Forum Activity for @bv27

BV27
@bv27
03/18/16 12:12:53PM
5 posts

Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too


Empath

The she wont be a centerfold made me chuckle a tad :). I think that my posting may not have been fully explained or possibly misunderstood as far as the thinking that external beauty is my "#1" factor. The funny thing is I don't like what most guys would consider gorgeous or hot blue eyed blonde "bombshells" as it were. My preference is actually quite opposite, I tend to like thicker natural looking women and women that my friends wouldn't consider "hot". And its because I search for that inner light first and foremost. But I don't care who you are, you would be lying if you told me that attraction was not an important part in making a connection or being in a relationship with someone.

As for as having too much "ego", I think that word is thrown around in the wrong way. Ego is defined as 1. an inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others

2. your consciousness of your own identity

I do not in any way shape or form feel any pride or feelings of superiority to anyone. In fact I put others first every time and hold others in high regard. My disclaimer in the beginning about explaining things about myself was for the fact that I hate talking about myself. I get even uncomfortable at times when peopletry to talk me up and divert the attention backto them so they can get credit which I don't need. So its not about me :). Do I have a strong sense and know who I am? I do. But that does not give me any feeling that I am superior to anyone.

Aristotle said that "Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom" so I would counter that claim of your definition of ego.

As for the realistic scenario in which you provide about 5 women in a room. At the end when they turned the lights on if I was not attracted to the individual, then we would probably have a great relationship as best friends however, there would be no biologically triggered feeling of attraction which would not lead to a relationship. I can cite about 5 studies that show the major importance of attraction to your significant other.

All in all I appreciate your bluntness and encouragement of luck on my quest and I hope that I cleared up any misunderstandings in my writings.

BV27
@bv27
03/16/16 01:33:44PM
5 posts

Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too


Empath

I love your response. I definitely enjoy my alone time to improve and reflect. I found that I am very comfortable not necessarily needing someone or being with someone for my happiness because I know who I am. What it is, is I feel something inside of me reaching out to connect with that counterpart. Its not an emotional thing I don't think, its almost like an incomplete atom reaching for the other atom to complete the molecule and make it whole and neutral. So I am assuming that it is a biological response or something but I feel the other atoms reaching back out to me from somewhere. I just think there is a great power inside and to have another half which stabilizes and adds and contributes to that power can change the world :)

BV27
@bv27
03/16/16 01:24:16PM
5 posts

Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too


Empath

To answer your question, after thinking about it I am sure that my basis of moral standardBELIEFSin general came from religion. However my moral standard ACTIONS followed those beliefs from I believe a natural born intrinsic aspect. I am a very passionate individual when it comes to affection and sex. My emotions and feelings go into those activities and for me to give someone that much attention and that pure love they have to be on that deep level as you say, because I also put so much into that I become committed in a way mentally (not relationship wise).

Its funny the way you describe the "IT" factor because I think you know exactly what I mean, but again there is only so many words that you can really use to describe it. Deep soul, human lover, cultured, light within, potentialetc... But none of that really says what IT is. You know what IT is when you have it lets just put it that way.

While I will forever have things to improve on I definitely learned at the right timing in my life how important self worth is which I can truthfully and whole heartedly say that I do love myself. It came from realizing who I was and that it was ok to be me :).

What's funny is I only recently discovered the word Empath, but I think IT is more than being an Empath. I agree that there may be a change to who we arewheninitially meeting someone, but if we are strong enough in who we are, that "change" is only an aspect of who we are. Ability to adapt and take things about others and make them our ownis a part of us, and it is us even though it may not be exactly how we normally are or used to be (if that makes any sense).

My ex would make fun of me sometimes for adapting my way with people. I remember being in Morocco and quickly became friends with all the locals, my accent would change and I would drink tea and play backgammon with them in the mornings. Same thing with Indians I still do the tilted head side to side when saying yes or no because I love them and their culture I have used that to say hey I am here and I respect you with openness. I dunno...... We are gonna be A ok though we have such a wonderful gift and someone will realize it :)

BV27
@bv27
03/14/16 03:27:47PM
5 posts

Finding Love as a Male Empath but definitely want responses from the Women here too


Empath

Not sure where to start so Ill probably start in the middle and work my way forwards and backwards :). Sorry if I mention examples of or explain things about myself, I hope that those things will not be perceived as conceited, cocky, or arrogant. Still feeling out this community as I am new, but I think perhaps I can be understood here for what it is. Anyway Here goes:

If you are not single is your partner an empath? If you are single are you picky as heck or do you go for looks and try to make the best of it? Do you always play the game or if you find someone with that special energy and connection do you just let yourself open up?

Short version of a long story I recently ended a 10 year (on and off) relationship. I would cry myselfto sleep sometimeswhen I was younger thinking of how mean people were and whyI couldn't just be normal or find anyone that could understand me.At the time I waschurch going religious and Igot so frustrated one night I cried out to God almost yellingpleading with himPLEASE SEND ME SOMEONE THAT WILL UNDERSTAND ME! The very next day I met her and we talked for three days straight.We were engaged 10 years later, but there was too much negativity and worry and history. She had the "IT" factor when we met (which is what I call people with that energy that comes off of them that you know they are powerful and special). The unfortunate part is that somewhere along the way she lost "IT" and became consumed by her own fear. It started fights between us and I hung on for so long in hopes the person I knew would come back. It was time to let go.

