Where are we all from?
Southern New Hampshire, U.S.
I know exactly how you feel. I'm a magnet to anyone with problems and I go through the same thing, wanting to resolve their issues for them. Very often, I exhaust myself in my attempts and no not everyone is appreciative.
I had a customer once who after maybe 3 minutes into conversation completely fell apart and unloaded her medical history and her fears onto me. What do you do? you listen and offer a shoulder. At the end of the conversation she thanked me for making her feel better but she no longer felt she could work with us as she was embarrassed by her breakdown. I wanted to tell her not to worry about it, this happens to me all the time but I didn't! She promptly left and I wanted to hang a sign outside my store, ($100.00 an hour for psychiatric sessions). I was a bit put out as I did nothing there..... Eventually, she came back but geez. Magnet, we're just magnets.
I read your blog and from what you wrote, I wouldn't rule out Bipolar. Whatever mood disorder he suffers from, I think you are better off not having this person in your life. It had to have been exhausting these last few months for you emotionally. Sometimes we just can't fix that type of broken. I think there was too much turmoil in the beginning and it probably couldn't have ended any other way no matter how much time and energy you were willing to put into the relationship.
I believe that in any relationship in order for it to be a healthy one, there needs to be a sense of trust. Testing you in the beginning of the relationship only suggests that he knows he is not trustworthy, therefore, he trusts no others. I also think I'd grieve a bit to have extended your home, yourself and your energy to another person where you obviously had high hopes of a lasting relationship suddenly materialized into something not very good.
Are you sure that right person for you isn't already in your life now? Maybe someone you've just overlooked?
I'm sorry to hear that you've had to endure this type of an experience also. I've learned out here from everyone that to live with this ability you have to learn self protection. It's like walking through poison ivy for years without suffering the consequences and then without notice you have a full blown rash. No one is immune forever. That's what a complacent attitude will do for you. Crash course is right. I spent last week trying to cram all sorts of information in my head and then realized there's no way I'd retain all this so I'll read a bit slower going forward, practice and then concentrate on another area.
It can be an emotional drain taking care of an elderly parent but there was a time that she was my best friend so I try to remember how great our relationship used to be. It's not easy getting older, becoming forgetful and the general aches and pains. I also don't want to be her doormat either simply because I'm the one in her line of sight every day so it's a narrow road I'm walking there.
I'm also really angry that I allowed for one second, some neurotic energy vampire into my space. I knew within minutes of our first conversation that this woman crossed social boundaries but in business you meet all types of personalities.
You learn as you go I guess. It's a good feeling to have found a positive source to lean on; that being this forum... A really nice group of people.
Thank you so much Fancy for the kind words. I have to say that since I joined this group, I feel much more in control and have a much greater sense of balance. I feel badly for this woman as she really has some deep seeded emotional issues. I was advised out here to cut the cord, I didn't know how to do that so I researched it and practiced. While practicing, I realized I no longer felt her attached to me which is a great feeling. Emotionally, I'm between feeling angry with her and sympathy. It must be terrible going through life in her mental state.
What's very interesting though is that in speaking with her last week, she wanted me to call her back this week but I never did. She called this morning and when I saw her number come up on the phone I didn't feel any trepidation at all. She immediately went into the guilt trip that I hadn't called her back like she asked me to. She wasn't the meek, overly friendly, emotionally sad person she normally portrays herself to be. I got the distinct impression from her that she knew I cut the cord and she was angry. I don't know how that could be but that's what I felt from her. She did attempt to have a non-business conversation and I cut her short which she wasn't happy with either. I'm thinking there is some narcissism in there although I've never known a narcissist to use crying to solicit attention, I could be wrong there with that trait.
I'm happy with myself today that I took back my space. That's a very good feeling.
I wouldn't want to listen to the details of that dog mauling either. Whatever media outlet you go to, they're all full of horrific news. I think the tragic news is just more compelling to the audience so that's what the journalists go after. I was watching an interview with one of the survivors of the San Bernadino shootings the other day and I was disgusted with some of the questions posed to that victim. All in an effort to solicit the worst memories, the worst fears of that person to get the most dramatic reaction. Sickening. That kind of garbage reporting I just turn the channel to a cooking show or something that I know won't upset me.
What's always calmed me down when I can't get outside due to the weather is listen to relaxation music such as beach waves or rain in the forest. That's always worked for me.
For me, I wouldn't call any of these problems bad omens. They're all natural occurrences in a home. I wouldn't feel badly for having to call the landlord either, you have every right as a tenant to live in a pest free home. You just had three pest problems in a row, it's enough to freak out anyone!
