Your personality type can be a good as well as a bad thing depending on the situation. Good in a sense that you wont give up easily; you will persist. Bad in the sense that if you are not alined with your higher self, you could fight a very long battle (persisting fighting against yourself beyond the point that others would do) while thinking that you are battling outside forces. I not only sense your fatigue and frustration, I have lived it.
Let's address the point regarding your feeling about the free will first to see if that will help.
The things that you think you have less control over (lifes bigger issues) is actually the part of your life you are currently controlling to a greater extent.
Not everything is as it seems to us three dimensional beings. Theappearanceis just like you described above, but in reality our subconscious knows exactly where we are heading even if the conscious mind seems foggy and confused as to the real plan. It appears that some strange force is moving us, when in fact we are proceeding (moving ourselves forward) with life exactly as it has been planned (by us). (Good and bad situations alike)
I just commented to my husband today that an incredibly unfortunate event, had it not occur in the 80s, I would probably never have met him and would not have had the wonderful children that we had together. If you were to ask me at the time though, I was incredibly devastated by the circumstances, and saw nothing but misfortune in the event. At the time this issue seemed like one of lifes bigger issues, and a frustrating turning point at that. It appeared that nothing good would ever come of it.
However, dont think that I will now suggest that you simply need to be more positive. You and I both know that things are more complicated than that. Not only that, you probably have more positivity and drive than a lot of other people being an INFJ.
As my perception widened with enlightenment and I mean opened up a LOT, suddenly I saw how a seemingly so negative thing could have been for my own benefit. You would laugh or cry if you knew how many years passed since that one specific turning point and todays realization and appreciation/gratitude of what is. During those past years, I fought the battle against myself. I do my best to be in better touch with my higher self these days, but that does not mean that I am without problems to solve daily. In fact, if I told you that after enlightenment you will be faced with higher challenges, you will take smaller more cautious steps toward this supposed pure bliss. Yes there is a certain relief in it. One of the things that I am very grateful for is a better understanding of time itself. I used to drive myself absolutely crazy thinking that I would run out of time somehow to do something meaningful in my current life.
We have certain dreams and wishes that the subconscious recognizes as deep-seated wants.
The subconscious does not pick these up from your thinking but from your emotions or feelings instead. So, if you come upon something and it really moves you, that gets recorded. The higher self wants to experience more of these moments, so it keeps moving you toward the realization of these dreams, goals & wishes. The problem arises when we tell ourselves while thinking that we need that super high paying job, but our emotions tell the higher self that we are pretty content with the small things in life that dont take a lot of money at all. We are chasing what we THINK we want, while the higher self is lining things up to satisfy what we truly want. A terrible battle can get set into place where one is fighting with him/herself over what they should want rather than believing that what we want is possible and achievable.
Our 3D perception (the root of a lot of our problems) tells us that in the real world things dont work that way. It tells us that we cant have what we want. You hear people say that is not realistic. Well in the higher realms things DO work that way. We all are doing work there which suit us best. We do the things that we are best at, regardless of what value a third dimensional person would assign to our contribution.
If you are anything like me, this final thought may come as a relief:
Upon enlightenment the very first thing that changed was my perception of time. That took so much stress off of me. This realization that the way time works is nothing like we envision it in our three dimensional reality, and that there is plenty of time. Maybe not for us in this exact existence, but from the Souls perspective there is an infinite amount of time. For example a soul can come to Earth for a so-called mission for 20 some years and think nothing of it. In the overall scheme of things this is considered a short time compared to infinite time.
Your current suffering and inability to move past a certain obstacle signals more that you are not in alignment with what your higher self wants than a true unsolvable situation (which may be your current perception). To your current self, your present situation may seem that your choices have narrowed and there is no way out of your predicament.
You may not know the HOW part, or the specifics but know that anything is possible and the best thing you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other each day.
This note got pretty long, so I will leave it here for now. Keep Googling, keep inquiring. It will result in a meaningful change in perception. For me it was a tremendous relief. Did it solve all my Earthly problems? NO It did change quite a bit how I approach those problems though. This started moving me forward again.
Things arent hopeless, just get your vehicle unstuck and you will be on your way.
Don't ever give up trying. Do start however to work smarter rather than harder.