I have the ability to make people open up to me immediately and have them feel sense of connection, comfort and safetywith me. I usually can tell things about them that they wouldn't admit (pride) or say outwardly to anyone. I know what they want, how they feel and can adapt to the situation. I've experienced a lot in my thus far short life and it makes it easy to empathize with others in that way. That is my gift in bringing a woman in however its not that simple.

My "problem" with finding someone is that not only am I picky on looks, but I am so picky with the mind. Everyone has a standard when it comes to physical attraction and when you see someone you like those alarms go off in your brain and its like boom. But for me and maybe some of you as well I need that boom to go off for her energy and mind too. And I don't mean finding things in common or her being smart, she has to have a certain energy that I wish I could explain.

I cant, like some of my guy friends, just go pick up any good lookinggirl to bring home and have sex with (even though sometimes I wish my morals and standards were turned off because I am human). It just feels completelyagainst my nature. I am just not turned on by someone who doesn't have that love or energy. I am not saying I am looking for a full on relationship every time, just the right person....

Its hard enough finding another empath but finding an empath that I find attractive next to impossible locally at least.

I know this post is jumbled and kind of everywhere, but can anyone man or woman identify with this? Anyone have their own examples? Any advice? Am I being unrealistic? Would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you


updated by @bv27: 10/18/17 11:45:46AM
BV27
@bv27
03/14/16 10:28:32AM
5 posts

In Between the Old Me and the New Me


Empath

Hi Lotus-

First forgive me for the long response, but there are many things you bring up and points to cover. I think there were some good responses here but I think Cbxjohn said it best and I would like to expound on JUST BE and give a few similar experiences in my life as you describe. I sat here with some tears in my eyes relating to what you said and rememberfeeling that almost helpless and confusing feeling. I think it is a tad unrealistic to say just run away or remove yourself from people or places. Unless you move to Antarctica, you have to learn to embrace your greatness, because no matter where you are you will find that people will always be people.

I really hate talking about myself, but I think in this group I may be safe to do that. I love how you open with I am overwhelmed by my greatness without explanation I know exactly what you mean. I am considered a very good looking male by the worlds standards and starting in high school I realized that being a good looking, introverted extrovert, type A personality, empath, was not a good thing apparently in high school. Starting in high school I was judged an extreme amount by people who did not like me for no reason at all. I felt this and it hurt, I used to cry myself to sleep thinking I wish I was just normal and I wish I could meet someone who understood me. What hurt the most is how much I loved people and actually cared about their wellbeing, how could they not see this and be so determined to bring me down with their negative feelings and energy towards me?

My first year of college I got a summer job as a door to door salesmen selling home security systems and because I knew people so well, I learned to mirror them and make them immediately comfortable. I was extremely successful doing this and this is when I started really reading books for me. I opened self-help books and books on Goals and all kinds like that.

I came across a saying that changed my life and entire perspective, even though I think I took it differently than what it was meant for. I also changed it up a little but its something like this which you may have heard:

Dont let the Turkeys bring you down, fly like the Eagle that you are.

There is a story by Charlie Page that tells of a baby eagle that fell from its nest only to land in a family of turkeys? He grew upthinking he was a turkey.He ate with the turkeys. He slept with the turkeys. He even acted like a turkey.

Buthe knew in his heart that he wasnt a turkey. And one day he looked up to see an eagle soaring majestically in the afternoon sky.

At that momenthe knew that he was an eagle and he spread his wings and took flight.

The 1ststep is understanding how great you are, which I think you may understand, though I am not sure if you fully understand.

2ndis to realize that there will be people everywhere you go who just dont get IT (IT being the gift/power you possess).

3rdis the realization that those people who dont get IT have their own insecurities, problems, andpains. Their way of coping with their world is to send that negativity to someone else. IT IS NOT PERSONAL TOWARDS YOU, misery just loves company.

4thBe aware of your mind wandering back to the Turkey mentality when it is happening. You feel that pain/bad energy for a second and then remember #3 its not you its them that are hurting so you realize you can live around those people, but you dont need to be with them or like them.

Dont dull your wonder to please the Turkeys. BE Happy, BE Energetic, BE Positive, BE Loving, BE YOU! You were created this way by whatever creator you believe in and it wasnt an accident or flaw.

You were meant to have this powerful gift and use it to help others! Whether you are religious or not read or reread The Parable of the Talents in the Bible in Matthew 25:14-30. It basically tells you you have an obligation to use what you have been given and not bury it or hide it away.

As I end writing this, I know there is so much more to say, but I just want to tell you I feel love for you and I know you will be just fine. Once you get past this hump you will never feel the same ..Good Luck!