We have to spray our foundation every spring for the ants, (the little tiny ones). There's always some type of wasp nest or some other type of bee infestation around our property. I send hubby out to take care of those and my cats take care of the field mice in the house. Now those things I can't stand!
I don't think that's proof of a personality disorder. We don't necessarily have to be an empath to recognize when someone else is less than happy with us. If you weren't as friendly as you normally are, she may have realized that on her own.
Some people want to be center of attention, their opinions are the only ones that matter. These types of people have a difficult time keeping relationships. They're just plain selfish. She sounds like someone you want to steer clear of, In my opinion anyway.
There's just too many other positive people out there to surround yourself with. Leave the negatives ones behind.
I think I already knew the answer but thank you for taking the time to put those directions together for me. I've been researching the materials that I need to buy, but haven't decided who's the best source. Is there a particular site that you could recommend? I just want to make sure I'm not buying anything that's not genuine.
Hi Little; I would say that in the beginnings of any new relationship, they're all great coming out of the gate. It takes time to see all sides of the other's personality. Perhaps you were ignoring her personality traits in the beginning where you were just friends? It wouldn't fall within the realm of disbelief to say that she quite possibly could have some narcissistic traits. I don't know that I would invest too much emotionally into a relationship where someone is attempting to control so quickly. Actually, not at any point in a relationship would I allow that. I would absolutely rely on your own instincts and what they're telling you now.
My best advice would be to have an honest talk with her and set some boundaries of what you expect in the relationship and what you will not tolerate. If the relationship ends and the gossip begins, don't get involved in it. You can't control the actions of others but you can control how you react to them.
If the relationship is meant to be, she'll understand and respect your point of view and not threaten you emotionally. I wish you the best of luck and hope it works out for you.
Sadly no, I've never used anything. I was too smug; well let that be a lesson to me. I know now and why it took this long in my life before something like this happened to me? I don't know, I guess I just thought I was stronger... pppppfffffffffffffffffffff
Well, I used to take a lot of salt baths so maybe I was inadvertently helping myself.
Thank you Karma, I'm sorry for what you have to go through also. I hope you are able to resolve your problems soon and find peace. I know there's a reason for the journeys we take in life but I don't know, sometimes, I wonder what the powers that be are thinking.
She suffers from MS which has absolutely nothing to do with a personality disorder. Although, if you listen to her husband, they're tied together. He's constantly making excuses for her. And, he's insinuated more than once that my reluctance to becoming very close friends with his wife only happened after he hired on and paid for our services. Nothing could be further from the truth and I resent his accusation. Absolutely, he's looking to transfer the responsibility of her emotional state onto someone else and he doesn't care who that person is. I feel bad for him, I think he saw a light at the end of his tunnel and sadly that person isn't going to be the savior after all.
I know now, that I won't allow anything like this to happen to me again. I've had to take a step back and access what I must have done wrong for her to interpret a casual business relationship into something that she obviously feels was much, much more. Oh good Lord, I don't know where to begin with that analogy! I've also learned that I shouldn't have taken this gift so lightly and unless I become knowledgeable and learn to protect myself, I'm the one that will suffer.
I read that on this site yesterday. I'm researching where is the most appropriate place to buy these materials. I've read that I should do every corner of the house? Is this so? Gosh, I hope not, I have a rather large house and basement; I'll be walking around forever.
I have one question though, if there were a spirit in my house, would they need to leave when I do a smudging?
Hi Goodenergy; thank you for your response. I've never drawn my energy, (knowingly or with any skill) from anywhere. I never really talked to anyone in the family or friends about it. It always made my mother very uncomfortable when I was growing up, till this day actually; husband is the same; he's very uncomfortable with it. So, I've spent most of my life not talking about it to anyone. The only reason I researched a discussion forum was because of this woman. I've never had this happen to this much of a degree that I couldn't wash my hands of her or flick the switch.
After joining this site, I had a renewed strength, don't know where that came from unless I'm picking up on the positive energy in this forum. Folks out here are a lot more knowledgeable than I am. I'm actually an illiterate on this subject. I just know I have it, I'm tired of hiding it and I need to learn self defense mechanisms to keep myself balanced. The last three months for me have been nothing short of terrifying not being able to catch my balance. It's my own fault for not learning much earlier in life.
