Forum Activity for @katkhaotik

Katkhaotik
@katkhaotik
12/28/16 11:01:58AM
6 posts

Twin Flames! Runner or Fake Twin?


Empath

@angel Wow I can't believe that's how he proposed! Exactly I'm thinking big deal and definitive question..but now that you point it out to me I don't know how I missed that. I just expect him to be honest with me and I guess that's not dishonesty just hurt and confusion. I just feel I've made it so obvious I want to be with him forever. Sometimes I swear guys are more dramatic than us girls!
If he told me marriage was important to him you can bet your ass I'd be marching us down to the courtroom and gulping down delicious desserts afterwards. I don't want to get married but as I mentioned before I love him as me and his happiness means the world to me, I don't think I'd consider marriage with any other being though. At least not anyone I currently know.

I really truly believe he is my Twin and I know that if we part ways we will come together again in this life or another. I guess I'm just starting to wonder if I'm crazy? Like maybe I want him to be my Twin so bad I've convinced myself all these signs and such were about him.. but the "coincidences" have been coming so fast and the connection we have is nothing I've even imagined.
I was talking with someone and mentioned that he might not be my Twin and my soul screamed at my heart that this isn't true. I feel inside me that he truly is I just don't understand why he would claim to not be on love with me or want to be with me forever if in fact he does? Maybe he's not so sure himself... Only time will tell I assume. Thanks so much for all your input, lots to think about!
Katkhaotik
@katkhaotik
12/28/16 05:10:35AM
6 posts

Twin Flames! Runner or Fake Twin?


Empath

@angel Wow thank you so much for all that, I love rambling!

I feel I misexplained the marriage thing before I left for my job. In no way was it a proposal of sorts. It was sortof a "benchmark" question as to how I saw our future(if we'd be together for a long time or not.) Yeah I immediately said I didn't want to marry anyone and from the conversations we've had I don't think he wants to marry either (although in random coversations he's talked of his future wife and kids etc..) When I finally put some pieces together while I was gone I told him that it's not that that I didn't want to marry him but rather don't see a point to marriage and think of him as a wonderful life partner. I feel that at this point I've made it very obvious how I feel. (He's asked if I want to spend my life with him and I've said yes and his response was "I don't think that's going to happen" and kissing me?? SO MIXED)
Honestly the vulnerability has been a big issue with me...it's scared the shit out of me that there's someone I share everything with, tell everything to, am intimate with, and still loves me when I fuck up or stumble a bit. Because it'd be so easy for him to hurt me..I'd like to think I've dealt with that but there's always more work to be done..

I worried about the balance alot at the beginning because he was teaching me so much and I felt I wasn't teaching much of anything. But he is a very very intelligent, logical man and I'm a very emotional, loving woman. He struggles with his emotions to the point he believes he's shut them off. With that being said I was having a hard day once and kind of bickering with him when he brought up some emotional lesson that I had taught him that I had never realized but he had learned from watching me and seeing me rise above anything that came my way and I realized that he doesn't need to tell me I'm teaching him for him to be learning from my examples. Plus we share art techniques and spiritual readings etc so I don't worry so much over that any longer.

I'VE BEEN THERE WITH THE FIXER UP BOY TOO MANY TIMES TOO TOO MANY TIMES and thank the heavens this is not one of those cases. He is very independent to the point where helping him too much can make him a bit cranky. I wouldn't say I'm that level but I do very well on my own. I do not by any means think of him as my missing piece of sorts, I think of both of us as 100% full, genuine souls who when merge help the other grow even stronger if that makes sense. Like 2 little flames coming together and forming a giant fire! I feel I'm drawn to every part of him, and every time I find a new part it's like I'm 5 years old on Christmas! There's not one thing I don't like about him other than his current lack of emotional intelligence (which I believe I am making waves with) and he gets a little loud sometimes (but he's deaf in one ear so it's fair!)
Thank you so much for all this food for thought. I know I need to meditate on all of this and keep up with my energy clearning and all twin flame connection meditation I have but of course I've been running my self into an anxious mess instead of listening to what my soul tells me is best. (MERCURY IN RETROGRADE IS JUST WONDERFUL EH??)
This has been so insightful, thank you thank you thank you.
I need to get some rest but tomorrow I'll begin with a nice sage burn and focus my mind inward (so thankful it's a new moon!!!)
Katkhaotik
@katkhaotik
12/28/16 01:36:46AM
6 posts

Twin Flames! Runner or Fake Twin?


Empath

@hermes thank you for your reply!
I am very certain as to what I would DESIRE, yes I'm sure the marriage thing could change but I have no problem with a lifelong partnership..I just don't think you need to have a lawful partnership to love and be committed to one another. Plus if things change the split up seems much less complicated than a divorce.

What do you mean about karma and thoughts and actions? Do you think my response to his question about marriage caused an upset for him? Or do you mean my thoughts of fighting my feelings and being afraid are now being reflected back at me through him? (Sounds like the cosmic humor I'm used to..)

:)
updated by @katkhaotik: 12/28/16 01:37:30AM
Katkhaotik
@katkhaotik
12/28/16 12:35:25AM
6 posts

Twin Flames! Runner or Fake Twin?


