Forum Activity for @buildingbetterpath

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/15/15 03:54:25AM
9 posts

Identity and Ego


Empath

Hi Lotusfly-

I like your post, and feel there is great value in what you have said. I agree with all of it almost completely.

I have recently gotten into Buddhist practice, and also into the philosophy of meditation and non-dual thinking in general. There are a lot of complicated concepts that I've come across, but I think it's worth trying to share one that is related.

The common theme that I want to share with you is the difference between the ego and the self/identity. The philosophical traditions understand that the ego is a great deceiver. Many practices, including meditation, seek to free the individual from the ego. This does not mean losing the self, though, only the perceptions and deceptions of the ego. In what I've come across, people who are able to become free from their egos ALWAYS retain a strong sense of identity and individuality. It is just free from the deceptions of the ego, and more "true" and "genuine".

I agree completely that living life is important, and being free from fear. I am working to get there, and making strides, but it can definitely be a challenge.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/14/15 07:01:32PM
9 posts

I Want Everyone's Intuition On This


Empath

Kaitlyn-

You're right, it is not an easy task. It is a very positive change, though. It's hard to describe how much of a change for the better this has already been, and I'm still a couple weeks away from actually leaving.

Thank you for your strength, and take good care of yourself.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/13/15 06:28:32AM
9 posts



I agree with the things that Lotusfly said, but also wanted to add something else.

It might be worth telling your parents that you are overwhelmed. They should be able to understand. Starting a new job is stressful. I understand that it might be hard to tell them, but I would at least recommend considering it.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/13/15 05:53:49AM
9 posts

I Want Everyone's Intuition On This


Empath

Hi Kaitlyn-

First off, I want to wish you and your mother safety and freedom. What you described sounds like a very difficult situation, and I hope it works out well for you.

You said:

"It has gotten to the point where I seriously refer him to being an emotional abuser. A bully."

I think you need to trust what you feel on this. I can't imagine that it is easy to. I am sure that you are right about this. It may not be his intent, it may not be something he has full control of, but the effect he has on you is VERY real, and needs to be resolved.

Many things from your post are similar to the situation I'm in now. I am in the process of removing myself from my family. I am older (36), but have been living with my parents, who are dysfunctional in any ways. The hostile environment, and constant manipulation from my mother are very unhealthy for me. For the last year or more, I have been living in fear. My mother is in early stages of dementia, and her mood is unstable. Any interaction with her has the potential to result in her lashing out. It is not a safe or healthy place for me to be, so I am leaving in a couple weeks.

With my mother, I know that part of the problem is her dementia, which is probably beyond her control, or anyone's. That doesn't change the situation, though. An unhealthy environment for me will still be an unhealthy environment for me, even if it is not her fault or under her control. I think the same may be true with your father.

When you describe your situation, it sounds like you live in fear in a similar way. When you ask about whether it will get better, I think you need to really think about what it would take for you to not live in fear. If he didn't do anything troubling for a week? for a month? for a year? for 5 years? However long it would take, would you be living in fear during that time? Would you trust him? You don't need to give me any answers to these questions, but please think about them. No one deserves to live in fear.

I hope that you and your mother find a safe and healthy situation. You deserve that.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/07/15 06:16:03AM
9 posts

Experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personalities or acquired pain?


Empath

Hi Whitejade. Thank you for your response.

I think it is very likely that this person at times went through a lot of depersonalization or very similar things. I think I have experienced a small amount of that, and only at times. It has been alarming to me when things like that happen for me, and I have no doubt that it is very scary if it happens more often or more strongly.

In the situation with the person I describe, I know that there was a lot of confusion and memory lapses. She would somewhat frequently deny doing or saying things that I had witnessed her doing/saying. It was very confusing for me, but I realize that it was probably also extremely terrifying and confusing for her. There are many parts of it that are hard for me to deal with, and she caused me a lot of pain, but I know that her experiences were not painless or easy, either. I am working to find peace with all of it, which is hard, but understanding things that were part of the situation helps a lot.

I hope you are well, and I really appreciate you contributing to this discussion. These things are confusing and terrifying, and it's a big help for me to hear from people who have relevant insights and experiences. Thank you.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/03/15 05:30:20AM
9 posts

Experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personalities or acquired pain?


