Forum Activity for @lavenderrose

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/22/16 10:32:25PM
82 posts

Empath or Profiler?


Empath

Adults are not traumatized by verbal abuse?!! Good lord. I think you need to experience a bit of adulthood, or at least read up a bit on such things.

I think your comments to or (supposedly) 'about' Karen have been atrocious, and utterly uncalled for.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/14/16 04:24:07PM
82 posts

Anyone with M.E. or Chronic fatigue syndrome?


Empath

I hear you, lilly. I think learning to really listen to my body and learning how to care for it, given the empath thing I have, aside from anything else, has been one of the most important lessons of my life - it has certainly led to a far better quality of life. If we don't learn this, some of us can become very ill. (Been there, don't want to go back.) I hope you are on the road to recovery now, a slow road, to be sure, with many twists and turns. Keep looking for the light at the end of the tunnel! It's there in small ways, every day, if we turn our heads and look for it, and then focus on that.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/12/16 03:05:28PM
82 posts



Well, I certainly wasn't looking for an argument, I just wondered how you came upon your conclusions.

To my mind, there is nothing generic about the term spiritual healer. It sounds like we are not on the same page with any of this. My cautions remain.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/11/16 10:26:42PM
82 posts



Maybe by doing? Are you in a location where you could do a course, or take a workshop in healing? It may be in the practice of it, under guidance by an experienced healer as your teacher, you start to validate your sense of your potential gift - or not!

Or you might find, yes, you have a gift to one level or another - but healing, per se, is not what you want to do with your life and time. There are many ways to be healers, after all.

I can't recommend enough getting proper instruction in how to care for yourself as a healer - or as someone with healing energy -whether or not you decide to offer healings to others.

Why do you feel you may have this gift? Have you had some experiences, etc? I mean, you can just validate yourself, if you trust your own experiences - but it does help to have other humans to talk about it, and to offer some guidance, and a small (real world, face to face) group to practice on and with is an ideal starting place.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/11/16 03:05:07PM
82 posts



Sorry, I thought this was a discuission forum.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/07/16 05:03:12PM
82 posts



Are you a self-taught healer, Bruce? I've never known a practising spiritual healer who did not use protection in one form or another, depending upon their tradition, whether it be the invocation of Spirit, or simply a prayer.

Shielding and protection are not the same thing, by the way - but I wonder do you close and lock your front door before you go out, or do you leave it swinging open? Protection is common sense, rather than fear-based. To not use it is, in my view, hubris, which gets in the way of true learning far more thoroughly.

As the lives of spiritual healers are so often shortened, for whatever reason, I would think proper training and the use of protection would be a given - I can think of half a dozen prominent healers who died early, in their fifties, even so, and half the healers I know personally are dealing with cancers in their own bodies by then.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
02/05/16 02:58:20PM
82 posts

I MUST get something off my chest


Empath

I am sure you mean well, but if you've just discovered you're an empath in the last few months, you are probably not the most well-equipped to know what every other empath on the planet or even this site is supposed to do.

I found your statement that a person is only a punching bag for others if they allow themselves to be both ignorant and offensive. You might not want to bring that up to anyone who has lost a loved one to domestic violence, for starters - but if you are actually an empath, you may well find as time goes on that none of this is as simple as you currently imagine it to be.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
01/18/16 04:41:02PM
82 posts

New to this


Empath

I'm glad to hear they are most likely moving out. I could not live next to this, either. In the meantime (if they are going to be gone soon) use this as an opportunity to learn what clears and soothes your system. Try the techniques Trevor has linked you to. Try taking showers and visualising the energy washing off you. Try going for walks to stomp it out of your system. Try cocooning yourself in different coloured lights - white, silvery white, gold, violet and purple, are all good ones to try - you don't need to be able to see as you visualise and ask for this protection of Light around you. Try prayer.

