Forum Activity for @kristen

kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 11:52:00PM
20 posts

Moving house


Empath

I grew up in a poor comunity with grandparent that lived through the. depression there was a lot going on in that small coal mining town..a lot of deaths in the mines by another persons hand and still continues to build with drugs and violence. A lot of lingering eneries you felt the sudsen need to run walking into or out of the holler. .i lived in an old gas station that had deffinatly seen better days and the worst was at night cause you felt like somebody was always on your heels or just around the corner...it liked to chase me up the stairs. and one night i had stayed up late in my room but could no longer sleep in there bc a peice of ceiling tile that hung over my bed decided to fall on my face while i was sleeping and the rest was starting to come down with it..anyway went to leave the room and go to bed in livingroom and it held the door knob and wouldn't let me leave
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 11:34:46PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

In the begining we had some weird things go on..we live in a trailer park its an old trailer..when we first moved in i hung beads in the hallway enterance to divide the house up a little the beads would move and rattle on theie own..and in white noise like the bath tub faucet makes when running water would sound like you could hear things sometimes..i tried best to ignore it..sometimes when i walk inro the house it feels uncomfortable
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 11:28:13PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

The most I've played with in the past have been tarrot cards and its not like i had put much stock in them just a tool i used to read people and entertain them a little
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 11:25:11PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

Only allowed him to do that once i don't like to dabble into things like that it honestly scares me the few experiences i have had..yes this has been going on since before me he has always been bipolar the schitzophrenia ever since he can remember he says he has heard vouoices and seen a shadowy figure who he calls ralph..says ralph has suggested suicide and things like that..it bothers me because i feel that its a demon that has latched on to him and he struggles a lot...i alqays felt like dark entites were draging him down and there was a lot of negative talk goung on in his head a lot of displaced feelings and accusations .it was just confirmed by him with out a doubt recently that he sees and hears things..he talks about leaving his body a lot too.
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 10:56:14PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

No i don't know how to do that..does it work well?
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 10:52:10PM
20 posts

Why do I feed bad for not helping someone?


Empath

Lol i love your response..unfortunatly i have no place to do that but feel like it a lot..i have a husband who doesn't think i require an outlet andi have two little feet that follow me everwhere i go and two little eyes that watch every move i make
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 10:47:08PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

It difficult to work in close proximity to someone who is oozing negativity who are scheming and coniving people who get their kicks from hurting others.
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 10:43:55PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

Yeah i tend to react like that sometimes gets me in trouble can't contain it and if i don't it usually gets so bad that i have to step away from it..doesn't make for a good resume and you have to make up some bogus reason for what happened because the truth isnt realistic to the average person they're like just ignore it or id jack that person up..its not in my nature to hurt others i want peace and harmony but also its hard to ignore the bells when they're going off.
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 10:23:17PM
20 posts

Why do I feed bad for not helping someone?


Empath

Its hard your always going to have that feeling to some degree lingering in the back of your mind..its in your nature to want to help others so when you have to shut somebody down it feels unnatural..i still struggle with that and haven't found the answer but I'm sure somebody else here has the advice your looking for but to make the feeling go away you more than likely can't and why would you want to do away from it all together? Its who you are its your compassion shining through your heart your soul its part of what makes you you..its a gift to feel f sorrow or bad for someone else its humanity. The best that you may find here is a way to cope with feeling that way and the situation but don't wish it away as terrible as it makes you feel it is better to feel deep than to feel nothing at all you've been blessed
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 10:08:41PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

Thank you so much shadow I have done some simular things to deal with it or try to shut it out but all it seems to have done is made things worse and i have lost touch with a lot of myself in the process i have a drink from time to time when things are so intense i feel like I'm comming unhinged..but i try to stay away from things like that for the most part i may not know the answer and i might be a basket case but i beleive its importaint to feel to the fullest extent even though i have tried to deflect it myself i don't want to rely on drugs or such to find peace. i think its nessesary to feel hurt and go through trials but but sometimes its so unrelentling so unforgiving the hurt and frustration and feeling the need to put a bandaid on the world and realize that your restricted restricted by society by finance or situation or by yourself..u know sorry if jumbled multi tasking...i wish that i knew what it is I'm supose tp be doing right now..I'm thirty two and feel like i havr wasted so much time i feel guilty starved and desperate to serve my purpose in this world to finally do something i was born to do and actually good at..I've not been very good at the things I've done in my life career wise and i know its because it wasn't where my heart was at where my talent lies but it seems difficult to find a type of profession that fits that..i have never been good with math or had the finances for school and that has detoured me..especially the math..you have to be able to pass everything you know..my ability is to read people observe them and their emotions be able to tap into or relate to them offer comfort share their sorrowsect..sorry for rambling lol..anyway thanks again for your comment.
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 09:38:59PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

