what is wrong with me??
Just want to say thank you to everyone who replied. I will keep my finger's crossed that one day my daughter will come around but knowing how she is I can never expect an apology from her cause she never does.
My daughter has Bi Polar but refuses to take her meds. She's also gifted and refuses to use it and has shut it down. My daughter is not very respectful to anyone. She use's foul language like it's her total language. she swears at her children all the time and screams at them. My mom tells me I need to leave my kid's alone cause they have no respect for me and never have. My daughter works part time and has 2 kid's under the age of 9. the youngest is 3 and still not potty trained which she keeps putting off and blaming everyone else as to her daughter not being potty trained. Her husband doesn't want to be bothered with the kid's and he smokes dope constantly. They live next door to the father and mother in law of my daughter's husband and the father in law does drugs just as much and both mother in law and father in law are always yelling at my daughter for the way she treats her kid's and the way she talks to people. I don't know what happened to her but I did not raise her that way although she was spoiled. She has been a tale teller and has a big problem with lying since she was a little girl
as for my son, he is divorced but he has worked the same job since he was 16 yrs. old. he owns his own home and has mass loads of friends and he is a great dad and spends almost all his free time with his daughter. He's always been a very outgoing friendly person even when he was a little boy.
My daughter seems' to think that I am trying to run her life and tell her what to do which I am not. She calls me up complaining to me about her marriage and most of the conversation is her talking about her co workers and the neighbors around her and her in laws and their business. She can't seem to keep to her own home and out of other people's business and she seems to think I want to hear about it which I've told her I do not. I don't know how to help her anymore. She tells me she is a grown woman and to stay out of her business but yet calls me for advice. I give up..
Thank you all for your comments. Both of my children have children of their own. My daughter is married but the marriage is not a good one. He degrades her and calls her horrible names in front of her kid's all the time and her 8 year old son has behavior issues. My daughter is not happy but refuses to do anything about it except to blame me for her problems. She would call me names on the phone and send me messages calling me names. Hang up on me and not talk to me for a few weeks then never apologize for the way she treats me and instead just calls one day and acts like nothing ever happened.
My son is divorced. In fact, she divorced him one year after they married telling him she didn't' love him. He's a single parent, works hard and dotes on his daughter. He even goes to church. He hates drama and he never calls me on the phone and I can't talk to him about my job or anything that has to do with me as he deems that as drama and wont' listen to it.
I had a horrible break up of my marriage and even tried to hurt myself and for the last few years all I have wanted was death to come to me. I have been trying to get through this as this is the first time in all my adult life that I have been single and alone and my ex husband had been cheating on me for many years then destroyed my home, threatened my life then moved to where my daughter lives cause he knew he could lie his way into her life and ever since he's been there my relationship with my daughter has been non existent. He is only the stepfather but she lies for him and defends him even though she recently told me that I did not lose anything when he left me as his health has gone downhill and he's a mess and she tells me about his new woman who lives in another country who happens to supposedly be pregnant to him then when I get upset about it she yells at me and tells me I need help and not to contact her anymore. This is what she's been doing to me for the last 3 years. How she treats me and talks to me since my ex moved down there near her.
On the other hand, my son has had nothing to do with the man since he left me. It's just very upsetting being treated like this from your own child.
there has got to be something very wrong with me. My daughter who is 30 years old has blocked me from her facebook page after sending me a text message telling me that I am not to call or text her anymore that she is done with me and that I need help and it will not come from her and she's just been really nasty to me. My son who is 28 says he didn't have a "real" family growing up and tells me he doesn't have time for me. Both of my children have in the last year or so told me they have no time for me and that they have their own lives. I went through a horrible breakup/divorce from my ex husband which I spend the last almost 3 years trying to get over and on top of that I lost my stepson earlier this year unexpectedly.
