Forum Activity for @nikler

Nikki3
@nikler
06/14/17 05:11:02PM
116 posts

Men


Empath

It's just brutal because every time i tell him i need more than he's willing to give and i try to go back to friends he cranks up the charm, we have a few great days and he avoids me and breaks plans and we do it all again. Sigh. This will pass eventually i imagine but geez. ūüėē
Nikki3
@nikler
06/14/17 11:39:43AM
116 posts

Men


Empath

@angel you nailed it!
Nikki3
@nikler
06/14/17 11:35:19AM
116 posts

Men


Empath

I have been on an emotional roller coaster with a man for about a year. We've been drawn to each other since the moment we met. He's not interested in making room in his life for me but doesn't want to let me go either. When i am away from him i set myself to keep my distance but when i do i feel empty in my soul and heartbroken. When I'm near him i can't say no, there is such a strong connection. I've never in my life been this pulled back and forth, I've never been in a situation where i couldn't just walk away from someone who was using me or toying with me. I'm strong willed and opinionated but he somehow melts all of that and i hate it. I hate feeling vulnerable to someone that won't protect it. I can't completely cut ties because we have many mutual friends, so i try not to be alone with him. I was going to make a new post but since your taking about it i figured I'd add it in. Normally i would have advice for you but this is now new to me. I must now find a way to move on because i can't live like this... but it rips a piece of soul away. It's hard to not be a hermit!
Nikki3
@nikler
01/16/17 06:40:27PM
116 posts

People who block yoi


Empath

Shields and emotion control require energy and maintenance just like taking out the garbage or mowing the lawn. you could schedule a time every day, maybe twice morning and night, where you spend 5 or 10 minutes just being in each other's presence. Meditate, explore, talk about it. Build this part of your relationship together to strengthen it,like you'd build a house brick by brick. It sounds like you have a pretty good start, your instincts and intuition will help you if you listen to them, i think deep down you do know. Take the time to do it, the rest will come.

You probably also need to talk about how risky it is to your marriage that she spend a lot of time and energy on this other person regardless of what they have in common or how good it feels to be understood. Slipping is very easy, getting back up is very hard. Talk frankly about it before it becomes a true problem.
updated by @nikler: 01/16/17 06:41:41PM
Nikki3
@nikler
01/15/17 07:50:15PM
116 posts

People who block yoi


Empath

It may be you have some empathic abilities or maybe you are just a sensitive that's something you need to explore. It's likely that you pick done things up and have a negative feeling so you block it, whether it be conscious or not, it's become second nature.

Feeling and processing input is a skill that requires development. We take it for granted because it's become second nature to us in little things as we grow up. When those of us who have ' abilities ' come to realize them we start from scratch again. Like a newborn learning to walk only it's more work because we're not just unskilled we've actively turned it off for years.

So, you should meditate with your wife. Not only that you should take turns being quiet and letting the other read and feel. Spend time doing it at the same time and Spend time doing it by yourself. You need to spend quiet tone discovering and controlling yourself so you can know how you work. That way when you come together with your wife you know where you can start.

You're holding back for some reason like you don't think she can handle all your burdens. You can't go half way or give pieces, you have to trust her and open the door in its entirety. Let her look. At everything.
Nikki3
@nikler
11/11/16 02:56:18PM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

Cheshire Cat:

For anyone who has been reading my posts on this thread:

Amazing news! I did decide to go ahead and write positive 11-11 messages of love and forgiveness to both my 52 yr. long BFF, who ended it a year and a half ago, and to the person who has been my closest friend for the last 3 yrs. and got very angry with me a few days ago. I am not sure how that last will be received yet and wish her well no matter what, but am glad I expressed my gratitude for having had her in my life, regardless of outcome.

The good news is I now have my oldest friend back after a nasty and seemingly final end to a very long friendship and a year and a half apart! We just got off the phone. It turned out she'd been feeling just as bad about what happened and my email love offering was an excuse to tell me so. I was shocked, since I did not expect any response. We talked it all out, I was assertive about how much it hurt me and how I would not tolerate certain things, and we agreed to only use the phone from now on, since email misunderstandings due to the tone of voice were the main cause of the problem to begin with. I will not be super trusting here until I see what happens, if ever, and it will be a less close relationship than before, since we are so different now than in younger days, but it shows what you can accomplish when you reach out in humility and love. 

For anyone who has lost a dear friend, there may be hope if you can make the first move. :-)

Wow! That's awesome CCat... i cried a little reading this. ¬†52 yearsof friendship is a lot to throw away, i hope things work out. ūüėÄ

Nikki3
@nikler
11/11/16 11:54:13AM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

Cheshire Cat:

Nikki,

I don't know how old you are, but I would have written exactly what you just wrote when I was  much younger. I think I was about 50 when things started to change and I stopped seeing only the good. I'm a slow learner, lol, and am now 65.  I realized that potential is just that, potential only, and I can't make anyone use it. People rarely change. I think this is not just an empath issue. I have noticed that young women are far more likely to fall in love with potential than men are, and to think if we just love someone enough, they will change for us. I said "young women" because I don't know anyone near to my age who still believes that.  I also have to look at my own unused potential and my own bad choices, many of which were not really clear until I was too old to do anything to reverse them. 

Like you, I've also been told by friends that I am "too easy" and that I put up with mistreatment far too long before I speak up. That is true. I tend to be so shocked when people behave in a way that I never would that I just do nothing. I don't know what to say to them, since I can't conceive of why they act or speak that way. Once it builds to where it becomes intolerable to my self esteem, then I blow, like a volcano. That rage is something I am working on, but it's darn difficult after a lifetime of this garbage and when I know that even an early, reasonable attempt to disagree with someone will result in them dropping me, so I keep holding on, which I know is stupid. If they're going to drop me for something ridiculous, then let's get it over with and quit wasting my time. 

