Forum Activity for @bookworm

Bookworm
@bookworm
06/03/16 10:20:15AM
85 posts

A beautiful Empath


Empath

Thanks for sharing this Rene it actually really cheered me up as I was feeling a little tired and grumpy myself!
Bookworm
@bookworm
06/02/16 10:08:09AM
85 posts

Upcoming visa decision - positive vibes appreciated


Empath

Good luck and positive vibes coming at you from the UK :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
06/01/16 05:48:58AM
85 posts

Why do I feed bad for not helping someone?


Empath

I really like the what you said about the quote from your dad - that really resonated with me!
Bookworm
@bookworm
05/23/16 11:18:25AM
85 posts



Gem everything you said resonated so much with me! :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
05/16/16 11:58:38AM
85 posts

Guilt


Empath

You shouldn't beat yourself up for feeling guilty, it's just another aspect of the caring person you are - recognise the feeling and that it is coming from a well meaning place but it serves no purpose. You can't help someone who isn't interested in being helped, so don't allow someone to treat you badly because you think they can be better. They have to choose to be better, and you don't deserve to be treated badly while they are trying to decide whether or not they want to be a better person. That might sound harsh but it's really not, we can't help people find their way if they don't want us to. So I guess what I'm saying is the feelings of guilt will probably not just go away, but if you focus on the fact that you are a good person who is happy to help others so long as they treat you with basic respect, it should help. Speaking from my own experience not trying to judge you in any way! Good luck :) keep going and I'm sure you will feel better in time xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
05/09/16 01:08:35PM
85 posts

What do empaths do for a living?


Empath

Hi HayleyI realise you posted this a while ago but I am in London so south (ish) and happy to chat :)I recently moved jobs from a horrible environment that was turning me into a person I didn't really recognise anymore, to a new company where I'm doing the same thing (marketing) but working for a charity and with a really positive working atmosphere and the difference is astounding.I also worked in retail for several years and mostly hated it, too much interaction and some of the negativity from people can really get to you! Like you I enjoy writing and a lot of people here benefit from being able to use their creativity in some way; obviously it's hard when you have to pay for food and a roof over your head but if you can try to follow your passions and incorporate them somehow into your day job you'll probably find you're much happier. I think empaths struggle to just show up, do their day job then go home and forget about it, so it can take some time to find the right fit. But definitely don't let other people put you off or make you feel you should be doing things differently - it's your life and only you can figure out what will make you happy!Inbox me anytime I'm always happy to talk :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
05/09/16 12:40:06PM
85 posts



I feel this way sometimes as well - and quite often I think it's because I haven't been taking care of myself as I should. I know that it can be hard to do things solely for yourself (if you are like me you feel guilty and selfish, even if you know you are not going to be any help to anyone unless you take care of yourself first!) so I would definitely say try and pamper yourself a little bit, be kind to yourself.And if the loneliness feels really overwhelming just remember you're not on your own - you're a part of this community now and there's almost always someone here who can understand what you're going through :) xxx
Bookworm
@bookworm
03/21/16 02:20:17PM
85 posts



Argh I didn't mean to post!SorryI meant to say: just to be difficult - I am in the UK but would definitely join in if you can find a good time :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
03/21/16 02:19:19PM
85 posts



Just to be difficult -
Bookworm
@bookworm
03/08/16 05:55:56AM
85 posts

How to not get affected by negativity ~Please Help


Empath

Karen is very wise! Haha you should listen to her :)Seriously though you already have some good replies - it is very natural to feel you want to spread your positivity and message of loveI personally really identify with what you said about hating how materialistic our world has becomeBut number 1 thing to remember is - you cannot help anyone until you take care of you first. Sounds clich but sometimes they're true, and this one definitely is!Second thing to remember is - you can't make people change - you may be able to help some people find their way, or find a better path. But in the end we all have to learn our own lessons, and that's not a bad reflection on you, if you're not the one to help someone - maybe they're not ready, maybe you're not the right person to help them get there - could be lots of reasons. But stop beating yourself up for not having all the answers! Accept yourself and you'll find it much easier to find the peace and strength you need to help those you ARE able to help!Hope that makes you feel a little better at least :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
03/02/16 04:48:27PM
85 posts

Where are we all from?


