Yes!! I didn't put it all together, but now that you mention it....
You bring up a very good question. I am over fifty now, and I really am worried that the answer is yes, we do have to pick. It just seems like this is a common thread. If anyone has the intensity and the health as well, please speak up!
I don't even know when I will feel ok again after this latest drama. Even when this person showed no compassion or sensitivity, I could not and cannot turn off the feelings. It makes me mad, but I'm not going to lie, the feelings are good.
I did meet with my new therapist and she said that the fact that I have been so lonely and unfulfilled is why this happened. OK, but at the same time, I also have a good life. I have stability and security and a good partner. It's no one's fault that we are all the way we are. It is probably obvious, but I am extremely frustrated at this situation right now, so this post is timely.
Is this just a case of no one can have it all? If that is true, fine, but I just want peace.
Thank you @hermes. Thank you all for the responses.
I am really still trying to sort out my feelings, what is a healthy response, what should I question, etc?
I have been very open about my loneliness and had said several times that it was hard to leave him. I think it is fair to say that he should've either tried to address this or referred me to someone else. I think there is a way he could've done that kindly. Yet he didn't and I don't know what I think about that. He's human too, I get that, but why did I have to be the one to say something? Why did he give me those hugs? Isn't a male therapist giving a female client long hugs a no? My one friend who knows all of this also says that him talking so much about his own marriage is a red flag. But I guess I can't be angry because I understand how good it felt to actually talk to someone who could relate and seemed to empathize.
In regards to my own marriage, I have tried so so hard to focus on the positive. There are positives in terms of what we have built with our family. I just think at some point, when you have tried and tried and tried and you know the other person is both not going to change and also just not that passionate about you, you stand at a crossroads. There's no easy path and frankly, and perhaps this is immature, but I am not willing to be the one who ends it because I will look like the bad guy, I will lose many of our friends and have to endure a lot of turmoil in the relationships with my older children. He will not say it was a mutual thing because we both grew apart, he would definitely play the broken hearted party. What I have to accept is that he will never acknowledge that our relationship isn't really all that fulfilling. i have to assume he finds enough fulfillment in other ways or isn't really all that unhappy, or he would be able to at least admit that. I feel like if we could do that, we could somehow move forward wth mutual respect and yes, maybe even find something to build on. But, that has not happened and I am really, really tired of trying. I just have to find another way, my own peace and fulfillment, and gain more confidence. I'm trying. I really am.
I am going to contact the woman who did my past life reading and ask her if she knows of any good female therapists. Onward....
Well, my stupid, horrible, no good judgement has ended up biting me again. I mentioned in my intro that I had a therapist who introduced me to energy medicine and even the concept of being an Empath, among other things. He has brought so many good things into my life. Several years ago, I stopped seeing him because I was so attracted to him that it was causing me to basically be miserable every time I saw him. Because he knew so much of our family history, when we were again dealing with problems with one of my children, against my better judgment, I went back to him. The minute I saw him, it was worse than ever. On the one hand, he did help me deal with the family issues. He also introduced me to some great resources such as Brian Weiss and Suzanne Geisemann. But, the whole damn time, I knew there was this big elephant in the room. Twice he did energy medicine 'treatments' on me and I never asked again because him putting his hands all over me was unbearable.
The last few times I saw him, he talked more about his own life and the end of his marriage (he was still married when I had seen him years ago, so this is a recent event). He also began to hug me at the end of each session. I knew it was getting worse and I knew in the end, it would be a mess, but I couldn't stop myself from seeing him. Last time, I can honestly say the session was truly just like two people catching up. At least 50% of the session was him talking about his ex wife, etc. I have also discussed my own issues with my marriage, so he knows it is an extremely unfulfilling situation for me. He knows all this. At the end, he went to hug me and I am doing the side hug type thing and he grabbed me and pulled me in very tightly. At that point, I literally couldn't stop myself from hugging him back very tightly. Then I just sighed and left. He followed me outside and asked me about my car, of all things, and lo and behold, we have the same f-ing car, and he told me how much he loves it, etc.. I just sighed again and walked away down the street.
I literally couldn't bear it anymore and called him today. I said that I had told him more than once that I really struggled after our sessions and that I knew he knew why. He admitted he did. I told him I had to know if this was a one-way thing and all he said was that this happens sometimes and that it has happened before. He then said 'it's not something he would be looking for.' Well, no duh, I know it would be a huge ethical issue, but frankly, he could've been less cold about it. Then he said we could try to work through it or he could refer me to someone else, but then he said he didn't want to do that.
I just said that it was good that I knew this so that I could close that door in my mind. But, honestly, this is devastating. Yes, I am an idiot. In no way did I really think that he was going to risk his professional career by engaging in an affair with me. I knew he wouldn't. But, when he hugged me like that, it all went out the window. I don't even know what to think now. I am broken hearted and honestly mad. I feel like it's not out of line to think he should've referred me to someone else ages ago. I know that he knew. And, I feel like he led me on a bit with the hugs and the way too personal banter.