I am also old enough to remember when almost everyone respected other people's right to disagree and they were still friends! Imagine that. That is as rare as hen's teeth now. 

I am considering writing to both my former BFF and my recent BFF since it is 11-11, and sending them positive appreciation magnified by the date 11-11, in gratefulness for all I learned from them, sine I truly do not feel any animosity at all, a wonderful gift from my studies of non-attachment and huge doses of Omega 3 EPA oil, which have helped calm me down tremendously. But, I don't expect anything to change from that. 

I think it wonderful that you are starting to realize these things at such a young age. Hopefully, you will not end up as worn out and untrusting as I am as a result of your early insights. :-)

C. Cat

CCat - 43 not too old, not young enough lol. People don't change I've known that for a long time, what i didn't know until recently is how much i see that others don't. Invisible thins like potential, that's a new aspect for me. Slow learner too but that's because i have no one to teach me i just figure stuff as i go along. 

I agree with not wasting time too... it's like you have to invest so much in people inorder to find out if they are legit or if you wanna keep them. Can't people just cut to the chase? I'm so impatient with relationships, either you like me or ya don't lol.  Doesn't fly with most people, they gotta test you and ask around about you and hum and haw about you... sigh... so much work and energy for so little reward. 

I have so much untapped potential, i look back and see what i could have done with myself but it's too late for a lot of things,  if only i knew then. I try not to dwell on it.

I put up with far too much too but i don't rage, i walk away and never look back, once I'm done, I'm totally done. Sounds like we're a lot alike. 

Nikki3
@nikler
11/11/16 09:42:37AM
116 posts

Sympathy vs empathy


Empath

Renee:
Cheshire Cat:

Excellent article, Elise! Thanks. Happy

I also have been hurt so badly the past few years that I feel distanced sometimes, despite my empathic feeling of someone's pain. I don't want to let anybody in until I can regain some resilience. It may be a temporary condition for you, Renee, only lasting until you build up your adrenal reserves again, though this can take quite some time. 


I do hope it's only temporary. I've also had a difficult few years and it's only been through that time I've really noticed it. So you may be right build up the reserves and see how things go! 

I think we separate ourselves in a way from normal human psychology because we don't quite 'fit in'.  However, we are still human and the laws of psychology still apply.  I divorced my narc husband 4 years ago, I could not in any way shape or form have any desire to seek another relationship and I saw myself single for the rest of my life.  All my friends are like no, hang in there, you'll find someone.  I'm like dear god I hope not!  It's been 4 years and I am just starting to think it might be nice, if I found a connection with someone... he'd have to be pretty darn spectacular though.  So, maybe my heart is healing from my distrust and hatred of men.  A little bit, very very slowly.  So, all that to say, it's not impossible for the areas in your life to shut down where you have too much going on, too much pain, too many bad experiences, etc.  They stop working because they are unable to function under the current burden and/or terrified more will be more damaging than can be tolerated.  It's okay.  It will most likely come back when you are in a position to have room for more or heal or whatever it is you need.  We only have so much to give it's not endless.  :)

Nikki3
@nikler
11/11/16 09:26:14AM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

Cheshire Cat:

Rene and nikki3,

Thank you so much for the very thoughtful responses. I am now in that same situation once again, where my opinion is unacceptable and has resulted in my being called some hurtful and untrue things, but this time I will not handle it the way I've done in the past, which was by falling apart completely for months, and not going a single day without thinking of the loss of someone I loved with unbearable sadness lasting for years. I have a new mantra I use in my Qi Gong each morning, ie. "It's not mine, it's not reality, it's not worth it, and I am safe". 

Your comments have helped a lot. I have been practicing detachment meditation for awhile now, and I think I finally am there, for which I am very grateful to this same person, who ironically is the one who got me interested in it. I think I have been through this often enough now that I have become numb and find myself very calm and unaffected, and have been able to sleep just fine. I am up in the middle of the night, but that is normal for me, since I have 3 sleep disorders. I can simply let it go, or maybe just express thanks for all the things I've learned from her and always remember them.

nikki3 - Do you ever read themindsjournal? I just saw an article there recently called 'Blunt friends are the best kind to have" which you may enjoy. I agree that many people need lies to handle life and I can feel which areas I must leave alone and not comment on, but maybe I go over the line sometimes when I see someone ruining their life over the same issue endlessly. They'd rather have the familiar drama of abuse than face reality, drop toxic people and have some peace I guess. I do not know because I can't relate to wanting those kind of people in my life. I get dropped instead of the toxic people. As an "extreme realist" I get frustrated with this and maybe it shows and they feel judged. Like I said, I'm not good at games. I know this constant undervaluation of my worth as a friend must be partly my fault, since I am the common denominator in it, so I'm trying to guess what I am doing wrong to make people value me so little. It may be that I am doing something right too, in which case I am totally ready to accept being friendless the rest of my life rather than play a game. I still have several casual friends and they'll have to be enough.though most live far from me now. 

I don't look for friends in everyone or even anyone now, after losing so many close ones in a row, which is fulfilling a premonition I had that I would lose everyone I care about before I can die, even my husband. and that would kill me off too if I lost him. I don't meet many people due to being cooped up in a tiny home office running my husband's business, and the state of my own health limits my activities a lot. I have not found anyone here in 36 years who is really my kind of friend and I have tried and tried. There is one who comes close, but works so much I hardly see her. She says  I am her only friend. I did meet one on EC here who mirrored me and seemed perfect, but it was an act to draw me in and then control my life. I was the one to end that and it hurt just as much to have to be on the other end.

