference simply hit me.
I have very strange feelings when changing the direction i sleep to, and i didn't use to have it before: i just tend to have a stable sleeping direction to the south which i instincitvely stick to...
Ever singed songs which turn out to be playing at the local radio/TV? Or have a song in your head and suddenly a classmates starts singing it? It did happen to me enough times to observe, that, well, it wasn't only once or twice by luck.
Ever sensed earthquakes? Ah, the joy of living in a seismical area...
OR ever sensed trends and ideas among a society? I had the luck to travel to a couple of foreign countries, and, man, the different feelings and values! Or hobbies and ideas, and drawings that i had/made when i was little and i wished i could put in practice, but only now are the subjects of the ideas i had starting to make a "boom" or get noticed by people as something to be taken into consideration... and not the drawings, but the idea in itself, becoming more mediatised... Oh, and my age is 18. Talk about trying to maintain boundaries... ) So yeah, these are my questions... sorry for the long post, again!
This is a good topic, and how true can be what SnakeMedicine said! People feeling and being so full of shame that they cannot understand when they see someone is self-assured, sincere and strong in his morals and beliefs! for them, this is arrogance, the positiveness and the power to be yourself. I have been accused of being arrogant even when i passionatedly talked about my summer experience at an equestrian centre last summer, even though trying not to sound arrogant was exactly what i set my mind on: but all the new things, no matter how normally they are narrated, come off as arrogance to some, who think the passive fact that derives from the story, that is, that I had enough money reserves for that, is arrogance, and because i speak about it... just, WHYY? They are my passion, throwing in your ego and self- created illusions couldn't hurt more... fortunately, there are other people who know how and when to listen ^_^
What does it mean to be beautiful anyway? Haven't the standards changed countless times over history already to show us how beautifullness is a matter of perspective and it involves much more than simmetrical features? From my point of view, someone is beautiful, first and foremost, from deep within, due to it's beliefs and moral standards and lovely personality and way of being/speaking and in what one likes to do and how healthy he/she is. Only after that will body features come. This is how i have always seen the world since little, observing what a person is feeling and the vibe he gives off first and only after that his face and etc. In fact, i still have problems with remembering faces and names, but i will remember every bit of one's behaviour and the non-verbal stuff one sends around. And it has proven efficient!! ^__^ There are, of course, people beautiful on the inside and at the exteriour too!
Yet, this article exemplifies the problem here perfectly: The Chinese foot-binding, correspondingly adopted as a symbol of beauty in Chinese culture. didn't matter you were in constant pain all the time and couldn't walk normally!
Although i believe the term bautiful changes, it has some features that remain constant over the time, and i actually think there are some moral values and principles that has always been preserved and shared through the unconsciousness, and deep inside, i believe every one is more envious of someone's right and beautiful inner way of being and calmness and serenity, because this is what exterior-centred people have been taught to lack.
Even more, I believe Crocodiles and snakes are beautiful creatures. I also think that generally "ugly"-considered people have at least one thing, physically, to be envied by others! Not to mention about their way of being..
Ah, i don't know whyi need so many word to express a few ideas ) man, i agree with everyone here!
I would also like to say that I see this test as more of a "Fun thing" to do rather than something to be taken seriously, for the fact that empathy and nothing in general can be classified/pinned down after only a couple of questions.
You Scored asHealer
You are a Healer Empath. You take in the energy of others and transmute it. You trigger transformation in others and free trapped energy. You are capable of great healing abilities. You walk between the worlds and bring waves of healing energy with your presence. (from "The Book of Storms" by Jad Alexander at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Empaths/)
Though i always felt more like an intuitive type of empath, very linked to nature and creative, more than anything else.
I haven't really dwelvet yet into this area of fiction, but from what i've read, Haruki Murakami had a great impact on me because of the way he describes the realms and the psychic power of people. He writes about some pretty big things: "energy healing sessions" and stuff like that are presented as vaguely as possible in books such as "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle" (i've read this one) is that people call fiction but are actually practiced in real life, literally. So yeah... i don't know how to say it, but this book gave me an odd feeling.
