Forum Activity for @shadow

Shadow
@shadow
06/08/16 02:02:53AM
11 posts

Lets get started :)


Empath

So, since i joined i've been reading some of the material here and one of the subjects was about waking up from sleep and looking at times and such. I haven't really got any definite numbers that i noticed in the last week or noticed much that's out of the norm for me, but i have noticed that when i do sleep at night, i seem to always wake between 2:30 and 3:30 AM. This last week i woke up 4 of the 7 days at 2:33, 2:35, 2:44, and 3:03. Thinking back, i used to wake from dreams sometimes and it it was always the early morning hours as well. Seems to happen more on days that i am emotionally charged. Any thoughts?


updated by @shadow: 01/21/17 06:14:23AM
Shadow
@shadow
06/08/16 01:46:55AM
11 posts



I became this way after a a few life experiences and traveling the world and seeing some horrible things. As a caveat to it, though, I seem to be the most negative optimist that ever lived. As much as i can't stop seeing the darkness that is all around, i still have an almost irrational hope that somehow I can help fix things and that maybe people can change. I end up a lot helping lost causes and trying to change horrible conditions at my work, all most all of which i couldn't in the long run fix, but occasionally I help someone and i actually see good come for once even if it is fleeting. It's very draining on me and always i usually end up biting the bullet for it, and more i wonder in the end if its worth it, but i can't seem to stop from trying to help regardless of myself. Sorry no real answers here. Just what it is for me.

Shadow
@shadow
06/08/16 01:31:19AM
11 posts

Being an Empath, Substances and other Possible Gifts.


Empath

I've smoked a few times, but i don't recall anything really being heightened or changing, but i wasn't really looking for it either at the moment. Alcohol, however, I have used a lot in the past, and it's effect on myself has always allowed me to shut out my feelings and to sleep without dreaming

Shadow
@shadow
06/08/16 01:24:54AM
11 posts

empaths and your parents; some questions for you.


Empath

Not sure. I had a lot of family growing up, but majority of my family died off from random as i grew up to where its just my mom and 2 brothers now. Growing up the fam was really secretive about pretty much everything and wasn't abundant with sharing emotions or thoughts. I know one of my brothers use to have dreams like i do, but he grew out of it. Also, i know that at least 4 generations on my fathers side were alcoholics, which is relevant only in the fact that i use drinking when i'm overwhelmed to block everything out and be able to sleep without dreaming.

Growing up, sometimes, my great grandparents would talk to me about my dreams and beliefs, but once again they never really conceded anything or answered any questions. Always seemed to end off saying we'd talk when i was older, but once again they all passed before it could happen. I could be reading into it as they were all Masons and Eastern stars and maybe that just leads back to whatever they do, but i always wondered

Shadow
@shadow
05/31/16 10:43:42PM
11 posts

Why do I feed bad for not helping someone?


Empath

I usually fail at this as even though i try to push others away, i generally end up listening and absorbing their pain. Even on the few occasions that i have avoided a situation, i have still felt the pain lingering on the fringes for a bit afterwords. Think its just part of how we are. In your situation, since avoiding is almost impossible at such close range, maybe you have to bite the bullet and take the pain. It's always left me hollow and hurt after experiences such as this, but sometimes i have seen those whom were unloading on me become better, all be it sometimes only temporarily. This in turn changes the environment around me and over time might lessen some of the residual. Just don't let them become dependent on you and afterwords find somewhere, I preferably try to make sure i'm alone, and let that pain out of you to the best of your ability. I find cursing at a punching bag helps me a little (hence finding the alone spot so you don't get to many eyes on you)

Shadow
@shadow
05/31/16 10:33:53PM
11 posts

there's no relief


Empath

No worries. I'm 36 myself and am also still searching for what to do in this world. Egotistically, i've been good at just about any job i've ever had, but i also generally end up sabotaging myself. One of the cool things this "gift" has allotted me is that i tend to go off on people whom I sense are bad, negative, manipulative, or uncaring when i can't take their darkness anymore. This unfortunately happens more than i like and i usually end up having to find a new job.

