Forum Activity for @kit-kat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
04/30/17 11:15:54PM
230 posts

Questioning The Empath-Narcissist Connection


Empath

"why in the world does the universe throw empaths and narcissists together in the same families?"

I've heard multiple (potential) explanations for this.. Here are a couple that still stand out to me :)

-It's life's way of balancing, to bring two extremes together. 

-Being around a narcissist/being narcissistically abused ironically increases empathy/empathic ability in those who are abused. I've done (way too much) research on this topic and found a highly interesting link between empathic ability and resulting codependency from narcissistic abuse. On the CODA website one of the codependent traits listed is that of absorbing others' feelings and not being able to tell if they're ours or theirs. But narcissistic abuse also increases 'goodness'  in victims --- warm/hot empathy, and desire to use empathic abilities for making a positive difference in the world --

For instance, here's a youtube comment I thought was interesting:

"[Narcissists] also probably groomed you to be their victim when they taught you how to be a 'good girl' - even though with narcissists you will never be good enough, no matter how hard you try. The irony is that this goodness can save you in the end and heal you with some help, their narcissism will never do that for them."

As to your second question --

I think the answer lies within the difference and connection between hot and cold empathy, since cold empathy can be 'bloodcurdlingly accurate,' which is truly the dark side of empathy:https://agnesvriezeblog.wordpress.com/tag/cold-empathy/

p.s. Since people on here seem curious/speculative about this : ), I've also done lots of research on what causes narcissism in children and found that (in addition to people being 'born with a propensity to be narcissistic'), the leading cause is an 'indulgent and permissive' parenting style. To add more personal experience to this, I also have a friend who is narcissistic and he told me his parents spoiled and 'coddled' him a lot growing up -- he was the youngest child in his family. A secondary cause is lack of affection. My theory is that - often - highly empathetic codependents (people who love to please others) are more likely to be indulgent parents, creating children who are narcissistic, and narcissistic parents are likely to be controlling in an attempt to create 'ideal' children - which creates empathic codependents.. in a circle :/ But the crazy thing is that narcissism is a type of codependency, so really, the codependent traits on CODA.org are what need to be overcome in order to achieve healthy relationships, in my opinion. 


updated by @kit-kat: 04/30/17 11:35:56PM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
04/01/17 06:53:01PM
230 posts

emotional highs and lows


Empath

Bookworm "] Hi Kit Kat I don't know if this will help you and you received some good advice already so feel free to ignore me if it doesn't feel right to you! But I wanted to reply because what you said about obsessive thoughts and not being able to stop thinking about someone even though you want to is something I very much identify with - I've had this problem with one person in particular. I don't know why but something about your situation seems very familiar in this case. For me, it was a friendship which almost developed into something more but it never did because, although I didn't know anything about empaths back then I did sense that I needed to try and keep some firm boundaries between us because of the many issues he's had to deal with in his life. For a really long time I held onto the idea that we still had a friendship because I could not accept that maybe this person was taking advantage of my good nature - not because he's a bad person or anything but very damaged which as I'm sure you know can result in some hurtful behaviour. Eventually I did have to come to accept that this friendship wasn't healthy, and that even if the hurtful things he did were unintentional, and even though I really wanted to be a good friend and be there for him, all that was happening was he made me feel crappy about myself and he used me to dump all his shit on and feel better about himself (though I do think this was mostly unconscious.) Anyway, even just accepting that was HARD. Cutting him out of my life was even harder, and I went through a difficult phase of thinking about him a lot and feeling incredibly guilty and worrying I'd done the wrong thing and wondering if I should cave and try to find some way to reach out to him. But I also knew that a lot of what I was feeling was fear (and I think some of that fear was also his, because he had known he could always rely on me for so long and now he suddenly couldn't). But I had thought really long and hard about severing the links between us and why I should do it, and I felt deep down it was the right decision. Even though I miss him, I know now this was the right decision. I am so much happier now without this toxic relationship skewing my perceptions of a lot of things, including myself. It also helped me to realise some really important things about myself and learn some lessons I probably should have learned a while ago! But overall it has been a difficult but positive experience and I feel more like myself, and like a better person, because I listened to my instincts about this. So the reason I told you that long story about me is because I think the situations are a little similar and what helped me most was: Cutting cords - it was hard but it made a huge difference. I had to do this more than once and actually it helped me to accept that a part of me was afraid to let go - I needed to acknowledge those feelings before I was really ready to move on. Reminding myself (a lot!) Why I made this decision and why it would be better for everyone in the long run. Being patient with myself for taking a long time to get over it and stop obsessively thinking about it all the time - and remembering that some of what I was feeling was headed my way from his direction too, although again I don't think it was intentional. As I said, I still miss him and think about him sometimes, but I don't feel guilty or blame myself anymore. We both made mistakes and now we can both move on hopefully to a brighter future even if we didn't end up close friends like I wished. Obviously your situation is different and unique to you, but if any of that is helpful or makes you feel better then please take away whatever is useful :) Sending you some happy vibes xx hope things get a little easier xx

Wow, it means so much that you wrote this out for me!! Thank you SO much.. :) I'm really glad you shared this. I can relate a ton. I know some relationships just aren't healthy, even friendships.. I just don't have very many friends, so I don't want to lose this person as a friend. He means a lot to me even despite what happened between us. I believe cutting cords is important in a lot of cases. Man.. this is super hard for me, though.. He's also the only person I am attracted to in my life right now. And he's been helping me with stuff he says - it's very insightful; he has a brilliant mind. But I have to do what's best for us. I'm really struggling with what that is. But what you wrote gives me many good things to think about!

Thank you for the happy vibes, too :) Yes, what you wrote helped! Just even knowing I'm not alone  in this stuff helps... 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
04/01/17 06:44:00PM
230 posts

emotional highs and lows


Empath

TigerLily: @ kit-kat. I would like to say first, don't allow this situation to doubt who you are as an empath. You are going through a rough bump right now and are actually feeling your own feelings for a change. Which is a good thing. Take the time now to just focus on you. I know easier said than done right? What is it that you want, that maybe you didn't have the opportunity to before? As for Co dependent. I'm not sure on this because I've been single for years, but I have dated alot but that's it. Being single does get lonely, and I do like being around others (sometimes) But the one good thing about it, I answer to no one. I never have to worry about someone getting upset about anything in the house, except for myself for not doing it. Then I do it and then feel better lol. As for thinking about him. That's hard, I still struggle with this and dating!!! You are used to this person and have had them in your life for some time. It's only natural. You miss them. Over time it will go away. People always say "pick a hobby" "try doing xyz to get your mind off of it" Those things never helped me, the only thing that did was being around friends and family as much as I could. I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this and my heart goes out to you.

Thank you so much! <3 Your empathy is beautiful!! I like your hobby idea.. I've been a little depressed so things don't seem to make me as happy as they used to, but I do believe that time will help. Thank you for the comforting thoughts! And yes.. hard to feel my own feelings.. But I like how you worded that. It makes me think that maybe life is forcing me to practice will being more in touch with myself, which is definitely something I want to get better at..

