Forum Activity for @sequoia-mendoza

Sequoia Mendoza
@sequoia-mendoza
09/15/16 04:38:17PM
6 posts

Mirroring Vs. Empath


Empath

Essentially I have the ability to feel what people want from me 100% of the time, but I don't feel responsible to (or even able to) produce for them what they want from me emotionally. I have the empath skill to feel exactly what they feel, but I am not the type of person to feel the need to be there for them, that is something that I could choose to do sometimes, but not something that I am obligated to do or am naturally inclined to do.

Sequoia Mendoza
@sequoia-mendoza
09/15/16 04:34:15PM
6 posts

Mirroring Vs. Empath


Empath

I am an INTJ and also an empath, it's fun to see how different an experience it is. As an INTJ I see my husband or other loved ones or strangers and deeply feel what they want me to do to react to them and I am so unable to bend myself to mirror what they want for me. For example my husband wants a huge, unnecessary truck and wants me to love it the way he does and I think it's a stupid waste of money and bad for the environment, especially since we don't need a truck for anything in our lifestyle. I can not mirror his joy or desire at all, I can refrain from speaking my opinion to dash his fun, but I could not mirror his joy to save my life.

So I am an empath who has the ability to really feel what other people feel, but I have a personality that I don't usually care at all how they feel. I just have limited time and resources and have the right to allocate it to my choice of people.

Empathy, mirroring and being an empath are all different things. Empathy is a great EQ skill that can be natural or learned (I liked the book Never Split the Difference), mirroring can be done with or without empathy - copying words and body language, and a real empath just is able to feel other people's feelings from birth inexplicably.    

Sequoia Mendoza
@sequoia-mendoza
07/21/16 05:19:46PM
6 posts

EMPATH NEW FRIEND EXCHANGE


Empath

I am a new mother and a wife also and I found that it was easy to loose sight of who I was as well, two things helped me find myself recently: really getting to know what my values are (free and helpful value index toolhttp://www.lifevaluesinventory.org/) and writing morning pages (I like 750words.com).

I didn't know my top values were concern for the environment, responsibility, humility and creativity, now that I know I don't feel bad that I failed at marketing (humble people struggle there) and I know why I have the inner struggle between being sensible and not buying art stuff (responsibility value) and always wanting to buy art stuff (creativity value). So I compromised and am doing digital art, which doesn't cost as much for supplies.

I love all those things about nature you mentioned, also how it renews itself, how we are a mirror of the greater Earth (streams from satellite view look like blood vessels ext).

I love all your interests as well, I keep only one ruby for myself and I use it to bank good feelings between my husband and I in it and hold it when I am mad to remember all the good things he does for me...

Sequoia Mendoza
@sequoia-mendoza
05/30/16 12:12:06PM
6 posts



WOMEN HAVE TO LOOK PERFECT OR ELSE STANDARD:
I'm 30 now, other people I know are having plastic surgery to remove the natural sag of their lower eyelids... I am against plastic surgery for myself, but I did think about it when I looked in the mirror a few weeks ago. Then I thought "I don't look younger than I am, but I do look very well for the age I am"...

It's not good that the media always shows the few older women who don't really age, but it is in our power to choose to ignore it... it would be really fun to see magazines covered with normal middle aged women, who actually let themselves go pretty far due to age and life and then realize most of us are doing just fine when compared to the average... just imagine a heavy, average, slightly wrinkled lady on a magazine cover, normal clothes no make up, normal hair and it has those same huge crazy text suggestions "best abs in 30 days, what swim suit fits you best ext"...

When my husband comments about female pedestrians that look frumpy, I tell him "someone could be saying that about your mom..." and he thinks about it a little bit, he says his mom was busy taking care of her kids and working and that she still looks beautiful to him (but he doesn't afford that kindness to other people). Really, sadly women are going to face a lot of hate from strangers for not looking perfect at all times in all ways... one thing we can really do is mentally turn the tables, the average men who are judging us are not doing any better... we can mentally or verbally question why they don't look perfect and it switches our perspective. "Hey average judgement guy where are your abs, why is your skin not moisturized they do make that for men now?"

