Rene and nikki3,
Thank you so much for the very thoughtful responses. I am now in that same situation once again, where my opinion is unacceptable and has resulted in my being called some hurtful and untrue things, but this time I will not handle it the way I've done in the past, which was by falling apart completely for months, and not going a single day without thinking of the loss of someone I loved with unbearable sadness lasting for years. I have a new mantra I use in my Qi Gong each morning, ie. "It's not mine, it's not reality, it's not worth it, and I am safe".
Your comments have helped a lot. I have been practicing detachment meditation for awhile now, and I think I finally am there, for which I am very grateful to this same person, who ironically is the one who got me interested in it. I think I have been through this often enough now that I have become numb and find myself very calm and unaffected, and have been able to sleep just fine. I am up in the middle of the night, but that is normal for me, since I have 3 sleep disorders. I can simply let it go, or maybe just express thanks for all the things I've learned from her and always remember them.
nikki3 - Do you ever read themindsjournal? I just saw an article there recently called 'Blunt friends are the best kind to have" which you may enjoy. I agree that many people need lies to handle life and I can feel which areas I must leave alone and not comment on, but maybe I go over the line sometimes when I see someone ruining their life over the same issue endlessly. They'd rather have the familiar drama of abuse than face reality, drop toxic people and have some peace I guess. I do not know because I can't relate to wanting those kind of people in my life. I get dropped instead of the toxic people. As an "extreme realist" I get frustrated with this and maybe it shows and they feel judged. Like I said, I'm not good at games. I know this constant undervaluation of my worth as a friend must be partly my fault, since I am the common denominator in it, so I'm trying to guess what I am doing wrong to make people value me so little. It may be that I am doing something right too, in which case I am totally ready to accept being friendless the rest of my life rather than play a game. I still have several casual friends and they'll have to be enough.though most live far from me now.
I don't look for friends in everyone or even anyone now, after losing so many close ones in a row, which is fulfilling a premonition I had that I would lose everyone I care about before I can die, even my husband. and that would kill me off too if I lost him. I don't meet many people due to being cooped up in a tiny home office running my husband's business, and the state of my own health limits my activities a lot. I have not found anyone here in 36 years who is really my kind of friend and I have tried and tried. There is one who comes close, but works so much I hardly see her. She says I am her only friend. I did meet one on EC here who mirrored me and seemed perfect, but it was an act to draw me in and then control my life. I was the one to end that and it hurt just as much to have to be on the other end.
Like Renee said at the start of this thread, people are just impossible to please and in my case they make no effort to please me, but expect me to bend over backwards to please them. If we teach people how to treat us, then how can we be kind and firm at the same time? IME, that results in them getting huffy and leaving. I am DONE walking on egg shells. It is too bad nobody except two of my old friends like me enough to argue with me over anything and still respect and like me, the mark of true caring. It's easier to accept differences when it's casual, I guess. Emotional investment seems to require more and more conformity from people.
I have to go back to bed. This has been an interesting thread and I hope we all learned from it that we are not alone in having these problems. I sure got some help. Thanks.
CCat, I have read that article and thankfully I have a blunt friend, she's a true friend, very rare and hard to find. I can only handle being around her in short bursts though, it can be overwhelming but I know she has my back. She told me once when we were talking about relationships that I 'give it up to easy' meaning my heart - I get attached to people nearly instantly if I like them or enjoy their company in any way shape or form. She told me I need to stop doing that. She's right. It's hard because I always see only the good in people until they prove me wrong and I fall in love (not necessarily romantically just heartfelt love) with people's potential. I tend to expect people to live up to the potential I see and am devastated when they don't. This is where realizing I am an empath is starting to help me with this problem because before I didn't know that everyone else couldn't see it. Understanding that I see things most people don't is good and bad because it takes me a long time of knowing someone to find out what that difference is and to understand the parts of that person's character they've chosen to use.
I need to actively focus on actions and judge character by what people do because otherwise I judge by their potential and that is always a disaster.
It sure is nice to know we're not alone... I have always had a strong personality and am noted to be a happy person by all who know me. So, I feel lucky in a way, maybe it's because of the way my mom raised me but I'm pretty good at dusting myself off and moving on, finding my happy place and that is a true blessing. Love and light to you my friend, keep being your authentic self