Heck of a life
Just a bit more Jonny.
I'll be frank, it'll probably get acutely worse before it gets better. It seems like you'll be going through a certain phase of 'Dark Soul of The Night'. You'll make it through though, and suddenly things will become just so clear. Its going to be really painful, probably more than anything you've ever experienced. And its like dancing on a tight-rope, where on one side you might fall into insanity, or on the other physical death / suicide. Still, hang in there, for the tightrope is high in the sky, higher than the clouds, that the view is magnificent. And once you've seen, you'll never fall, for your wings have grown, and you're free to fly.