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
03/29/17 09:21:08PM
230 posts

New, and feeling a little lost and confused, and very much a lone (any advice is appreciated)


Empath

Hi empphire! I'm glad the replies so far have helped and It's cool to hear your story... I can relate tremendously..... It's really hard feeling like no one can understand what it's like to be empathic. Here are some things that I've learned that have helped me feel not so lost (I found out I was an empath a couple years ago, and went through much the same thing that you're experiencing!) --

-I decided I needed to give myself more slack. Like you, before finding out I am an empath, I already knew I was a very highly sensitive person. It validated a lot of things, but still didn't feel "complete," if that makes sense. But once I found out why I felt so vulnerable all the time, and why people had such an emotional effect on me, I decided I needed to be a little more careful with myself, rather than expecting myself to be like everyone else so much. If we're going to have so much empathy, we should at least have a healthy amount of it for ourselves (I believe), since we go through so much emotionally every day... We need our own kindness : ) I remember being in the bathroom awhile back before going to one of my college classes that I felt particularly uncomfortable in, and reading stuff online about how to deal with being an empath to try to gear up. It was, in some ways, more effective for me back then because even just knowing that there were other empaths out there made me really, really happy and made me feel so much better. But I still try to get back to that.. & it still helps.

-I also decided that there are some people who are safe to talk to about my abilities and some people - not so much. This community is a totally safe place <3 I'm really, really grateful for it.... Like you I was excited that people on here would listen and want to help :) To me, this really shows how empaths are most often spiritually gifted in addition to emotionally "gifted." I've never found an online community as helpful and kind-hearted as this one!! (and like you I've been lonely; I've sought friends online on a bunch of different sites. This is the only one I've really stuck with!) 

-Some people will say that empaths don't exist. I disagree, because of experience! I do, however, think that there are things that make changes to our abilities, in negative ways as well as ways that can help us cope. And that's one of the things I really like learning about on this site. 

-There are two options: feeling like being an empath is a gift, or feeling like it's a curse or some kind of disorder. Seeing it as a gift may disagree with a lot of secular views, but I always feel happier when I look at it this way! Oh yeah, and one of the best techniques I've learned for curbing my overactive empathy (since this is often an appendage to being an empath) is actually 'channeling compassion.' Compassion is a byproduct of empathy, and it's really super healing. This article helps explain what I mean:

http://www.wired.co.uk/article/tania-singer-compassion-burnout

I hope this helps, and welcome to the EC!!

KitKat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
03/29/17 08:25:12PM
230 posts

emotional highs and lows


Empath

Hop Daddy:

@kit-kat:

After reading your post I was on another empath site reading random stuff and happened upon this course. I wonder if this could be helpful to you?

https://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/courses/courseoverview.cgi?cid=302

Thanks! This is something I will consider!! I really appreciate it : ) 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
03/29/17 08:24:28PM
230 posts

emotional highs and lows


Empath

Soothsayer4:

kitKat,

Well, I have been there before. It is difficult to sort out the spiritual and the psychological for the kind of people we are.  However, it is probably a bit of both.  Severing a relationship normally has a consequence of withdrawal or feelings of emptiness no matter how it ended.  Though, empaths seem to have the extra sense of the energy "connection" embedded in the relationship. This has an extra tug on us when ending a relationship and entails an extra step in the full severance procedure.  There are levels to a break-up: emotional, psychological, physical, social...and spiritual or psychic (for Empaths).  We just have that added step - or are at least aware of it 

if you are really and fully ready for the complete severance then imagine a cord connected to you from that person that you manually grab and disconnect from your body... it's the energy links from that person that stay connected way past the break-up. Visualizing yourself doing this and feeling the break will help you tremendously if you are fully ready for that last step.  Though, psychologically, you will have to determine this readiness.  There is no turning back afterwards.

Soothsayer4, Thank you!! I really like your advice to sever the connection. Man it's hard for me to do that. It really wakes me up to how much I don't want to stop thinking about this person. But I know that what you said about the spiritual connection is very wise. It is a hard last step... It feels so final. I am willing to take this advice, though, when I am ready <3 I hope I feel ready soon. I feel so close to people, but especially this person. And yet I feel completely alone a lot, too... : )

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
03/26/17 09:27:01PM
230 posts

emotional highs and lows


Empath

Hey everyone :) 

I've been having a rough time with some things.. There are a bunch of sources I'm drawing from for help but I just figured it might help to talk about it on here & see if you guys have any advice. 

So my biggest problem is love addiction with codependent traits secondary to it. I noticed that some of the traits of codependency and being an empath are similar (like 'not being able to separate one's feelings from the feelings of others'). This has also been bothering me because I worry that I'm just a codependent and not an empath :( (Deep down, I can't/don't believe this is true, but it's something I have considered) Anyway. Since my last relationship I've been pretty down. Lots of health challenges because of the anxiety and depression (and extreme empathy) that have ensued. I'm having trouble forgetting this person I was going out with even though it's over. I have obsessive thoughts and feel like I'm having withdrawals a lot of the time.

Do you think we as empaths are more susceptible to love addiction than other people?

Do you have any advice about how to stop thinking about someone & how to stop liking them? Advice about giving up codependent traits while still keeping high levels of empathy? Advice about love addiction?

KitKat


updated by @kit-kat: 07/31/17 05:59:12PM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
03/17/17 10:38:07AM
230 posts

The music thing


Arts

CalMidwester: My first response never showed up. I have always been super sensitive to noises and smells. Music is probably in its own category. My parents actually forbid me to listen to any non religious music for all of high school. It truly was a dark time. I have joked to my husband that maybe my hearing is just super sensitive. Unfortunately his is on the other end of the spectrum. ;-)

Oh goodness... that really sounds like a dark time :):) (I'm super sensitive to music, too.... Sometimes even songs that I like annoy me if I think about them in certain ways..) 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
03/17/17 10:34:04AM
230 posts

When life brings you lots of lemons


Empath

TigerLily: I am not sure ig something is in the air or if this is another empath thing. Life keeps giving me lemons to make lemonade and I'm tired of making leamonade. I feel like I've learned alot and enough. When does it stop?

I hear ya. It's the same for me. I think life is meant to be harder for us than for others? But I also think that things happen for a reason. Maybe it's all about finding the reason(s).... Hope things get better for you!! <3 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/27/17 09:31:10PM
230 posts

I think we can all relate


Empath

SO beautifully written.. I relate so much..

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/27/17 09:28:08PM
230 posts

More female empaths than male?


Empath

Trevor Lewis:

The easy answer is - ABSOLUTELY!

I usually find that men get outnumbered at least three or four to one (some people would put it as high as ten to one).  It gets more complex when you start to factor in how much more willing women are to talk about their emotions.  Now that I am "out of the closet" as an empath, I am starting to discover how many men are empaths, they just don't talk about it. Men get taught very early on that it is not OK to be sensitive so it gets hidden.

So do you think that it's possible to stop yourself from being an empath? I'm just curious :) I have a narcissistic friend who, when he describes his childhood, sounds like he used to be an empath, but he chose to bury his empathic side underneath narcissism, a choice that he's currently trying to undo....

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/27/17 09:22:35PM
230 posts

Relationship Between Stress And Empathy?


Empath

:gr_10 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" id="10" data-gr-id="10">TigerLily"] This is a interesting topic. Does the stress just heighten our sensitivity?? I recently saw an apparition the other day, and I haven't seen anything in a while. But I was under a lot of stress where my chest hurt and thought the stress was that high I was seeing things. I've also been having alot of vivid dreams again and my gut has been spot on. But sometimes there days wherelated I just feel like a tornado from all the stress amd emotions in a given situation. Feels like I was at a rock concert or night club when I'm finally alone.