Both of my children live in Florida as do my grand kid's. I, for the most part almost never get any phone calls from my son and when I send him a message he tells me he's busy and don't have time. My daughter most of the time when she called me the entire conversation would be her gossiping about other people that she works with or lives around and their lives that doesn't concern me even though I've told her time and again. She say's it's my fault she can't have a proper relationship with her own husband, which I still don't know how that is my fault but both of my kid's blame everything that goes wrong with them on me.
Anymore, I believe truly that there is something actually wrong with me as to why my own children hate me so much. both of my parents tell me that my children are very disrespectful of me and that I need to just stop worrying about my kid's since they don't seem to care at all about their own mother and to just leave them be. somehow that seems like the wrong thing to do since they are my children and they already feel badly towards me but neither one of them want anything to do with me so I don't know what to do anymore..
I was told to join several dating sites that I might find my soul mate in one of them. I have been in many of them for over 2 years and still have not made any sort of connection with anyone. Most of these men either want money or want you to show body parts to them.
I find it very hard to make any sort of soul connection with people so how on earth will I ever find my soul mate? I keep attracting all these young men my own son's age or even younger or men that are old enough to be my father. I don't know what to do anymore. Maybe after the horrible break up of my marriage I am just meant to be alone the rest of my life never finding true love...
I was terribly betrayed by my ex husband a few years back. We had been married for 14 years and although thing's weren't perfect I thought we would be together forever. Turned out he had been cheating on me for many years with different women. Well, needless to say, after confronting him thing's turned ugly and he said and did some very hateful thing's to me.
I went through a very bad depression for well over 2 years. We just got divorced last November and I have just recently been starting to come out and attempt to allow myself to start talking to men again in hopes to start dating or even find the right man I am supposed to be with.
I have been chatting online with this guy who lives in another state. we have only been chatting a few weeks. Haven't yet heard one another's voices nor seen each other on video but yet this man feels strongly about wanting to be with me and has already asked me to marry him. I feel he is rushing thing's along and I'm not sure if it's for the right reason's or not. He keeps asking me to say "yes" to him so he need not worry anymore about where "we" stand. I told him my story about my marriage and told him I am not rushing into another relationship to have it end in disaster or to find it wasn't really what I wanted or best for me. I have told him that I find it hard attempting to start a relationship with anyone online and that I want to take thing's slowly. Yet, he continues to try to push me. He's already called me bossy and is already talking about "changing" thing's about me. He is a very good looking man and I'm sure quite nice but I don't like the fact that he's calling me bossy due to I have told him that after the bad relationship's I've had that at my age I am not settling for anything but the best for me and what I want so therefore he calls me bossy. He attempted to tell me that according to the bible women are to be submissive to their husband's.. LOL.. that is so not me and it never will be. I am a strong willed woman.
I don't even really know if I feel romantic about him. It's like I feel no connection there and not sure if it's actually what I'm feeling or it's due to being over the internet but he seems so stiff and stuffy and not at all relaxed and seems not to have a sense of humor.
I'm not sure what to do at this point but all I do know is my gut feelings are that this will not work out and I will not be happy with this man. already he's talking about finding someone who knows how to cook meals and wanting a woman who can pick out his clothes for him and the proper wine to pour for certain meals and so on. I know nothing about that kind of stuff and don't want to..
A few days ago my stepson passed away. he was 30 years old. It was apparently due to Heroin overdose. He had been depressed for a long time and I never really knew it. His dad and I split up almost 2 years ago and divorced late last year. My stepson stayed living in the town where I live and his dad moved to the state my daughter lives in. The rest of his family lives in Maryland as does his 7 year old daughter who will miss him terribly. I had just had a visit from him a few weeks prior to this and he seemed so happy as he had been in a relationship with a young woman who he said was wonderful and made him so happy and they had just moved into a house ready to start a life together.
What I also found out after they found him in his new home was that he had attempted to end his life several times prior. He did not have a very good upbringing as his mother was an alcoholic and his father was abusive to him his entire life even into adulthood and I've also recently found out that the man I was married to was providing his own son with prescription pain pills making my stepson pay his father for the pills he was being given as well as the pills the father was smoking dope with his son and apparently the pain pills lead my stepson to the heroin addiction which I knew nothing about until I got the call that he had died from an overdose.