Empath

I'm in London (uk!)
Bookworm
@bookworm
01/16/16 06:08:16AM
85 posts

Am I an empath


Empath

:) I'm glad it helped a little! The one thing I always like to remind people of is that no matter how confused or difficult things may seem (that is only natural as it can be a very confusing process) you are not alone here - it always makes me feel so much better when I'm feeling overwhelmed! Just take your time in searching for answers and know you will get to where you need to be - and I'm happy to talk if you need to anytime :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
01/16/16 05:56:10AM
85 posts

Am I an empath


Empath

The only person who can answer that question is you, but you don't need to have all the answers right away :)There are lots of helpful resources and articles on here which may help, this is a good place to start: http://empathcommunity.eliselebeau.com/m/group/discussions?groupId=1571227%3AGroup%3A388613You may be highly sensitive, or an empath, or both. I find reading and talking to people here both very helpful and comforting. You will find the answers you are looking for in time if you are ready to search inside yourself and be accepting of what you discover. Goodluck and remember you are not alone, the people in this community are very kind and will help you as much as they can :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
01/15/16 02:11:49PM
85 posts

Compassion


Empath

I love this answer John! I really agree; we can't fix other people's problems for them but we can try to help them find their own solutions by trying to lead by example and by showing compassionAnd of course it's so important to take care of yourself too - even if it might feel selfish sometimes. But you can't help anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
01/15/16 02:03:12PM
85 posts

Pen Pals (kinda) :)


Empath

Sure I would love to be your virtual pen pal :) I'm always happy to talk haha!
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/18/15 12:34:08AM
85 posts

New members


Empath

I feel the same way :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/14/15 09:03:12AM
85 posts

Parents


Empath

Gene and Karen are right Mary most empaths struggle with this issue whether it is with their parents, wider family, other loved ones... As Gene says only you can make the decision whether or not to tell, whether you think the other person is ready to hear.But whatever you decide just know you are not alone you have friends who will understand you here :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/12/15 02:53:49AM
85 posts



Also don't worry about fitting in, plenty of people feel that way and it's no bad thing to be who you are. Good people will recognise the great stuff in you and won't care whether you fit in or not :) x
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/12/15 02:51:56AM
85 posts



I have felt this way sometimes too, it's tricky but the only thing I found which helped was talking to one or two people I felt particularly close to, positive people that I wanted to spend more time with. I just tried to explain that although I might not have been around much I really value their friendship and wanted to spend more time together. Although it's hard when you feel like you are always the one reaching out, if you come out and tell those people you would love for them to come see you or get in touch with you more often, you might find that they didn't even realise you've been feeling this way or they think they're giving you space that you need. And by making the first move so to speak it shows that you are not just asking for something from them but willing to put in the effort as well. Sometimes I'm not very good asking for help and it felt weird but the response was really good and helped me to feel reassured about these friendships. Hope that helps a bit xx
updated by @bookworm: 01/10/17 11:15:37PM
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/12/15 01:44:04AM
85 posts

overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)


Empath

Hi LindseyAnn,Thanks for your reply :) I definitely do need to work on my self confidence and that is an ongoing thing which I know I should be able to improve. It's really a combination of a very negative environment where many people are very unhappy (they really struggle to keep people long term, and that is partly because the management tend to grind people down with their negative behavior); where in the past my director did listen to some of my suggestions about how we could improve things that has now gone completely out of the window and it's been really hard for me to adjust to that change. But it is also because I have changed over the past 3 years and although I like the work (when I am able to do it and not being told to make changes, make more changes, then no actually put things back how they were originally - very frustrating!) but I think I would get a lot more satisfaction if I was doing a similar thing but working for a charity. So I've started applying for jobs and I'm going in to see an agency who specifically match people with charities next week. It feels really positive and like the right direction for me.I used to enjoy having an oil burner with essential oils I will definitely have a little research and try your suggestion, thank you!I'm in London at the moment which I need to be because my boyfriend (who has been very supportive and helped me cope with this) has just started studying here, but I am from the countryside originally and I so miss it. I'm hoping one day we will be able to move but it won't be anytime soon unfortunately.Anyway thanks for taking the time to read and reply, I have probably said this a million times before but just knowing that there are people who understand and don't think I'm crazy because emotions affect me so powerfully has already helped so much :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/11/15 01:16:46AM
85 posts



Love the pretzel!
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/11/15 12:38:26AM
85 posts

overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)


