Just need to write it
I will! thank you!
Your message was perfect. You are correct, I sense a lot and when I do I dig. Letting go has seemed impossible for me. If I think someone is withholding the truth it drives me CRAZY! You are right as well, I do ask the questions I don't want the answer to but it is because I want the truth even if it hurts. I guess my biggest fear is not knowing the truth-I'd rather know and hurt. I also agree that I coaxed it out and then got hurt-I do that...a mortal flaw but it's true. I will likely do it again just to be honest because I don't want to think one thing while he thinks another-I need to know the facts then decide if I can live with them. I will say that I did stop my madness before I went further than I was willing to live with-I actually contemplated hiring someone to pretend to want to participate and in my mind if he went for it I was leaving and getting a divorce. That may seem extreme-maybe it is, but I have NO interest in another man and I don't want to be with someone who does either. I stopped myself because I realized that right now we can talk about this and move on, but if I went over that cliff there would be no return, no do overs. I also know him and he would pretty much do anything I wanted so I realized his participation could wind up being more about doing what I wanted than what he wanted and I could ruin the marriage over as you called it, a "misunderstanding". I also did think of his feelings honestly-one of the first things I did was realize that I made him feel safe and then I shot him down and that will create trust issues in the future. I really do think of his side and I really do realize his feelings and I am aware that to him this feels like punishment but on the same hand I am not, nor would he want me to, pretend to want sex if I don't. He'd see right through it and it would create more trust issues. I'm actually a great communicator so we have discussed my feelings but I also am not so good with believing his reasons because I feel like he's just saying them so I'm not mad. I hate flattery-to me it insults my intelligence and if I feel that's what you are doing it pisses me off. We discussed how I felt and he said he hadn't thought of it like that. He's not a great communicator but he has improved with my communicating and he really does try. I agree that we don't want to have to tell a man what to express-and I still feel that way. If I have to tell him that I feel like he's saying it for my benefit. I told him last night that to me, he cannot truly treasure our intimacy or he'd never be willing to share it. I believe that. I said even if you didn't plan to participate (which I believe he would want to) allowing another person, even if it is a woman, to pleasure me instead of you to me means our intimacy is just sex to you. I said I know you love me, but I don't think our sexual life is special to you-I think you could have sex with anyone and get as much from it. To me, I could not enjoy sex with another person, woman or man, because that is something sacred to me as part of my love for him. I know society has tried to convince us that men think differently and that they can separate sex from love but I don't and won't buy that. I think if you are truly intimate with your partner you won't want to share that with anyone. Like I told him, if all you want is to watch two girls, there is porn for that. That is easy to find. I know my thoughts may not be popular but they are mine and I value my feelings too. I think society has made too many women neglect their own feelings to please their man and it's degrading. I am head strong when it comes to something I feel I am right about but I do try and see alternative views-I actually did some research on it yesterday. Unfortunately allI found were extremes---from its normal (which it is NOT) to you will burn in hell (which you will NOT) so it wasn't much help. All I really found was that there are some women who do some crazy things to please a man and it all ended badly. I think the compromise is that I will try and steer clear of topics that will cause me to dig deeper but then that isn't possible all the time because sometimes he will say things I pick up on. Recently while playing a game I read a card that said "what is the dirties thing you dreamed of" and he said he really didn't know. I said "okay, what is the dirtiest thing you have ever thought of doing?" he said "with you?" that peaked my sense....why the HELL would you think of what you wanted to do with anyone but me? I did prod but I told him honestly why I was questioning that statement-I didn't manipulate it I just flat out asked why would he ask "with you?" and when he said he just didn't understand the question I actually let it go (shocker) but of course the seed had been planted...It will resurface I'm sure but what can I do? he said his reply and I can't prove otherwise.
I do appreciate your tough love post-you didn't say anything that was not true. I am very open to honest, constructive criticism. I know many who aren't but I am. I love that you say remember the lesson not the pain-I will try to remember that. Thank you for your honest feedback.
It sounds like you already know what you want. I say tell the tag along that you are interesting in trying to work things out with another woman. At 18 most girls, though typically further along maturity wise than an 18 year old male, are still going to be at a much earlier stage than you would be now at the stage in your life. Some people are mentally older but it doesn't sound like she is by your account. My husband is actually 20 years younger than me but emotionally he's lived the life of someone more my age so it works for us very well. I am still more mature than him but I was more mature than the man I dated who was 10 years older than me too so it can be either way.
I hope it works out for you and if not, I hope you at least gain some memories!