I am so angry over this tragedy and loss of a life that could very well have been avoided and hurt that my stepson felt that he couldn't come to me and that he hid all this from me like he could handle the world all by himself. I know all about depression as I live it every day.
I am disgusted that the man I was married to that not only was messing around on me behind my back for years before I finally found out about it was also without my knowledge the cause of his son's drug addiction and the sad part about this is my stepson's daughter will grow up without her daddy now and it all started with her daddy's grandfather.
On top of this my stepson's dad, my ex is heading to Maryland for the funeral acting like he did nothing wrong and turning this tragedy into all about himself. My stepson was a very smart young man, handsome, a good dad and out going and friendly who hid it well the crap he was going through in his own head daily and I will live the rest of my life regretting that I was not there more for him when he needed me the most. I can only pray that my ex and Karma meet up sooner than later cause the man makes me sick to my stomach knowing what he did to his son..
thank you. I am trying to be me. I've always been in a long term relationship so being on my own is something for me that is a bit challenging. I feel lonely alot of the times. I don't really have much contact with my ex anymore. He is now currently in yet another new relationship since we split. I think this is the 3rd one now in the last 2 years but this one is from Indonesia and she's in her 30's. He's almost 55. According to him, she is carrying his child and he's getting married. of course he had to email me to throw it in my face. but I will be visiting my grand kid's in a few weeks and they live basically right next door to him for now and I have this really strong feeling that he will attempt to start his crap with me even though my daughter and her husband assure me that he will leave me alone they don't know him like I do.
He is NOT the father of my children. he was their stepfather. He moved next door to my daughter in Florida to cause more problems for me and because his own children want nothing to do with him cause of everything he's been doing. My daughter is naive and so he's always been able to suck her in to his lies and deceit. She is the only one that keeps dealing with him anymore. but no I have no biological children to this man.
It's been over 2 years since my ex husband left me and only since last November since we divorced. He committed adultery pretty much the majority of the 14 years we were together which I basically found out when I found pics of him and another woman on his phone. He is no longer with the woman he was having a relationship with for over 2 years but now with another woman from Indonesia and he sent me an email telling me they are having a baby and he's getting married to her and there's nothing I can do about it. rubbing it in my face of course. He was over there for 2 weeks and when he came back to the states a few weeks later she told his she was pregnant and he's the father. According to my daughter he wanted the woman to have an abortion or put it up for adoption cause he say's he's too old and she said at her age she wasn't planning on taking care of and raising another baby but she is catholic and it goes against her religion.
Every one keeps telling me I need to move on cause it's apparent that he sure has. I know I have to move on but it's so hard and I still find myself crying when I think about the day I had to stand there and watch him destroy everything in my home which I have pics of all of it and the police wouldn't do anything cause they said it was community property. then the man said he hoped my car blows up with me in it when I was going to work on another day. then not long after that another day he had me holed up in a room and was boarding up the doors with boards and screws and said that before the night was done I was going to the hospital and he's going to jail for it. This is the kind of stuff that is still in my head every day and it's so hard to get it out. My sister for whatever reason is still on his facebook page and seemed not to care at all about my feelings and made sure to tell me just how beautiful his new woman is that she is tiny with long black hair and more.. I cried that day too..
I'm finding it very difficult moving forward with my life. He just threw me away like garbage and went after a woman who is in her 30's and he's in his 50's and so she's younger, thinner, prettier, able to have children, and from a different country.. I feel so ugly and old and useless. Is there any solution out there to get past this cause most people that have never gone through this seem to think it's so easy to just move on with your life...
