My First Time
I still remember the first time I heard somebody call me *weird*. (hahah gotcha! you thought it was going to be *that* kind of a thread because of the title.) -- No, this is actually about my first memories about being an empath. And my road to discovery. -- And why I am still here.
The first time I heard someone call me *weird* it was my mother.
I was very young. And to this day, I can still hear her tone. I can still see the look in her face. I was ashamed, because my mother did not seem to like me for some reason. She thought I was *weird*.
What she didn't like about me -- the thing that made her uncomfortable around me -- was the way I felt other peoples feelings. And she made it very clear "You don't just feel sorry for people -- that I could understand. You actually feel their feelings." Basically she was saying "get over it".
and in her eyes my sensitivity made me weak. Not too long after that, I saw that look in her eyes again.
I had been whining that I could hear my cat and she was in trouble and she wanted me. My mother said "That's ridiculous. "Your cat isn't even here anyway she's been out all day. And I'm listening and I don't hear anything."
"But she's calling me. " I insisted. "I can hear her."
"Then go tell your father...'BILL!!! (that was my father's name) YOUR DAUGHTER HEARS HER CAT...COME GET HER...TAKE HER...JUST GO WITH HER SO SHE CAN TAKE YOU THERE!" -- To me those words meant "get your daughter out of here..she's annoying me".
It's no accident I typed in caps. My mother is very loud.
So my father took me. Down the block around the back of a building and up in a tree was my cat perched on a branch unable to get down.
"Well will you look at that." my father said with a chuckle. I knew he liked it when my mother was wrong.
I could hear them talking about it in the kitchen later. "She's weird." my mother insisted. "how did she know that."
My father said something about children having strong connections to their pets.
Years later I heard those words again. "She's weird." It was at work. I walked in on some office mates talking about me and when they saw the look on my face they were immediately apologetic and told me they didn't mean weird in a bad way..."It's just you know things you're not suppose to know. -- Like when we make faces behind your back and you say "stop that".
We had a good laugh and I began to realize that words can so easily project misinformation.
So much misinformation that they can scar a life.
I grew up seeing myself as weak, until a nun once acknowledged the same thing about me that my mother did. "You don't just feel for people. You feel them. That is a gift from God." she said.
Now this is the main forum so I won't get into talk about God, just quoting the nun, but it made me see this *shame* I had about my sensitivity in a new light.
And as I moved through time, my mother and I talked and I realized that in the world she grew up in sensitivity and emotional vulnerabilty could be a liability. So in her eyes I was vulnerable, hence weak. She told me she didn't want to see me hurt. She wanted me to turn off my feelings so that I would never have to know pain.
I guess we took the long route to a full understanding.
I learned very early on that words have power. Left unexpressed a person can walk around with a complete false impression of something and internalize it as a character flaw instead of the strength and the *gift* that it is.
What I came to EC to figure out is why this happens. How does it happen from a distance. Does it really happen to other people?!! Up until then I knew of no one else who had this.
What a beautiful and soft landing place I found at EC.
and I would want newcomers to know the same joy I found here. My healing began with the Empath Survival Guide above. I had no idea people had actually figured out and worked out exercises to control these empathetic surges. I was amazed to learn there were other empaths.
In fact I was amazed to learn there was a word for it. Yay! Now I had a keyword to learn more.
A word with a key to unlock a door, proving again that words truly do hold power.
I recently told someone about a song that i always liked by Grace Slick called Come Again Toucan.
"...mistakes are made because words are misunderstood
it's all in how you talk.
Walking over somebody
sounds like a strange thing to do
But it's all in how you walk."
Nobody likes to be walked over..............but some people pay the big bucks to have someone walk all over them. its called ashiatsu.
And after years of carrying around all that silent shame I sure could use a good ashiatsu massage right about now.
I welcome any newcomers to the empath community and offer you this discussion thread to share your own stories.
Don't ever let anyone tell you you're *weird*....unless,of course, they close with "in a good way".
updated by @roxanne: 05/19/17 06:49:33PM