Am I on the right path?
HI guys, I'm sure you hear this all the time but I am just realizing that maybe I'm an empath or maybe just intuitive.
This curiosity just started this week when I was engaged in a um...sexual moment. Over the many years with men in my past I've often smelled a smell almost like white out. It isn't every time, it's not sweat or cologne. I've always assumed it was pheromones and everyone could smell it. It may even come from me I honestly don't know. It doesn't happen every time with everyone but it has happened on a few different occasions. I had never told anyone about it before but with him I have a tendency to tell him just about everything going through my mind because, well, that's just the way our relationship has been. He told me that he had never experienced it and had never known anyone that had.
With this it led me to do some digging. I am a nurse, before I became a nurse I was a veterinary technician. I surround myself with animals because I find people to be mentally and emotionally exhausting. I love the people that I trust, would do anything for them but for the most part humanity is truly exhausting. I've always been the one in the relationship that would call the other on lies. It was just a hunch. I found myself knowing that my ex was cheating on me before he actually cheated on me. I was so keyed in that I sat silent with my feelings and just waited for him to do it. I find myself knowing what someone else is doing, it doesn't have to be anyone I know personally and it doesn't have to be anyone that I've been in contact with. For instance, a guy friend of mine had started dating this girl, I only knew her name but it was enough to tell me that it wasn't going to end well with her for him, 2 months later she stole everything he had while he was deployed.
I don't do crowds, can't do crowds. I find when I am in public I can't concentrate on myself and the people I am with because I can't get out of other people's heads. For many years I didn't know that this was the problem, I just thought I was being paranoid. I've been called nosey but I can't pull myself away from it. I find myself exhausted and tired after sitting in a restaurant. I would prefer if I never have to go anywhere and don't even get me started on bars and clubs. Although I do find alcohol suppresses the feelings.
As a nurse I have, on more than one occasion found that I know when a patient isn't doing well despite looking at the patient and thinking they are recovering well. I knew at the beginning of a shift that a patient was going to go into cardiac arrest but there was nothing I could do about it. I sat through that shift searching for what it was that was leading him to death in hopes of avoiding it. That was incredibly difficult to deal with because it distracted me so much but there was nothing I could say or do.
I can tell you what you are about to say or what you are thinking before you say anything. I know the response that's coming when I make a comment.
I have always assumed that the knowing what I know is because I just know. I kind of assumed that other people know too they just don't listen to themselves.
I don't have a filter between my brain and my mouth often. I usually say what I need to say and what I am thinking. Oddly enough though, this is not to hurt people, I try to say it to be kind. I find it difficult to be around people, I have a hard time making friends. I do engage in conversation in public but only if someone has cornered me up. I won't go on more than one date with someone that I don't like after the first date because usually there is a feeling that I have gotten about the person. I find myself preferring to be out on the beach or on the river in my kayak. I could sit on a beach all day until other people are around.
Do these things about me come with a label or am I just normal but pay closer attention to things? Certainly in my reading some things I read and I say that is not me at all but who fits into one category?
Thank you for reading my rambling. I think I've been holding this stuff in for some time I just didn't know it needed to get out.
updated by @connie: 01/27/17 12:05:13AM