Anyway, I just wanted to vent here. This is humiliating, but I have to share it somewhere. I am starting to think he is a narc and that I just did that thing of getting sucked in by this false sense of intimacy, which is sorely missing from my own life. I feel like he was in the position of power and that he knew, after all that I shared, that I was extremely vulnerable. Blah. If you read this far, thank you for reading. If you can think some good thoughts for a sad, lonely person who now needs to salvage the good that I learned from this - basically a much more fulfilling belief system - and try to get over the embarrassment and sadness.
I will always look for a natural remedy before any Rx. I also have had success in lessening anxiety using energy medicine. I am glad we have vaccinations and X-rays and all of that, no question, but I do think there are a lot of amazing natural remedies out there that would help people so much if they were open to it.
, not yet! I still haven't finished my first course. I am in the middle of a big family event this month and after that, I really hope to settle down and work more on this stuff again. I have managed to keep up w the energy exercises and some meditating, thank goodness. I also signed up for a live in-person course w Suzanne Geisemann this fall. I cannot wait to see her in person. An acquaintance of mine took the same course and said just being around her was worth it.
OK, well, to update, I did the reading today. Specifically, I requested a crossing of paths reading for my husband and myself. I had to wait until she spent some time meditating and then say my request out loud. She said she would try to give information on the most significant lives/crossings.
It was very interesting. There was nothing that blew my mind, but definitely some things that seemed familiar and also coincidentally something she said about me in a life in FL in the 1800s and my relationship with my Father and step mother that really is a familiar theme in my relationship with one of my adopted kids now.
It does give me a bit more peace with the current situation and perhaps some insight into why I have trouble asserting myself and a fear of standing up for myself or even choosing a path that conventional society might not approve of. I think perhaps not only does it help me accept some of my limitations or perhaps more positively see where I should try to improve, but it also helps me see some of his limitations in a more sympathetic light.
She did have me record it and I am sure I will listen to it again and be thinking about it for quite some time.
I am a newly aware Empath and I think it was , or others on this forum, that advised me to ask 'is this mine.' I feel no difference. Honestly, it seems like my clue is that the emotions of others are stronger than my own and I am feeling them with such intensity that I remember to ask 'is this mine'. If I ask myself 'is this mine?' and am clear on the answer, like Trevor said, it almost instantly melts away and makes me smile instead. That has helped a lot, but sometimes I feel like I forget and then I feel a bit buried with negativity and I have to spend some time by myself and recover!
The book I read about energy healing was by Dr. Eric Pearl, but it sounds similar in that he doesn't touch his patients, just moves his hands around them. His stories are amazing, but to me the most interesting part was that he believes we all have this ability and that we really just need to be open to it, practice and also not be too attached to the results. He did say that sometimes the healing would be in the form of acceptance of a certain malady, so that agrees with what your practitioner said.
I do think that sometimes the result/message from any of this stuff, past lives, energy healing, etc., does seem to be that in some cases, we are meant, or have chosen, to deal with certain crosses in this lifetime. That is the part that is bugging me right now. Did I treat someone like crap in a past life, lol? Or, more realistically, was I emotionally unavailable or unaware of how my actions hurt people? Sigh....
C. Cat, I like the idea of the freedom from Karma!
I talked to my counselor. He was the one who gave me the Brian Weiss book in the first place. He referred me to a local therapist who does both regressions and reviews like yours. I opted for the reading/review. I just think regression will take me quite a while and that would get very expensive. I am curious what she will say. I go next week. I have a good living situation, with one glaring issue. I am curious if the past life reading will help me understand this issue better, perhaps make it easier to bear or spur me on to some other action. I will report back for sure!
It's so interesting what you found out. I wish you could find some relief in this lifetime!
I am curious if anyone, anyone at all, had parents or other adults that nurtured or appreciated your Empath abilities. Even if they didn't realize what it was, were you supported? Like many - it seems - I was raised by extremely strict, religious and conservative parents. Any pushing of that envelope was seen as evil, slutty, rebellious. In their world, good children completely trusted and obeyed their parents without question because the Bible said you had to do that. There was even a veiled threat of early death based on the verse that says if you honor your parents you will lead a long and happy life. In spite of that, I was definitely a people pleaser and wanted them to approve of me. We have an ok relationship now, although they are not nearby, which probably makes that easier. My Mother and I focus on what we have in common, an interest in cooking and healthy eating, and that works for us.
For all of the pleasing, once I was on my own, I never considered following the same path religious wise, or in how I raised my own kids. I can say that it made me well aware of some parenting mistakes that I did not want to make. That said, it still would've been nice to feel loved lol.
So, do tell, anyone have a better experience, or similar one, to share?