Like Renee said at the start of this thread, people are just impossible to please and in my case they make no effort to please me, but expect me to bend over backwards to please them. If we teach people how to treat us, then how can we be kind and firm at the same time? IME, that results in them getting huffy and leaving. I am DONE walking on egg shells. It is too bad nobody except two of my old friends like me enough to argue with me over anything and still respect and like me, the mark of true caring. It's easier to accept differences when it's casual, I guess. Emotional investment seems to require more and more conformity from people.

I have to go back to bed. This has been an interesting thread and I hope we all learned from it that we are not alone in having these problems. I sure got some help. Thanks.

C. Cat

CCat, I have read that article and thankfully I have a blunt friend, she's a true friend, very rare and hard to find.  I can only handle being around her in short bursts though, it can be overwhelming but I know she has my back.  She told me once when we were talking about relationships that I 'give it up to easy' meaning my heart - I get attached to people nearly instantly if I like them or enjoy their company in any way shape or form.  She told me I need to stop doing that.  She's right.  It's hard because I always see only the good in people until they prove me wrong and I fall in love (not necessarily romantically just heartfelt love) with people's potential.  I tend to expect people to live up to the potential I see and am devastated when they don't.  This is where realizing I am an empath is starting to help me with this problem because before I didn't know that everyone else couldn't see it.  Understanding that I see things most people don't is good and bad because it takes me a long time of knowing someone to find out what that difference is and to understand the parts of that person's character they've chosen to use.

I need to actively focus on actions and judge character by what people do because otherwise I judge by their potential and that is always a disaster.

It sure is nice to know we're not alone... I have always had a strong personality and am noted to be a happy person by all who know me.  So, I feel lucky in a way, maybe it's because of the way my mom raised me but I'm pretty good at dusting myself off and moving on, finding my happy place and that is a true blessing.  Love and light to you my friend, keep being your authentic self :)

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 09:38:28PM
116 posts

Healing empath


Empath

Renee:
Nikki3:

It sounds to me like it is not a matter of holding your energy in but letting it out.  It's like you have a big ball of flames inside and you don't want to burn anyone so you keep it locked up tight where it builds and becomes explosive.  Somehow you manage to keep it under control but I think you need to release the heat out into the universe.  When you meditate let it flow through you and out, let go of it.


Spot on Nikki! Is definately the case but needing to find a safe and productive way of releasing it... until then I'm still very conscious of projecting it. 

meditate... when you do visualize you are filling up freight train cars with the energy as the train passes by.  do this for 1-2 minutes in the bathroom, before you go to bed at night, in your car on the way home (just don't close your eyes while driving ;)... send it off into the universe. 

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 09:31:29PM
116 posts

Has empathy ever made you feel guilty?


Empath

Rene'':

Yep. 

bah ha ha ha ha!!  EXACTLY!  It drives me nuts sometimes.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 09:27:56PM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

Rene'':
Cheshire Cat:

Sigh. I also  recognize the examples both of you just gave, Renee and nikki3. People are predictable in our strangeness, lol.

Another one that really gets to me is when others will put up with numerous people who treat them horribly, put them down, walk all over them, take advantage, lie, cheat, mooch, yell at them, and treat them like dirt in general, but the minute I disagree with them on the tiniest little unimportant thing, they drop me as a friend. It makes me feel about as low as you can get, to be worth so little to people. Often, these people have been telling me they love me, I am a "dear friend', I am "like a sister", I can "never lose them no matter what", etc. right up until I say something they don't agree with. 

It has taken awhile to dawn on me, but I think maybe I am interpreting this wrong, and they really feel so badly about themselves that they think they deserve the awful treatment they get, and just use whatever it was I disagreed with them about as an excuse to get rid of me, since they feel I see through their act, whatever it happens to be. They feel they can't live up to what I expect, even though I keep that to myself, since I know I have no right to expect anything from anyone. I guess I am pretty transparent in letting them see what I wish I could expect, since I've even been told by two people that they felt like they were good people until they knew me, and that I made them feel bad about themselves just by being who I am. Their answer to my "making" them feel bad was that I should be less of a "goody two shoes" and "make more mistakes" and "be more human". The idea that I should be less than I can be made me angry, so you would think seeing me blow a gasket would satisfy them, but no, I'm still not nasty enough I guess. It's actually funny to me now. 

I could have more friends than I could handle if I would put up and shut up and play those games. I have standards, and know from experimenting that I am better off alone than to lower them. Being surrounded by the wrong people makes me feel lonelier than being alone. When I was younger, probably the age of most of you, I had a small tight group of very close friends. I had to move for health reasons and have never fit in where I have to live now. I seem to  have a bunch of casual ones instead, most of whom I rarely or never see in person. Casual is just not who I am, so it's hard. 

Can any of you relate to my example above, where "friends" willingly accept awful treatment from others, but the slightest disagreement, even on a relatively unimportant subject is not acceptable when it comes from you? I wonder what I am doing wrong here to be so unvalued.

C. Cat


I can!    I can relate way too well.  A lot of people wants us around to make them look pure or "good". They don't want our opinion and it's mostly because they could not handle our opinion. They just want to wear us like a badge.  

I have spent much of my life keeping my mouth shut around certain people because I did not want to hurt them with the truth. I have heard some vile confessions from people of how they have treated other people because "they deserved it".   I have took on so much ugliest in from people it made me so sick I withdraw in to a corner but in that corner I found myself.  I realized I did not need these people as much as they needed me so the blunt truth started pouring out of my mouth and it was like weeding a garden.   Poof, they were gone.   