Try sending their flat a big beam of light; try blessing them. Tell their energy to return to them. Imagine there is a wall of iron between your apartment and wherever they might be. Ask for any and all help to get you through this time. Ask for angelic help and protection. Hope they go soon! In the meantime, look after yourself well.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
01/16/16 06:14:47PM
82 posts

Enegy flow


Empath

I pick up things in a very physical fashion, also. I pick up random people's aches and sometimes searing pains. If it's really bad I might involuntarily exclaim - one woman looked at me oddly andsaid, I've got a pain in that area since giving birth... Those sorts of pains leave once I leave the company, or a short time later. (Headaches may linger.)

I also get the burping with certain foreign energies. If I burp, myself, it's for a reason. This other sort of burping is compulsive and ongoing and attached to nothing currently going on in my digestive system. It's very particular. In "The Shaman in Stilettoes", the Peruvian shaman teaches the author that energy is released via the mouth or anus. I can vouch for that, with these sorts of pickups! Which doesn't mean all gas is foreign energy. I get the burping mostly with distance energy, soI don't have so much public embarrassment; or I'll find I'm burping after a trip to the supermarket. I get a lot of interesting headaches in group settings, also.

It all sounds of course very wacky. I think we have to learn to discern over time what is ours and what is not and how to deal with it. I do find a meditation helpful to seive things through and also calm the body, and I keep records of occurences (lots of WTF!) to help glean whether or not I am picking stuff up, likely sources (I do generally know who, and certain pickups have unique 'signatures' to them). It is all very tiring.

Most empaths seem to be more emotional, mental. My 'gift' is very physical. Sounds like yours might be, also. Best advice I can give is the old adage, 'Know thyself.' And give it time. It's a trip!

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
01/09/16 03:06:47PM
82 posts

Is there another approach to addressing people that I clearly discern their emotions?


Empath

I do find it a bit annoying. People will chase me down to talk at length about a problem, wanting me to give them advice I'm not at all equipped to give and that they won't follow anyway, and just by their speech and their example ('I was awake all night thinking about it, I can't stop thinking about it') a non-empath could figure they were anxious about said situation. But I can feel it vibrating unpleasantly in my chest, and finally after standing there, somewhat trapped, kindly listening, etc, I might say, 'You're very anxious.' And they'll say, crossly, indignantly, 'No! I'm not.' Argh. Then I go home vibrating.

Mostly I try to maintain good boundaries and not mention people's emotional states etc, and just note them to myself. I find writing about it afterwards clarifying and somewhat soothing. I can validate myself nowadays. The days of me wanting to be the world's Agony Aunt are also over.

I think, in answer to your question, my take on it is it not really your/our business - their emotions - except in so far as it affects you/one, personally. Most people, as others have said here, are not really aware of their emotions, or are in denial about their emotions, or are out of touch with their emotions and their bodies. That is also not your or my job to address, in my view. (They'll probably notice they feel better after talking to you, and you may set up a vicious cycle where they'll ignore you, dump on you, feel better, and leave you like a worn out rag, or overfilled sink. Then it becomes,"Physician, heal theyself!")
Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
01/03/16 11:47:46PM
82 posts

Can't walk away


Empath

He's up on child enticement charges? As in:

"Child enticement is a crime that involves an adult persuading, or attempting to
persuade, a child to accompany him or her for the purposes of sexual activity."

I should hope he is institutionalised. By all means, go visit him - but have a heart for the lives of the children he may harm, outside of the family members already harmed. Screw his 'freedom'.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/30/15 08:53:17PM
82 posts

Does the word 'empathy' apply to Empaths?


Empath

A lot of empaths are so burnt out that they are/may come across as the least empathic people you might encounter.

A lot of empathetic people imagine that simply being empathetic means they are 'empaths'.

A lot of people believe that ordinary, human empathy and the odd spot of emotional contagion is in fact a psychic gift.

And a lot of HSPs think they are in fact empaths.

It is all very annoying. I wish there was a better word for it than the term that has become popularised (empath) but that probably wouldn't help much anyway.

