Forum Activity for @ambre

Ambre
@ambre
06/07/16 12:49:39PM
3 posts

empaths and your parents; some questions for you.


Empath

Hi Danielle. Has your older sister moved out? You should ask to move in with her. My parents also have a problem with displaced anger, they take a lot out on me too. It isn't healthy for you to stay there. I realize you're 14, but if you have another (better) option, I would consider it. But I'm glad you are finally able to identify with being an empath. I think it becomes a little more manageable when you can put a name to something and start to find resources/people to help. Do you have any school counselors/therapists to talk to?

Ambre
@ambre
06/05/16 02:36:50PM
3 posts

empaths and your parents; some questions for you.


Empath

Hello h1234. I'm afraid I won't be much help in this department. Ive only had two relationships. A two-year relationship with a boyfriend (somewhere between 15 to 17 yrs old) and a short 3 month relationship with a girlfriend just a couple years ago. My experience in the dating world is very limited, but I take on a lot emotionally (and physically unfortunately) so Ive lived vicariously through the relationships of those close to me, and my experience is much greater in that respect. I understand how people can get caught up in this idea of a perfect pairing, I think most people do at some point or another. Also, I think being an empath and having the emotional trauma that comes along with that may cause patience to become thin. Having a gift that so few people understand makes finding a suitable companion super difficult and frustrating. I dont even try, honestly. Because I am so quick to read people (not always intentionally) I know or at least have a pretty good idea whether someone will be compatible with me or not. Most of the time theyre not. Ive learned to accept that being as I am, most people will come into my life to learn something about themselves (I act as a mirror in that way) and theyll be off onto the next phase of their journey. I dont expect to keep people in my life forever, and although Ive been extremely lonely and depressed to the point of suicide, I wont ever settle because its an irresponsible thing to do. Too many people do this and hold on to relationships and people that become toxic to them and are just not emotionally strong enough to let go. If your standards are within reason I wouldnt necessarily give them up, but keep in mind that humans are incredibly complex and you cant expect to find one that fits into your mold perfectly. You may find someone whos missing a lot of the qualities on your list but may also have a few qualities you didnt realize you wanted ;)

In addition to that, I find making a list is only helpful if it is not too specific. Meaning as opposed to listing things like:

Doesnt leave his clothes on the floor

Doesnt leave the cap off of the toothpaste

Pays for dinner

Doesnt leave the gas tank on empty

Cuts his toenails over a trash bin

You should make a more general list that focuses on the persons personality as it compares to yours:

What sort of temper do they have?

Are they a generally neat or well kept person?

Are they generous/kind hearted?

Do they think/plan ahead?

Are they open minded?

Do they express feelings well?

Ambre
@ambre
06/05/16 12:19:52PM
3 posts

empaths and your parents; some questions for you.


Empath

I was waiting for my profile to be approved so I could respond to this post lol. I find the subject of empath parents intriguing and Im actually writing a book about my own. Ill try to make it concise here.

After much consideration, I believe my mother to be the narcissist and my father to be the empath. The tricky part about it was that my mother is the affectionate one who dotes on her children and seems compassionate, caring and overprotective. My father, on the other hand, is the aggressive brute, physically and verbally abusive misogynist that shows little to no affection, has a quick temper and loves to throw around accusations. Hes also quite paranoid. To an outsider, my mother may seem like an empath and my father the narcissist. I was inclined to believe so as well since I usually favored my mother and currently want to be as far away from my father as humanly possible. But this is not the case.

After much research Ive found that my father is more likely to be the empath which explains his destructive behavior. He was abused as a child, both physically and verbally, and dealt with a lot of racism growing up (something he still has trouble dealing with today). He was taught to always look out for himself first and to never show emotion. He had only one true friend who recently died and he never mourned. It was as if it never happened. My mother, who was also physically and verbally abused, was not as easily swayed to hit her children. It took me a long time to notice that she had other ways of hurting people. She is extremely manipulative, vindictive and vengeful. As sweet as she may seem, shell flip in an instant. Although he shows little emotion aside from anger, I can always see the abused little boy inside of him that wasnt loved enough. And although my mother will say and do just about anything to have her way regardless of who gets trampled in the process, I can still see the abused little girl inside of her that just wants someone to care.

This would be hard for anyone to deal with, I think. But growing up as an empath (which I strongly believe I am) has made this nearly impossible. I love psychology and tend to psychoanalyze my parents often, and I know that they project all of their anger, insecurities and past traumas onto me and use me as a punching bag. I resent them both for this, but I also understand where it comes from and cant help but feel sorry for them. I used to think it was my responsibility as their daughter to help them through it but you cant help someone who wont admit they have a problem. And between the two of them, the problems are endless.

My older sister was physically abused more than I was and I watched her changed in many ways over the years. I think she could have been an empath but theres no way to tell now. She got involved in a small religious cult, married into it and had 3 children in about 3 years. Communication was rare and when she did speak to us it was a shouting match about heaven and hell. Its hard to remember who she was and to see who shes become, abuse really changes people. And worse yet, she and her husband abuse their children, and because of the strained relationship we have with their family my mother always begs me not to confront them about it. I feel like the crazy one because Im watching my family destroy each other and Im the black sheep because Im the only one who seems to care. Im constantly asking why I was given these parents; I just dont understand why Im here if I cant help them.