Introduction: I'm not 100% sure if I'm an empath, but I need to find healing.
I just signed up for this site because I need help and not many understand. I'm an artist in so many forms, and my artistic friends admit they are highly sensitive, which I am too, but this last year it's taken on a new leaf.First off, I have to plan ahead and mentally prepare myself around large crowds of people. All the different energies tend to overwhelm me. I often feel suffocated by people who are enduring troubles because their energy impacts my emotions and tires me out. I need a lot of down time. I often pick up on negative energies and my intuition tells me to run, or not get too close.The first inclination I had was when I was a child and some neighborhood bullies were taunting this young black girl who was maybe 6 years old, for the color of her skin. I was about 7, or in second grade. I screamed at them to leave her alone and even pushed one of the bullies away from her and told them I was getting an adult to come handle them and they took off. I helped the young girl as they tied one of her braids to a wire fence. I was in tears for her. My heart pained me for what she had just endured and that pain stuck with me for years. After that occurrence, I found myself pained by other people's problems, even if they weren't spoke of.Im 31 years old today. The last few years I've become really attuned to people's suffering by their body language, or by things they weren't saying, or the energy they were emitting, or even by the look in their eyes. People always come to me because I relate to their pains and have compassion, empathy, and don't judge. They always feel better afterwards, but I always thought most ppl were like that. Then sometimes I find myself drawn to people for no reason and I'll strike a conversation with them to find out they are very troubled and feel alone.I've been single for over two years now as my last relationship devastated me so deeply I wasn't ready to even start dating again until the last 6 months. I have 6 years sober in recovery, and I met someone in recovery recently, and we really clicked. He's a musician an artist like myself. We talked and took things slowly for a month, never engaged in intimacy physically. He admitted to being highly sensitive too and I caught on to that right away as he was so nervous around me the first few times we hung out. Things started heavily on an emotional level but something switched. He started getting really nervous around me again like he was in the beginning, and he stopped letting me in, but at the same time didn't want to let me go. That was difficult for me. I noticed he has anxiety at times if I didn't respond to his text within a few hours, and he worried a lot, and then he changed. Prior to him becoming guarded, I started having anxiety for no known reason since everything to me was fine. It just appeared out of the blue. Then he changed, and I knew something wasn't right but I had to break off contact with him before I started taking things personal. He didn't want to let go but confessed he's having trouble with self love and was very unhappy. It was weird since he came on so fast which happens often with men. It's been sometime since we haven't talked, but I've been feeling this horrible pain inside. It's not like we ever built anything together or had much invested as it was short lived. I started feeling self doubt. Then last week I had a dream he relapsed from our recovery program. A few days prior I started having pain in my abdomen out of the blue, went to the doctors and found nothing wrong. Then two days ago I found out that he in fact did relapse, and is also having surgery for a hernia in his abdomen that I never knew about. I wonder too since he did relapse, that my self doubt and feelings of inferiority, were ones of his own and not mine. I've never been the type to date much, yet feel so emotionally connected to someone I didn't even get passed the physical intimacy stage with. I just liked him as we shared a lot in common being artist, and two highly sensitive ppl. He shut down recently I heard and deleted me from social media and deactivated all his accounts and was avoiding ppl. That's where I'm at now because I'm so plagued with pain and sadness, not even aware of what feelings are even my own. I need to expel his energy or do something to get past this. I can go about my day and responsibilities, but the pain is there, and it's making me ill. I've dealt with bouts of depression in the past when I lost my best friend and grandmother to death, but never over something like this. Like I said, picking up others emotions and feelings has been something that's really started to afflict me in the last year. I need guidance and healing. I need to learn to differentiate what feelings are actually mine, or of someone else's. Any pointers in the right direction would help.
updated by @sarah3: 02/19/17 07:20:47AM