Each person handles things differently. Some it's instinctual to change and become stronger and some it's more instinctual to just withdrawal. I have been both. As a young child I suffered a lot as well. I used to curl up and take cover. One day something snapped and I stood up and fought back (metaphorically). I am 46 now and it has taken me over half my life to get to the place I am now. I am not perfect and there are flaws I still don't like, but over all I love who I am. I have done transformations many times in my life. The last one was divorcing after a 22 year marriage (I am remarried now). I can tell you that it isn't easy but the rewards are so many and so immediately obvious. You cannot fix anyone until you fix YOU. I had to start with me...why did I attract, and better yet accept, abusive men? I asked myself this early question. From there I had to search myself to find the core of the problem. I used this on many situations like when I would get so insecure in a relationship I'd first say why do I feel this way? Is it something I am insecure about? if so, how can I empower myself to not feel inferior? if it is something he's doing then why am I allowing him to remain in my life? When I was going through the divorce my daughter and I who are very close, had issues. She didn't like me dating. I decided to talk with her about her feelings but in the end I stood my ground and told her I am an adult and I deserve happiness as well. I was a single mother of two and I deserved to go out! I wasn't going to let her or her gossipy little friends to belittle me for being a healthy woman. You need to learn WHY you like you, WHY you don't (and work on the why you don't) and stand your ground. I have been over weight since 1997 when my thyroid completely quit working entirely. I used to feel self conscious to the point I didn't feel sexy any more. I had to learn to love me how I am and though every woman has a natural fear of the mirror (we see it as a microscope) and I am not completely in love with every physical thing about me, I see my strengths and I know I am still very sexy and very smart and very worthy of being seen as such. Only you can do this, and you need to find your own road to get there, but you have to be willing to look inside and take the first step and I PROMISE people will see your self love and you will no longer be the victim!
Good luck to you!
I agree that there are things that can bring out past things we've buried. First, thank you for your reply. However, you have piqued my interest do you think my being hurt by this is from some buried experience? I know I have past pain from childhood that I have learned bad coping skills from (Like not letting go of things when it hurts me and feeling the need to control my feelings to a scientific level lol) but I am not sure that this would qualify. I think he would be hurt if he really thought I wanted another man in bed with us---thoughts? I don't---but that just isn't my fantasy. Even though I have a healthy appreciation for pleasure and variety, and probably being that I think with the brain of a woman which normally associates sex and love together, I have no desire for another person, much less another man, with us.
I would like to start by saying I know no advice will really help. I just need to write it down because it's part of how I heal. I can't post it to Facebook so this is the safest place I can post it. Feel free to offer advice if you'd like, just know that I know no one can solve this for me. Thank you for your time and a place to write this out.
My husband and I have recently started exploring some sexy techniques (like sexy messages and games, etc...) and we have had so much fun with it. It has brought out a side of him that I LOVE! but...here's the but...we started talking about fantasies. I admitted that I often think of him with another woman when I am fantasizing but that I would NEVER go for it....it would kill me but the fantasy is fun in thought. I asked him about his fantasies, well he had to be coaxed some to admit it-I had to make it safe for him, and finally he said two women. No shocker there right? a lot of men do fantasize about that one. I told him that is a common one. So continuing with the fantasy talk I said "what would we be doing with you?" he said whatever we wanted he guessed. Well...as usual I can't leave well enough alone...never could, so I went into trying to see if this is just a sexy thought or if he'd actually do it. So I prodded some and he said he would. I went so far as to pretend I was okay with it but told him he'd get jealous-he said he wouldn't-it wouldn't bother him a bit. That is where I got hurt. I realized that he would do it and that hurts. I know some people are different and certainly men think of sex differently, but I can't get over the feeling of pain. It hurts to know he's be willing to share me. I wasn't expecting him to actually be okay with it. Exploring like this is very hard because sometimes you wind up finding something you LOVE but sometimes you find something that hurts like hell. I don't want to shut down our exploration because it's brought us so much closer, but of course this put a wall between us for now. I will get over it-never forget it because I hold my memories forever, but I'll move on from it and get back to flirting and being intimate-I just don't want to right now. I have explained to him that i don't think he's a bad person, it just hurts me to know that's how he feels, but he can't help that he thinks differently. I just need time to mourn this and move on from it.
I have had this happen a few times in my life. It does feel spooky but my thoughts are that it is our subconscious mind speaking to us. Usually when it happened to me the voice was calling my name. I'm interested to see what anyone else says.
Hey Emily. I suspect the difference is if the person is actively feeling or suppressing. It requires them to "feel" the emotion consciously for us to pick up on it at all. That is why sociopaths are not readable, can beat lie detecter tests and such-they don't feel the feelings so others don't sense them.
I wish I could tune into the pyschic ability. I believe everyone has the ability, we just don't all know how to do it. Like some people can wiggle their ears-we all technically can but some just know how instintively. Thank you!
Why do you cry? what makes you feel emotional do you know?
My immediate thought to this was that you are having some struggle with something internally. Maybe who you are vs. who you want to be? I think your conscious is trying to make a stand on how you wish to be and think and maybe let go of the past thought/beliefs that you held very dear. The woman to me seems like your safety. Typically we associate the female with comfort and love. Maybe she was there to make you feel safe in your conflict.
I agree Sarah,
That's how I would interpret it for myself. Usually if you have such dreams you can find a source of stress to contribute it to in your life. If not, then perhaps it is a letting go of something (or fear of letting go) like Bill said. Of course we are all only guessing as good as you can. When I have dreams like that it's usually that i am stressed and feel out of control.
