Family issues & living with someone who accumulates and unloads stress
ok, i've managed to read that one finally ...
thanks a lot, it sounds very similar. also internalising in that kind of situation that YOU're the crazy one.
thanks for sharing how you dealt with it.
I wrote my mom a letter because there was no way I could express myself to her without her shutting me down...we each have to find our own way to deal....and I sent it to her in an email...I told her all the angry things I kept pent up...and was so shocked when this HUGE black energy suddenly left...it was a tight black mass that suddenly began to unravel in my left arm...then as it unravelled I realized the pain was now in my back....and it was extremely painful for a good 5 minutes....it was all the fear and anger I'd held in for all those years actually stored somewhere in my body and soul...
i might try something like that. think my problem at the moment is still that i don't fully believe that i'm right here or that i have a right to protect myself even if it will hurt the other person. although i don't think it can hurt him as much as it's cost me all these years (basically i believe my relationship and interpersonal problems and the fact i'm unable to live in the country i grew up are all related to that), but i don't know.
but it helps to read that this stuff CAN leave your body once you express and externalise it. it's painful to think about how many years of my life it's cost me but ... better that than staying stuck with it for the rest ...
i realized I couldn't fix her....she had her own dark energy she carried around and didn't even know it...and because I know it I find I can be compassionate towards her even though she drove me crazy...I also severed all soul ties and energy connections to her so I wasn't receiving her energy and she mine...you can't fix your dad....you CAN fix you and remove the programming that makes you afraid of him....he's passed his unhappiness to you...in more ways than one...sever all energy connections to him...and repair the damage...then you can learn how to be in his presence and still be ok.....it takes some work but eventually after you heal yourself it will all become like a dream....
what was the thing for you that made it possible to lose the fear? if i may ask ... just curious.
as i still do have an issue with fear, even though i know i'm not in physical danger. but it's like it's ingrained somehow.
also, in my case there's the added issue that for whatever reason i'm not able to find stability in my own life -- i'm always in a whirl of change and sometimes i get so tired of it and then there are moments like these when something goes wrong (with work, with a relationship) and i just need a place to crash and i end up at my parents. because despite all they're always ready to help on the material level, and i have a good relation with my mother and brother and i miss them. so it's like i keep going back to this, not fully finding my independence.
also because of the psychological damage i believe. it would be easier if i didn't have this deep wound regarding migration and didn't have to start off in a new country every time. and if every relationship i start wouldn't go to hell because of that darkness i still carry. and if i didn't get depressed on and off finding it hard to stick to a line of work/career. but that's just "if"s. hm.
it's a bit like the psychological damage is in the way of sorting my life to be independent more or less; then the lack of independence throws me back into this toxic situation when i'm still too weak.
I don't think the fear goes away entirely...it's recognizing if for what it is and either ignoring it or pushing through it to get it out of the way... Because it's HOW it was pushed on me and how I feel it in my body when confronted I can recognize WHERE it's coming from and work my way through it....
For myself angry controntations with others is quite difficult...face to face....the energy that emitted by angry people...even myself...yes I can feel my own energy....scares me...and it may be part of my empathedness...but a lot of it is how my parent wouldn't let me speak...you can't speak to people who won't let you speak...especially angry ones because they aren't prepared to listen...
for me a LOT of so called arguments are silly and stupid and I end up laughing because it's so silly...lol...some people don't like that...but i see the funny side...and it's mostly directed at my own reactions...but THEY don't see it....lol...So sometimes it IS my fault...but again laughing at my own silliness keeps my own fear at bay...
Always remember though...you as an empath sense energy...you're reacting to something in your dad's energy....keep that in mind then you're in his presence...and that you are not quite sure what it is... change the wording in your head...sever the energy cords...learn all that and it becomes easier....once you deal with the issue you'll find everything evens out...
remember...some of those issues are not even yours....learn how to do energy work...because really?...a LOT of the issues I thought were my own were someone else's.... So before you do anything clean out your energy of all soul ties energy connections and roots to people you no longer are in contact with AND of ones who you are...do a completed removal and start fresh...then see what happens and how you TRULY are before you blame yourself for anything..
updated by @womanwhowalks: 03/16/18 02:41:17PM