Now, my small group of friends know that if they ask my opinion they are going to get my true opinion , not something that's going to make them feel better.   There is way too much pain in this world and I just can't waste me energy on people that is going to abuse it    I'm here to help, not to be co dependent to evil.  But  ...that's just me    I know you all think I'm sweet but it's because I have chosen to be around sweet souls that brings out the sweetness in me .   Your reflection of love and caring beams the light into me I guess you could say     You just dont realize how bright your light is      Thank you 

@C.Cat I think you hit the nail on the head... these people either feel they deserve the abuse (like an abusee returns to the abuser because they don't know how to cope with anything else) or you make them look bad. Your last comment about having the slightest disagreement is not acceptable... maybe it's because they are looking to gain some approval from you, a good person, like a a child would look to a parent for approval... so they can feel good about themselves, and not getting any from a good person like you must mean they can't do anything right so go back to the bad people where they then feel like the better person in the crowd?  It's frustrating but I'm always thankful when people show their true colours... believe them.

@Rene - agreed... you become who you surround yourself with.  Two candles in the dark shine brighter than one.  You know how they say if you want to be something or learn something get close to someone who's doing it well.

C.Cat - not sure how to word this but we spend a lot of time trying to find a friend in everyone instead of trying to find the right friend.  Spend some time searching the crowd for a 'like-soul' instead of putting every single one through the test of friendship.  Does that make sense?  Like if you were in the mall and you are tip toe looking down the hallway trying to find your best friend who said they'd meet you... you're not interviewing everyone you meet to see if they might be your best friend but looking for the one that is acting like the one person you are looking for.  Perspective changes everything. 

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 08:28:33PM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

@C.Cat - yeah he may turn out to be a true friend, he probably just got tired of people using and abusing him, we nearly lost our friendship because he bailed on me last minute a few times because he was afraid to hurt my feelings by saying no... and I gave it to him.  Told him I could have made other plan and he needs to learn to be honest with me, saying no is a kindness, bailing is just rude.  I think he's really been through the ringer with crazy women so I give him a chance... enough rope to hang himself and he keeps wiggling out so I let him...with conditions.  He's a trooper, most would walk away with my blunt truths.  He's also learning, if I ask him if he's coming riding he's learning to say yes or no instead of some lame answer and maybe show up.

@renee - totally agree I think it's a toss up between pushing someone who's being a douche into seeing it and coming clean and those who are simply terrified someone will see.  The difference being self-confidence.  My friend is very self confident and not much worried about having friends, he has many.  I think some people who need their lies to seemingly protect them from whatever - job loss, friend loss, self-esteem loss... I have some empathy for them and until they decide to change there's nothing you can do and their fear is real to them.  Determining the difference is an acquired skill - although the ones who will turn around are so few and far between not sure how anyone learns to tell the difference.  

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 07:19:52PM
116 posts

Has empathy ever made you feel guilty?


Empath

Yes, I get this a lot.  I've always been able to see both sides, play the devils advocate if you will, and see behind someone's actions to their story.

I feel for the abuser who abuses because he was abused... what it must have been like to feel so powerless at one point and never have anyone who could help you up so you deal the only way you can, by abusing to make yourself feel like you have something to hang on to.  The abusee often goes back when they don't have to because they can't figure out how to live without being abused so in a way they are often just as guilty.  It's an awful cycle.

I do feel guilty though in some ways because it feels so wrong but in other ways it's basic psychology, both parties are often victims.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 07:11:26PM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

The one I hate the most is when people tell a story about someone else to try and tell you something about yourself.  I can tell they are making the story up just to send a message to me.  I just nod and smile and say 'oh wow, weird' or 'great story, then what happened?' LOL  But it does bother me because I walk away wondering what I'm doing wrong and I also wonder why people just can;t say what's on their mind... like I'm not worth the truth.  I have a file folder in my psych shelf in my head that helps me get over this quickly though.  It's not about me. 

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 07:05:57PM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

@C. Cat - ha ha ha i understand completely I would never win at Poker either, even to a complete stranger!  But then again, I never want to be that person anyway so I'm not hurt by it.

I hate games, I struggle with it too, especially when I know others are doing it.  When I think about 'playing along' like returning a text late to prove a point or pretending I didn't see it because that's what they do, or something like that... (silly example but you get it) because I feel like playing the 'game' back and give them some of their medicine... I always ask myself if that's who I am and I tell myself I am not a game player.  I have integrity and I live by it - others will just have to deal with that.  So, I do what I feel is right and what matches my integrity and if people can't handle that, they'll walk away.  So be it.

I call people on it too... I have a friend who plays stupid games, makes me angry sometimes but I started calling him on it, and I think kind of enjoys it, he sticks around anyway. I flat out tell him when he's being a douche.  I remind him that unlike some other women I mean the words that are coming out of my mouth and nothing else.  Fine means fine, I don't play games.  He offered to hold my horse once so I could hike up the mountain a little bit on foot and get some good pictures... I think he thought I was joking about hiking up there.  I handed him my horse and he was like 'wait a minute I didn't mean it'... so I said too bad don't say things you don't mean and proceeded to head up the mountain... LOL.  He still comes riding with me... maybe it's refreshing to be around an honest person I don't know.  Most of these types don't like my honesty and don't stick around long.

It's kind of lonely, but we are lonely anyway right?  We are lonely in a crowd of people.  However, once we live our life with integrity for a while (ya know strict like a diet) we find something so very precious... our true friends.  Few and far between but what a precious gift.  the few gems we can rely on no matter what.  The process hurts though, there are losses.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 07:32:23AM
116 posts

What Are Your Favorite Crystals?


