Thank you. Sorry I took this long to reply, been a few busy days. I do not clear myself from connections. I tried it a few times with links I gathered here and my own research but nothing seems to work. I tried grounding myself and other things but I can't seem to remove emotions that I know are not my own. (I dont know if that is worded correctly but I'm sure you will understand.)
Okay haha there is so much to read and as I read I'm going to try my best in mentioning stuff that came to mind.
First of all @michelle wow, I can't get the words to explain how much the piece you wrote got me right in the gut. Since I can remember, I have been fighting the dark. I have very different empathic skills, abilities, whatever you want to call them. But there are just curtain times I am able to use them and never more than one at a time. I have seen ghost and demons and so much more and there are things that I wish I never saw and experienced that still scars me when I think about it. I also do not try to contact dead relatives thru mediums or others and never will for it is against my beliefs. I found out at age 16 that I am an Empath and not many years have passed since then. I am still relatively new but I feel so much older and experienced than my age.
michelle: @hop-daddy Sure I'm off my life path. I was slapped down most horrifically. It runied my health. I'm not going to repeat it here....you can find my story @ the recent thread, Can Empaths be Narcissists? I take a darker view of this world than most. It's not all Light and Love here. I am in agreement with the ancient and modern Gnostics that this world is run by a corrupted, demented demiurge. I'm an older empath and have know since youth what I am. I was born with much of my memory intact as to who I really am. I could see myself as a Light being as a toddler...and yes my human memory goes back that far. Before I go on, I want the younger, more impressionable members to understand that you may be here to purely shine your light in a dark world. Psychic powers do not equal enlightenment; so if you are weak or nonexistent in them, it's ok. I believe Elise mentioned this earlier at the creation of this community. Your empathic skills are sorely needed in our world. That said, my spirit is more of a warrior one. I have not only seen ghosts but also demons. They have messed with me since childhood. When one comes into this world as a bright light, it is known. And it was the dark that slapped me to the curb. I do not have a fasination with such things...I do not try to contact dead relatives thru mediums or others. I do not give interest to most channelings for unless the channel is very pure, it can be hijacked by negatives or corrupted thru the channel's belief system/outlook/whatever. I believe I came here as part of the cleanup crew for lack of a better description. My life as an empath is the brighter side of my life; knowing when others needed an extended hand to pull them up or a compasionate ear...tbey've come out of the woodwork all my life. Dealing with the dark is not for the faint of heart and I sometimes wonder what was I thinking before I came here?!!! Don't worry, I'm still standing and maybe I'm just recooping my energies for something else. Until then, I'm quite happy to be that nice lady who always seems to know when you're feeling bad and can brighten someone's day with a smile or kind words.
I wanted to answer you all one by one but there's just too much to say haha.
I do want to mention though, I read it somewhere in all the words and comments haha, about the dark world or something like that where light and dark spirits are waging war... I had a few months where I would get glimpses of another world, burned out and fighting everyone beings that I have not seen. It has been a horror for me. I would see it as clear as if I am there myself. I would do normal things like listen to music or draw when I get this sharp pain in my head and then with a flash i'm staring at this ruined place, a battlefield of sorts. but right in my own backyard. I have not experienced that again after those few months but I still get other vision and sounds and zone out at times.
I guess I needed to post this for a reason to talk about what has really bothered me. I know, just know deep in my bones that I am meant for more. I know I have all these different gifts but when I truly need them, I feel them running through my veins only to stop not showing, not helping. I've been pulled into the dark far too many times and every time I got out I felt like some part of me was left behind and a part of my light faded. I have days that i'm not just depressed but broken, shattered and I can't help but feel unwanted. I would cry, there was even a time when I self-harmed (I don't do it anymore so no worries) but I just couldn't and still dont understand why everyone I care about left me, all those I loved, all my friends, everyone... My mother and brother are still there sure, and i love them to bits but outside of that? Where do I go?
Even in this community, with everyone so special and unique and just so precious in this world, i feel like I'm left out somewhere, like I don't even fit here. Anonymous as I am to every one of you... I admit, I dont read everything on the community, I don't always have time.
Sorry for this super dramatic and gloomy post but I just needed to get it out somewhere without being judged, without being said i'm crazy. That some of you will understand the things I see and emotions i go through every day and people never accepting that I am also human and can be sad or angry without needing to explain every simple thing so they can understand.