Empath

Hi all--

Having some issues that I trust will work itself out in time but felt the need to sort it all out and I like to think sometimes the bravest thing you can do when you are struggling is to ask for help...so I'm trying it out. Wasn't really sure where else to turn..as Twin Flames aren't exactly a mainstream topic and feel you guys are pretty knowledgeable in things "non mainstream." :P

A little over a year ago I re-crossed paths with someone who I have become to believe is my Twin Flame. It began when we started hanging out through a mutual friend and discovered an insane amount of common interests, obviously this led to us spending a great deal of time together...which eventually led to us being intimate. I know people throw around the term "mind blowing sex" but the love we made is something to this day I can't wrap my head around. It felt unexplainably natural and it felt as if both our souls crashed into eachother and became one..and then became one with everything. Then things started happening like I would think of him and he would appear or call me, or I could sense him from miles away, we'd do things for eachother as the other was thinking of it, conversations practically didn't need to be had (but we talked late into the morning hours anyways out of pure enjoyment.) And then the touching...his touch sent ecstasy through my body straight to my heart and when we held eachother we would lose our breaths from the swelling energy in between us.
We share a very similar spiritual belief system and thirst for knowledge and growth and I've never met anyone who has pushed me and helped me grow to the extent he has. In ways that are so nonchalant or even silent. He helps me see what no longer suits me or benefits me so I can purge it or ways in which I can pour love into my life and the lives of others in ways simple as leading by example. I can't explain the ways he helps me gather lessons and knowledge from everyday situations and stressors...it's like he leaves pieces of a puzzle every so often for me to piece together on my own and learn from.
I love him as if he is me and I'm not sure how to explain that. It's something I've never felt before and doubt words could do it justice. Loving him is the most natural feeling I've ever encountered.
At first this all scared the shit out of me...I didn't really believe in love, I was in a place where I did not want a partner, and had many trust issues. I tried to fight my feelings tooth and nail to the point where I spent many hours debating jumping out of his bedroom window never to be heard from again. I also was terrified of ever exchanging bad words with someone I had so much respect, love, and fondness for. I received an opportunity for a summer job halfway across the country that I decided to take for the pay and wanting to get away from my hometown for awhile. We spent 2 months apart and the night before I left I asked him what would happen to us and he asked if I wanted to marry him. Immediately I said I never wanted to marry anyone and I can't remember what he said but I pretty much went into a 3 week panic attack over the idea of that lol. When I got to my new job the universe was full force hitting me with signs of him. She wasn't going to be ignored any longer it seemed. I would have dreams of him and feel when he was upset or in a bad situation. Oh and about 90% of people I met or heard of were married to/in a long term relationship with someone sharing his name! One of them even said an exact quote from my Twin in the exact same context. Freaky is an understatement.
Eventually I returned and everything fell back into place as usual. A few months went on and one night we got in a drunken argument and he told me he didn't want to be with me(or anyone) forever and that he was not in love with me. I appreciated the honesty, as he has always been nothing but honest with me even when it sucks. We decided we wanted to be together for the near future and things went on as normal. Several days before our 1 year anniversary he had a discussion with me about not wanting to be responsible to anyone including me and such and he told me yet again he was not in love with me and didn't want to be in any sort of relationship situation so we decided to end everything between us besides our close friendship as we are best friends above anything else. Obviously this saddened me as I love him very very dearly but what I want most is for him to be happy and honest with me. Within days he was taking me out again and being intimate with me, even spending nights at his house. Since then he has acted like more of a partner than before..asking what I'm doing/who I'm with, looking at my phone when I'm texting, asking if he should check my messages when I get a text in the middle of the night. But has also had several moments of coldness where he won't let me touch him and such.
I'm in a world of confusion. If this was not meant to be why would the universe give me all of these signs telling me YEAH! THIS IS IT! GO FOR IT! when in fact this isn't it? I have read about the Chaser/Runner paradox but I'm wondering if this is something else..if maybe he is a false twin? If he was in fact my Twin wouldn't he be feeling all these things that I am? I have wondered if he is experiencing what I experienced early in our relationship(like when I plotted jumping out his window) and it has just taken him longer to reach it?
Any input is welcome and so so appreciated. I have faith that things will all come together exactly as they are meant to and the answers will present themselves to me..but I'm human! I get anxious! (And that's okay!)
Much much love to all of you on this crazy journey
updated by @katkhaotik: 07/03/17 08:41:01PM
Katkhaotik
@katkhaotik
04/26/16 08:10:14PM
6 posts

SOS


Empath

This may be a dumb question but are you saying that I can pray for my energies to be cleansed and they will be? I suppose now that I'm thinking about it it does make a great deal of sense but wanted to clarify.

Thank you for the time to reply and the links, I'm trying to soak up all the information I can!

<3 :)

Katkhaotik
@katkhaotik
04/26/16 01:16:45AM
6 posts

SOS


Empath

Hi all!I've recently discovered that I am an empath and have been struggling to make sense of it all ever since. I've been dealing with a lot of physical ailments as well as emotional issues. I know I need so much energy work done but due to all the issues I've been having I'm currently unemployed and unable to pay for any healer to do any work. I'm at a huge turning point in my life and am looking for an intense spiritual journey. I feel very confidently something intense would be extremely beneficial to me at this point but I am unsure of where to even try to find something of that nature. I was looking for a sorts of spiritual mentor that could eventually guide me through a vision quest. I'm willing to travel to where ever said person is and could afford transportation but that would probably be about half of my savings and would be unable to pay for services. I realize how ridiculous it is to ask of that but I like to believe people who understand what this is like care enough about others to try to help them desperately. hoping for the best, much much love to you all
updated by @katkhaotik: 01/10/17 01:19:50AM