Is it possible to be born cursed? I feel like my whole life has been cursed from the day I was born. My father was my first abuser and set the rest of my life up for failure it seems with any guy I got with. the father of my children cheated on me and abused me. My first husband was a drug addict although he did love me I was unhappy and left to be with my second husband who I was with for 14 years just to find that he had been unfaithful the entire time we were together. Needless to say, we split up almost 2 years ago and it was a very bad situation. I lost my home and he to make matters worse moved right next door to my daughter in another state and now he's off in Indonesia with a 29 year old woman who is my own daughter's age and he is close to 55.
My sister who works with me seems to take pleasure in telling me all about pictures he has been posting on his facebook page of him and this new woman and that they look happy and that she is tiny and beautiful and so on. I have been battling depression for a very long time and none of this helps me any. I told her there is nothing I can do about it. we are divorced and he;'s just a dog who uses women for his own gain and that it probably will not work out anyway.
I am surrounded by an entire family of people who are so negative that I feel like I am drowning in it and it's getting worse. My kid's tell me they have their own lives and dont' have time for me anymore or what's going on in my life. I haven't seen my grandkid's in 3 years and hardly get to talk on the phone or do video chats at all with them.
I just feel so overwhelmed still by what my ex husband did to me that I just can't seem to get past it. He did and said some really horrible thing's at the end of our relationship if you want to call it that. He degraded me, embarrassed me, laughed at me, caused me to cry then made fun of me for crying. He threatened my life several times stating he hoped my car blew up with me in it. He would cut all power off to the house and he said that he did all this cause he can and get away with it cause nobody can stop him. My doctor said I have Adult psychological abuse.
Like I said, I feel like my life is cursed...
thank you for your kind words. I'm trying but some days are harder than other's. some day's I just want it to be all over so I feel no more pain. I just feel like I gave 14 years of my life away to someone who didn't care one bit for me and took advantage of me thinking that buying me thing's would keep me happy while he was off with other women. I keep asking myself what was wrong with me cause I can't get out of my head a remark that he made to me that he said, He fell out of love with me years ago but was sticking around to see if I would change. I never understood what that meant cause the day he left I had to work and when I got home there was a letter he had written telling me that none of this was my fault that it was all him and that he changed and that he was sorry for hurting me and that he hoped that one day I could find it in my heart to forgive him and that he knows that there is someone out there for me and so on and so on. I mean how can someone stand there every single day and look you in the face and tell you they love you when in fact they don't? I wish he would have just packed up and left me instead of me finding out the hard way he was fooling around on me for years behind my back and that my marriage was all a lie. that's what hurts. It hurts that he was so cold and heartless and just picked up and moved on so easily and is currently starting a relationship now with a woman his daughter's age from another country all the while he made me feel less than who I am like I'm not worthy of being loved by anyone and to this day he still makes jokes about what he did to me like it's all a game to him to fool with other people that way.
thank you all for your support in this situation. I am going to talk to my dr. to see about some possible therapy. talking to someone but I've put off doing that because most times they are no help anyway. Yes, I would feel much better in my own place but right now my finances won't allow that. funny how I work 50 hours a week and yet the day I get paid I'm broke paying off bills.. My daughter does know all about the abuse. I saw my mom be beat almost to death many times growing up until she had to get out after nine years of it for her own safety and to this day she's still traumatized by it on top of that she was a victim of sexual abuse by her stepfather. I in turn was sexually assaulted by one of her own brother's when I was younger and was so afraid to tell anyone until a few years ago and again nobody believed me but my mom. I was babysitting for my aunt for a week and he was sent to help me due to she had 3 sons who she didn't think I could handle and one night he came into the bedroom and sexually abused me. the next morning he was bragging about it to the boys and I felt so sick and worried he would try it again so I called home and lied and said I was sick and needed to leave. I grew up to adulthood carrying that around until I finally told my mom. I was afraid that if I told my dad he would blame me and I would get one of his many beatings he gave me and my brothers and sisters. I lived in fear in my father's house never knowing what would set him off and he would use one of his kid's as a punching bag. It's funny how a parent is your first abuser as well as the first person to ever lie to you. I had no male role model growing up so maybe that is why I chose the men I did in my life thinking it was the normal way to be treated.
