Forum Activity for @stugglebunny

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10/14/17 09:33:22AM
17 posts

emotion


Empath

I had an intense 'feeling' dream last night.  

There is a woman I met the first week in my sobriety.  Her name is Mikki.  She is a bit older than I, but I've always connected with people older than me.  She saw right through me in a matter of days.  It was an amazing thing to experience with her.  I liked to come off hard & unapproachable before I got sober, because I felt so much intense pain.  I felt it was a weakness.  But this woman saw through it all & she was the first person to call me out on it.  We were connected through our souls for sure.  She ended up leaving the place we met to go to a long-term treatment facility.  I'll never forget that morning.  I was so sad as I sat & watched her leave the facility to go to the mountains for treatment.  All my separation anxiety had come back so fast to me during this time, because I wasn't drinking or drugging any of my feelings away.  She told me where she was going, but I didn't think anything of it.  When it was my turn to leave the facility, I didn't have a plan.  I went to my mom's office & broke down.  I told her I needed help or I was going to die.  I know this probably sounds dramatic, but it's the truth.  If I didn't get sober then I believe in my heart & soul I would no longer be existing in human form on this earth.  Mikki was at the long-term treatment facility, so I told myself that if she could do it I could.  It gave me great hope knowing someone I knew was there.  I'm so glad she decided to go, because if it wasn't for her I don't know if I would have made it.

I type all this because in my dream last night she was so vivid.  She was as soft & warm as she was in person.  I was able to release, to cry & to feel my feelings without fear of vulnerability.  It was such an intense feeling that it woke me up.  I instantly felt sad.  I attempted to contact Mikki so we could connect.  She is a woman who if we haven't spoken in a year it doesn't matter.  We always pick up where we left off.  Anyways, I laid in bed for a while, then got up to shower.  I cried & cried in the shower.  Do y'all ever wonder where all the feelings are coming from?  I know in my heart that a part of them are mine.  Then there's another side of me that is sure I'm feeling things for other people.  I truly feel/believe that I have to release emotion for others or I'll get stopped up & extremely confused emotionally.  A lot has happened this week.  My Dad didn't call me back yesterday about plans for the weekend.  This isn't a new occurrence, but it still almost always upsets me.  He has issues & is sick.  The feelings start out as feelings for my pain, then they turn into feelings for his pain.  I'm feeling a lot for people around me lately.  It's so hard to see so clearly into another person.  It feels like a burden sometimes.  I know it's a beautiful thing, but I'm struggling with it today.  

Thanks for being here everyone.  I don't know what I'd do without this place sometimes. 

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
10/08/17 08:54:36AM
17 posts

Still wondering and wandering


Empath

@rene -- I loved your post.  Thank you for being vulnerable with us :) 

This place is so great for that.  I love coming here; whether I post or not as well; to feel the warming vibe from all the other empaths.  I've struggled accepting that I'm an empath.  I move close to it at times because I believe it to be true, but then I subconsciously push it away out of not accepting myself.  When I move close to it in acceptance I'm free.  I don't know why I'm walking this path either, but the people closest to me see my gift & they encourage me to accept it.  It's amazing to feel so deeply for others, we just have to learn how to shield ourselves in a healthy manner. 

I comment on your post because I too have issues with my father.  I don't believe he's a narcissist, but I've had to emotionally work hard on cutting the cord.  There is a lot of physical things we can do to visual a disconnect from someone we no longer want to harm us, but I believe there is an internal job one must conduct to complete the process.  Forgiveness was spoken of in the thread.  Forgiveness is powerful.  My father is someone whom I love deeply.  We will never have the relationship we had when I was a child/teenager because I see reality for what it is in our relationship.  I held on to the emotional side of our relationship for years.  We would make plans & he would no show.  He told me he would call & he didn't.  He didn't show up for my birthday one year when he said he would.  It was heartbreaking for me.  How could a father do this to his child?  I don't know what your circumstances are, but mine put me in a victim mentality.  For me to let go I could no longer be a victim of circumstance.  I had to do something that was really hard for me.  I had to accept who he was & all his flaws.  Acceptance doesn't mean we like the person, place or thing -- it just means it no longer has power over us anymore.  That is an amazing thing only we have control over within ourselves.  Acceptance is a process for me.  Sometimes it takes a week, there are other times that it takes years.  As long as I have people I can lean on to talk to about my issues with my father I receive strength.  I have to remind myself I am not a victim and seek out the strength to accept who & what the situation is in that moment. 