Empath

I went to a crystal store with a friend with the intention of getting what 'spoke to me'.  My favourite was pyrite - I picked it up and couldn't bring myself to set it down.  I was drawn to all the agate's as well so I took one home.  I also picked up a small green jade, tigers eye and something else I can't remember as I haven't used it yet.

After cleansing and intentioning the pyrite, agate and jade I put them in my pillowcase.  The first night felt like an energy battle, I didn't sleep well, tossed and turned all night long.  However, I've been sleeping like a rock since and waking up early with lots of energy which is VERY unlike me.

I haven't used the other two yet - new to this so taking my time getting to know the stones and trying them.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/10/16 07:15:26AM
116 posts

VENTING!


Empath

@rene totally agree!  Loving and accepting ourselves is the key, it truly is.  I make my own choices and I don't care what others think - I live by my own rules.  Now, I do it with integrity, I don't hurt anyone intentionally etc... but I don't try to please anyone but myself.  It brings so much peace.  If someone wants to hate or de-friend me ... whatever.  They are just showing their true colours.  I like who I am, I like my own company, the people who stay organically... those are my real friends... others will come and go and that's ok.  I always say, if you don't like what you see there are other places to look. lol

@renee absolutely more energy than appearance... I'm quiet and I don't wear makeup or do my hair or wear fancy clothes... and people find me intimidating sometimes and it makes me laugh because I'm the softest person in the world.  It's more to do with them though than it is with me... except maybe when I'm wearing my resting b*tch face unintentionally lol.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/06/16 08:01:27PM
116 posts

Fake People and Empaths


Empath

Rene'':
Renee:




Rene'':






Renee:

I'm going to add that empaths can be some of those things too. I know in some of my worst periods I dumb and drain energy from some of my support people. I also have had a few stages whereby life is an emotional roller coaster and train wreck and then it's not so much attention but validation of "am I making the right decision" because there's little trust in self.... so I will put my hand up and say empaths can do some of those things too. I'm guilty, but am trying to call myself out on it and begin to keep it in check quite a bit more than when I had no idea. 


I have also.   Mostly on here.   If it hadn't been for the good advice I have received here, I would still be a train wreck.      


You confused me with your new pic!!! had to take a 2nd look as to who you were haha.... Completely off topic of this thread. However, maybe inline due to the whole "fake" theme here...... I'm considering changing my online name for a few reasons. If i keep the same pic so we know its me is that ok with all :-D the idea of a fake name is a little unnerving and to be honest i cannot even think of anything. I tend not to do "fake" to well, but just know i suffer from a little paranoia from time to time and am feeling the need to change my name or otherwise i may shut down....... 


dont change it because of the spelling is similar .  Lol

Sometimes I will read what you post and think to myself "when did I post that " then I will look to see if it was you. Lol.    I have to say,  I don't mind sharing our name because you do not lead people astray.   It's ok if they confuse me with you because I always agree with your opinion.  Lol.   Wink

Too true! ¬†I always feel like I'm taking to the same person then i realize I'm not, you two are very similar. ūüėä

Nikki3
@nikler
11/06/16 06:07:07PM
116 posts

Empaths and Boundaries


Empath

@heavy-rains that is your empath ability at work.  Completely different thing.  There are several things you can do to limit and/or deal with those issues.

I personally won't watch movies where I know a kid dies, I won't watch horror movies, I just can't deal so I set rules for myself.

When I am watching something that I think might affect me I have a mental rolling screen that I put up and allow that image or feeling to fleet past my vision and I don't pick it up. I take the visual and 'pluck' it out with mental tweezers and throw it away so I don't absorb or deal with the emotion.  Sometimes I miss certain things in movies by doing this but it helps.  I also tell myself it's not real and visualize make-up dummies in my head while the scene is playing.  I don't engage.

Sometimes it takes me by surprise though, I watched the movie Mr. Right... wasn't that bad so I didn't really block... ended up getting out of bed at 5am due to being unable to put the images away and I kept dreaming about someone trying to kill me.

The movie something St. Cloud where the kid dies... after watching the preview I can't even look at the cover of the movie, I have to look away when I scroll past it on Netflix.

I think you should do some reading and studying on how to control your empath ability, discern what is your emotion and what is not, how to cut ties with people, block incoming emotions, meditate and wash out negative energy.  These are activities us empaths have to do regularly to maintain sanity.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/06/16 02:11:08PM
116 posts

Fake People and Empaths


Empath

@tigerlily no apologies necessary, we all just put how we think and what we feel out here and hope someone can take something home from it and grow.  I am so so sorry for what you are going through, I can't image.

I guess it's definition and perspective.  I don't consider it being a 'b' to tell someone to back off when they've overstepped and they've been warned.  Enforcing boundaries doesn't always make you popular but it doesn't make you a b either... in my opinion.

What I was getting at is be yourself, be genuine... who cares what people think of you or what they call you.  You are the only person that has to be accountable for your actions.  Boundaries are important and sometimes we have to stick up for ourselves, sometimes we have to be selfish and if that makes us 'not nice' in someone else's eyes then so be it.  Don't bend because you don't want someone to think you are a b... they can think what they want... keep your authenticity.

That being said I hope you have a few people (or at least one) you can lean on during this time, I know how difficult it can be.  I will send comforting vibes your way and know you always have an outlet here.  love and hugs.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/06/16 06:44:11AM
116 posts

Fake People and Empaths


Empath

Interesting topic because it is very mutli-faceted.  I would like to point out that I hear so many of you say that you've turned into ____ because of the people around you.  We should NEVER let the actions of another person change who we are at our core.  My mom always says things to me like "you get more flies with honey than with vinegar" and "the best revenge is to live a good life" and "live your life so no one will believe the lies others tell about you".