I think stress heightens our sensitivity because it triggers our nervous systems. It seems to me like our -already sensitive- nervous systems are what make us "super-responders," as we've been called, and stress just amplifies.. But that's just a theory!

That sounds really rough with having such intense stress!! I hope things have gotten better for you since then/that they will get better soon <3

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/27/17 09:18:03PM
230 posts

Relationship Between Stress And Empathy?


Empath

Yes, what an interesting topic! :) I'm the same way! When my physical health is at all compromised my empathic abilities increase. But it's an interesting cycle, sort of: feeling so much, and being so sensitive to others seems to create more health problems/stress for me, so if I am somehow able to distance myself, then I sometimes get back to a better place physically. Crazy stuff! Long story short, you're not alone <3

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/26/17 07:59:39PM
230 posts

I'm a free Spirit. (Lol)


Empath

Same :) Thanks for sharing this distinction! I'm not going to describe myself as a hippie anymore!! haha

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/25/17 11:35:45AM
230 posts

Empath Related Illnesses


Empath

Hey everyone :) I just wanted to share this interesting site on here since it's really applicable to the discussion topic! It talks about how our emotions can be linked with our illnesses, and, to me, this explains (in part) why we empaths have more incidence of health problems:

http://alchemyofhealing.com/causes-of-symptoms-according-to-louise-hay/

We experience so many emotions on a daily basis, even secondarily! 


updated by @kit-kat: 02/25/17 11:36:26AM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
02/20/17 01:08:22PM
230 posts

Looking for direction/doubting your instincts?


Empath

I think the fact that your ideas keep coming back to you can be indicative of them being inspiration:) We as empaths have so much power to help people because of the gifts we have, and I think it's a shame when we don't share these things..

Thank you for asking these questions, for example. Before reading your post I was feeling like I was the one of few who was feeling this way :) I've dealt with problems of figuring out my feelings for years. But something that really helps me is finding excuses for good things to actually work out, rather than finding excuses for them to not work out. If I can tell something is good, for example, trying to share wisdom by starting a blog ;) I might tell myself: "Hey you can preface your views with 'this is my speculation' or, 'from my experience' so your readers know that you're not trying to sound like you know more than you do" and then I feel better about things. 

Again, I can totally relate to feeling self doubt <3 But I also agree with what deborah-craig was saying about how fear holds us back from being the healers we were always meant to be. (I'm working on believing this, too!) 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
01/28/17 07:03:10PM
230 posts

Don't judge a book by its cover...


Empath

Hermes.V: @bunnigirl, I found this nice article: http://seekeronline.info/journals/y2007/sep07.html You know, if someone remains sane throughout the awakening process, they really have to question whether they have really awakened or just think that they are awakening. If they are still thinking, then they are still asleep. Picasso was a great artist and painter. Even more so because he rarely understood what it was he was painting, but it was beautiful, and that's what mattered. As it always is with divinity, the intellect will try to understand, but it will fail. The faster the intellect accepts that, then the faster the divine can come through. If its understandable to the intellect, hen its not the divine.

cool thought about divinity.. I like what you said about that! I think it's true that in "submission" we find true value. 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
01/15/17 10:20:42PM
230 posts

Signs You are living With a Narcissist or Psychopath


Library of Light

Hi Bing, thank you for this post! I even recognized some of the info - show how much research I've done :) I especially appreciate what you said at the end, though. I'm the type to need lots of warnings like that.. it's so hard.

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
01/06/17 11:37:48AM
230 posts

Emotional manipulation


Empath

Scott Yates: I feel that narcissistic ppl feed off the empathic more than others. Empaths overly love; overly feel; overly care; we give more chances than is deserved; and we doubt ourselves a lot. Cutting cords with that person and standing strong on your decision is all great advise and very helpful. I have found that you also have to strengthen your weaknesses as well. Seeing that person often isn't a bad thing. Each time you see that person, it will remind you of the heartache you've been put through and keep you on track to strenghthening yourself. Emotional distance will help as well. Its like building an emotional wall between the two of you. Before you know it, your heart will heal and your emotions reset. Hang in there Kit-Kat. It sucks but helps you grow.

Beautiful way to put it! That is very strengthening.... Thank you <3

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
01/05/17 06:43:42PM
230 posts

Emotional manipulation


Empath

TigerLily: He's friends with your mother!!?? Omg, I can't believe she is talking to him after all that you have told her. I'm so sorry all this is happening. This has got to be so hard on you. All you can do is not expect much from either. We have to remember with expections, disappointment is hanging around the corner.

Yep, it's really sad.. Thanks a ton for your understanding words. It is extremely hard. I wake up some mornings (after having bad dreams about him), feeling like all the happiness has been drained out of my body. You know, you guys are my main friends at the moment :) I just wish I knew you in person.

I NEVER meant for this to happen (my mom becoming friends with him). The main reason I let my her take the phone from me (so she could go and talk to him for hours!) is that I thought she might be able to talk him into giving up the losing battle/getting help, which actually did work out (he should've seen the therapist this week, actually). The scary thing was how well she could 'relate' to him while they were talking. It even felt like she was flattered and charmed by his lying words, practically to the blushing point... bleh.. Perhaps they can relate on a primal, narcissistic level. I guess I had been in denial about some of her narcissistic traits until this experience. That is a very true statement about expectations and disappointment........ Thus we see how good Christian people can sometimes see too much good in others = projection (I'm speaking mostly about myself here..) 


updated by @kit-kat: 01/05/17 06:45:13PM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
01/05/17 02:21:04PM
230 posts

Emotional manipulation


Empath

Snap:

I share your disposition to Narcissists, at least to a degree. I feel for them as they're obviously fragile. Yet they are dangerous. My strength and presence means they will not target me to any great extent. Indeed, recently I had a brush with one in my work-life and she was utterly relieved I compromised. 

I don't advise but I'll tell you want I've learned. Sadly, interactions with Narcissists are best kept to an absolute minimum for me. The patterns are to all intents and purposes unchangeable, and they're based in serious injury. My experience is that as an Empath, it has been useful to look penetratingly at Narcissists. They seem to instantly sense my capacity to see right through their mask, if only I pay attention for even a moment. This is useful for me because they don't like to be seen and they don't come back for more; or if they do it's almost amusingly timid. Now, I need to be careful as a large male that I don't look intimidating, but I don't need to tell others here that as Empaths, it's not high on our wish list to intimidate. But it's fine--I just put on a look of curiosity and study the eyes.

My point is that personally I remain "friendly" or "collegial" with people who are Narcissistic to some extent simply by making boundaries clear and letting them know I can see through the mask whenever I choose to do so. It's really not hard for me. But there may be a lot of variation in Narcissist-Empath interactions.

I'm sorry for the angst and pain it's caused you. I hope you can work through it.

Yeah, they're such attractively fragile, broken people.. "Fragile" is definitely the right word. His shame was apparent when I said it was over between us (I've heard they can't feel remorse, only shame). It was surreal to hear him crying on the phone and feel so distant from those confused emotions. 

Thank you for sharing your experiences w/ stuff like this :) That's really helpful. I need all the positive influence I can get to resist even letting my pity show around him. It's so tempting to try to manipulate him into feeling remorse, too (an impossible endeavor). 

That's a great point about looking penetratingly into his eyes! I'll have to try that.. Maybe that's a more productive way to 'fight fire with fire' since he's not afraid to use the predatory stare on me. I think it would also bother him because it would show him that I've gotten stronger/more confident (whether that's true or not haha). Keeping things 'professional' is a great tip, too! Thanks! Maybe someday it will be something that won't be hard for me :) but for now I want to push away any and all relationships that would even resemble this one...