thank you for your response. the house unfortunately is gone. it went into foreclosure and he moved out of the state so I lost my home and the way I was used to living. I'm now working 50 hours a week and supporting myself. I enjoy nature and being out in it. I haven't spent a penny on mediums or psychics. One of them is a friend of mine who in fact told me about all the infidelities of my ex husband. It's hard to move on and cut him from my life as he is living right next door to my own daughter. He did this to keep the knife twisted in my gut. He is not the biological father. My son refuses to have anything to do with him due to what he did to me but I see my own daughter in the same situation I was in with relationships for many years but she won't listen to me so I have to just sit back and let thing's go where they will with her but her reasoning as far as my ex husband goes is that he never did anything to her. I feel so betrayed by her because she allows him in her life and my grandkid's lives and she seems to think it's okay for him to just run off around the world chasing after one woman after another. She knows what he did to me but seems to not care.
right now, with my work hours it's hard for me to do anything that I want to do. I used to meditate all the time before the nightmare began with my marriage falling apart and now living in this house with my father and brother I feel like I can't get comfortable enough to even meditate here.
I realize that it wasn't my fault that he fooled around on me but it really hurts and it's hard to get past the "why wasn't I good enough for you"? part. I've been told that sure you can move on but something like that stays with you forever. I have major trust issues with men now and even though I want to have someone in my life I fear with the way I feel right now that finding someone may never happen for me and that I will be single the rest of my life. I really do try hard to be positive but then I go right back to playing over and over in my head the last few years of my marriage and what he did and what he said to me and then the pain and hurt and feelings of depression set in once again.
about almost 2 years ago my marriage ended due to my ex husband's adultery. I lost my house that I had lived in for 10 of those years and had nowhere else to go but my dad's where I reside now and I absolutely hate it. My dad was my first abuser when I was a child and I swore I'd never live in his house again once I got out but here I am. I can't stay downstairs very long as it feels so heavy with depression which is where my dad sleeps and my brother who also lives here hangs most of the time so when I'm not at work I spend the evenings in my room all confined.
Since the break up of my marriage I have had suicidal thoughts numerous times. My children have both told me they are grown and have their own lives and dont' have time for my "stuff" and that I need to "get over it" that my marriage is done. I am almost 50 years old. I have not one close friend and in fact I really find it hard to make friends at all so I'm pretty much a loner and have been forever. I have always had a huge fear of being alone and here I am alone now. While my ex has been going from one woman after another since he left me and is now currently off in China thinking to bring himself back a China woman and her children to be with him. Her being only around 30 years old and him being in his 50's. I have joined dating sites but to no avail. Most of those men are scammers and liars. I have been told by numerous mediums and psychics that they see a man entering my life. my soul mate and then go into detail about it but I don't know how that would be possible considering I work all day long from sun up to almost sun down and live paycheck to paycheck so the only places I'm really able to go to is the park on the weekends just to get out of this house.
For the longest time now, I just feel tired in every possible way and feel like my life is over that there is nothing left for me here. I have no one anymore. I was married for 14 years just to find out in the end that most of those years my ex had been fooling around on me and the last being with a Russian woman for almost 3 years before I found out. I keep feeling like there is something wrong with me that I can't find that one person I am meant to be with and I don't want to spend what's left of my life completely alone.
I was with my ex for 14 years and I found out almost 2 years or so ago that the entire time he had been fooling around on me with various women. how I found out was he came back off one of his "business" trips and told me he had some pics he was going to show me and instead of me waiting I picked up his phone and found pics of him and a russian woman he had been carrying on a relationship with mostly online for over 2 years but he was using our money during that time to fly her over to spend time with him on occasion which I also found out after the fact. needless to say, we split up after he had told me he fell out of love with me years ago then informs me he is going to marry the russian woman and bring her over here. He moved to another state in fact right next door to my daughter, not his but his step daughter and it's causing so much trouble between me and my daughter. He also dumped the russian and is fact today on his way to China now to meet up with another woman hoping it's going to work out so he can bring her and her children over to be with him.
