Forum Activity for @nikler

Nikki3
@nikler
03/30/16 12:41:13PM
116 posts

Need help with narcissist friend


Empath

Exactly! You got this!
Nikki3
@nikler
03/30/16 12:39:38PM
116 posts

Need help with narcissist friend


Empath

Tell your kids the woman is crazy and block her on their phones, kids won't believe her and will stand up for you. Classic narcissistic behavior don't even worry about she's using what matters most to you to get her way. Stand strong and tell her to get lost. She has no power over you! I know it's hard but you gotta be the bulldog protector of your life and happiness.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/30/16 12:36:15PM
116 posts

Need help with narcissist friend


Empath

I agree, cut off all ties to this person and anyone who believes them over you, they were not your friends to begin with. Better to have a small pool of people you can trust than a large pool of mediocre friends. If someone asks you why you don't speak to them, be honest, tell them it's because they choose to believe the lies this person tells them... but don't dwell on it, if they aren't willing to see the truth don't waste your breath further. Walk away and mentally cut ties, they can't do anything to you unless you let them, push them out of your mind.Narcissists may not necessarily be smart but they will watch and copy behaviour they deem effective for their cause, so don't underestimate them simply because they wouldn't think of something themselves, they probably didn't... they are cunningly able to gleen off others who are.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/28/16 04:41:01PM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

It really doesn't matter what you call it. Yes set up a schedule for who has the child and when, what is appropriate for child support, what days/ times he can call you to talk unless it's an emergency, exposure to new significant others, etc. Whatever you feel you need to discuss and agree on. It's a living document and can be changed as baby grows up and his needs change.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/27/16 09:53:38AM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

Maybe you need to sit down with him and create an agreement on what raising this child together but apart is going to look like? Instead of taking it incident by incident where he will yo yo every time you will have a baseline that you both agreed to uphold. If he's willing to do that now thenm maybe hes willing to put some effort in long term and not just playing head games and you will get a feel for how strong your boundaries need to be and what kind of boundaries are most important. In the end if he's out of the picture you can say you tried.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/25/16 09:50:39PM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

Unfortunately no one can answer that for you. The question is, do you want to continue? You can't change him, you may be able to work with him if he's willing to seek counseling and take ownership of his behavior. However a true narcissist won't identify as one, which is what makes them so difficult. Only you can decide how long you want to put up with his behavior and how much you're willing to expose your kids to.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/22/16 08:09:44AM
116 posts

Love and complications


Empath

Happiness is not something we find or that happens to us. Happiness is a choice and takes work to gain. Maybe you need to move out? Find a quiet place once a day and close your eyes and smile, feel light and love in your centre and smile like you feel it. You need to find happiness with yourself before you can have it with someone else. I would stay out of his head uninvited, I agree it may bring you bad energies but it's also an invasion of his personal space. Meditate once a day, make yourself find beauty in something once a day, find your own space where you are not bombarded with negative emotions, write steps down that you need to physically take to find a happier place. You have to work for this... and possibly stop obsessing over him... instead turn yourself into the person you know you can be and he may love you for it.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/22/16 06:12:36AM
116 posts

Love and complications


Empath

Sounds like you know what the problems are. You have a filter you need to practice using it. Think about your words before they come out, you can do it, but it's a mental exercise you need to train your brain for. Have you gotten help? Counseling? I lost my nephew in a car accident way too young, we had a special connection too, he was like my little brother. Grief is inexplicable and unending. Maybe you haven't lost this man, but you can't find another chance without changing. Seek help and work on your self control, there's always room to grow.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/21/16 08:51:02PM
116 posts

Love and complications


Empath

If you want to spend the rest of your life with him, why are you withholding information? What made you wait to tell him you were going? Why wouldn't you have discussed trying meds when you slept over? If you can answer these questions maybe you'll find what needs to be fixed. Somehow you don't trust him or are afraid he might leave if you're honest? You are not being yourself in a desperate attempt to hold onto tnis relationship. What you really need to do is be yourself despite the relationship. He must love you for who you are or it's not meant to be. Take note of what your subconscious may be tell you as well, your feelings may seem irrational but you may be blocking the message because you don't want to hear it.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/21/16 09:51:10AM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