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
01/05/17 02:08:37PM
230 posts

Emotional manipulation


Empath

:gr_13 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" id="13" data-gr-id="13">TigerLily"] I'm sorry this is happening and I can relate as it's happened to me multiple times. we are victims to narcissistic people. If the guy isn't a narc, he's completely broken in some aspect. Letting go is the hardest, as like you, fallen for them. You just have to stand tall and firm and tell them goodbye. In a matter of days or weeks you will see you made the right decision.

Thanks so much for your kind words <3 It has been like an icy knife in the heart. I feel the loss really deeply. Your words are very comforting, though. I can relate immensely to the concept of 'letting go' in particular, especially since I'm a dreamer/daydreamer. My mind wants to re-live everything, figure it out even more than necessary. 

Yeah, the main issue with the firm goodbye (which is what I want) is that my mother (who has exhibited narcissistic traits herself a lot of times) is now "friends" with this guy. He's like a family friend now. Can't undo that! lol (She said she's going to keep communication with him even if I'm left out of it, even though I've warned her about his manipulation/lying). The irony is that she was the one who talked him into getting "help" - from a therapist who we happen to be related to, and who also has serious issues herself, IMO. What a mess.......... haha

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/31/16 12:12:09PM
230 posts

Empath Related Illnesses


Empath

I can relate SO much. I'm pretty sure I'd be "super healthy" without being an empath, so long as I still had all these health tricks in my arsenal (that I've been forced into learning by, you guessed it: health problems) haha :) 

Most of my issues have revolved around gut/abdominal health, kind of like rene mentioned with her stomach issues. I carry most of my emotion there, and it's made worse by how many nerves are centered there, especially because I'm introverted (of course) so I'm sensitive to most 'stimulation.' I've had chronic digestive issues, including abdominal pain (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth), an anxiety disorder, teeth grinding at night, acid reflux, random aches and pains, lower back pain, allergies & food sensitivities (dust mites and corn, soy, wheat...etc.etc.etc.), a cyst in my sinuses (had to have sinus surgery), highly fluctuating weight gain and weight loss, sensitivities to anesthesia, and lots of other issues. 

What's hilarious is that I'm still in my 20s ;) "optimal" time of life, right? 

If anyone ever wants to discuss health with me, I'm down! I love getting & giving advice on this topic... 

I do think stress is killer. Way too many illnesses are caused by it. What I've been focusing on is breathing in particular. I think life can be so overwhelming for us, that it's easy for people like us to forget to breathe deeply (taking breath into the abdomen, primarily, before breathing out). If I get to the end of the day and realize I did well with even just breathing, I feel pretty accomplished.. (kind of funny)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/31/16 11:52:16AM
230 posts

Emotional manipulation


Empath

Nocturne's Angel:
Kit Kat:

Hey everyone :)

So... that guy I was talking about in my last post? Total narcissist. It's really sad because I was falling for him, and I've never almost fallen for anyone in real life; my crushes have been mostly fictional/celebrities :). I guess I'm primarily feeling gratitude right now, though, because even though my emotions have been tossed to the ground like trash in an alleyway, the manipulation of the "idealization" phase has become apparent to me sooner rather than later - he accidentally used the wrong mask on me, I think - and he wasn't the type of narcissist to escalate the relationship to the point of convincing me we're soul mates so early on, and to not use "reward/punishment" until later in the game. I'm glad the "reward/punishment" thing (manipulation using 'good times') started early - like the second date - even though the punishment aspect has made me cry way too many tears over this relationship (I didn't know what was going on..) 

Regrettably, before, I was one of those empaths who had the "it'll never happen to me" attitude... Well, I was super wrong. Hopefully if other empaths reading this feel that way, this can be a type of warning..

The worst part is I still find him SO attractive! Even knowing he's broken just makes me love him more for some reason. I suppose I can relate to trying to be strong and awesome on the outside while feeling fragile and vulnerable on the inside? A fallen angel thing? It's a little inexplicable... I think he'd be great for me if he didn't have this disorder. And I haven't rejected him yet :/ I'm waiting for him to ask me out again.. I'm in a position where I know the person I'll choose to marry will be a member of the church I'm part of, and so that makes it harder, as he's the most attractive member of the church that I've ever met. My choices are really narrowed by this standard, but I feel impressed to follow it. Still harder: I can't go "no-contact" or "out" him or anything like that because I'll be seeing him around at church activities :( How can I not stay friends with him like everyone says to do?

I've gotten such great help from my research on this topic (how to get over/break up with a narcissist), but does anyone have any advice on how to reject him/how to deal with this situation? 

Advice always helps me so much.. I hesitated to write this post because I didn't want to bring anyone down (sorry if I did); your advice is just so meaningful to me. I really do feel like this is one of the few places I can come for true understanding.....

Oh and do you have any opinions on using manipulation as part of breaking up with a narcissist (in a kind way)? They're such broken souls, with such fragile egos, from what I've read, so I've been thinking of taking - some of - this article's advice: http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/how-to-manipulate-narcissist.html

Kitkat

It feels like my life has turned into 'The Phantom of the Opera" - one of my fav. movies (lol) 

If you don't want him in your life as more than a person you make pleasantries with at church activities, etc.  I'd suggest cutting cords to detach yourself from him & be as brief as possible when speaking with him when you run into him at these activities, functions, etc. so that he doesn't think you want more from him than you actually do.

Best wishes.

Thank you! That's great advice.. That's pretty much what it seems like I have to do (broke up with him yesterday....). It's really cool, though, because I was given the words to say to him to where he couldn't run from the emptiness inside himself. He may even get counseling now, so it has a (hopefully) happy ending. I'm happy I can say that :)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/19/16 10:40:13PM
230 posts

Emotional manipulation


Empath

Hey everyone :)

So... that guy I was talking about in my last post? Total narcissist. It's really sad because I was falling for him, and I've never almost fallen for anyone in real life; my crushes have been mostly fictional/celebrities :). I guess I'm primarily feeling gratitude right now, though, because even though my emotions have been tossed to the ground like trash in an alleyway, the manipulation of the "idealization" phase has become apparent to me sooner rather than later - he accidentally used the wrong mask on me, I think - and he wasn't the type of narcissist to escalate the relationship to the point of convincing me we're soul mates so early on, and to not use "reward/punishment" until later in the game. I'm glad the "reward/punishment" thing (manipulation using 'good times') started early - like the second date - even though the punishment aspect has made me cry way too many tears over this relationship (I didn't know what was going on..) 

Regrettably, before, I was one of those empaths who had the "it'll never happen to me" attitude... Well, I was super wrong. Hopefully if other empaths reading this feel that way, this can be a type of warning..

The worst part is I still find him SO attractive! Even knowing he's broken just makes me love him more for some reason. I suppose I can relate to trying to be strong and awesome on the outside while feeling fragile and vulnerable on the inside? A fallen angel thing? It's a little inexplicable... I think he'd be great for me if he didn't have this disorder. And I haven't rejected him yet :/ I'm waiting for him to ask me out again.. I'm in a position where I know the person I'll choose to marry will be a member of the church I'm part of, and so that makes it harder, as he's the most attractive member of the church that I've ever met. My choices are really narrowed by this standard, but I feel impressed to follow it. Still harder: I can't go "no-contact" or "out" him or anything like that because I'll be seeing him around at church activities :( How can I not stay friends with him like everyone says to do?

