reading peoples negativity and social phobia HSP
I just wanted to put on here a bit of what i experience and really to see if its normal for an empath.
Well i have been doing a bit of work with a therapist and they have said something that i already knew i did but it has made me think about it more.
But i am always reading people. I think i scan for any negativity of any kind. I think this is something ive done since before i could walk. I dont know if its learned behavour or inbuild. Im not much ineterested in that but more about how to heal and to do that i want to understand.
i am afraid of people and their ability to hurt me with their emotions. I can have horrendous reactions to others internal emotions they dont have to say anything or do anything. Its whats inside them that i find attrocious. Cos i kow they are often evil or have evil and hatred in them. Sometimes they direct it at me sometimes its at other people around me. I dont go out the house now cos of having a serious illness that makes me housebound. But still i occasionaly have a good few moths and can go on holidays and then i am around people again.
Last time this happened all i can describe it as is being poisioned very badly. And it was a total physical and mental and emotional i could even say it effected my spirit. It was a full blown episode of some kind that happened after meeting two people that where serving in a restaurant in the hotel i was staying at.
I managed to get back to my room and collapsed on the bed and i had this episode full on physical and all the rest it was like a mini breakdown i felt psychotic. I cant really desribe it well just my mind disintergrated and i felt all the terrable emotions one person could feel in the space of an hour which it went on for it would have gone on longer but my dad came and knocked on my door and it seemed to break whatever was happening to me. Reality ultered totaly for me as a result of these two people that i can only desribe as evil. Thats what i picked up from them. Its like they infested me with it.This energy was toxic to my very being and it was as if my whole being had been poisoned by their internal energy and me being in there sights. They had wry smiles on them. Its not the first time something like this has happened but it was so totaly extreme. Like i said it was a full blown pychotic episode and i wasnt fully aware i seemed to have gone into an altered state. But it was because of them.
In my life i truely believe that its not possable for someone to be as sensitiive as i AM. Its so out of proportion to what has happened.
I dont understand
This sort of thing has happened to me all my life. I just scrapped through life out there till i became housebound with this physical illness. Now i can hide mostly from the world. Dont get me wrong i would be out if i could i would have just moved to the country. and gone long walks in nature and been mainly around animals and only loving soft and kind people. I would have worked for myself at home. I have lots of skills that together i could make a living from. But i do like to help people as well people who are suffering.
I have a terrable fear of negativity in others and im always scanning for it cos it can make me meltdown just to be exposed to it energeticaly it does seem to be toxic to me.
How is it possable for someone to be so sensitive???
Its like i was born on the wrong planet and im not meant to be around humans. Not those kind anyway. But i have some lovely friends who are wonderful people they are all HSP too and kind caring loving people.
Does anyone relate to this at all??
updated by @lilly: 01/09/17 09:12:40PM