He's one of those writers that can open some doors inside a reader's mind... though it took me 3 months or so to finish the book! ) i just felt overwhelmed after a few pages, ar first i didn't like it, but i simply told myself that it should eb worth it in the end and it will get better...
It was indeed a memorable novel, and i don't think i'll forget it too soon. I even came to like the slow pace, and that experience of war and spiritual enlightement in Mongolia... though i had to practically skip a few more scenes, some were awful ...
@Tony: i've actually done anything possible so that i ensured there aren't real medical concerns as long as i keep myself on astraight(!!) line and don't overdo things. And stress a little less. I'm somewhat conscious it's all mental, but also that everything starts from the small energetic negative imprints (again, probably generated by the way our brain perceives the things) but then again, i can make the difference between what is good for my system and what is simply not. And this difference in air, atmosphere, strikes me everytime in this environment at school, and it's something that's really hurting me everytime. I'm not the type of person to start complaining about a situation from the very first moment, but when i realise i've made a bad decision... i'm trying to find the correct mindset to be able to cope with it.
I also don't feel good about what i am supposed to do, because i feel like i need to use some energies that i had in store and i was supposed to use in college and later in life when the situation really calls for it. I am generally really conservative with my personal reserves, and after an organised period of receiving i become really active when i feel it is teh time to... but really, right now, it feels like i wanted to force myself into understanding a lesson i knew i was missing in the other environment, and now that i kind of "got it", i feel that having to live with it for another half an year will deplete me of some essential stuff i tried to gather. I had so much more patience and understanding, and desire to do stuff and participate in different things... but now my heart... it feels like it's being scratched. I cannot act like i don't feel responsible for others, i just can't... and when they refuse something that i am convienced they should do because it will make everyone's life better... i feel hurt again. And i am talking about the fact that they should have less moments of verbal impulsivity, less "i don't care" when the situation asks for responsability, less negativity and judgemental tendencies. I just want to show how nice it is embracing a different perspective on things (didi i mention that I live in a country where parents are still scarred by communism and it has been passed down to children in some cases, and fear hasn't been released yet from a lot of places?) I've had the luck to travel to amazing places... abroad, or inside my country, and spend summer in another cities which i found much more full of joy... so i kind of been able to feel and compare the differences. I'm not saying i'm always right, oh my, no, not at all, actually, i kind of agree with Socrates here"As for me, all Iknow is that I don't really know anything" ... but i also feel that we actually are given candles to guide us through the darkness
So I'm worried about myself, loosing my "candles" by making the fire too big, or by not maintainng it enough... i wish for real balance, and when i get it, some inner impulses make me desire something better, always... it's so contradictory. I should start wishing to gain enough wisdom to be able to appreciate what it is at the very moment it appears...
Basically, this is one of the 2 unresolved problems from childhood to believe or to not believe... )
Oh, with my kilometric post, i didn't expect to get so many answers thank you all for the beautiful suggestions
So for the most part: yes, i'm aware of the fact that i will soon go to college and everything will end, and i know i will miss them because i still have hobbies, and i stil know nice people with who i can talk, and i liek some teachers too which are amazing, but it doesn't change the fact that when i try to "extract" my good energy there's somethign in there, something bad, which led me to an absolute nasty kind of depression from which i hardly put myself together.
Please, does anybody has any idea why this is happening when i meditate? The internal process goes as follows: i meditate/relax/exercise whatever, and i become more and more relaxed and able to "open" and sense the energies flowing in me and around. Next comes the natural balancing instinct: once i am open enough and aware of what i wish for myself, energy starts flowing and i just clean myself, i don't feel like i need an intense thinking process and direct every inch of what is happening with my thoughts, it goes on naturally. But as i start feeling better and enjoying the state in which i become more aware, there comes a horrible influx of stuff that i don't like at all. It throws me off balance and makes me feel tired due to so much fighting against it.
It is coming from the stomach area, and it is like i am able to open the door to a room full of nasty gases, let's say. I think that what i feel are stored bad energies that i can access and read, though such ideas sounds so crazy for me, like, why do i have to be the cleaning sponge of the places i go to?? Sure it is not bad at all to constantly know so much stuff about what's going around, who is feeling what and why and sometimes being able to read if something good or bad is gonna happen, but there's this downside...