I've gotten such great help from my research on this topic (how to get over/break up with a narcissist), but does anyone have any advice on how to reject him/how to deal with this situation? 

Advice always helps me so much.. I hesitated to write this post because I didn't want to bring anyone down (sorry if I did); your advice is just so meaningful to me. I really do feel like this is one of the few places I can come for true understanding.....

Oh and do you have any opinions on using manipulation as part of breaking up with a narcissist (in a kind way)? They're such broken souls, with such fragile egos, from what I've read, so I've been thinking of taking - some of - this article's advice:http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/how-to-manipulate-narcissist.html

Kitkat

It feels like my life has turned into 'The Phantom of the Opera" - one of my fav. movies (lol) 


updated by @kit-kat: 07/04/17 08:04:16PM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/19/16 10:08:15PM
230 posts

Heck of a life


Empath

Hermes.V:

You know, you're both teachers, with so much to teach. That being said, teachers and counselors do tend to pick-up other peoples karma. This can feel quite terrible at times if you keep it all to yourselves. Sometimes it's also a bit too much to transmute yourselves. Fortunately there are oases around the world where empaths can connect with other empaths, and do the process together, spread the workload. I guess this also slightly answers the question in the other thread.

It's nice to have an oasis (or vortex) like this where we can mingle energies, and transmute to send back into the world. A metaphor would be that of a a cleaning cloth. As the cloth cleans, it picks up dirt. That's when it goes back to the faucet to rinse off and cleanse. So the cleaning cloth is sometimes clean, sometimes not clean, yet as it cycles, its surroundings get cleaner and cleaner.

WOW.. to me, that is profound!! <3 I think you're probably right...

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/19/16 09:58:02PM
230 posts

Heck of a life


Empath

Hermes.V:
Rene'': I'm so glad we have this forum. And I'm so glad to know you all.

I feel you.  Feels so lucky to be here,  and have this togetherness :). Beautiful times. 

[jrEmbed module="jrYouTube" id="622"]

Me three! :)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/19/16 09:56:59PM
230 posts

Heck of a life


Empath

Wow... that all sounds so painful! I'm really sorry to hear about everything you've been dealing with. It kinda reminds me of what I've been dealing with = selfishness and narcissism. People can be super heartless.... and yet I still can't help but live in my own personal dreamland/haven thinking that people are generally good-hearted deep down. Broken maybe, but not always good-hearted is the truth, and I guess I've had to slam into this truth like a concrete wall once again by dating a narcissist. 

But anyway. Just wanted to say I can relate and I really do hope that things get better for you soon <3 You're not alone! & you deserve far better...

Light to you, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
12/10/16 11:42:34AM
230 posts

feel like I am not human


Empath

Jojo:

Hey :) Its totally normal for an empath not feel like other people. Its because we have a very different sensory experience of the world around us and as a result life is a very different experience. We are psychics of emotions.  we on this site are your fellow aliens :) take it easy. we're all here to help you. I recommend the book "empath" by paul kain. its concise, easy to read and covers all the need to know essentials about the empath experience. Live in and perceive through love (affirmation- say it to yourself regularly). Love is truth, you will find clarity and lose confusion as you live by the principles of love. Love and light always

I really like your advice... :) very helpful..

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/27/16 09:28:05PM
230 posts

feel like I am not human


Empath

Hi I know I'm a little late to this discussion but I just wanted to say that it sounds like you might be the same personality type as me (INFP). It's really typical for INFPs to feel alone in a very bizarre world. It seems I feel like either the only sane person a lot of the time, OR the only insane person :) 

Here's a picture example -

INFPRose.jpg.jpg

INFP wrong.jpg

And a blog that is really validating - 

https://dreamerrambling.wordpress.com

Well, even if we're not the same personality type (you can find out here: https://www.16personalities.com) then if nothing else I can certainly say that I relate to everything you said!! I've felt this way for years.... 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/24/16 11:44:10PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Jenstone:

Kit Kat, your gratitude is lovely. What a gift you give when you acknowledge and thank each person who posts a response to your struggle. Thanks for keeping good energy flowing. You are a dream! 

Wow, that is super sweet of you to say... <3 I always hope it can be a sort of gift when I reply (I always want to give more though, haha)  Thanks SO much! :D It really does mean a lot to me that I have this community in my life.. I love all of you!! 

Oh and you all have helped me tremendously in deciding what to do in this challenge - Turns out I was rewarded for not only being honest about being empathic but also for hanging in there when things seemed wrong. Our last date was the best date I've ever been on and this week I found out he's INFP personality type. To me this feels like we're exactly right for each other, despite the huge age difference...

Anyway, there's so much to be thankful for :)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/24/16 11:38:23PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Pisces_Aquarius:

This is going to be a long post. Be warned lol

I knew I was an empath since I was twelve. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian community (borderline cultish) where my experiences would be considered "devilish," so I kept secrets and followed the expectations the church laid out for me. The church was essentially my family.

I married a man who was everything he was expected to be, but he was narcissistic. I didn't realize this because I was 18. He was 25. Empaths are naturally drawn to narcissists -- some of us don't know this. He was a fun energy most of the time, but he required a certain amount of attention and things to go his way. After we got married, this need for attention became abusive. I stuck with him, trying with all my heart for 11 years. We had 4 kids together. I sacrificed so much of myself that I lost most of myself. I was so drained all the time...drained, and then had negativity thrust on me almost every day. This drainage manifested into physical illnesses.

Adrenal exhaustion.

Memory loss.

Weight loss.

Stomach and intestinal ulcers turned into bleeding ulcers.

Heart palpitations and chest pain.

And so much more...

My blood eventually had the consistency of molasses and I was warned on two different occassions, 6 years apart, of the likelihood of a stroke. I had a "warning stroke" when I was around 21 or 22.

When I finally left him(somewhat recently), I tried to stay compassionate and respectful to his feelings, because as a narcissist in need of that attention and control, he had a hard time accepting that he was losing both. His own suppressed issues manifested to physical problems..but in a different way -- he turned dangerous.

Just as I thought my life was falling apart and that I had lost myself, I met someone online. I don't know how to explain what I felt. He left a review on amazon on something I wrote and his energy caught me. Nothing "special" or out of the ordinary was written, but that energy reached out to me. I hadn't even seen his face! So, I clicked his name and something about him drew me to him. It turned out we were a part of some of the same writing groups on Facebook, so I friended him. We didn't really say anything to each other for nearly a year. When we finally did start talking, he asked me, "do you feel some weird energy here?" It was crazy to me that he would be able to feel what I was feeling so we started talking on a deeper level. At this time, I was finally separated from my husband, but the situation was still dangerous for me. I was scared every day and having serious physical ailments coming from the anxiety. 

This "new guy" was quite literally living on the entire other side of the continent so I didn't think we'd ever be able to meet in person. We did, however, have a crazy connection across the continent. He would have visions of what I was doing and how I felt. Typically at times when I was lonely or scared. We could sense when the other was holding our tongue on a topic we didn't think we could handle talking about, and we'd be able to push and support each other as we opened up about it. It was a connection I had fantasized of having with someone since I was a kid, but assumed it was only in stories.

We soon discovered what we had was coined "twin flames." Not soulmates -- twin flames. He is in almost every way the male version of me. We think the same, have had several almost identical experiences, the same goals and values in life, even the same parenting style.

