Need help with narcissist friend
Exactly! You got this!
That too, lots of people talk but don't do. I also find that so many people formulate pretty words that don't match their body language. I guess they think we can't see - maybe most people can't?
I live just south of Calgary - would be interested in getting together with a small group.
When I was younger the sign of love was all about feeling, you know the spark, wanting to be with them, etc. It was all uncontrolled feeling. Always ended in disaster, at the time I didn't realize who I was and that I attracted broken people. When I got older I started making 'make it or break it' lists so I could narrow the playing field and find someone who had similar life goals. Again, disaster. Now that I've been through some serious long term relationships I've learned a lot about people and a lot about myself. I still continue to attract broken men, they all seem to need me to make them feel better about themselves - compliment after compliment and it's so shallow to me. Words mean nothing to me and so I find it hard to communicate in that manner and have to remind myself that most people need words. I also don't find attractiveness solely in the physical form, I mean I am human and I will occasionally drool over the nice body of a beautiful actor, but I agree with the 'it' factor. There's just something beneath the physical that can't be described in words but it can make an attractive person ugly and a seemingly unattractive person beautiful for lack of better words. I sometimes feel like I will never find someone because I am not only picky but do not wish to have my space invaded ever again. I've lost too much and the risk now is too great.
Such a good point about fixing people. That has been my biggest problem for so long. I want to fix people and I always believe I can. However, you cannot fix the unwilling. Out of all the men I've dated there has been only one who took my advice and decided to make himself a better person. We're not together any more but I am proud of him for making the change. We need to tell ourselves that people don't change, not their fundamental beliefs anyway - what we see is what we get and 99% of the time the changes we do see are temporary because they are trying to please us and not change themselves. So, if someone shows you their true colours - believe them!
Hi Rebecca, you sound like me 16 years ago. At 26 I knew very little about people, I was afraid of them and avoided them and ended up dating every needy guy on the planet or so it seemed. My son's father, looking back was very narcissistic and for the first time in my life I really learned something about people and psychology from him. I was not expecting to get pregnant, it wasn't planned, at least not by me. I could tell you horrible story after story of how he treated me after I got pregnant, my need to do what was right for my baby clouded my judgement to do what was right for my baby... because of the vision I had in my head of what I wanted and not being able to see what was in front of me. He hasn't been involved in my sons life at all... saw him last at 1.5 years old... signed adoption papers at 5 years old and I haven't heard from him since. I then proceeded to marry a narcissist who made our lives hell in other ways (since I was looking for someone totally different... and I found him). Now I'm a single mom of a nearly 16 year old boy. I now have the ability to see them a mile away, it's not always easy to say no, the heart wants what it wants, you have to be really good at using your logic and making tough decisions. All this to say it's going to be okay. If the father doesn't want to be involved it is probably in the best interest of your child and if you have an opportunity to walk away - that in itself might break cycle. I continue to find it hard to find someone, I seem to attract the needy like wasps to sugar. My focus is on my son until he finds his own path because I don't want to waste another moment.