His sister wont' speak to him anymore and neither will his own natural daughter due to the fact that he is in his 50's and this woman is his own daughter's age. I feel like as long as he resides in the same state as my children I will never be able to be free of him and have him out of my life completely.
I am feeling so lost.. My children are no longer talking to me anymore. They have told me that I need mental help and need on depression pills. My doctor has been wanting me on them for years and I have told him no due to I don't want them to block all my emotions and make me feel unfeeling at all and also because I hear they can block your being able to communicate with spirit. But my daughter has posted on her facebook page that I am a heartless bitch and that I have myself up on a pedestal which I do not. She has blocked me off her face book page and told me to leave her alone yet she continues to post bad thing's on her page about me as my EX stepmother who basically started it all by taking a private conversation we were having out to public on her page which caused an argument between me and my son. Now I have other members of my family lashing out at me and sending out text messages throughout the family saying that I need mental help and need to be put in the hospital. This family doesn't understand me at all. Yes I am depressed due to alot of issues but for them to be so non supportive and to just lash out at someone who is depressed and make it worse isn't helping. Most of the people who are lashing out at me have been taking meds for depression for years including my own daughter. I don't want to take depression med's but I feel I am in need of some counseling to talk to someone if it's going to help and not make it worse. being empath is so hard cause other's look at you like your crazy when your so far from it and they make you feel horrible about yourself.
No I do not want to come back here. I don't want to deal with the people who have hurt me in this life or any other. They have taken enough from me. I deal with two parents who want to die cause they are miserable and I have to listen to it often. My daughter isn't happy unless she's talking about someone else's drama and life which I have nothing to do with and neither does she and on top of that she is bi polar and also has the gift and refuses to use it. Her son had it and she all but shut him down to it now. he is 7. She and I are always arguing and then we go day's without talking and then it's the same during every conversation we have. My son only bother's with me when he wants something or wants to talk about a new girlfriend or his job but as soon as I start talking about anything in my life he shuts me down and then say's he has to go.
It's ruff for me each and every day. I spend alot of time alone.
My doctor diagnosed me as having Adult emotional psychological abuse, depression/ anxiety. My very first abuser in my life was my father and then the father of my children and my second husband who I was with for about 11 years. On top of that I was raped by an uncle on my mom's side of the family when I was a young girl and up till a few years ago I never told anyone and when I did nobody but my mom believed me.
I was talking to my adult daughter last night on the phone about all this and she basically called me a liar when I told her that alot of the symptoms of this emotional abuse I spend 11 years dealing with from her ex stepfather and she argued that I had "mental" issues long before he came around and so she's sticking up for him. This is a man who threatened to cut me up into pieces and scatter my body all over so nobody would find me, this a man who said when he was done with me not even my own kid's would want anything to do with me and I'd not be able to show my face in this town, this from a man who said he hoped my car blows up with me in it and it goes on and on. I endured this kind of talk for years and on top of that he was fooling around with other women for years which I found out for fact two years ago and we split. He is now living down where my daughter resides and so is at her home every week. She even knowing what he did to me and the thing's he said to me still sticks up for him and treats me like everything was all my fault.
Her father, I spent years hearing him call me fat names over and over again and telling me what a bad mother I was and that he was going to take my kid's from me and I'd never see them again which never happened but these are thing's I had to endure from him and the woman he was fooling around with behind my back.
My dad was an alcoholic abuser and I won't even go into the horrors I had to see and hear and endure from that man growing up.
It really hurts my heart that my own daughter refuses to believe me and continues to stick up for her ex stepfather about anything and everything even though she lived in the house for years and saw and heard alot of the way he treated me. Now she's calling me crazy.