When I had come to a point of pure powerlessness, I broke down and wept. I spoke -- out loud -- to the Universe/God in that moment, and I asked for help. I couldn't do it anymore and I wanted myself back. Within days, things started happening around me that set everything in place.

If I would have ever known this was possible to find in life, I would not have ever bothered with relationships and I would have prayed a lot sooner. Though if I had to, I would wait thirty years to find this man again. He does not drain me in any sense of the word, but instead, he fills me with positivity and hope. I enjoy every day, night, and the time in between. He's helped me rebuild myself from what I thought I lost through my marriage. I'm me again and I love life again.

Anyone who drains you is not good for you. Think seriously on your inner self -- will he continue draining you or will he fill you with life? Will you eventually drain until you have nothing of yourself left? Or will you be able to fill your own cup before he drains you again? Is that the life you feel you want to live?

Good luck! I hope it all works out for you!

Thanks so much for your very thoughtful reply! <3 That is incredibly amazing that you found someone you consider your twin flame!!! I don't hear about that every day :) (I'm hopelessly romantic so that concept appeals to me a lot!). Wow, I'm so glad you shared your story. Narcissists can be so disguised.. It's so sad to think of empaths stuck in that situation of marriage with them.... I can't handle that. But I think it's always great to be warned since love is vulnerable, and it can be naive as well as gullible <-- mine is no exception haha. 

And thank you for your wishing me good luck! I do think it's cool how when our energy lifts so many more good things come into our lives, and all of the positivity from others along the way helps a ton, so it really means a lot. 

(& there has been lots of improvement in my relationship now that I've gone on here and read yours as well as others' posts!) 

Happy Thanksgiving, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/24/16 11:30:40PM
230 posts

Thank You, Friends


Empath

Thank you!! <3

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/19/16 10:47:26PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Just want to say I <3 you guys and I'm so grateful for your friendship in my life... A lot of times I feel super alone, but it always gets better when I come on here :)

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/19/16 10:44:44PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Jenstone:

Try this.... get tuned in to your own station on the radio dial. That's you! Every once in awhile when you are feeling lost or not well-reciprocated in your understanding if your partner, try this mind image which another empath offered me and it really helps. Imagine a dial on his forehead, and a dial on your chest. Every once in awhile, turn down his volume (don't do this out loud of course, just in your mind) and then reach for your own knob and turn yours up a little bit. One of the best things we can do to grow as Empaths is to learn how to stay present in the moment. Sometimes we evaluate how we feel when we are away from the person, especially if you are an introvert. But wouldn't it be great if you could find out what's going on emotionally/spiritually right while you are immersed in the space and time together with him? It's hard to do, but I've been working at it. It makes things ever slightly less intense in terms of the experience I have of the other person, but overall I last much longer energy-wise and I'm leraning how to "tune in" to what's going on within myself in real time. The answers are within you! Only you are there to experience your experience...so listen to your wise mind. 

Thanks Jenstone! <3 That's great advice!! I definitely need to try that :) Thank you for your sweet reply... I totally agree that being more aware of myself will probably help!

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/16/16 06:52:13PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

mommy4:

OK for starters... I think you need to just come out and tell him that you are emphatic and also in the same sentence tell him how you feel about him but tell him in a way that he will accept it better. Because one you've been hinting it to him isn't the same as actually telling him so his wall may have been helped because he feels you haven't fully been honest with him and him coming from a broken relationship honesty is probably something he's looking for.  You can go about telling him by asking him how he feels about empaths, psychics, etc. And listen to his response.  Then base your response off of his.  But,  ultimately ask yourself this... If you don't tell him or if you tell him and he responds in a negative way how will bring in a relationship with him end well?  You shouldn't have to lie or keep a secret to be with him.  Your not being true to yourself.  When I first told my fiancé I knew there was a good chance he would be open minded about it because he likes "different" opposed to what's considered normal.  He's different himself and that's why I believe we are together and have many differences and adjustments and him and I kind of go hand in hand.  You need to have someone who's like you or at least accepts you and your gift.  Because we are left with the fear of not being accepted in life so you need a support system to help you progress. If he gives off the vibe that he will accept your gift when you tell him go for it but if you get a feeling of uneasiness or he isn't supportive of you then at least for now stay friends if he wants but if you want anything to happen you've gotta tell him because at whether he likes it or not it's a part of you he can support it or be closed minded. But, when in a relationship honesty is the foundation.  I've been with my fiancé for 8 almost 9 yrs. And recently I've told him about me being a empath because I'm new to finding it out myself but I've learned through my relationship if there isn't honesty then how can you say you know someone?  Because overtime secrets unfold and it can change everything. Take this into consideration and Blessed Be

Thanks for taking time to reply! <3 you="" g=""> make some interesting points.. Well, right now I feel restrained from telling him how I feel about him, but I already sort of told him I'm empathic, so you must be right that that was meant to be :) 

I like your ideas for bringing up the topic of being empathic! It's such a tough one for me to be specific about; but that's so true that people's opinions of supernatural abilities are very telling about whether or not they're accepting of people like us. 

Yeah, I shouldn't have to lie to him to keep the relationship. I guess I'll just keep upping the honesty and then see what happens! That's awesome that your fiancé was so open minded. I can only hope to find someone like that who will accept me for all that I am... Guarded people need honesty more than anyone else, so I think your advice is highly applicable. I'm sure he brings out my high levels of honesty for a reason :) 

Love & light, 

Kitkat


updated by @kit-kat: 11/16/16 06:52:29PM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/16/16 10:03:48AM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

:gr_10 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" id="10" data-gr-id="10">bunnigirl"]

Romantic relationships are real hard for empaths and I can see that you are very thoughtful and connected to everyone you come into contact with as you have responded to everyone's post. :)  I still don't have the ability to  NOT get scrambled up in a romantic relationship but I go for it anyway... was that a double negative? :(  anyway...everyone we come into contact with on a romantic level, I feel, has something to teach us as we continue our journey.  p.s.  i now want to go back and get my exact details of the personality type that you shared when I took that test myself.  :)

:) Thanks so much! <3 I totally agree that not getting scrambled up in a romantic relationship is practically impossible for empaths... and that there's something to learn from all people we go out with. I think of it the same way :) That's funny about the personality typing haha I definitely recommend it.. I probably got a little too obsessed with it, actually, but I can say it's helped me become a little more self actualized

Love & light to you, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/15/16 11:41:26PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

:gr_26 gr-alert gr_spell gr_disable_anim_appear ContextualSpelling ins-del multiReplace" id="26" data-gr-id="26">TigerLily"]

Dating a man who's guarded is just as hard dating a women who is guarded.  I for one am guarded, and can relate on his level to an extent, but also welcome a relationship if I'm into them because I too want to get married.  But not everyone really wants that too.  As for the wall he has, he's protecting himself and that fear to have the wall come down puts him in vulnerability to get hurt, so hey why not let's keep it up.  Until he can heel and learn to trust again it will always be up.  I say if you really like this and things are going great, give it time.  I wouldn't tell him yet your gift as it can scare people away.  that is something to discuss later :)

Plus, I just dated a guy with a big wall.  One of the nicest, sweetest, gentle man I've met in a very long time.  He to has been burned by multiple women in his life.   He told me how he was letting his guard down around me etc, and I thought I was too.  But the trust, omg it's awful.  I didn't realize I had it that bad.  Either way that trust issue got in the way and I couldn't take it anymore and ended it.  Then I realized I'm an idiot.  I want to make amends, and just feel dumb.  I wasn't patient with him or myself.  But, i to would have my moments of crying spells dating him.  I didnt know if it waa him or me!  So, just be patient with this guy if you are already feeling something special about him.  People who are guarded always act weird, I do! :)

HiTigerLily :D Thanks for replying! It's been awhile since I've been on here, but it's always great to hear from you. You have such an insightful perspective on this.. Maybe only those who are guarded can truly understand his side of things. I may have blown it on the whole telling him about my 'gift' :/ but I guess we'll see if that messes everything up. If it does then this wasn't meant to be anyway, right?