Hi there. I am fairly new to this forum and I can truly say, your list of issues all rings true with me. I definitely had/have a lot of the same thoughts, worries, etc., since figuring this out. At first, I was a bit mad, being 51 now, that I had had no idea why I was so 'over sensitive' all this time. My parents, some friends - especially in high school - had no tolerance for my over-sensitivity. I felt really mad that I had to endure all of that without understanding what was going on.
My counselor was the one who suggested this to me, so at least I have him. No one else really would understand and that seems to be pretty common, but hey, at least you have us now.
My best advice to you is to step back and really look at ways to take care of yourself. Meditation, grounding, limiting unpleasant news and/or movies and tv, those things all really work. It has made a HUGE difference and I'm only two months in. The more I do this stuff, the better I feel and the less I am even drawn to the more taxing situations. I have started reading again and although like most empaths, I love music, I sometimes ride in silence in my car if the music choices are not helping my mood. I notice more beauty around me and feel more gratitude for my blessings. After a couple of weeks of being unhappy about this, instead of focusing on the downsides and the past, I started thinking of it as a gift and set out to learn as much as I could and see if perhaps I could in the end help others with my gift.
We are all works in progress to be sure. Hang in there!!
That's interesting @Lotusfly. I definitely felt that the way she described it was different from the typical way kids talk. The idea of being separated from my kids has always really upset me, as it does for many parents I'm sure. I have found the past life information somewhat comforting in that regard, but still, when I imagine not being here with them, I'm not at the point where I am like 'oh it'll be fine because my soul can still visit them.' I do keep reading, in all of the the different books by different authors that we should realize the little coincidences we see/hear in our daily lives probably aren't coincidences at all. I used to really believe that and then for whatever reason, I grew cynical and just didn't open my heart in that way. I am going back towards that way of thinking now for sure. I think regardless, there is still the aspect of trust and a lot of unknown that we have to accept and that's not my strength, at least yet!
In the past two weeks, I've been reading some books on past lives and have started doing a meditation where the hope is that eventually you can see something from your past lives. I was doing it this morning and my daughter was still asleep. After I finished, she woke up and came into my room. She said she had a depressing dream. I asked her about it and she said that part of the earth was going to be destroyed and that I went to another universe. I didn't have a bad feeling about it, rather, it seemed to me to mirror the fact that lately I have literally been expanding my universe and becoming more aware of other realities. I was able to reassure her that no matter what, I felt that our souls would always be able to be together. Anyway, just wanted to share. I myself don't seem to have dreams with any meaning, but this seemed like a doozy.
Thank you!!! I did get the name of someone local that I might be able to work with, but even that can get expensive. There is a Pocast of a guided meditation that Brian Weiss does. I tried it once, but honestly, the environment was terrible. As soon as I sat down to do it, someone came in the room and then took a call, not to mention it was noisy in my house. I am thinking I will continue using that one. He says that just entering the more relaxed state is a benefit and I am honestly not super attached to getting major results.
It is so cool to hear about yours. I know what you mean about not having people to talk to about it. I have, let's see, no one, lol. There is one person actually, but that is turning out to complicated. I have found the stories in the two books to be very helpful and positive. However, I am getting sad and wondering if I did something mean in past life due to some issues I'm currently experiencing. It's scary right now because I don't want to repeat the mistakes, but I'm also very lonely right now and I cannot figure out if that is my debt or if I should just make some changes in order to see if that helps. I guess there's part of me that thinks maybe I'm just meant to be lonely in this lifetime.
Thank you again!!
OK, here's another one... Do any of you feel like you know or access your spiritual guides? Some people speak so comfortably of this - I accessed my guides and asked them. This is a pretty new concept for me and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience they want to share.
Thank you for sharing! I most definitely was asking for advice. I have thought of all of the things you have said. I think I am just confused as to how much to consider how my actions will affect others, what my commitment means, etc. I have mostly been telling myself lately that I don't need to make any decisions immediately because sometimes, when my feelings get really intense, I feel like I have to DO something.
I am definitely in the phase of soul searching and working on my own issues and myself in general. Stay tuned!
@hermes Thank you so much for sharing. I can do this! I do it a lot in other situations, but this one is definitely a long-standing difficult situation and I need to approach it like I would other situations that perhaps I don't have such a personal stake in or deep emotional history. I have read your post twice and I'm sure I'll be rereading it over the next week!
Thanks for the encouragement ! I really need to keep in mind that this is a process. Yes, I have been very lucky to have a major shift in a positive way lately, but that doesn't mean it will always be giant steps!
If you have any book recs, I'd be interesting. I see one when I search, but it's sub title is 'how to rule over others with your thoughts.' That doesn't seem like the intention I have, LOL.
I have been seeing that theory as well. I am a forum person from back in the 90's, so I will stick around for sure. I first joined a forum type group when they had due date forums and I was pregnant. I am still a part of that group and our kiddos that we were all pregnant with just went off to college. I guess what I am saying is that you won't be able to get rid of me. Ha!