I don't know why our society programmed people to be so mean about looks, but within the first week I had my baby about 7 people (who are nice over all) let me know I should start exercising, and I hated them all in those moments. I was going to exercise anyways, but I didn't want to be rushed out of my resting happy time to remember that I needed to look good or else... and I still have not exercised (I will when it is a good time for me, probably later this year), healthy eating manages my weight just fine and I'm fine and I look fine enough to enjoy my life and do all the things I need to do at this point in my life. After awhile I was able to not be mad using humor, I started telling people to add there name to the bottom of the petition of people telling me they wanted me to exercise...

OLD PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE:

I have cared for the elderly before, and I know that at least that one person was respected and well cared for when I was there, so instead of worrying about everyone, just know that some older people are treasured (and that could be future elderly you).

If you do care for the elderly at a point, just do your best and don't let other people doing a bad job pressure you to do a bad job also (so they can feel good about themselves...). Also thinking of elderly people, as just people, can help. They don't really want to be taken out of the "normal human being idea box" and placed in the "old people idea box." I felt invisible most of my young life... so it is a people problem (not only old people problem)...

and the solution is finding someone to really listen to you (even if they don't agree with you, if they understand how you feel it helps so much).

Sequoia Mendoza
@sequoia-mendoza
05/30/16 11:38:50AM
6 posts

EMPATH NEW FRIEND EXCHANGE


Empath

Thank you for the books! I started the first book, so good, it had me on "knuckly grip" first page. I can't believe for $15 I can get 3 books that took someone else years to make and now I have new world of enjoyment to explore. It's hard not to prefer books to people, since you can just set them down if you want to (even though I don't).

Book people are always interesting, real people I guess are interesting, under the masks we wear, but don't care to make my way through the vanilla maze it takes to get to know them very often.

I did find a cool group of writers on meetup, but my schedule is messed up to meet them or host... They really don't have inappropriate hour meet ups much... I guess I can see why... It's tough going from book friends to real live people also, I like penpal-ish friends the best right now.

I bet a lot of fantasy readers and gamers are empaths, it's relaxing mentally existing in a world that you enjoy/can handle. It's easy to be turned off by war/genocide/poverty/starvation/ext that exists in this world if you care at all... so I stopped caring much, but I remember being younger I cared about everyone in the world. Anyways, thanks for the advice and book.

Sequoia Mendoza
@sequoia-mendoza
05/25/16 10:03:01AM
6 posts

EMPATH NEW FRIEND EXCHANGE


Empath

I kept my few good friends (5), but as four live far and the last one is in nursing school we are just at a place in life where we all still have good will for each other, but we are not active in each others lives. I would like to see them each once a year and it doesn't always happen, but when we do at least we have a level of open communication I don't have with people I haven't known for a long time.

I am friendly, in school I did have one or many friends at a given time (moved to much to keep in touch with them and they started habits that I did not), then when I started work and college I made friends that I gave my whole heart to, who for the most part, betrayed me and left me without paying back money ext (I'm not mad about the money, but it really shows lack of being a good friend).

Years went by, I feel I detached from it, but the hurt must be there because I am now a fake introvert (a fearful extrovert) and I don't put myself out there to make new friends oftenat all. My husband and sister are good to me, but they would be happy to see me make other friends who share my interests.

I'm to scared that no one will share my interests, but even if they don't we could be friends if they like me, but at heart I am scared they won't like the real me either...

My Interests: Fairy Gardens, Reading Fantasy (Sword of Truth) & Scifi (Forever War), Writing Poems, Digital Drawing, Dream Interpretation, Guardian Angels, Essential Oils.

The Real Me: Tells the Truth (to often for most people), Doesn't Like Phone Calls (does like email or real letters), Doesn't Like Malls (shop on Amazon to avoid that), Doesn't Understand Highly Emotional People (I can like or love them, but I don't get why or how they feel so much - even if I can feel what they feel - I'm still confused), Not Religious, Can't Eat Normal Food (wheat/corn/oat allergies make any eating out a "I'll have the water" event on my end).

It's also hard to make female friends when I always had male friends before...

No shopping interest leaves some females, but no eating kills most of the remaining ones...

My husband doesn't mind the few male friends I already have because I'm so poor at making new female friends...

I'm extremely optimistic to make friends here though, because I actually have so many life experiences in common with people here. Feel free to "friend me" we could email penpal.

I guess anyone who wants to try to make new empath friends could post:

My Interests

The Real Me

It's good to try to meet new people, because it takes a few meetings to really click with a good friend.


updated by @sequoia-mendoza: 01/21/17 05:18:51AM