Hope this helps :)  ***Good luck***

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
07/10/17 10:13:03AM
17 posts

exclusivity in a group & how that affects an empath, insight please?


Empath

@womanwhowalks @cat-whisperer @zacharias @tigerlily -- Thanks so much for the identification with my current struggle. I love this place so much for that! It's amazing :) Also, thanks for the congratulations on my sobriety. It's been worth every single moment. 

Gah, if the clique was my in-laws I believe I would struggle 10 x's more. You have given me some insight & now I feel grateful. The energy that's felt within an exclusive group is exhausting & I find myself feeling the judgment from others towards people who aren't in the "group" which disgusts me. I feel like I start distancing because I become judgmental myself of the actions of people in the group which causes me to dislike myself a bit -- if that makes sense. I pray a lot too -- for God's guidance in these situations & in life in general. He/She or It is something I feel I have to follow in order to be true to myself, so I trust those gut feelings. I guess sometimes I feel isolated & it takes some time to get to acceptance with that. Life is so crazy, you know? It's a circle, & it never stops. These things continue over & over & I'm unsure that we ever really get the gist of it. Thank you all!

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
07/05/17 08:17:59AM
17 posts

exclusivity in a group & how that affects an empath, insight please?


Empath

I haven't been on here for a while. I get so caught up in everyday life that I forget about this little place. It's almost like home reading things that people post. I can relate so much. I love how 'feeling' is involved in almost everything. I used to despise being a 'feeler'. I felt weird and different. I felt that I could see so much selfishness in others and it caused me pain. I didn't know how to turn it off. I started to get on somewhat of a high horse, priding myself for not being as selfish as other people. Learning how not to be through others is a gift, but it's certainly not something that should inflate my ego in a way that harms myself. For as long as I can remember, I've self-destructed with this type of behavior. Once I got into sobriety the behavior subsided a lot because I was no longer using an external force (alcohol) to cut of my connection with self. I blocked my empathic abilities for a good 6 years because of pain & selfishness. I'm connected to self again & most importantly something bigger than myself (God, Power of the Universe, Mother Nature, etc.) I've been sober 6 years this month. I'm almost out of the woods. I can feel others in ways that are joyful, exhausting, painful, loving -- it's hard sometimes. I start to isolate from groups of people because the exclusivity is EXHAUSTING to me. This is specifically towards a group of people I was very much apart of, but now feel myself pulling away. My question is, is this normal for an empath? I know we cannot all be stereotyped under an umbrella per-say. Just because I need X amount of decompression time doesn't mean the next empath will need that same amount of timel. But I'm wondering why the exclusivity of a group bothers me so much? Does anybody else feel this way? Maybe there's something I'm missing.

GROWING is hard at times. Standing alone is how I grow. I cannot follow a crowd to grow, so therein lies change. Which is typically a difficult thing for humans in general. 


updated by @stugglebunny: 11/27/17 05:49:51AM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
02/08/17 01:19:05PM
17 posts

advise needed, has anyone dealt with this?????


Empath

@hermes & @tigerlily

I had so much anxiety y'all!!!! I went with a friend, thank God! That helped so much. 