It's his way out, he wants you to bend to what he wants so he can do whatever he wants and if you don't he can leave and blame you. I told my ex when my son was a baby that if he wanted to visit he needed to go to court and sign up for supervised visits to start with because he had threatened my life I wasn't willing to meet him anymore but by law I couldn't tell him no. That's when he completely shut me out and walked away, he blamed me to support his guilt. He didn't really want visitation he just wanted to see what he was paying for. I let him go. Focus on your life with your child and what it will look like without him and build that life. If he wants in there are rules and boundaries he needs to abide by that are in the best interest of the child. If he doesn't like them then he made his bed. You stick to your guns without any guilt as long as your decisions are in the best interest of the child.
Nikki3
@nikler
03/21/16 09:41:23AM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

Absolutely, sometimes you just need someone to bounce stuff off of that can put a different perspective on it. Having been down a similar road I would be happy to listen and give you whatever advice I can if it helps. I learned the hard way and my son has paid some prices for it. It's not going to be easy, I'll be honest there but one thing I can tell you right now is you are a strong confident woman highly capable of raising this child and finding the resources you need to get through. So hold your head high, throw the ashamed feelings away and start being the mom you want to be. There's no shame in making mistakes, there's only shame in not learning from them. Msg me anytime :)
Nikki3
@nikler
03/19/16 11:03:37PM
116 posts

Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too


Empath

That too, lots of people talk but don't do. I also find that so many people formulate pretty words that don't match their body language. I guess they think we can't see - maybe most people can't?

Nikki3
@nikler
03/19/16 09:28:08AM
116 posts

Seeking Calgary Empaths, Intuitives, and lightworkers


Empath

I live just south of Calgary - would be interested in getting together with a small group.

Nikki3
@nikler
03/19/16 09:22:35AM
116 posts

Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too


Empath

When I was younger the sign of love was all about feeling, you know the spark, wanting to be with them, etc. It was all uncontrolled feeling. Always ended in disaster, at the time I didn't realize who I was and that I attracted broken people. When I got older I started making 'make it or break it' lists so I could narrow the playing field and find someone who had similar life goals. Again, disaster. Now that I've been through some serious long term relationships I've learned a lot about people and a lot about myself. I still continue to attract broken men, they all seem to need me to make them feel better about themselves - compliment after compliment and it's so shallow to me. Words mean nothing to me and so I find it hard to communicate in that manner and have to remind myself that most people need words. I also don't find attractiveness solely in the physical form, I mean I am human and I will occasionally drool over the nice body of a beautiful actor, but I agree with the 'it' factor. There's just something beneath the physical that can't be described in words but it can make an attractive person ugly and a seemingly unattractive person beautiful for lack of better words. I sometimes feel like I will never find someone because I am not only picky but do not wish to have my space invaded ever again. I've lost too much and the risk now is too great.

Nikki3
@nikler
03/19/16 09:08:17AM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

Such a good point about fixing people. That has been my biggest problem for so long. I want to fix people and I always believe I can. However, you cannot fix the unwilling. Out of all the men I've dated there has been only one who took my advice and decided to make himself a better person. We're not together any more but I am proud of him for making the change. We need to tell ourselves that people don't change, not their fundamental beliefs anyway - what we see is what we get and 99% of the time the changes we do see are temporary because they are trying to please us and not change themselves. So, if someone shows you their true colours - believe them!

Nikki3
@nikler
03/19/16 09:03:04AM
116 posts

Advice on the Toxic Relationship of an Empath and an Emotional Manipulator


Empath

Hi Rebecca, you sound like me 16 years ago. At 26 I knew very little about people, I was afraid of them and avoided them and ended up dating every needy guy on the planet or so it seemed. My son's father, looking back was very narcissistic and for the first time in my life I really learned something about people and psychology from him. I was not expecting to get pregnant, it wasn't planned, at least not by me. I could tell you horrible story after story of how he treated me after I got pregnant, my need to do what was right for my baby clouded my judgement to do what was right for my baby... because of the vision I had in my head of what I wanted and not being able to see what was in front of me. He hasn't been involved in my sons life at all... saw him last at 1.5 years old... signed adoption papers at 5 years old and I haven't heard from him since. I then proceeded to marry a narcissist who made our lives hell in other ways (since I was looking for someone totally different... and I found him). Now I'm a single mom of a nearly 16 year old boy. I now have the ability to see them a mile away, it's not always easy to say no, the heart wants what it wants, you have to be really good at using your logic and making tough decisions. All this to say it's going to be okay. If the father doesn't want to be involved it is probably in the best interest of your child and if you have an opportunity to walk away - that in itself might break cycle. I continue to find it hard to find someone, I seem to attract the needy like wasps to sugar. My focus is on my son until he finds his own path because I don't want to waste another moment.

 
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