While I'm at it - a lot of people imagine that Clairsentient and Empath are interchangeable terms for the exact same thing. All. Very. Irritating. :)

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/21/15 04:42:11PM
82 posts

Autism spectrum disorders and empathy connection?


Empath

Check out some of the articles on Autism and Empathy by Karla McLaren

http://karlamclaren.com/

down the bottom of the page there are links.

I believe I was born with this, and developed it/required it strongly as a survival tool in childhood. I have read that hormonal changes intensify it, so that might explain why so many find themselves 'newly awakened' in adolescence, etc, with a further surge for many women in their forties and fifties.

I wish it was something that there was an antidote for.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/19/15 05:23:12PM
82 posts

Whose stuff is this ...?


Empath

I think it's a bit like weeding a garden, so that the plants you like and want to flourish have more space to spread out and grow, and so the weeds do not take over.

As I've learnt gradually over time to validate myself (a bit of therapy with someone helps; having my natural introversion repeatedly validated as a valid way of life by a therapist was immensely helpful to me; writing in a score of journals to validate my own perceptions and impressions and sense of self has helped; plus much reading of books on such topics, so that I'm not the only one in the world), the other stuff has fallen away.

But for me it has taken a lot of persistent effort, usually when the weeds grow monstrous and things are really painful and confusing, over a lot of years. Very much worth it, though.

Adding to say: so it's theirs - and possibly not theirs, quite possibly something they have had pasted onto them by others, or that's been handed down through the generations without examination - but it is now yours to keep, uncomfortably, or examine and get rid of. Most people seem to get rid of such things by projecting them onto and into their offspring or their close partners. Ejecting such stuff from the psyche is quite difficult, but definitely possible and worth doing once it is recognized as 'not mine'.
Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/14/15 01:55:47PM
82 posts

Illness and empathy


Empath

I, too, know how you feel. I did this extensively in my thirties and early forties. I can't say there was ever much understanding for my situation, only more need for my help of all kinds - as I became very ill myself.

I am now older and would say wiser. Many on these sorts of forums blithely claim that empaths are hear to help, to heal others. I came to the conclusion that I did not want to be extremely ill any more, and that to do so I would have to learn to look after myself - and this involved turning down the engine of my need to rush out and help; for my heart to rush out to others, and that sense I must help. This I found very hard to do.

I am now weller. Surprisingly well! And I now help judiciously. Many of those I felt so deeply for, and so responsible for are not so well (a lot of them, addicts), and have faded from my life completely. It is sad. But I came to the conclusion that it was better for me to be alive than dead.

I am still a magnet for certain types, but I have an early warning system I listen to - and though I still try to be kind I do not encourage them to attach. The ones I poured most energy into over many years really just chewed up all my energy and fervent desire to help. There are others I can help, and that is gently rewarding. Really, I had to entirely rewire myself over a number of years, to prevent that automatic burning leaping in to help people (who were generally not interested in helping themselves, and deeply disinterested in spending more than a second's thought on me!).

Your situation may be very different, but there may be something in there that I wrote that you relate to. I do hope you can find ways to rest and heal yourself. I spent so much of my life ill; I spent almost all my childhood very ill, and felt it was my role from a tiny age to help, heal, and save both my parents. I am trying to learn better ways to use my gifts, so that I can live a long and healthy life and do what I am meant to do - not chew myself up on bottomless pits.

I hope you find a way through your situation that brings health and healing, kindness and thoughtfulness to your own self, and that a full recovery from CFS is in your future.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/12/15 05:55:21PM
82 posts

anger issues, or potential schizophrenia


Empath

Oh, hooray!!! (Change the locks!)

It probably was the healing sent - plus we're no fun to NPD types if we are not reacting to them, I've heard.

You are a good man (and quite the spunk!), and I am so sorry your romance did not pan out as it seemed it might at the start. So glad you've got your space back to yourself. It probably will take a while for the energetic detritus and the emotional shock to settle. But well done!