Once I got there I felt the height of my anxiety/fear, so I was just feeling my way through the whole thing. I walk into the door & the first person I see is the one specific girl I was dreading seeing the whole time. I hugged her & asked her how she had been. Mind y'all, she is pregnant & insane right now. Overall I chatted with people, was social, felt anxiety, and showed up for my friend having a baby (which was the most important part). The thing is you guys/gals the girl who the shower was for has two really good friends who don't even like each other. So I could feel the tension. It was so awkward. I ended up having a cordial conversation with the one girl I didn't care too much for & was actually able to process it all & let my feelings go after the shower. It was healing to say the least. I've realized how much I've grown since I got sober when I met all these women. They have all helped me on my journey & I love them for that, even though I don't necessarily like all of them ;)

Life is really cool. I used to run from these feelings instead of simply walking through them. I mean 'simply' lightly because it doesn't FEEL that way when we're doing it, but afterwards the reward is always one of uncertainty. I never know what I'm going to gain/receive out of situations. What's even better is I never know what I'll have to offer if I don't show up. I thank y'all so much for being there for me to lean on before I showed up at the shower. It means a lot to me!!! <3 

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
02/02/17 10:52:21AM
17 posts

advise needed, has anyone dealt with this?????


Empath

@tigerlily -- I've learned something already & I know something will come out of this situation. I'm feeling much better about it today. I over-all have a bit going on this week that's causing some emotional distress to begin with so add this to it & BAM!

I always had these uneasy feelings around this one particular person & at the time when I had these feelings I was unable to drive. I was getting my life back together, so I basically forced myself to go along with them when they'd have dinner & what not so I felt apart of knowing that I didn't really want to be present. I have to listen to that. If I don't want to hang out with a person then I shouldn't force it. If it's easy then okay, but when it seems forced it's just un-natural. So just between yesterday & today I've learned that even 3 years ago my feelings were on point & to trust my gut/intuition. It's truly a gift : ) 

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
02/01/17 03:30:40PM
17 posts

advise needed, has anyone dealt with this?????


Empath

@hermes -- the victim comment is something I needed to hear because you're right, I don't HAVE to go I do actually want to go to show up for another. Perspective is everything right? I'll def take your advice & pray before... thank you.
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
02/01/17 01:04:46PM
17 posts

advise needed, has anyone dealt with this?????


Empath

Thanks @bunnigirl for your response, but I have to go. I would feel worse if I didn't because the need to show up out of self-less reasons is larger than the need to steer clear bc of the uncomfortable feelings I may or may not pick up. I like the idea of 'past life karma'... never heard of that before. I'll have to read more about that :)

@calla-lily - Intuition is absolutely amazing! I agree soooo much. Thank you for your response. Part of this place that I love is that I get to come here & spill & then people like you respond & I can identify so much. It helps me to not feel so alone in my stuff. I appreciate your shared experience. Thanks!

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
02/01/17 11:08:17AM
17 posts

advise needed, has anyone dealt with this?????


Empath

OMG! Holy anxiety today!

I have a baby shower to attend this Saturday. When I was invited I felt the anxiety deep in my stomach right when I received the invitation. A bit of history before I begin:  So the girl who's having the baby is a friend. We're not super close, but we're friends & have always gotten along. She's close with another girl who will be there (I'm sure). This other girl gives me the weirdest vibes! When I first met her we hit it off & I really liked her, but as time progressed I saw more of who she was & it's always made me extremely uncomfortable. If we hadn't hit it off so well I probably wouldn't care that she'll be there but I CARE more than I wish to express. So when I got sober I was unable to drive (this was roughly 5 years ago). About a year into my sobriety I met the girl who is now having the baby. We consistently met on a weekly basis & got close. Then the girl who I'm not comfortable around came along about a year or so after the girl who's having the baby & I started getting together weekly. So this was about 3 years ago. Time has gone by as you can see... I hope whoever's reading this is following. Okay, so I get fake vibes from the girl I always get uncomfortable around. I get vibes that she doesn't like me, I pick up on intense insecurity. Just icky icky feelings that I really don't like to feel. I'm selfishly dreading this baby shower. I know that I'm going for the girl who's having her first baby. I want to show up for her & this ultimately isn't about me. But I cannot shake my anxiety. I do believe that deep down I have distaste for this girl because of the feelings I get from her. I can't hide that. I don't act out on it publicly of course, I'm a nice person so I keep it all to myself. I've helped this girl with things in the past & I just get the 'user' vibe from her as well. Like she uses a person until she gets what she wants & then when she's done that it. It's like you're not human after she's done. It's FUCKED UP! So yes, this is me feeling copious amounts of anxiety about showing up at this baby shower. All because of one person that I don't care to be around. 