My authenticity is derived from who I am and, even though I have been at fault for the same thing, I always come back to who I am at my core.  I remind myself often of the person I want to be and then I start acting like her regardless of others.  "I" am solely responsible for my reputation and authenticity.

I think these people are not strong, they didn't have powerful models to shape their lives after, they lack confidence and self esteem.  I try not to judge because I have no idea what their lives have been like and what they must be going through.  I decide if I am going to give them words of encouragement or 'nod and smile' or tune them out.  I decide if the situation is something I don't want to deal with everyday and find somewhere else to be.  I decide. 

Nikki3
@nikler
11/05/16 02:06:28PM
116 posts

Empaths and Boundaries


Empath

If you think of you saying 'yes' as enabling someone it can change your perspective on boundaries. For example your alcoholic friend asks you for a drink and you say 'yes, I'd love to get you a drink'.  Saying no sometimes is love, feeling, and caring.  Some people want your help because they are too lazy to do it for themselves and they know you will say yes, so you are actually doing them a favour by saying no.  Saying yes not only enables them but drains you - who wins?  Neither party.

Stop feeling like you are being mean and start feeling like you are creating health and justice.  Boundaries are healthy rules that you live by to maintain energy, happiness and quality of life.  They are not limiting rules that stop you from being a good person.

I have rules for myself when it comes to other people's needs, the main one is I say 'let me think about it' - once I walk away from the situation I ask myself "would this person do the same for me?" and my answer to that question is my answer to them.

Now, sometimes you get a feeling that you need to do something and not benefit in return, if your intuition is talking then go ahead and pay it forward.  We shouldn't always be looking for return benefit but we have to stop saying yes to everything and start saying let me think about it.


updated by @nikler: 11/05/16 02:07:35PM
Nikki3
@nikler
11/05/16 01:54:42PM
116 posts

Healing empath


Empath

It sounds to me like it is not a matter of holding your energy in but letting it out.  It's like you have a big ball of flames inside and you don't want to burn anyone so you keep it locked up tight where it builds and becomes explosive.  Somehow you manage to keep it under control but I think you need to release the heat out into the universe.  When you meditate let it flow through you and out, let go of it.

Nikki3
@nikler
11/05/16 01:48:30PM
116 posts

People who block yoi


Empath

I would venture to say that people who block are gifted, I would not believe all are skilled.  I've been 'blocking' for years like 15 years... because I didn't understand what was going on and I stumbled across how to keep from dealing with it.  Unskilled for years until recently.  I don't think it's hard to tell the skilled from the unskilled.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/29/16 06:16:08PM
116 posts

Do you give advice?


Empath

@CCat absolutely! I agree with you, if you feel the need to speak up by all means do so at whatever risk. I think you should go with your gut. My previous answer was in general because everyone 'wants' advice, although mostly it's not really advice they want but confirmation they are right so their opinions or decisions can be justified. In life threatening cases i think you have to make a choice you can live with. Go with your gut feeling as much as you can because it's usually right. I don't believe though that we receive this info for a reason, i believe that we see, it's a gift. I don't believe it's a magic that pops up only when we are to say or do something it's just there all the time. We are to determine whether we need to act on something or not based on our intuition and urgency of the matter. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/26/16 06:48:13PM
116 posts

Do you give advice?


Empath

I stay away from 'empath speak'.  If I 'feel' like I want to impart advice to someone who seems to be looking I ask first "Do you want my advice?".  I wait patiently for an answer - it's their choice - I don't want to give advice to someone unless they are open to receive, if they ask for it, they obligate themselves to listen.  If they say yes or want to know what I have to say I use layman's terms.  Very rarely I will throw a 'term' out there to see if they are receptive but 99% of the time I just use words that are normal and understood by most people in general.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/18/16 06:38:25AM
116 posts

discussion re: soul mates / new loves


Empath

Maybe he is a past life love and there is soul recognition? It may not have been a good relationship. Maybe you're not destinedto be together and tge dreams are a warning? Or maybe the dreams are telling you something else. Never get stuck on one idea, be open to the possibility that the dream was not an answer to your seeking a new love /soul mate.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 10:04:05PM
116 posts

Male friends falling for me


Empath

1. People don't see things the way we do, don't confide in anyone about your feelings or people you are interested in unless you really trust they have your back. 

2. Not everyone deserves you. Give of yourself only to those who would do the same for you,  except on the rare occasions your intuition requires you to do a good deed. 

We must learn to say no, we must learn to be a little selfish, we must ask ourselves if where we place our energy is right, if not don't do it. 


updated by @nikler: 10/17/16 10:05:17PM
Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 09:55:30PM
116 posts

Empaths & love..


Empath

@tigerlily i think when we meet someone who has life going for him we get overlooked, at least for me, I'm quiet,calm and i don't stand out. In fact sometimes i don't think people remember i was there. I have to really put effort into being seen and communicate in a way that my presence is remembered.  It took me a long time to realize that and a blunt friend to point it out. Not only that but i was unapproachable because i rarely smiled or talked for that matter. If I'm into someone now i make the effort to be 'normal' socially for lack of a better word. 

I've been destroyed by relationships, i was very naive thinking people thought like me and had similar murals. I made bad choices, not sure my heart will even let me fall again. I want another connection but I'm so afraid of being hurt again it's kneejerk reaction to push then away, no one gets past. I'm working on that, i know part of it is me. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 07:56:42PM
116 posts

Can someone who's never seen/heard spirit... learn to?