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/12/15 01:50:18PM
82 posts

I Can't Turn This Person Off...


Empath

Wow. She does sound, as you mentioned, histrionic - and there are quite ruthless elements associated with histrionic personalities when their needs/demands are not met that remind me startlingly of people with full-blown NPD.

Hard to separate energetically if you have to resee and rehear her. I would try also a 'wall of pleasant' in my personal dealings with her. Pleasant, but sort of precoccupied with something, anything! else. Plus if you can, envisage (or state there is) a wall of very thick glass between the two of you at all times.

I use a lot of visualisation and strong statements of separation and protection. Had a woman (she still does it from time to time) attach to me heavily some years ago. Used to phone in a childstate and burst into tears. Contact gave me palpitations. I could feel her, also - on/and in me, also at odd times - it was awful. With her, I took up baths - seasalt from the supermarket; epsom salts, ditto; likewise baking powder - to help with the cleansing away of her energies. She eventually taught me most of what I know thus far about protecting myself energetically, but I would rather have not been forced to learn that way! Expensive in time, energy, books ordered online, and bath salts! I still know when she's in a state, at a distance. If I see her, she confirms it obliquely. Ugh.

But there's also the business of your draining elderly mother... Something has to give, so this sure is a crash course for you in empath (and normal human under pressure) self-care.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
12/11/15 10:00:24PM
82 posts

Bad Omens in New Home??


Empath

Meanwhile, good on you for getting yourself out of that abusive living situation!

One's nervous system is in hyperdrive after such a move, and things take a while to settle down, so be gentle with yourself in every way for as long as it takes.

(I once had a plague of slugs in the bathroom the night after a house move... freaked me right out. It was like a horror movie... They just went away. It was so weird!)

My favourite calming place is the bathtub. Stake your claim to wherever yours is, and take yourself there often; it's your house now! And if you freak out again, be nice to yourself and know it will pass, and that the problem will be solvable, in time, with some help.

(Ants don't like lemon oil, or lemons? I guess, or eucalyptus oil, from memory. I can't remember what I do when they decide to march into my kitchen once every three or four years, so I have to google it each time. Think it involved cottonwool balls and lemon oil!)

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
11/20/15 03:30:45PM
82 posts

Do you let sage burn itself out when smudging negative energy?


Empath

Whoever is saying to let the sage burn itself out is probably selling sage bundles! The directions I follow involve using sea salt. If the bundle doesn't go out of its own accord once I stop blowing on it, and I've finished smudging, I gently butt it out in the seasalt that sits at the bottom of a heavy glass ashtray I use.

I would never leave the house with anything burning, especially something like sage bundles that can produce small embers...

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/29/15 05:57:39PM
82 posts

anger issues, or potential schizophrenia


Empath

Oh, no. I hate to hear that you are experiencing this. Having read your book (which I adored, by the way, you have such an endearing style and voice, and I love your precision and honesty; I am still processing many things you said in your book, and trialling your heels up grounding this last many weeks, etc) I was so happy when I saw you mention in another thread you'd found a boyfriend after ten years solo. But... This does not sound good.

The difficulty is he has now moved in with you. That then becomes, especially given he's from another country, a real problem if you wanted, say, to gain some space to feel and think this all out. Which of course you know.

I can only project my own past experience with a man who also had a very difficult childhood (hey, so did I!) and tormenting anger issues. I ended up with him moving in to where I was living after a few weeks together, and then I couldn't throw him out, or find the ability in myself to leave after a while, and I ended up very mentally, physically (became chronically ill), and emotionally damaged by the years I spent with him. He never sought help. I believed I would be the one to fix him with my understanding. Oh, god. Don't be like me!

This will chew you up.

I think, if you could find him other accomodation he could flounce off and smash plates etc there? But it sounds very difficult. I wish you well, you are a lovely human being and deserve the world - not this.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/27/15 09:44:26PM
82 posts

Empaths: What kind of people do you attract?


Empath

I believe the Light attracts the Dark. No, it doesn't mean you are meant to help them.