I felt so weird talking about the supernatural stuff in my last post and nervous to share..so sorry if i made anyone uncomfortable with it i promise i was very uncomfortable even saying anything lol..i wanted to aknowledge matthias..what yove said has really struck a cord with me thank you so much if you read this you are gifted in encouraging others sending positive energy to another..you are truely a beautiful soul.
kristen
@kristen
05/31/16 04:34:35AM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

Thank you rene for taking the time to talk to me i had concidered that at one point but its all so negative that its hard to beleive its anything else..he is text book as far as the voices go and if they are something else then i still worry for him nevause not only does he create and draw negative energies he draws negative entities which are also dangerous...only my husband knows this until now and i feel. compelled tp share it since we are talking about the subject..we were doing a ghost box he really wanted to try it i didn't but he insisted almost automatically. they started trying to talk to me they were wanting my help said my name described me and my son said they were lost..my heart went out to whatever but at the same time it scares me to no end..i asked them if they knew gpd they said sort of and i said i was sorry that i had to stop talking and couldn't help them that i had to watch out for me and my family i didn't know if they were good or bad and i couldn't put myself at risk one said she wont help us and another said we understand..i have had a couple of weird things like that happen to me but i find that i struggle with what's right with religious things i am spiritualvery spiritual. i beleive that there is a god and i and its just really hard to tell what's ok or what's not when you feel these things and these things reach out to you without you really trying they come to you or are instilled om you ect..you get it i hope..anyway i the point was i hope for the sake of my family that its not any negative entities. that havr attached them selves to him..sorry if i got off track or rambled too much..wrote this half asleep.. i am going to look into cord cutting hopping maybe its something i can actually make work for me..thanks again
kristen
@kristen
05/30/16 10:36:21PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

I find it hard to meditate my thoughts are always racing always dealing with some intense feelings or worrying and I'm too full of nervous energy..i wish i could
kristen
@kristen
05/30/16 10:33:28PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

Sorry couple lines got jumbled toward the end hope you can make sense of it.
kristen
@kristen
05/30/16 10:30:24PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

Rene i have recently been diagnosed with clinical depression and i am having health issues imune system stuff..and as bad as i don't want to say it i know it has been his mental health impacting me..don't get me wrong i have my own issues and i have experienced short bouts of depression some of which i think was somebody else's at times i say short because they come on and eventually go away but this has been around and doesn't let up much i think it me some but i think the darker unrelenting stuff may be comming from him. idk very complicated to try to explain..he did for a few months last year take medication but has stopped and when he's ok he's not so much ok as things are not bothering him so bad and when he's not ok things are really bleak..he hears voicessss which really worries me he once mentioned when we were talking about medication to make the voices go away that he really didn't want to because they have always been there and he was scared to just alk if a sudden not have them there..i told him that his voices were self talk that everyone has inner dialogue and that he wouldn't loose that it just that there is something nurilogical that is goung on in his brain that is individualizing and departmentalizing certain thoughts and it was a way to disconnect . Anyway he wasn't buying inti it..this stuff ofcourse worries me his dark moods and thoughts are more often than not he gets irrational sometimes. he smokes weed and it helps some when he does it the right way but he over does it more than he does right which makes it harder to communucate or connect with him because he likes to numb himself. and disconect all together makes it hard to to anthing with him or get him to be apart of things ect..you know how weed can be..i have discussed his lthis with him told him i didn't like it but he is adamit that he wve pushed so hard for him and try so mucj to help him but its an uphill battle at times..a lot of the times..everything has been wearing me down and he is my constant source bc i live with him..i only want good for him u know?l never quit smoking..i haab
kristen
@kristen
05/30/16 09:37:48PM
20 posts

For anyone who is having a hard time staying on track today....