Empath

I believe everyone has intuition, how far their gifts extend from there depends on the person. I don't believe we al have it all.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 07:51:13PM
116 posts

Can someone who's never seen/heard spirit... learn to?


Empath

I don't think it's harmful to accept teachings from someone over the internet if you go in to see what he has to offer and take only what resonates with you. The problem comes in when you believe everything to be gospel truth instead of listening to your intuition. Are you asking because you are scared of being told untruths or because you are a little afraid of the truth?  Or maybe you lack faithin yourself to recognize if this man is legit? Answering these questions to yourself might be helpful, why are you afraid to accept his help? If you have a bad feeling about it in the pit of your stomach don't do it. If you are compelled to see what he's going to tell you then give it a trial, you can always back out later if it feels wrong. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 07:39:24PM
116 posts

Stress


Empath

It seems he's on your mind because you haven't heard from him and you know he's going through a lot which means maybe you're worried about him so your subconsciously taking on his stress to relieve him a little. Maybe touch base with him amd see how he's doing. Even if he doesn't dump on you maybe knowing he's ok will help?

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 07:35:08PM
116 posts

discussion re: soul mates / new loves


Empath

Since i posted last i read an article about recognizing past life connections and it resonated with me. I think this person is someone I've connected with in a past life and that is why things are so tumultuous. Makes so much sense now. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 05:17:33PM
116 posts

Empaths & love..


Empath

I've never dated another empath that i know of, but i think it would be a train wreck if they weren't aware and understood their abilities. 

I have for the first time that I'm aware of an empath friend.  I met her a month or so ago and it's been good to talk to someone about it in person.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 05:13:51PM
116 posts

Empaths & love..


Empath

I believe we all are or have been broken at some time, yes. I've been hurt quite badly and i know that, i recognize that, I've taken the last 4 years putting myself and my life back together.  i took the time to be alone, i took the time to help my son, i re- built my life. I see my flaws and I'm willing to work on them.

What i mean by my use of the word broken is people who are angry, bitter, emotional wrecks, they can't get past what their ex did long enough to see that not everyone is like that.  Like i can't use the word fine because it has other meanings along with everything else i say... i have to walk on eggshels or explain myself thoroughly or prove I'm not like the others but i can tell they don't quite ever trust me... but they want me around.  Or ones who just broke up and their mixed up emotionally and have family matters to sort out and kids to fix... they want someone to to take that support role so they don't have to make all the rules. These people are not ready for a relationship and have no clue why.  That's what i mean by broken.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 01:31:01PM
116 posts

discussion re: soul mates / new loves


Empath

I don't think all soul mates are blissful relationships.  There is one person whom I connected with instantly, there's something there for sure between us.  However, we can't communicate for love nor money.  We are constantly having to explain our words, repeat things, remind each other... I've never in my life had so much trouble communicating with someone.  However, we are hopelessly attracted since the moment we met.  I know this won't last, it hasn't even become a relationship really even with some level of intimacy we continue to bounce back and forth.  It's tumultuous, emotional, and frustrating but we keep finding ways move together and away... who knows how it will end up but I don't believe it will be together.  The only thing I can make of it is that there are lessons to be learned here, we were brought into each other's lives for a reason and it will come about eventually.  I do believe that we will always in some way shape or form keep in touch and hold a special place for each other though.

The ultimate question is do we let things run their course and be open to what is happening or do we make rational, logical decisions and push things in the direction we are more comfortable with?  Is it predestination or stupidity?  I'll never know because I follow my heart more than anything else... the way I am built.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/17/16 01:20:26PM
116 posts

Empaths & love..


Empath

@jenstone - interesting idea, not sure I followed it completely but I think I get what you are saying.

If you add the fact that empaths attract broken people, then it's not too hard to believe that many will want to have a relationship with us because we make them feel whole like the many before us couldn't.  I'm finding I'm meeting a lot of guys my age who have been raked over the coals by selfish, needy, cold, abusing women.  They spend any time with me and they want to date. I'm like a breath of fresh air to them and they want to keep it.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/11/16 09:24:30AM
116 posts

Dreams


Empath

I wouldn't call it a fear of sleep, i love sleep, i love it when i can sleep in. I fear my uncontrolled mind while i sleep, not all the time, but i wonder how much is controlled subconsciously since I've been doing it so long it has become second nature for the most part. i have become more aware of it since i started believing in the spiritual again, since i realized i was an empath. Like opening a sealed door but i have more control than i did when i was young. 

The other adult thing i discovered only recently when i have gone to visit people. This last weekend i was at my moms and had a very blank sleep for the first time in a long time. While i was visiting friends in Edmonton the weekend before, i slept through their nephew and son trying to get into the house through the garage door, apparently the inside door to the house was locked so they opened and closed the garage door until the parents woke... i heard nothing which is a near miracle.  I hear the cat walk up the stairs at home. So I'm thinking having a non empath adult maybe even somewhere in the house is what shields my crazy mind. I believe my teenage son is an empath as well so it could be why he doesn't offer me relief or maybe it's because of my mom instincts i don't see him as protector like i do an adult male? The idea is pretty new to me but interesting. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/10/16 05:15:57PM
116 posts