The people you should help are yourself (save yourself from mean and negative people!), those you know and love, friends you like, or people you instincively feel the call to help - those who need your help temporarily maybe and who intend to do something with your help other than suck it up and spit it back out at you.

Don't waste your energy on people who will only waste you.

It may be your vulnerability and tenderness is attracting them, or your kind open eyes. But some bad types will take advantage of us wherever and whenever they can. I attracted them for years, too. It sucks.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/27/15 04:43:42PM
82 posts

Has Anyone Else Noticed This?


Empath

I know what you mean. It is heartbreaking. I don't feel most of the time that I am the person to say something.

I also think there are just way too many posts. A sea of them, overwhelming and never-ending. I am a reader myself and (years ago and then again recently) read most of the posts I could find that were relevent to my concerns, scouring the backlist, and have yet to make a post of my own - so I am coming from the opposite end of this. But I do think people could maybe take the time to read at least the first few pages - then they would realise that 20 other people just posted more or less the same thing, and they could maybe join in there? It is exhausting.

Mind you, I am very tired and cranky...

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/26/15 11:25:43PM
82 posts

Empath as a Filter


Empath

Well, you've only had one fairly mild experience of it! Doubt it's going to ravage your life therefore.

I thought that bit where one knows other's feelings and tried to help them was just being empathetic, myself. That, with a bit of codependency thrown in, in many cases.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/25/15 02:45:32PM
82 posts

Empath as a Filter


Empath

Ah, I see - feeling what others are feeling and helping accordingly. Yes. I think that may be what many people think the empath thing is all about, and that maybe explains why they call it a gift, as it is a gift for both parties when it is something like that.

If you'd been doing this and not noticing, I'd think you would have become quite unwell by now.

Anyway, my experience is older people can suck up quite a lot of energy, inadvertently, because they need it.

My empath experience is nearly always as a filter or a giant sponge for the physical and emotional distress of others, and then I have to process their stuff out of me (exhausting) or I am simply left as you were (exhausted and drained).

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/24/15 11:28:06PM
82 posts

Empath as a Filter


Empath

I'm really confused. I thought this was what empaths DID. To me, it's not in the slightest bit unusual. It's why 'the gift' can be for some of us such a curse...

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/11/15 03:11:15PM
82 posts

It does get better, right? :)


Empath

Hey! I have bad knees too. Will take your tip and focus on clearing them, also. Poor knees!

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/11/15 03:07:57PM
82 posts

It does get better, right? :)


Empath

Yeah, with time and practice, and paying attention, things finetune. I can now tell instantly or very shortly (minutes) after the pickup occurs. For a long time I was unsure of myself and thought everything was mine, because ostensibly it could/might have been. That is where meditation and journalling come in, so you are clearer in your self about what is yours and what is not yours, etc. I've found those two things helpful.

I think the main thing is to recognize what's not yours and get that stuff out of you! It's a pain, and sometimes I feel I haven't the energy to do yet another clearing when overloaded with yet another pickup. Other people's stuff is exhausting! Seriously, though, it is better to learn to move it along and out, as it is not good for the nervous or immune system to be processing all that foreign energy as if it's your own.

I like baths, so do a lot of clearing baths with epsom salts, bicarb, and seasalt; and sleep often helps remove the physical pickups of pain and symptoms, etc, overnight (but sometimes I also wake up in the night with weird ones, argh!) It's a learning journey. Keeping a journal of sorts can help you sort some of it out, I think.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
10/10/15 05:42:26PM
82 posts

It does get better, right? :)


Empath

Gee, someone respond!

For 99.9% of online empaths on such forums as this, yes, it does get better.

For me, not so much. I pick up physical pain, sometimes intense and sharp, from randoms. I pick up palpitations at a distance from people I am in some degree of contact with, but not what I would call close friends. So, acquaintances. It is always interesting when the timing of the onset of pain and/or palpitations is validated. This has increased for me in recent years. I have had a protection practice for many years, ground and clear daily, etc, and have trialled at length every suggestion I can find with modest degrees of success. Nothing, for me, blocks the physical pickups.