Empath

I absolutly understand and agree but am lost the weight of all the sorrows in this world feels so intense so hopeless..people are suffering mentally physically and spiritually...we are looseing our connections with one another and becomming numb self centered...its a sad world that we live in but still a beautiful one with still some beautiful people in it..but yes its hard to stay in touch. i have been at my lowest point for a minute now with whats going on with the world the people i care about the stranger on the street my child and myself..i feel hopeless at this point
kristen
@kristen
05/30/16 09:26:41PM
20 posts

Where do I start?


Empath

I'm not sure but i did feel the need to reachout and say your not alone..i have struggled with being an empath my entire life i have never fit in anywhere and people don't know how to handle you intensity and passion so you start to think its weird or not right and you try to make it go away act like other people but can't and it bottles up inside of you and builds..right now i am bursting with so much love and sorrow ontop of other peoples emotions and i don't know what to do with it or how to release it anymore I've forgotten how a long time ago..i feel trapped like I'm drownding because of it..i hope you haven't felt like this and if you have i feel for you its an unnerving feeling and i hope you get the answers your looking for here..best of luck
kristen
@kristen
05/30/16 09:03:20PM
20 posts

there's no relief


Empath

I feel so tired and lonely lately and I've realized something that I'm not quite sure how to deal with. i have always been drawn to reach out and help people and animals things that had nothing to do with me that affected others has and does brings tears to my eyes..but sadly i have blocked out a lot through out my life I've always felt things so intensly and there was either nothing i could do about me or hurt me so much that i i built a wall to soften the blow or miss it all together..I've learned to step away from my natural instincts. and its not that i don't feel it i do and i feel lost and in mysery a lot of the times li and that I'm not doing what I'm suppose to be doing in this life..but i have no clue what it is..it feels unnatural. to me and i really just want to be me again but i don't know how trying to block these things hasnt helped i still feel them a lot but if i am the way i was meant to be then that scares people or they find it odd or try to contain me..i feel trapped on the inside as well as out..i just want to be me for once its been a long long time I'm 32 and i have a child he doesn't deserve the bitter person i have become..i have a husband who is bipolar schitzophrenic..he drains me and keeps me down but i love him i genuinly care for him and want to still keep trying to help him i have thought about leaving a time or two but i am a loyal person and i have a hard time giving up on people and i keep on thinking would you leave a person who has cancer its not their fault just like his mental health is not his..but everything negative he feels even when he doesn't say anything hits me like a ton of bricks and i scramble to try to fix it because its begining to suffocate me but to no avail..i have to keep a distance with the people i really want to hold close and sometimes i push them all together out of my mind for a while to numb the connection..i want to help people i. i randomly see i get drawn to strangers sometimes i feel like their something really wrong or they're ill or need some type of help..not all the time of course..i have problems making friends its hard to find someone i can connect with on that level I'm friendly and nice but i have also become weary of people because they are usually off or fake or bringing so much negative vibes to the table i just find them too exausting..its not that i dont care or want to reach out to someone I'm lonely i want friends not even my husband is really my friend.. i can't connect with him hardly anymore and i thought if there was anyone i could be myself around it would have been him but i was too much wanted to help to much care to much that like a lot of other people i have scared him he shuts himself o ff..because what i feel and put off is too intense too close to home for his comfort..so I'm left alone with everything no outlet..I'm just ready to tap into the true me again and find my purpose..but i don't know how sorry for rambling or if this doesn't make much sense i just wrote it as i was thinking it and my thoughts come and go faster than i can write them..thanks for reading
updated by @kristen: 03/15/17 08:44:02AM
kristen
@kristen
06/25/15 05:19:45PM
20 posts

Help. How to balance the intake of other's emotions around you


Empath

I'm in the same boat as you christina maybe we will find the answers we are looking for here in this lovely community and if not answers at least friends that understand our struggles.
kristen
@kristen
06/25/15 05:07:10PM
20 posts



My heart is with yours my struggles the same though I'm just as lost as you are we can at least take solace in the fact that we are not as alone as we feel.
updated by @kristen: 01/20/17 08:39:09AM