Have any of you ever been in this situation? If so, what did you do? I mean I know it's only going to be like 2 hours & I don't have to have intense conversation with her. We probably won't even talk except to say hey. The feelings I get are those that I felt years ago when hanging with all these girls. It def reaffirms that I did the right thing by slowly pulling away. I started networking with other women/men that I felt more comfortable with and now all is well. I don't feel the same weirdness. It's great, I guess I just feel like I'm walking into the past a little bit & I'm extremely uncomfortable.

I want to know if anyone identifies with me? Am I picking up on some of her feelings? What's mine & what's hers? 


updated by @stugglebunny: 07/05/17 03:33:16PM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
01/11/17 01:00:49PM
17 posts

Shielding & Discerning


Empath

Thank you!

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
01/10/17 01:47:24PM
17 posts

Shielding & Discerning


Empath

The struggle is real with me these days.

It's so nice to be able to come to a place where I'm almost anonymous -- it makes me feel safe & I so appreciate that.

That being said, I'm a sober person. I've been sober from drugs & alcohol since I was 21; I'm currently 27. I've had a little bit of time to gain awareness & accept my emphatic qualities, but I've yet to really truly embrace them. The best way (I feel) I use my gift is while working with other people who are struggling with their sobriety. I have an innate ability to understand where they're coming from because I myself have been in their shoes & am of the understanding that I came into this world with this problem. Where I struggle is shielding the energy from another. How can I stop another's energy from affecting me so intensely? I also struggle with discerning what's my feeling & what's another person's feeling. I hope that makes sense to whomever is reading. I will sometimes get a feeling that then provokes a thought around a person (specifically a loved one) & wonder is that mine or their's? I do this with people I'm not as close with too, just not as often. I'd like to learn to utilize this gift instead of using the feeling I get to hurt myself, others or my relationships.

Does anyone else struggle with these thoughts, feelings? If so, what do you do to help yourself?

Anna


updated by @stugglebunny: 05/12/17 07:51:30PM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
09/22/15 01:12:09PM
17 posts

Feeling as though I'm losing my best friend.


Empath

Thank you! This means so much to me, you don't even know.

The more I grow spiritually the more my eyes open. I don't want to stop growing & I feel as though I'm leaving her behind & it's painful. When you stated that you stood up for yourself & told her how one of her comments hurt you & then she ended the friendship I felt complete identification. This girl hasn't ended our friendship, I feel as though she's still trying -- but when I say I was hurt she responds with, "I'm sorry you feel that way". Which is complete BS in my eyes. The lack of accountability is what's hurting me. Ultimately it is what it is & I know that. I guess I should just try letting it go. I'm praying for her happiness everyday hoping I'll gain relief.

strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
09/22/15 06:28:53AM
17 posts

Feeling as though I'm losing my best friend.


Empath

I'm normally good at shielding myself from others feelings & by that I mean being very picky about who I hang out with for long periods of time. That being said, I have a close friend I met almost 3 years ago. We're very much opposites, but it works for us. We've helped each other grow through our friendship, even if we don't see eye to eye we've respected each other, been non-judgmental & all the good stuff that friendship adds to life. Recently though she's been struggling emotionally with a bad break-up. I wasinadvertently her rock after the break-up, going everywhere with her to help her feel less lost & just be her friend. It's draining but I feel as though it's worth it because we're friends & have been for a while & I feel as though the feelings would be reciprocated. That's my expectation I know, but history has shown the reciprocation to be reality...