Hey Secret Blossom,
I am new to the site and the term called empath as well. However, I've always known how I am, just didn't know it had a name lol. I was pleasantly suprised to find others share this because it makes me feel part of something instead of just different.
Also, to me there is so much more than feeling other's feelings-it is the intuition in many situations. The ability to read people-I guess that is feeling but it's not like you just feel their emotions per sey, you feel their intentions/thoughts. Also a heightened understanding of people's actions/behaviors that others don't have. That's what its like to me
just to make sure I am not doing something I am not supposed to-this forum isn't for readings right? I was just posting my dreams here for discussion. Since I am new, I just want to be sure that I understand. I did read the rules, but want to make sure I have missed anything. Thank you again for your generous information. I actually have looked on information about regression-but I'd prefer to learn how to do it myself. I will check out Amaya's post.
I've had two Recurring dreams for years that i think could be past life. One is a house on a lake. The house has so many rooms! It's falling apart but it's so familiar to me and it feels so much like home. I a. wanting to buy it but it's sinking so i don't. I later find that someone fixed it and has bought it. The other dream kids I. what i believe is a church. There is a secret house below the church with so many rooms and furniture. I know it inside and out.like I've lived there. Both dreams leave me feeling good but wishing i could find them.
My impression comes from past experience and my gut after reading that. I've dreamed of snakes many times. So years ago i looked up dream interpretation. The article said they represent some type of stress.i have found that to be true for me. So when i read your dream i feel the two snakes represent something you need to make a decision between two things or two people involved in one situation. The balloon felt to me like your escape from the stress of trying to figure out what to do.
Well i bombed big time i felt he was strong happy loving father and husband. The surroundings made me think of something in journalism...to make the work moore aware. However, reading the post i know I'm way off. Never tried to read a picture before.I. usually very intuitive in person.
I decided to try a pure theta tone by fingerprintdiva. I always wanted to learn to meditate but haven't yet. I am asking if it is normal to feel an uncomfortable vibration in my body with these tones? I ony tried one for about 5 minutes but my body vibrated and I felt anxious. So i wonder if there are certain ones that maybe are not best for me, or is that a normal response?
I get this feeling sometimes but it is usually when something is wrong. It hasn't always been a really bad thing, but always something. I will give you several examples:
1. When I was a teen my sister (soul mate) and I were in group homes after my mother died. We were in two different homes. I suddenly felt this feeling you describe and I couldn't figure out why. Then I thought of her and called her. She was crying. She had broken up with her boyfriend and was upset.
2. Once when I was married to my first husband, I went to visit family for a week. While there I started having that feeling-not as strong, but it was there. I couldn't shake it. I called my husband and he denied anything being wrong. I returned after a week and it was still there. I told him I couldn't figure out what was wrong but I was sensing something and it was driving me crazy! I didn't suspect him at all at this point-just knew something was wrong. Well, I guess he realized it was because of him so he decided to tell me that he had rented a porno film while I was gone. At the time I was very adverse to porn-it was a sore subject with us. However, after he told me I felt such releif to finally know the source, I didn't even care about the porn.
My experience is that if you feel that, there is something wrong-it may not be serious and you may never find out what-but keep trying to find the source until you do or the feeling goes away. Anxiety in general will cause that feeling as well. It is your mind's percieved threat that causes your fight or flight response.
awww! that sounds right to me! I can tell you I've had times where I met someone and at first i was so into them but then I started feeling overwhelmed and felt the need to distance myself a bit. Once I got that breathing room I was able to process all of my feelings in a safe way for me and I was then able to delve back into the relationship. It sounds like he's a bit of an empath too and maybe overwhelmed by his feelings. Keep us updated! I hope it goes well for you both.
I just wanted to introduce myself to the group. I am 45, married with two children. I am pretty sure one of my children is an empath. I just discovered there was such a thing as empath a few months ago. My whole like I have been one that people just tell their life story to. Hearing them say "I've never talked to anyone about this" after meeting me only once was a common occurence. I have always had intuition about people and situations. Phone for some reason I am sensitive to. I sometimes know when it will ring and who is calling before it rings. My grandmother and mother talked about phones being something for them as well when I was a child. Anytime someone died they heard a phone ringing. Well, I don't want to create a huge post for someone to tredge through so that is it for now. I am happy this community exist.
I'm new too but want to say it's nice to meet you. I would be very interested in what technique you've practiced. I know when I was divorced after 22 years of marriage, I wanted to get back into the dating scene. I ordered a program from a very smart lady. The program taught me to project energy into my surroundings-this particular energy was sexy energy. It was meant for women to project their sexual self. This was used to make yourself irrisitable. I used it and I was AMAZED! it worked. I walked into a Starbucks and the men inside all starred at me-that was the first time I used it and I was so shocked. In grocery stores, at parks, it just worked. So I know how that energy can be used and people do react. It sounds like whatever you were doing worked.
Since I'm late to the discussion, I'd like to know how it went? Were you able to give him space? how did it work out?
I know your struggle-I am very impatient and have to sit on my hands to stop myself from being impulsive. At times I've decided to fold the cards rather than wait for the outcome because of my fear of the outcome.