So I attribute these nasty things to the classroom i am in right now. I made a stupid, baad choice. These people aren't really compatible with anything "spiritual" because they were never taught to open their mind about such things, and they are completely different from the ore understanding and much more sensible environment i'm coming from. But then there's something... evil ) Well, not really maybe, but i don't like it at all, and i feel like nasty stuff is directed towards me for trying to be the good fellow and cut through this fog of illusions, negative thoughts and way too pessimistic about life, because this is what i am and what i do and i do not think it is a bad thing as long as there have been positive outcomes, though after a long period of time when others come to understand the change.
Of course, i blamed myself a lot for feeling what i can feel and being what i am and wondering if it is really good because some people don't respond to my downright way of behaving when teh right time comes at all and it doesn't lead to a nice life at all, refusing what you are given... damn
So what is that that negative stuff i can feel coming from my stomach? Could it be my own bad past experiences yet unreleased that block me from healing myself, could it be someone that wants to harm me, or maybe a relationship with someone that still hasn't ended? (physically there has never been anything with anybody as i think i'm yet young for that, so... just emotionally?) Or it could be indeed the energy of a place i go to (my new classroom) ?
I am able to feel the change within myself (and the energies i "filter") because i'm generally peacefull, with lots of energy (i need to go the the gym or prcatice a sport periodically ) ) i absolutely love animals and nature and i am very sensible and quite caring, but when i direct my thoughts towards an environment in which i am suppoosed to put a lot of thought and energy to build a path in this life... well, this is a biiig source of turmoil and it's throwing me off balance, and hurting me!
The only cure i've got for it is to think about my riding lessons, about the time spent at a ranch and the amazing time around horses/animals... it automatically protects me for a while, but i can't live extracting what i need from other places like that. There's also a lot of buzzing in myhead, and going to the mountains/wilderness/forests is one of the best cures for me too. So... there must be something throwing me off balance in this city/apartment/among my fiends (damn, don;t know anymore!) that shouldn't be there and i don;t wanna let it be
Ok, so i have a set of strange happenings that kind of seem to threaten my health if i don't do something/act while i still can. I wonder if anybody else, as highly sensitive people, go through the same struggles. Sorry of this is a lot, these thoughts are like heavy stones on my heart
-I have an issue with my hearth lately, as I've started feeling random aches and i feel it quite blocked somehow as much as the chest area is involed. I also endure a great deal of stress from the environment that i'm in right now, and it breaks my heart everytime to see that here i was not as well undesrtood by people and that they actually don't understand anything at all related to spirituality and co. Very sad people, very stressful environment from which i can actually recover during holidays while i don't meet them, but as soon as the school starts again... well, i just can't help it but start feeling horrible again, absorbing unwanted stuff and being pushed to the limits by some people's behaviour. I've actually always been liek that, but i learned to create a balance of some kind an actually become better and better and less affected by the bad: now that i moved the problem worsened, and my classmates are the last people on earth that could help me, as their wolf-liek behaviour simply drains me of every good feeling and patience that i have.
The stress is becoming more and more evident from my habbits: i go to sleep very late, my hair started falling more than usual, my calcium levels are going lower... and now I have this kind of pain in the heart area that would require so much meditation to find the reason and detach it! The problem is, i've tried somehow lessening the negative effect of the environment that really isn't compatible with the way i am, but things are so much adding up that i leash out at parents, i can hurt people with the way i press the deep realities i feel about them... which i shuldn't do, because of course this is not the point of having access to people's emotions on a more intense level than others! But what could i do? seriously, it is just so hard!
-So apart from the aching area around my chest/heart, and from the fact that there is a great deal of pressure on the crest of my head/shoulders, my stomach also suffers. It has a very high acidity level (stress, again) and i really have t be careful what i eat. The thing is i started feeling it from the start, how the situation wasn't looking so good. Everytime i try to meditate and clean the area though, certain people just come into my mind and it is like i CANNOT detach from them! Or they don't want to...