Anyways, we recently had a tiff because of a guy that's been in my life since I was 8. He came over to my place one night when she was there & she excluded herself from us & tried to manipulate the whole situation. It was as if her energy filled my whole apartment & I was just sitting in the corner. She left to go to the store & when she made it back my friend left due the uncomfortable feeling that came along with her attitude. I haven't felt anything like this EVER! Her negativity/manipulation/selfishness was so HUGE after he left that I was SEETHING! I kept a tight lid on it, but she showed me herself in a different light that night by trying to make me feel bad because HER emotional state was effected; which frankly I do not appreciate. I voiced all this to her -- she eventually apologized. I know she's in a messy place emotionally... I'm just really messed up about all of this.

I feel like I've known these qualities about her for sometime, but maybe I dismissed them? They're so glaring right now to the point of hurt. I'm in emotional pain because I feel as though I'm losing my friend, but I'm also questioning was she even a friend to begin with? I would always take her problems on as my own & not judge her. Right now I feel judgment from her & also lack of care about my life... as if the relationship is one-sided.

Feeling confused & needing guidance, grace & understanding <3


updated by @stugglebunny: 01/17/17 07:21:08AM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
07/04/15 02:35:13PM
17 posts

Link about how one can stop absorbing the emotions of those around them...


Empath

Happy Fourth of July fellow empaths. Try not to get too bombarded with huge crowds & the occasional hostility that comes along with them. Below is a link -- 'how to stop absorbing people's emotions'. Hope this is helpful to whoever takes a gander.http://thespiritscience.net/2015/06/01/how-to-stop-absorbing-other-peoples-emotions/
updated by @stugglebunny: 01/21/17 01:25:40PM
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
07/04/15 08:39:54AM
17 posts

new.


Empath

So glad you commented... I've felt very weird saying I'm an empath. It's hard to talk to my friends about it because they don't relate. It's another level of awareness I must accept so the right people can enter into my life. Letting go of the people who don't understand or might judge me for it is what I know in my heart is the thing to do, for me anyways. I'm learning that by accepting who I am on the inside will bring the positive lights (people) in my life, that will accept me for who I am & in turn continue me on my spiritual journey. Although it's overwhelming & freeing what's helping me is being able to come here & express my true feelings. Then people like you comment & I have a feeling of belonging :) again thanks so much for the comment.
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
07/02/15 05:49:41PM
17 posts

So this is new. Any advice for a unique situation?


Empath

I love this so much... You just did a great job of describing my own feelings when it comes to a 'partner' & also accepting that I'm an empath. I've always been the same way, as far as feeling that connection with someone in an intimate way. I've been in love before, but in retrospect it was one sided. The second love I had was all a drunken stooper, so there's no validity in that. My mind has been clear for almost four years & the empathic ability has shown up again... It interferes with my ability to connect a lot!!! I have a hard time discerning my feelings verse another persons feelings. Anyways, back to your situation -- I would let what's happening flow. I recently got involved with someone & overthought the whole thing. He was like a mirror to myself. Thoughts, perceptions, vibes & feelings were all the same. It was amplified to the point where I just wanted to walk away... So I did & I regretted it. Let it flow I see what happens. Try to be still & enjoy the moment :) best of luck!!
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
07/02/15 01:44:39PM
17 posts

new.


Empath

I'm new to all of this, to be quite honest the admission of calling myself an 'empath' is strange. It feels right deep down in my soul because I've always known there was something different about me. Not in a negative or egotistical way. Just in a, this is what it is, kind of way. Anyways, I ran across this article & found it helpful not just for an empath but people in general. The concept is very much a healing one that I identify with very much. It resembles some shielding technique as well :) Enjoy.

http://www.collective-evolution.com/2015/07/01/who-is-hooked-into-your-aura-learn-to-clear-negative-cords-release-self-sabotage/


updated by @stugglebunny: 01/18/17 09:03:45PM