As far as the supernatural aspect, I'm sure there is quite a bit that people have experienced, but are just as apprehensive in talking about it as you. I found a long time ago that it doesn't always receive positive response from regulars. Here i wouldn't worry about it so much. Either they have experienced similar thing and will open up to you as well with their experiences, or at worst it would be same as talking to regulars and you lose really nothing as this is just a faceless blog (no offense to everyone). Either way its always good to get things off your chest/out of the head :)

Shadow
@shadow
05/31/16 10:05:37PM
11 posts



I probably have only had a 2-3 true friends in my entire life. I have found due to my distancing myself as a kid that i have made it hard to let others in and this in turn lends to others also never taking the leap to closer friendship. I also, until recently, have limited myself to talking about my empathy and dreams as in the past it has been met with skepticism and the usual crazed looks. So in summary, yes, but hopefully this site will change a little of that

Shadow
@shadow
05/31/16 09:42:50PM
11 posts

Moving house


Empath

I grew up in a fairly lively house/area and have also traveled the world quite a bit. I can say 100% that there are places that have presences that others don't, some good, some not so much. I wouldn't worry about it so much if it never adversely affected you and all your are feeling now is the absence of "eyes".

Shadow
@shadow
05/31/16 09:37:00PM
11 posts

there's no relief


Empath

You are not alone. Don't ever let the pressures, hate, or negativity win. I am probably not the best to give advice as i struggle with control myself, usually resorting to alcohol and debauchery to try and block out reality, but there are some other things i've tried that sometimes work for me. Meditation is usually a no go, as it's hard for me to stop my thoughts, but i have been able to relax and unwind by laying in the bath and listening to music or i have a rain generator that seems to calm me down a bit. In social setting i try to steer conversations towards a more jovial end and try to make others laugh. Though this is not ideally helpful to myself, it does seem to change the moods of those around me away from the darkness that is usually there and that in turn relieves some weight from me. I hope some of this helps even though its not much and if you ever need an ear i'll try to be around. Luck to ya and yours

Shadow
@shadow
05/31/16 06:05:45AM
11 posts

My search begins


Empath

Not really sure how to start, so i guess i will give a brief history and see what can be discerned. As a child i could travel in my dreams. I used to fly from my house to my grandparents house or my friends house almost a city away. Sometimes I would also see people or things that i did not know only to meet them in real life later. I also could always sense things around myself in my environment, especially if it was ill intent. For the most part i was really happy growing up. Then one day things changed. My dreams started to show me things of an unfriendly nature. I saw my friends, relatives, and people i never met die over and over in them. When this didn't seem to be enough i started having a re-occuring dream of a man having his throat slit in a parking garage trying to get a woman and a girl to safety from something. As I've grown older, i found out the man i didn't recognize in the dream was an older me, the woman is my wife, and the girl might be my daughter when shes a teenager. I've had this dream since i was 9 until last year when it stopped.

In my teenage years, a poltergeist took up residence in our house. It would torment me when i was alone by flipping on and off the light in the hall and with an overbearing pressure outside my room door. Occasionally when the family was downstairs, we could hear it walk from the hall by room to the top of the stairs. Kind of off subject, but i bring it up due to the fact that when i moved out of the house it too disappeared. Other things of note in those years, I would sometimes see people that my family didnt notice in crowds or as we drove down the road. I started to believe that my being around people caused them harm from my dreams so i decided to separate myself from them. Lastly, i started to notice people around me could be influenced by my moods or my emotions in turn would start to mimic those around me.

As i started my adult years I turned to drinking as i found it would slow my mind and allow me to sleep without dreaming. I stayed like this for a good 9 years until i met my wife and decided maybe to give the 'ol humanity thing another shot. It's been another 9 years since then. I have trouble at work and around friends as my nature is pretty volatile to the emotions of those around me. I still take to drinking to shut things out and get a good nights sleep. I tried to travel in my dreams again, but i met with something that scared me and seems to be waiting right at the edge. The two times i tried it was there and i ran back and was stuck in sleep paralysis for a few minutes each time (which is not pleasant)

I always wondered if this was something that passed down through the family, as my family as a rule comes from not only a lot of secretiveness, but also a pretty good line of alcoholics. I would like to learn to control it not just for myself, but so i can help my family as well. I had 2 kids with the wife, and as my boy became 5, he's started to have dreams he's scared to talk to anyone about, which was about the age i started traveling.

Sorry if it's all a jumble and even more so if its not the happiness and light that usually graces these pages. Unfortunately, for most my life i seem to see the worst in people and the shadows.


updated by @shadow: 01/21/17 04:55:40PM