Empath

Karen-

This is difficult. Who you refer to as my "friend" is not someone I consider to be a friend. "Enemy" is probably closer, but is also not completely accurate. This person has/carries multiple identities. One, or maybe more than one, caused huge amounts of pain for me. Some are innocent and kind. I have compassion for many of the identities, and maybe even for the whole, but I definitely do not consider her to be a "friend".

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/03/15 05:16:58AM
9 posts

Experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personalities or acquired pain?


Empath

Hi karma, and thank you for your response.

That does sound very similar in a lot of ways.

I'm not exactly sure what it means to "cut the emotional connection" to this person/collection of people. I have had no communication or contact with this person for over 16 years. Most of that time we have probably been more than a thousand miles apart. There are strong emotions and memories when I think of this person, but does that constitute an "emotional connection"? If it does, how would I cut that if I wanted to? And would I want to? It sounds dangerously like destroying part of my self.

Your situation with that lad sounds very difficult and confusing also. The confusion of pain that is your own in origin and pain that is not your own in origin... that is remarkably similar to what I've been living with. I've just recently become able to look at the pain that is mine in origin without being overwhelmed by the pain that is not mine in origin. I haven't gotten everything figured out yet, but I feel like it has been helpful. Have you been able to examine your scars without being overwhelmed by the pain that is not yours in origin? It might not be easy, but I think it might be helpful.

I'm also looking for ways to ground myself, and the biggest thing I need is to find or create a safe place. That will be a place where I will have safe solitude, where I won't need to hide or repress what I'm feeling. Once I have that place, I intend to try several different things for grounding and centering. Meditation will be one of them. Different kinds of yoga will also be included. I am not sure beyond those, but intend to try a number of other things also.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/01/15 12:31:03PM
9 posts

Experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personalities or acquired pain?


Empath

Thank you for your responses, Karen.

I am generally working to find and build positive energies, though that is a process and it takes some time for me.

I don't view this energy, this pain that I took on, as negative. The actions that caused it definitely were, but I fully believe that the personality was innocent. I feel very bad for that personality as well. I showed compassionate concern and caring during that encounter, but it is painful to me to think that my actions were probably the closest to kindness that that personality ever encountered.

I feel a duty to honor that personality and her suffering. No one should be subjected to what she was.

I think I need to figure out a way to honor her and what she went through, in order to move on. I think it's unlikely that she has experienced anything else since the encounter with me. I don't know, though. It's so confusing and laced with such pain for me. It's also almost entirely out of my hands in conventional ways.

I don't think I have any active psychic link withe the host/person carrying this alter. We have not been in any contact for well over 15 years. There are scars like this, but nothing active.

Is that what you were meaning by a psychic link? If it's something other than that I'd be interested to hear.

How can I drain the energy of the pain in a way that is respectful to the personality I acquired it from?

Smudging sounds like something I will need to look into, but I won't be able to for another month or two. I feel like it could be beneficial, but again, my goal isn't to banish or repel that personality/energy. I would much rather heal her, but feel powerless to do so, especially now.

BuildingBetterPath
@buildingbetterpath
12/01/15 09:14:25AM
9 posts

Experience with Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personalities or acquired pain?


Empath

Hi all.

I am an empath. I have been all of my life. I only realized this within the last couple weeks.

Almost 18 years ago, I went through an experience that was exceptionally traumatic for me. This experience was a series of interactions with someone who suffered from Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder).

A very troubling part of this experience for me was coming face to face with an identity/personality/alter whose whole existence was living through unbearable situations so that the other personalities would not have to. All that this personality knew was helplessness, abuse, mistreatment, and emotional pain. I don't think this personality had ever experienced kindness or fun or even anything neutral.

The pain was so strong, so overwhelming! Just emotional pain concentrated beyond belief. I guess some helplessness mixed in, but nothing positive to dilute or temper the pain. I don't think I can really do justice to the intensity of the pain.

That encounter was scarring to me, and still is. I've realized in the last couple weeks that I have carried that concentrated emotional pain with me all of these years. I have plenty of pain and confusion from the encounter that is my own in origin, but I realized that I am also carrying that concentrated pain that is not mine in origin.

Realizing that a lot of the pain I was carrying is not mine in origin seems like it will probably help me, but there is still a lot for me to sort out.

Do any other empaths have experience with coming across this sort of alter of someone with Dissociated Identity Disorder? (I hope not, it is HEAVY)

Do any other empaths have experience with acquiring intense emotional pain from others?


updated by @buildingbetterpath: 03/13/17 11:26:26AM