Thank you for sharing your experience with that guy, too! Hopefully you can find a way to reconnect with him? But in any case, your description provides so much understanding for me of guarded people. The weirdness has definitely been going on between us! :) I've read online that guarded people are typically super sweet, romantic, tender-hearted people deep down, so that really keeps me going. 

One of the hardest things is that I don't think he is aware of how guarded he is. Either that or he's an excellent actor! He's practically trying to teach me how to have best friends (lol) and yet he won't let me get very close. Wouldn't he have to be the opposite of introspective (I highly doubt this btw) to not have a surface-level awareness of his guardedness? haha (can you tell I overthink things a little?). 

I'll definitely try to be patient, like you said, and hopefully things will get better :)

Love & light to you, 
Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/15/16 11:26:26PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Rene'':

This is the feeling I'm getting so take it with a grain of salt.  I feel you are the healing energy he is looking for but your intuition is already telling you this.  That's why he is taking you in doses.  Not committing but staying close.    My question is who will you be to him when he feels healed? A friend , a lover or the love of his life ?   

I have found that , when helping a person heal, we actually get to feel that pure love in their heart and it feels sooo good.  I have felt it so many times.  A hurt persons love is like a peaceful dreams on a big fluffy pillow  while they are healing.   They trust our vibration and lets us in until they are healed and then we have to snap back to reality and realize it was not a physical attraction but a spiritual one.    I'm not saying this is your situation but this is my experience.   A pure heart  is so additive

i can't  say either way what you should do except follow your intuition.   And if it is throwing red flags then there is a reason for it.     But is these red flags being threw due to his intentions or yours?  

I know as Empaths , we always stay a thought ahead of others.   If they are thinking of the color yellow , we will be describing the shade of yellow they are thinking of instead of just the color yellow.    

I feel your unsureness and I think that's pretty normal but if it is hurting you then there is something unsettling about it.   I'm blunt though.  I don't like being kept in the dark.  I would have to ask him "aye" what's going on here?  Am I your first thought or your second.  Am I your buddy or am I your someone special.    And if he thinks you are rushing things then he's not feeling you as much as your feeling him.   But..like I said..I'm blunt and I just don't like living in the unknown.    

Im so sorry your going though this.  You have so much love to give.     I hope things turns out the way you are dreaming of.   ❤️ 

Rene, you're so sweet <3 Thank you SO much for your reply :') Being someone that puts herself in others' shoes 24/7, I've forgotten how good it is for someone to do that for me (accurately). But you reminded me of that & I'm super grateful! That actually increased my self-esteem a lot, too (reading what you wrote) because if I'm similar to you in that way then it's only natural to wish more people were like this.. if that makes sense. It's a complex emotion :) But the world needs more compassion.

The way you described this relationship is highly accurate, which is incredible since there was so much left unsaid in my post! You're so right that helping someone heal feels super good... I just don't want to push my own needs to the side; but I know I need to see potential here, too. He's certainly worth fighting for, and yet he feels uncomfortable with almost all of my innocent, not-too-personal questions lol It makes me uncomfortable asking anything.

That's good advice about following intuition. It seems that's what this comes down to. I wish I had a clear answer, but at least I know that will come in time. 

Thank you again for your compassion <3

Love & light, 

Kitkat

Oh & in case you have time/want to answer - I guess the question I'm left with is: I can tell that I'm more than a friend in his eyes (and I'm pretty sure that he knows I know that), so how can I define the relationship without it seeming completely weird?

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/15/16 11:05:46PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Karen2:

Hi....sometimes it's better to step back a bit....if he's been hurt he will need to heal before he's even close to being ready for any kind of relationship.....nothing you'r doing or saying is wrong...as an empath you know if the energy isn't completely honest from another person than there's an issue....your ready for a relationship... he's not... i'd refuse to see him for a couple of weekends.....to see what comes of it....sever all energy cords from him and yours from him and see for yourself how you are without that link there....because he's still linked to his former gf at the energy level and other people that you will be receiving thru those links and cords from him...if his energy doesn't match his words then he's not being truthful...to himself or to you.....

Thank you for your kind reply <3 Your perspective is so healing and beneficial! That's interesting advice to not see him for a few weekends. He might take that wrong, but I'll definitely consider it. I'm way more ready for a relationship than he is, I bet, but he's 33 and I'm 23 so he needs to get going if he really wants a larger family like he says he does. And if nothing else, being his friend, I want to help him on that path.

Yeah, that's so crazy that someone can be an honest person (he is honest in his words) without having honest energy. This is all so secretly fascinating to me haha. 

Severing these energy cords sounds like a good idea at this point, actually, even if I decide to still hang out. I like how you phrased that, esp. with regard to his former girlfriend. I do perceive that he wants to be over her but that he still has love drenched in pain for her. Pain that I don't necessarily want to take on. But I do believe he's worth it..

Crazy decision making here! But thanks again for your help..

Love & light to you, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/15/16 10:55:35PM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Hop Daddy:

Kit-Kat:


It's obviously hard having relationships as an empath. It’s hard for you and is also hard for the person you are in love with as they may not feel comfortable knowing you can basically read their mind/emotions. You feel the other person's stuff while you are trying to sort through your own emotions and analyze if the relationship is going in a good direction. For me, I read people's emotions pretty well except when I am in a relationship. In a relationship I think everything is so strong that I tend to misdiagnose the other person's insecurities as a dislike of me or a disconnect in our relationship. I don't know if you are like that. But what I do now days is I remind myself that I don't read relationship energy well and can over analyze and at times accidentally sabotage things. In a nutshell, I have found I need to be calm and tone down my analysis of the other person and just be loving and let fate take over and see where it goes.


I also wanted to note that while some women are open and curious about empaths, I think most men would have a tough time accepting and understanding early on. And them knowing you can read their emotions could scare them off. I would say let your relationship get going a little longer so he gets to know you before you share your secret. Others may disagree. But I think men can't very often handle this topic and may think you are crazy and run for the hills. But if he falls in love with you, I think he would be more open to the news at a later time.

Overall, I would say dive in to the relationship and see where it goes. We all deserve to be happy and in love.

Wow, what excellent advice... Thank you so much for taking the time to read what I wrote and reply <3 I've actually found I have a similar issue of not reading romantic relationship energy well. I wish that were different! (I think it's so cool you mentioned that, though, because I've realized it in the past and didn't know if I was the only empath who felt that way!) But at least at the pace he's going I have plenty of time to think every week haha. Well, I suppose I'll find out if my empathy has scared him away soon because I've probably already gone way too personal on that one. Oops! lol. If only I could backtrack. His guarded energy brings out my honesty in truckloads.. It would be nice to find a way to stop being so painfully honest. 

But anyway, you may be right about me mistaking his insecurities. And I love what you said about letting fate take over. That thought is so comforting... I deeply believe everything happens for a reason, so I must've been meant to tell him everything I've told him. Typically I feel restrained from telling people anything about me being empathic, but somehow I feel that I can trust him even if he doesn't "love' me romantically.