Dreams


Empath

I get that hesitation to sleep a lot. I think it's because I'm afraid of what my mind will do while i sleep. I used to have vivid nightmares, even though I've gained control and don't have them any more i still get that lack of control feeling and think it would be less exhausting to stay awake. When i feel like this i have to mentally prep my subconscious to 'block' in essence nightmares and trigger me to rise to enough consciousness to change my dreams if they get out of hand... and wake me up if that doesn't work. I've been doing this nearly nightly as a bedtime ritual for 25 years.  It is a rare morning to wake up and feel refreshed. That's one thing i miss about being in a relationship, fo some reason if i have someone beside me my subconscious feels protected and i don't dream as much, the non empath is like a shield of quiet against my ever moving mind.


updated by @nikler: 10/10/16 05:17:20PM
Nikki3
@nikler
10/09/16 06:28:24PM
116 posts

God...the big question


Empath

@dproper you make some very interesting points and I've believed that way for a very long time. I'm questioning it a bit though, since my nephew passed I've wavered between what you believe and what goodenergyhealing believes and i feel like it's something in between. 

ggoodenergyhealing i love the things you say and how you approach issues in such a diplomatic way. There is peace and comfort inside your words.

This forum really is awesome for all of us to put things out there to think about. 

Love and light to you both :)

Nikki3
@nikler
10/07/16 07:00:52PM
116 posts

Soul Mate Search


Empath

I understand how you feel. It's not all feelings and sparks, we have decisions to make when it comes to relationships. I've been married twice and neither is my sons dad, I've put myself through the ringer and have learned a lot, not that i put it to use, i currently really like a guy who is so not good for me... sigh. I like another guy who would totally be my soul mate but he's not ready for a relationship so... what to do... my heart gets mixed up with my feelings and my intuition gets left in the dark with my logic. Maybe i don't learn ha ha ha. I guess if you have someone who treats you right and you can communicate and respect each other.... can't hope for better than that.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/06/16 06:48:39PM
116 posts

God...the big question


Empath

I used to have a pretty solid belief in God and an orchestrated plan. The my nephew was killed in an accident and i lost all faith in anything but life and death. I'm starting to see things differently now that I've been reading on empath gifts. I've always believed in the spirit world to some extent, except for the last 6 years i mourned the passing of my nephew, his passing was very traumatizing for me. I also believe in the power of our minds and most people can't even fathom what our minds are capable of. I'm currently reforming what i believe bit by bit starting with empathic abilities and building as i see evidence to build. Your questions are my questions, i can't answer any but i can say they are great questions. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/04/16 03:55:00PM
116 posts

Empaths & love..


Empath

All my life! I remember having a huge group of friends in my early 20s, we all used to hang together and do stuff and go for coffee. One by one each and every guy took me aside with some reason why i was their soul mate, "it just feels right". Meanwhile i felt nothing for them... it was weird,  still happens but i don't spend a lot of time with bery many people any more. Although i can say on the flip side whem I'm crushing on someone it is very rarely returned. Seema my magic only works on those i don't want lol.

Nikki3
@nikler
10/04/16 03:46:37PM
116 posts

Dreams


Empath

I dream all the time and it's usually about something that's happening in my life. But every once in a while it's very vivid and different feeling like it's telling me something. I had one the other night that i was talking to a guy i have history with and we're still friends and all of a sudden his face started changing to different faces. Then the person was a guy i used to work with but it wasn't his face and he got really really close to me with eyes wide open and shouted "i love you" in my face... that woke me up my eyes flew open and i was trying to catch my breath. I can't shake the feeling it means something but have no idea what. Usually these dreams take weeks to fade in my memory. 

Nikki3
@nikler
10/03/16 07:17:07PM
116 posts

are you Alone? i mean really alone.


Empath

My biggest problem is feeling that connection or chemistry or energy whatever it is with someone and having it go all wrong. I'm starting to believe that it rarely goes both ways and if that's the case then why? What's the purpose of feeling a connection with someone if they don't feel it? Am i supposed to help them in some way amd how do i know the difference before my feelings are hurt? Not just romantically but in all relationships. 

Nikki3
@nikler
09/25/16 05:49:49AM
116 posts

are you Alone? i mean really alone.


Empath

It is difficult, i agree. I made rules for myself a long time ago before i even understood what was going on with me because i got tired of being used and thrown away. When asked to do something i always say maybe and i think about it. I ask myself if they would do the same and that answer us the answer i use. Like i said i say no a lot because i have found a few people i know i can count on if i really needed them. It didn't help the loneliness because it's nit a deep connection but i will step out for them because if i called in need they'd be there in whatever validity they could. Those are the only people i say yes to. 

I've learned to enjoy my own company. I hate doing things alone but i talk myself into it and force myself to appreciate my own accomplishments. I do enjoy being alonesometimes now especially in my home where I've changed my perspective, it is my sanctuary and i don't really want anyone in it. 

Try making yourself some rules to protect yourself, find a couple people that would come when you CALL even if you have nothing yo give anddevelop a relationship with them. It will take time and a lot of effort but you have to build your own world. Maybe someday someone will come to share it, but don't stop building it. 

Nikki3
@nikler
09/24/16 09:38:27PM
116 posts

Have you experienced The Dark Night of the Soul


Empath

I feel i am just coming out of one, never knew how to describe it but now i think this was it. I would think that on the way out you may go through the stages of grief. Like you are mourning the ego and what you were but can no longer be because of what you know now you can't go back. Curious isc you looked up the stages of grief if you would find some resemblance of what you are going through. 

Nikki3
@nikler
09/24/16 09:20:17PM
116 posts

Extra Weirdness


Empath

People think they recognize me all the time, everywhere i go. 

I once had a guy in a bar start talking to me and next thing i know he's telling me about his testicular cancer and I'm like whoa buddy that's really personal. Of course i didn't say that out loud but, you know. never saw him again. I guess he needed someone to talk to. 

I often think of things right before they are said, especially numbers. 

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