-The dreams. I do not know what part of me wants to escape so bad, but i had a semi-lucid dreaming occurence that totally left me reaaally dizzy. When my mother woke me up, it was like i was still in another wolrd! I felt so... so strange, i didn't like it, and i felt very tired, and teh dream involved talking to someone i never met with whom i had a link and we exchanged some things (earrings). But i had a very nasty feeling, like i was directly talking with somebody... and i remember everything. What i said, teh other person's name, how she looked like, what i did, teh environment, the colors...
-My power of thoughts are somewhat getting highwire. I simply cannot block them the way i used to: when i formulate a thought, it goes off like a torpile - the person at which is send is guaranteed to feel it! I don't know how to describe it, but i'm pretty certain that the law of sttraction works too better in my case: stuff happens as sure as i wish/think thing. people say somethign in their defense, or situation occur so that my answers are solved... i feel it is really hard, always having to be in control over what you think. I do have very intense eyes and others know me for that... i can literally transmit them what i am feeling, but i cannot open their hearts at all, God dammit, as they're like leeches!
-Coincidences. Literally, in the last month, everywhere ) I just think about a thing, like a song, or talk about something, then a friend of mine posts something about it or i opne the tv and there's teh same thing being debated...
-Mixed realities. I don't know what to believe in anymore to make my life happy and balanced. I am slowly integrating in my life the fact that i can feel people and read their aura and the fact that they have always affected me a lot before I learned about grounding, but i am not sure where i should stop with this "integrating process" so that i do not actually go crazy: I mean, i've met people that had such strong bio-energetic fields that small thing would remain glued to their hands (papers, pens...) and other that claimed they could move stuff with their minds (reiki prcaticioners). And how odl I am? not even 18... so everything is pretty crazy looking at this moment. Though i still play my role as a high-school teenage girl with normal friends & co, while deep inside i crave what i feel i'm starting to be pushed away from: spirituality, a compassionate heart and a deep understanding that can, however, bring me happiness, not sadness.
-Flashes about what is going to happen, or about what other think. It is crazy, it happens only about small events that are sure bound to happen in no more than 2 minutes as far as i've observed until now, and are pretty rare, but if something bad is involved... my little angel is there to warn me! (i guess, lol) Like the feeling of pressure and feeling that somethign bad is gonna happen as soon as i entered the elevator. What did i do? I ignored it and told me it's nothing. And the next moment the electricity run out and teh elevator stopped. Imagine how I felt.
-The way i can feel when others are thinking about me, seeing behind lies and everything. It's... it's a lot. I've been misunderstood in the past for that.
So because i see truth in what i've learned, i do not wish to close as i grow up, i cannot even do that to myself, loosing all this intuition, and i am determined to integrate and tell everyone around me about these things, little by little, and rise their awarness... and still keep my down-to-earth goals and live a normal life.
My mind is screwed.
I have always dreamed that i can fly but i am unable to. I try, but then i think it is impossible, and so i can't really, but my mind is locked on one idea "however, you can, you can, you can". I've had this kind of dreams since childhood, during which i tried to "levitate" with my psychical body but i couldn't, and only one (imagine, one!), 1 year ago, in which i could finally lift myself above the ground, as my wish and the way i directed my thoughts was so much clearer.
I must also say that in 90% of my dreams or more i always see myself from a third point of view, always. Sometimes i get back in my body, but i often just go above and watch myself do things, somehow feeling everything when the time comes for me to experience intense emotions (grief, pain, sadness...)
In other dreams, when i was younger, i tried unsuccessfully to make things come at me, or to make things move with my hands. I could never attempt to do it, although something was telling em to try again and again and this is how my dream went on: i just tried closing the door with my mind for example, with no success. I also had the habbit of dreaming i was slown down, unable to run, practically, all kinds of stuff related to not letting one escape. I had to meet the situation head-on.