Empath

Hi Fancy Girl,Thanks for your reply! You are so right I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have been unhappy for some time and part of that is due to this situation, but also a lot of it is I think because I have changed so much since I started this job three years ago. I mentioned I have been looking for a new job, what I didn't say is that I have been looking for something which is essentially exactly the same as what I'm doing now but working for a charity instead of a for profit company. I think this is partly why my current position is not really giving me the satisfaction it used to, but I do want to make the most of my time left in this job and hopefully leave on a really positive note. There has been so much going on both in and out of work for me this year, I'm actually really glad now I didn't get promoted as I think it would have only made me unhappier and taken me in a direction I don't think is right for me. It's taken me a while to get to this point but I hope I can use this as you say as a positive learning experience. Thanks so much for reading and for your advice it does help knowing there are people who understand and care, I feel like I am already finding my confidence again even if my director has lost faith in me I know I can do this job in fact I can do it well and I just need to make sure I'm showing that. Thanks for your support! :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 11:16:36AM
85 posts

Bad Omens in New Home??


Empath

Seal* sorry not deal
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 11:16:01AM
85 posts

Bad Omens in New Home??


Empath

This is very true Karen probably no reason to panic especially if you live in a rural area these things do happen my parents house is very clean and tidy but come winter there are always mice that come in from the fields because the house is warm and it's almost impossible to deal every single entrance, they can get in through even the smallest of gaps!
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 11:07:40AM
85 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Thanks for the warm welcome :) just talking to people on here and reading posts has already helped me so much and I am so grateful! I definitely don't want to turn my back on the world or on any part of myself (if that makes sense!) Just knowing there are other people who understand really does help in si many ways!
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 10:34:34AM
85 posts

A word of advice to empaths


Empath

Karen my parents I know I will probably never be able to tell because I know they wouldn't understand and in fact I'm pretty sure it would terrify them - my mother in particular even though I believe I may have inherited these traits from her. When I was growing up, as much as my family loved me they also saw me as something of the black sheep of the family, too sensitive and just almost impossible for them to understand where I am coming from most of the time. It hurts because I do want to be able to tell them and feel accepted for who I fully am, but I have come to understand that they, and my mother in particular who I think has repressed her natural gifts as a way to cope with a world which can be cruel sometimes, they are just doing the best they know how and I just try to accept it, at least I know they do love me.As for Cheshire Cat and Justin - your whole conversation about friendships was like hearing myself! I seem to take friendships much more seriously than most other people and have been seriously hurt by others who are not the same in the past. But it is so amazing to find others who don't just get how I feel but actually feel the exact same way in fact verbalise it before I do! I guess being this way can make us feel pretty lonely sometimes. Really glad I joined :) sorry for rambling haha x
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 05:03:47AM
85 posts

overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)


Empath

Thanks Karen having your support means a lot! I already feel a million times better than yesterday can't say how much the support on here has helped <3 :)
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 03:49:43AM
85 posts

Bad Omens in New Home??


Empath

Just a thought - and this is most definitely NOT to blame you in any way - you mention that you moved to your new place from an abusive living situation before, is there any chance you could be subconsciously attracting these challenges yourself, perhaps by feeling you don't really deserve to be free of the previous bad situation? I could be totally wrong but it is often the case that people who manage to escape abusive scenarios battle with guilty feelings for escaping and feeling like they don't really deserve their new freedom. Perhaps just something to think about xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 12:25:46AM
85 posts

overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)


Empath

Karen thank you so much for your reply. I know you are right I need to not cry at work it's really annoying that The bathroom is directly next to my manager's desk so it's hard to sneak in, but I can get those herbs to try the cleansing spray I'm willing to try anything at this point! I know other people are also unhappy so perhaps I have been taking that on without realising, this is all still pretty new to me so probably why I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now! So strange that you would pick up on the chair - it was my director's before it was given to me. I never thought of it but maybe that is also not helping. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and reply, I felt completely crushed last night and just knowing there are people here who will listen and want to help I already feel more hopeful, so thank you xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/10/15 12:10:50AM
85 posts

overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)


Empath

Thank you so much for your reply. You are right I've gotten into this spiral of negative thoughts about myself and about feeling like a failure and I need to break out of it. I will try your suggestions, just knowing there are people here who don't judge me or think I'm crazy for feeling overwhelmed by these emotions does help. Thank you xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/09/15 11:17:57AM
85 posts

overwhelmed by negative emotions at work (aka help!)


