Can you help me to understand my failed relationship
@manwhoisfound, the nickname change, though seemingly small, on an energetic level is profound.
I for one won't bother with most self-help books, they have the wrong kind of energies and are written by people still trying to find their own path. Most are rambling of concepts they find here and there, amusing curiosities at most. Rather, go experience the reality of Reality for yourself.
Not to nag, but how long are you going limit your experience of life on the images and ideologies that people enforce on you.
I (para) quote Rumi: "You do not need to seek love, you merely have to find and tear down the barriers that prevent you from seeing love."
With all due respect, to say that love is something learnt from others means that you know nothing of love, and yet you feel that you do? Do you or are you merely working with images other people have handed to you? I think that deserves some thought.
Now then, I am not going to say something like everything happens for a reason, for obviously that is not helpful for you. But I will say that it is prudent to make the most of what you have, before you go out seeking. I mean, why go out to buy bandages when you have a fully stocked first aid kit at home?
So here I will share something about energies, so perhaps some slight understanding will help tame the monkey mind.
Energies are of many levels of density or subtlety. Dense energies move slowly and feel heavy. Subtle energies are fleeting and light.
Solid physical mass are dense energies made out of no-thing. Magnetic energies are less dense and would be on a level above this. Ethereal energies are more subtle still. Above this you may find emotional energies, these are the energies situated in such a position that it greatly influences the energies above and below. Mastering these would be beneficial to anyone. Above these you have energies of imagination, kinesthetic being heavy, visual light. Above these you have beliefs. Higher still, you have various levels of mental energies. Somewhere above those is the Karmic layer, or layer of Duality. Beyond that is a limitless expanse of ether and beyond that, Light.
These energies interact with each other much like the layer of our atmosphere interact with themselves. Let look at thoughts. Thoughts repeated persistently will eventually gather, become dense and form beliefs. If you have gathered enough beliefs, then you can expect that Light won't flow through cleanly. Light will be distorted. This would represented by a blocked sixth chakra, a blind third eye.
These mental energies can influence, yet more often are influenced by expressive energies of the imagination. With enough wirk on your imagination, you can motivate your emotions, and once this is achieved, most of the 'lower'energies start to follow suit.
This is what they mean when they say as above so below, people said that,
not me, for I am of course Hermes, traveller of boundaries (jk, just having fun, sorry couldn't resist)
So, apologies for the long explanation. But I want to to understand that I can tell you many things for months on end about this subject, but they convey only a very small fraction of what you will understand once you experience it for yourself. I can write you poems about an Apple, but it will never compare to your experience of Tasting an apple.
My suggestion: taste Love before you make your assumptions.
So finally, about your relationship, which I have delayed talking about thus far. You deserve your satisfaction. You are right, she is a Narcissist, and you are right to leave her, for it does not feel like it is your path to compassion to deal with narcissists. I feel that you are not an empath in the truest sense, but your are empathic. A seeker, is what I feel about you, and I know this from the sudden increase of curiosity I am experiencing. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying these energies very much, and I thank you for the experience.
I will not clean anything about you, for your story is very intricate and has a very delicate balance, as you can deduct from the experience you shared. So, best immerse yourself in your story (perhaps through Ayahuasca). Just be wary of karmic roundabouts, though it seems you have enough intuition for that not to be a problem.
Until later Mr Man.
P.S: once again, love your nick, clearly, you are a man of action.