Now i'm going though a very nasty period and all my powers seem opressed again due to the environment. I feel like there is a deep pain in my heart... it has become physical, and at times my chest/heart simply hurts, and it has become harder for me to feel and send emotions to others. I also cannot enter in that certain special state and heal myself. It fels like i'm not let to, or like i am judged by others in a very hard way, like i'm doing a thing that others can't or don't know how and i shouldn't act like i'm privileged or use such means, although i feel like this is the right way, not only for me, but for everyone, to be more spiritual and accepting, not judging. Now if i meditate, i "come back" dizzy and pretty much with a lot of energy consumed instead of absorbing anything.
And what is worst... my sleep is very tensed and stressed. Something is blocked within me, and it's coming from the environment, and i don't know how to combine both, social acceptance from deep within and the right thing to be/think, spiritually talking.
So during the last year, i never had any dream of using super powers in this sense.
But i had a few very big and intense dreams that hit me out of nowhere.
One characteristic has remained however: why do i always see myself from a third point of view, judging, but feeling, trying to understand?
so basically, yeah, i had dreams in which i tried to use telekinetic powers or fly. But even more, since i was a little kid i was attracted to these kind of movies and art: people with special powers, connection with animals/nature and a deep sense of belonging to a higher cause coming from deep within. They always made me cry.
I've heard before of artificial factors that can affect the thought power/brain capacity of people on a large scale, but what about naturally "deficient" cities/areas, those with a predilection towards nastier energies building up due to geographical position or who knows what other factors? (anyone is more than welcomed to insert here their own observations and thoughts about what other factors there could be!)
Do you believe in them, has anyone actually made studies based on such observations? (decrease of happiness, difficulty in practicing energy-based alternative healings, problems with "inspiration" and "concentration" as far as arists -people that base their job on inspiration and "relativity"- are concerned, at least?)
Because i really can't seem so escape such thoughts and feelings about the town i was born in, and i am unable to find a solution to solve my problems, which actually start a slow naturally healing process everytime i go away, somewhere else (I had the chance to travel to other towns/countries during holidays since i was little, and with my general highened sensitivity, i started seeing patterns, like, 5-6 years ago)
The problem is, the more i want to solve the situation and find an escape or make a tactic for me to work and bear it, the more complicated and tangled the situation gets, and i find myself "diving" into an abyss of nasty things about people and loosing my energy, time, and concentration with such thoughts and attitude changes while nothing actually gets solved.
What i feel when i return here from other places? Restraint, too much density of negative thoughts... incidentaly, there are a number of 5 badly mentally ill people who need special attention that happen to live within 50 metres from my apartment, in the same area... we kind of got used to them, poor people, but nontheless, may they be affected too by the same thing? (i live in the centre of the town too!)
I am also too tuned into others, maybe more than into myself in the last period, and my head hurts most of the day. I cannot relax even in sleep (here, i may have a problem, i know ) though i'm only 17 y old, and i wished so much that i could actually forget about all these insane things and just concentrate on my life and clearing my path forward, which i feel, again, opressed from doing, and i can't find a logical reason to explain it, other than putting the fault on the influx of negative things coming from others)
But maybe i'm putting the fault on somethings else... though these are my thoughts and i was wondering if anyone happened to see similar patterns/happenings in certain areas?
Is anybody able to explain what "hurting yourself" when maditating is and manifests? What does long-term applying of the law of attraction, or extensive use of the power of one's thoughts and persuasive powers in our daily life do to one's health and energy reserves?
I'm also experiencing, for the first time in my life, an inability to relax my mind while sleeping. I think it also has to do with lots of stress, wrong thoughts and a side-effect of over meditating maybe? I tried so many techniques of cleaning or energy gathering, but I never imagined it could bring harm if you keep positive intentions.. : (
My brain feels like in a vice grip everytime i wake up. But I am afraid that i relax myself I get caught in strange energies, see strange stuff, loose my grouding power and become helpless. I am afraid to let myself go because i think i overdone it a bit and now i hate the helpless sensation and the time that it takes becoming master and fully conscious over your environment and body again. I sometimes feel like tere's too much fear around me and I act like a little child trying to escape from the cruel actions of life and society, or at least surrounding my mind with these thoughts so as to prevent my core being altered, because I am a really sensitive, and i believe in happiness and peace...