Maybe you will be like the other vast majority who are helped by simple tips, such as in the Empath Survival Program, etc etc etc. It can take a bit of time and practice, for most, to achieve a level of comfort and relief, so I have heard/read repeatedly.

Most online empaths seem to be mostly affected emotionally, only. (Maybe that is why you've had so few responses?) Sorry I can't be more helpful. Keep looking. Avoid drama queens! Good luck.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
09/16/15 06:05:22PM
82 posts

Crimes, Missing Persons, Cold Case etc.


Empath

Hi, yes I do feel things associated with pretty well every missing person or suburban murder I see on the news. But it's just instant impressions: he did it; the wife knows; the child/mp is dead; she's under something; she's in the water... I don't phone up the police as I figure they have enough nutters calling them up. But I take notes on my impressions sometimes, to see if they are accurate or not. It is all involuntary - I don't think this is a line I would really want to pursue, unless I was a gun at it.

I recieved a full vision of the location of the body of a missing friend when I was young, but at the time did not know what to do with the information and did not phone his family. Afterwards, I wished I had as I could have saved them months of worry and hoping he was still alive. It was very precise and very accurate, it later turned out. I saw it like a full screen movie shot.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
09/08/15 07:16:21PM
82 posts

cluster B parents


Empath

Oh, man. It's amazing how they can pull these stunts and then we still feel guilty and obligated - and afraid of their anger and retaliation, I guess, if we don't do the whatever kindliness they did not extend to us. The fog, the fog, seeping in...

Look after yourself, Ecila.

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
09/08/15 07:07:01PM
82 posts

cluster B parents


Empath

Yes, I believe I finally, largely have got them out of my head! It was very hard going for many years until this point, though.

Meditation, listening to my self-talk, lots of self-cleansing and just being aware of the awful messages I was getting from the parental introjects - and a load of avoidance of anyone I finally worked out was repeating or somehow triggering such messages, and hence hideous emotional and mental states - and a lot of reading, etc.

I am still very vulnerable to the old messages encoded in tone and manner (so disdain, contempt, disgust, shaming, anger, guilting, ridicule, etc, from randoms can set me off for days). That doesn't sound like much of an improvement, but believe me it is!

Reading every book on NPD I could find helped deal with my mother especially; I had to constantly revalidate what I was experiencing, it was so crazy-making. But since her death, etc, just not having the poison added in constantly has helped healing over time, along with the awareness of what I have experienced. I still read a lot now and then on Cluster Bs, and NPDs. (They seem to be breeding!)

Not much you can do with the required visits. I didn't have the heart once my mother got ill to boot her out of my life, so I just did a lot of self-care stuff around the visits. In my experience, whatever you do she'll get mad - so factor in your best options and a shitload of selfcare. I wish I'd known about and trusted 'light' work more fully in the years my mother was dying. It was hard to have boundaries at all, though very necessary, then. Draining, poisoning, crazymaking...

Lavender&rose
@lavenderrose
09/08/15 03:01:36AM
82 posts

cluster B parents


Empath

My mother (deceased) was a clinical Narcissist. My exhusband (deceased) was markedly sociopathic; my exboyfriend, ditto. My father (deceased) was nuts; not sure of his diagnosis. I have had far too much experience of Cluster B personality disordered people in other aspects of my life. Cannot bear them, keep encountering them. It's exhausting as they really set off my nervous system like nothing else. I now at least know their energy signatures and trust myself in this. Avoidance is the best option. Life is more peaceful now everyone is dead, though that sounds a bit unkind. People can't imagine what it is like to live with this sort of thing; they can usually project a reasonable and even admirable image to the outside world.

I believe I honed my empath thing to survive/navigate life in my childhood home, and my early training certainly has made me an attractive partner for anyone Cluster B.

 
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