Oh, I can identify. I used to work in the corporate world up until about 5 years ago. The CEO was interviewing candidates for the CFO position, (startup company). When I met this woman in the lobby, it was an instant dislike. All I could feel was toxic energy. So much so that after she left, he asked me what I thought of her during my short talk. I told him straight out that I didn't have good feelings about her and ultimately, I felt he would let her go at some point. He was a bit upset with my opinion and ultimately in the end, hired her. Within two years she had fired almost all of her staff and made them all absolutely miserable. She antagonized her peers, me included. Ultimately, she insulted and embarrassed the CEO in an extended off-site meeting one day and was was ultimately fired within two weeks of that meeting. After that, the CEO no matter what company we were in, "always" asked my opinion on every one of his candidates or the staff already in place. Sometimes we can make these gifts we have work for us. Only sometimes though....
You'll meet a lot of different personalities in the working world, no matter where you go. I was always able to work around them despite some of the negativity. I was lucky I guess in that I was always able to shake off other's energy while working. Not so much lately though, but I'm learning from this site..
Oh, that's funny and yes, hubby knows all about it. On his first day on the job for them she went after him and his crew for "hugs" and pestered them all day long! He had to tell her on the second day to leave him and his crew alone; no hugs and they are there to work. She just doesn't take no for an answer.
It's the nervous, negative energy that I can't get rid of. It's an overwhelming sense of dread that I haven't been able to shake. I do feel better though after reading the other posts.
I've come across some negative influences in my life in the past but nothing like this that I wasn't able to shake them off. Her energy is so scattered, almost demented. It's been quite scary. Thank you for helping me today though, I feel a lot better.
Hi Umar, yes I did read your other posting on both Dumbledore and cutting the cord. I've been reading many other posts out here also and started studying the empath training. I've never had an issue where I couldn't tune out someone else's energy. I've never learned any of the skills folks talk about out here, it's time I did!
Part of our business is general contracting so we were involved in some home projects for this couple. Her husband has repeatedly talked to me about her physical illness so I'm assuming that he believes her emotional instability is tied together. I think he tries to justify her emotional state as something caused from her physical disease. We have one more small project to finalize for them but are waiting for a product delivery so I can't cut the ties just yet. They've been adding to the original project which I know the wife is pushing and I firmly believe that she has been adding these projects just to stay in contact with me. The things she kept telling me in her emotional outburst that day were so beyond bizarre and unwarranted. I've had a very hard time working with this person, she literally saps all my energy within minutes of talking with her but last week, that was it for me.
I've never felt so off-guard, so blindsided and I certainly can't get her energy off of me. I've discovered that my smug attitude of "I don't need training" was a bunch of nonsense! So, off I go to read, read and read some more!
Hello Everyone, I just joined today and I'm so thankful that I found this forum!
I've always known that I had an intuitive or empath gift but I've never spent time learning to hone my skills. There was a time that it caused marital problems so I literally had to push any insights to the back of my mind. It's been within the last 4-5 years that the ability to tune people out is becoming impossible. I think the draining started after bringing my elderly mother to live with me. She can be quite cynical and downright insulting most of the time. Consequently most of my energy is spent fending her off emotionally. Also during this time I found myself in a whole new career in retail helping my husband's business. If anyone out here works or has worked in retail then you'll understand the diverse personalities that you encounter every day.
My real concern and what I'm hoping someone out here can show me is how to get rid of this negative energy that's attached itself to me, somehow? I've never come across this before. We are presently working with a couple whom initially I only spoke with the wife on this project. The very first conversation with this woman, I felt overwhelmed with emotional sickness. I made the mistake of laughing at one of her jokes which has turned into a nightmare of daily calls, drop in visits to our store. This woman literally attached herself to me and now considers me her long time personal friend. I've repeatedly explained to her that I don't have time to talk at work and have made every attempt to be respectful and kind as I'm sure there's a personality disorder involved here. However, last week, I lost patience with her after 3 calls within 20 minutes and flat out told her I hadn't the time to talk to her and promptly hung up the phone. Within 15 minutes, she was calling back and this time was completely hysterical crying that I didn't love her anymore and she cant' bear to live without me, she needs me in her life. I tried to calm her down and when she did calm down she told me she wouldn't hang up the phone until I told her I still loved her. WHAT????? I've never been anything more than business polite to this woman. I have no idea where any of that nonsense came from nor would I even attempt to try to diagnose what type of emotional disorder she might have that would allow her to believe there was more to this friendship other than business. Although, it wouldn't fall within the realm of disbelief to say that she's histrionic.
Since that call, I haven't been able to shake this awful feeling, it's depressing and quite honestly I feel emotionally violated. I don't like hurting people, especially someone that's emotionally unstable but I also want to claim my space. I feel like she's taken something from me and I won't get it back. It's almost as though her energy has attached itself to me and I can't peel it off. I certainly can't tune her out. Nothing I've done is working; I keep waking up with this same feeling of dread that stays with me all day long.
Does anyone know what this is and how I can remove this from me?