Forum Activity for @enterich

Enterich
@enterich
02/15/16 11:56:09PM
1 posts

I am very ill, and I don't know why


Empath

Nature is the one thing that has granted me complete and utter peace at times, if only for a little bit. I hope to reconnect with her someday soon, I just haven't had the time. Always been called by commercial and urban concerns like my schooling and this awful financial situation. I just hope that she knows I'm trying.

About family, it's mostly because I don't want to feel those emotions anymore, but it's also because they torture me and sometimes willingly. It's, hard to know what they're intending. I'm beginning to really hate them, not because of the emotions they can't help, but how they're directing it towards me. Like wanting to dominate me, if that makes sense. It's like, knowing that their intentions are predatory, not just isolated to themselves, you know? I want them to fear me so that I guess they won't feel the need to do that anymore. But it is also so that I don't have to have this horrible frustration from them, too. (I've tried resolving that too; it's becoming apparent that it's no longer my fault because I have prostrated myself before them several times, and they just want more, and hate me now because I just refuse. So this awful, vengeance instinct is here, and I just want them to shake and avoid even thinking of me, like it does to me now. But that is evil, and I really shouldn't want that.)

Cutting the cords of pain, allowing it to flow back through...I know a couple of people who used to do that, but they don't talk to us anymore (they hate my landlord, and I am guilty by association. So, although we are facebook friends still, they would never actually speak to me. In fact, one of them has taught his daughter how to curse us all, which is beyond awful parenting. I mean, he could've at least tried to himself and left his poor daughter out of it, but no. He has to poison others, even his own children. I'm sorry, I'm just, disgusted, you know?). I wouldn't begin to know how, but I have to assume that that ability would come with the grounding and meditation, wouldn't it? I'm sorry, I know I'm really ignorant and that must be frustrating, but please know that I am trying. But if the video helped you, then I am definitely looking for it. And yes, you have helped me a lot and I do appreciate it immensely! Thank you, both for taking the time to write this out and for sending me this light. I want to know I appreciate it, and I'm sorry if I rambled at all in this response.

Enterich
@enterich
02/15/16 11:13:51PM
1 posts

I am very ill, and I don't know why


Empath

Thank you, I really do appreciate it. I'm going to start looking into one as well as initiate some further attempts into meditation, especially in a natural environment, but before I do if it's okay I would like to message you? I have a concern that I don't want entirely public, and I hope if it's okay I could voice this to you?

Enterich
@enterich
02/11/16 10:08:38PM
1 posts

I am very ill, and I don't know why


Empath

I know this is going to sound stupid, but it's hard for me to. I can't focus very well, but it's something I'm working on. But I have no idea how to ground myself (I honestly didn't know that was part of the process). It's gotten to the point that I honestly want my family to be afraid of me. But I know that's an evil thought process, so I just try not to pursue it. I'm sure if they knew any of this they would be. Thank you so much though, and I'm sorry it took me so long to respond to you. Thank you.

Enterich
@enterich
02/11/16 07:44:35PM
1 posts

I am very ill, and I don't know why


Empath

I guess I've known for a while now that I am an empath. Sorry if this discussion sounds off, I can't really talk to people right now, that is, Ishouldn't be trying to. This is already going to get upsetting and I know that, just please remember that I am not a leech, and I would only ever use these powers for good. But I am a bad person by nature, but I have the power to become good, and that's what I want, but I can't do it like this. I guess I'll cut to the chase; I have only ever really existed between two things; physical and emotional pain. I've never felt what happiness is, really; I've only ever been upset or in pain, and as sick as it is, I now enjoy being upset. I draw life from it, and I'm so sorry. I often cannot feel anything for myself most of the time, I have to feel something from others. That isn't to say it's always like that; sometimes I can feel sad by myself. But other times there's this thing in the way, I like to call it the Headache. My entire brain hurts physically, and I can't feel a thing. I can't do anything either. I can't draw, I can't write, I can't talk to people...it's hard for me to talk to them anyways, and my entire purpose in life is to write, and just feel emotion and be empathetic. I can't write and interact without emotion, and I can't feel emotion without other people, either that, or the Headache gets in the way. I know it isn't like a normal headache; it's stayed for months before, until I was dropped back into a constant stasis of stress, and when I have tried to do something like vent, my god am I punished for it. I can't move if I do, and no emotion is actually released. It just caught up with me again (writing this I'm starting to feel something, but I know as soon as I stop it's coming right back again. I can actually feel it creeping up right now). I don't want to be an emotional vampire. That's not right. But anything is better than this pain. I can do good; I have taken pain away from my friend before, just by touching her, and no matter how bad it hurts to withdraw, I never farm people; I try to resolve their awful emotions instead of just absorbing them. These things I cannot do at will though. So I suppose I'm asking advice on several things; how do I access emotions of my own, how do I get rid of this Headache, if there is a way, and how to I begin to heal people at will? I don't want to be a vampire, I don't think I should be evil, I really want to change the way I'm wired. Please, I need some sort of advice if you can offer it.


updated by @enterich: 03/25/17 07:05:19AM