It's funny how hard it is to describe my relationships with my family and life in general without discussing empathy in explaining who I am. Empathy is like my life force & I sort of don't feel like I make sense without it. Also, being an INFP I'm supposedly the hardest type to get to know, so I've probably been trying too hard to be understood. Man, relationships are kind of like jumping off a high dive for me! :) But worth it, like you said..

Love & light to you, 

Kitkat

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/15/16 09:13:21AM
230 posts

So I'm really struggling...


Empath

Hey everyone, 

I've been having a really hard time. SO... being INFP/INFJ I haven't dated much in my life, but now this guy I'm actually attracted to wants to go out with me every weekend. I'm happy about this, don't get me wrong, but he hasn't defined our relationship (he's only called me a friend and he says "hanging out" rather than "dating"). Anyway, this would be alright but now I care too much about him for this to end well. 

I keep hinting that I'm different, that I'm rare, that I'm empathic, but I don't know.. I just keep feeling the strangest energy from him. Like maybe he likes me against his better judgment, he's judging me for not having more friends, he doesn't understand me... I'm kind of afraid that no one will ever be able to understand me anywhere near as well as I understand them (most depressing thought ever since I REALLY want to get married). He sometimes seems surprised by what I say but I know for a fact he's guarded but he won't own up to that even with his energy (except over email). He doesn't react much on the surface to what I say (I always thought the right guy would do this...)

I just don't know what to do now. I think he's guarded because his best friend/girlfriend broke up with him and he's really afraid of that happening again, but I should probably face the fact that healing has to be his own journey. Based on what I've written, what do you guys think? Should I get out now and save us both? 

Why do I feel like crying when the relationship isn't even over? Am I taking on his sadness? I'm just hoping those on here with romantic relationship experience can help me out :D 

Some reasons why I feel like staying:

I'm attracted to him

Sometimes I'm energized by him and other times drained/energized & drained

I think he might be an ENFJ (a compatible personality type)

I think he's *sort of* warming up to me and becoming less guarded. 

I think he has empathy/emotional intelligence underneath his brick wall

We mirror each other (I'm pretty sure he would even admit to this)

We can send messages indirectly

When the energy is fun/happy it's pretty awesome


updated by @kit-kat: 03/27/17 03:57:13PM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/15/16 08:40:38AM
230 posts

Constantly Distracted


Empath

Oh my goodness I can relate to this SO much...... It's so hard. I'm really, really distracted by this one guy right now, actually. Feeling/reliving his emotions. :/ Yikes. I wish I knew how to stop! 

I also am distracted even when I don't have a crush on someone, so that makes going to school online a very difficult thing. My best advice is to find ways to love your work more. I find that when I really bored and distracted I'm not really paying attention to the things that are there to be appreciated about my life or my work. 

Also, it takes practice. Keep redirecting your focus and that might help :) 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/09/16 10:16:59AM
230 posts

What Makes You Feel Good?


Empath

Cat Whisperer:

Let's post more good! Got to thinking about more happies. Visiting the elderly in the nursing home and seeing thier faces light up when you address them by name; horseback riding in the woods; visiting family that is too far away; laughing till your stomach hurts and tears run down your face; the smell of honeysuckle; soaking up the sun on a warm day; doing something nice for a complete stranger; sunrises and sunsets so beautiful that they move your soul; gaining trust of a broken animal and healing their emotional wounds; music that takes you back to a wonderful memory...

Love it all! :D

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/09/16 09:13:42AM
230 posts

Needing guidance


Empath

Your mentioning of feeling lost amid the many earthly religions out there caught my attention! The church I belong to is actually the only church in which I feel at home, despite being empathic. The people of the church aren't perfect (of course), but the organization and authority of the church are. I've never seen/heard spirits, but I have a lot of faith that many people can, and that goes right along with everything we believe in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Have you heard of the LDS church? If not, I'd love to chat about religion if you want, or there's a great website called mormon.org that you can go to. Please don't think I'm doing any kind of sales pitch or anything... That would definitely go against all my values and my empathic nature; but I can't help but try to share all the light I've found in becoming so close to God through this religion.. The world can feel so dark sometimes especially for us sensitive people <3 Anyway, I hope you have an awesome day! 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
11/09/16 08:56:07AM
230 posts

What Makes You Feel Good?


Empath

Paul:

Easy, helping other people in need.Laugh

True that!! Few things are more satisfying for me than that...

Some other things, though, that make me happy - 

Having "real" and deep conversations with people, making connections with strangers, love in general (especially the romantic kind since I'm hopelessly romantic haha), music that has healing resonance, finding things to laugh about (especially shared laughter), being part of the change in a lifted atmosphere within a place, succeeding at public speaking (this doesn't happen often since public speaking typically makes me so nervous I can hardly breathe, but it did this past week & I loved it!), being in nature, endorphins from exercise, being productive/proactive, making progress toward my potential, telling people things about their inner worlds and surprising them... I could probably go on and on :D

I suppose being an empath sometimes makes me really happy; I guess that's what I've learned from writing this!


updated by @kit-kat: 11/09/16 09:01:39AM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
10/10/16 10:39:44AM
230 posts

Soul Mate Search


Empath

My advice is to never settle... Romantic relationships can seem so hard! I'm actually going through a rough time in this category too right now <3 you're not alone...

But I think that when we look at love in the terms of fear or settling that we are actually less likely to attract those that are right for us. I'll be the first to admit that it's extremely hard to let go of fear, but half the battle with finding the right person, I think, is to be able to be happy on our own.

It's so hard to be happy when feeling so lonely, but some of the things that have helped me are:

-pursuing my talents/dreams

-looking for ways to uplift people around me (as empaths we are given such great gifts for doing this!) 

-getting plenty of sunlight and social interaction with good-hearted people


updated by @kit-kat: 10/10/16 10:40:25AM
Kit Kat
@kit-kat
10/10/16 10:31:34AM
230 posts

God...the big question


Empath

My answer is yes, too :) My religion is super close to my heart (I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints). We believe in God and Jesus Christ, and we definitely believe in angels, too - that they walk among us and help us like Christ taught. 

I believe the purpose of life is to become as much like Jesus Christ as we can so that we can return to live with God. We don't believe in earning exaltation, but we believe in "learning" the attributes we will need in order to receive a fulness of joy in God's presence.

And as far as destiny goes, some people disagree with me but I see higher purpose and symbols all throughout life in general and it seems to me that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that's a hard concept to believe, but in the end, it tends to bring more comfort to me than any other feeling.

If anyone reading this wants to learn more, I highly recommend reading The Book of Mormon because it is filled with more truth than any other book I've read! (You can also chat with me if you want. I love to talk about religion <3) 

Kit Kat
@kit-kat
10/04/16 09:37:32AM
230 posts

I fear no one will take my concerns seriously...


Empath

Can definitely relate to that... I've actually had to speak up about someone in my life who has some warning signs of self-harm. It was hard - especially this look I got from someone, like an expression of amused superiority... But, you know, it was worth it, IMO because I would have trouble forgiving myself if something really bad happened with him and I hadn't even tried. 

You're not along with that fear you talked about! I feel that almost every time I speak in front of a group :/ But never discount the accuracy of your intuition as well as your capability to affect change! 


updated by @kit-kat: 10/04/16 09:37:59AM
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