Empath

So I don't know if anyone can help or relate but I don't really feel like anyone else understands so I thought it would be worth a try just explaining how I'm feeling.About a year ago i was promoted and promised to be trained up to manager within a year. I was thrilled and tried really hard to live to my director's expectations, but we had people leave and a lot of upheaval and I really started to struggle. I could sense that my boss was not happy with my work so i tried to talk to her, get some constructive feedback about how I could improve; the only solid feedback I ever got was that I'm too emotional when receiving criticism.Then suddenly it was decided that a new manager would be hired from outside the company with more experience, instead of me being trained up. I was completely heartbroken at first but have come to terms with it now I think as I can see I don't really have the experience to handle it and I don't think I would have been happy. I tried to explain how upset i was and that it really rocked my confidence to the director after they told me this decision had been made, but all she said was that it was understandable I would feel that way which didn't really help.Ever since then I've felt like the director had completely lost faith in me, and my confidence is just in tatters. I've tried really hard to get over these feelings but it just seems like nothing I do is good enough and they shoot down all of my ideas where before I felt listened to even if things didn't always go my way. I've been really miserable and trying to hide it but obviously not doing a very good job. Today the new manager took me aside and said that I am responsible for the bad atmosphere in the team because of my negativity and behaviour like crying at my desk. I've tried not to do things like that but clearly it hasn't worked and now I feel crushed emotionally as well as afraid I'm going to lose the job, because unfortunately I need the money. I have started looking for other jobs but I think the fact that my confidence is gone is not helping and I just feel at the end of my tether and I don't know what to do!Sorry for the long post but am just feeling completely overwhelmed by my emotions and like I can't get a grip on them so if anyone has any advice at all or has been through anything similar would really appreciate hearing about it, I feel just desperate and I don't know what to do.
updated by @bookworm: 02/26/17 08:08:22AM
Bookworm
@bookworm
12/03/15 03:43:32PM
85 posts

Anyone else identify?


Empath

I didn't realise quite how much I rambled on ha ha! I hope I didn't sound too preachy, just wanted to share some things I have personally found helpful. Karen has some really useful advice too and it sounds as though, if you are able to, you might find it helpful to spend some time just getting to know yourself and how you really feel about things, it can be hard when other people's emotions are constantly pushing in to your consciousness.I find being in any kind of water really helps me to relax and get back to myself when I've had a hard day, even a long shower can really help. Maybe try some different relaxing activities to find what works for you and don't be afraid to take some time for self reflection, I hope that doesn't sound patronising in any way, I just feel you are a bit like me and often feeling guilty whenever you take some time for yourself you start to feel selfish. It's really not selfish though as I said before and never forget you are a beautiful person as worthy of love and care as much as any of the people you encounter and want to help :) xxx
Bookworm
@bookworm
11/29/15 04:17:25PM
85 posts

Anyone else identify?


Empath

I wanted to tell you this because it's something which had helped me a lot.I, like you, always see the best in people. Even when I sense negative aspects in certain people often in the past I have allowed myself to turn a blind eye to that because of the potential I can see within them.However, I have begun to learn that for me, and I think for many empaths I have seen/spoken to online, this seems to stem from a deep desire to help others. Yet by always placing others before myself I ended up making myself much weaker, drained, unhappy - all kinds of negativity! Realising that if I don't take care of myself and listen to and actually try to honour my own needs, has helped me see that I in fact am then much less able to help those who would turn to me for help or support. This has really helped remove a lot of the guilt I was feeling. When you take care of yourself first you are making sure you are ready to help when truly needed. It's not selfish! Also; I have to remind myself sometimes that I can't 'fix' other people or their problems, only be there to support them when they need it. This has again been an important realisation for me, as rather than feeling responsible for every single person I come into contact with, I can remind myself that if they are able to help themselves instead of me trying to make things better for them, they will be empowered and enriched from that experience and I shouldn't feel the need to try and make things better for everyone, if I do I can actually be taking away something which could be a very beneficial experience for them.Everyone is different of course but these realisations have helped me a lot when I was struggling with similar feelings to what you seem to be describing, so I wanted to share in case it helps (of course, the desire to help never goes away ha ha) :) xx
Bookworm
@bookworm
11/29/15 10:01:27AM
85 posts

Any UK Groups or people from the UK?


Empath

Hi LindseyAnn, I am in the UK - nice to virtually meet you :)
 
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