Hi, I also work in an environment where I have to run a register most daily. I had told my manager that I can only handle being on the register for a few hours then I get overwhelmed and start to get testy with the customers but yet she continues to have me on the register most of my shift and I am the assistant manager. I can't go to her and tell her that I am empath and sensitive or she'll think me crazy like most people do now. I have had several customers even call in with complaints about my "rudeness" to them. I get some customers that come up to my register and right off I can sense the negative energy off them and it is very draining having to deal with people all day for hours on end and I struggle every day being at my job also knowing that there are several employees I work with who have decided also that they are going to turn on me and know matter what I do for them they talk trash about me behind my back and even my new manager is trying to get me pushed out of my job. I've confronted her several times and she laughs and denies it but I can read her body language and know she is lying. I'm not really a people person but I also hate being alone.
I am 46 years old and have to admit that I do not even have one friend. it's sad but true. I have found it so hard all my life making friends with people cause it's like they don't understand me or I tend to pick up on thing's that stear me away from them. Currently I work for a small retail store where there are a few employees there and we recently got a new manager a few months back and since she took over the store I have had such bad vibes from her and it seems several of the employees there are now going to her with every little thing I say and do and word from the other employees is that the manager is going to do what she can to get me fired. I dread going to work anymore knowing how the manager feels about me as well as the other girls I work with. They stand there and talk nice to my face acting like nothing is going on but I know different.
My own family tends to not want me around as well cause they feel I am different from them and dont' fit in with their lifestyle of drinking and hanging in bars. They believe me to be crazy since telling them a few years back that I can hear and sense spirits and most of my family do not believe in God.
I seem to have a knack for picking the wrong guys to be with and then I end up depressed and miserable when the relationship ends. My marriage of 14 years ended last year when I found out my spouse was seeing another woman for over 2 years behind my back. she is in another country. then when I confronted him he informs me he fell out of love with me years ago. I lost my home and my marriage and had to resort living back in my father's house which is another bad situation entirely. My dad is depressed and one of my brother's who also live here attempted to commit suicide and I found him. On top of all this I find out that my ex is not with the woman he was destroyed the marriage for but with a 28 year old woman and he's in his 50's.
I feel alone and isolated and spend alot of time alone cause both my parents are depressed and always talking about wanting to die and I'm still trying to get over the break up and betrayal of my marriage. I just don't know what to do anymore. I find myself crying often due to how lonely I am and wonder what is wrong with me that I can't make friend easily or keep a lasting relationship..
Over 2 years ago I found out that my husband of 14 years had been fooling around on me with various women throughout our relationship. The last being a Russian woman he found on a dating/ marriage site and started a relationship with her spending our money to fly her over here then telling me he was going on business trips with his job which I believed. I found out about this woman by accident when I picked his phone up to look at pictures he claimed to have from a business trip and saw the 2 of them together in New York. Afterwards, he explained to me that he fell out of love with me years ago but kept hoping thing's would change so he stuck around. BOGUS!!
He lost an excellent job, caused us to lose our home that I lived in for 10 years and I just received divorce papers today. He moved to Florida ten minutes from my daughter and due to him being there it has caused a huge rift in my relationship with her cause of the fact that despite everything this man has done to me her reasoning is he never did anything wrong to her and she continues to allow him in her life and my grandchildren's lives. This same man who said he was going to put me in the hospital after turning off the power to the house and boarding up doors trying to keep me from getting out then on another occasion when getting ready to leave for work he stated that he hopes my car blows up with me in it and then he destroyed over $3,000 worth of household items including a video of my grandson learning how to walk which I can never replace.
I have had repeated arguments with my daughter over this man and yet she continues to defend him like he's done nothing wrong. She tells me that the marriage was over long ago and that I need to just move on and that he deserves to have someone in his life..WTF!!!
Now, he's rushing through our divorce in order to bring over the Russian woman who mind you is in her 60's and he's in his 50's and me in my 40's so he can get married to her after he has run her down to me numerous times about her bedroom performance and that she's all about money and so on and so on yet he's going to bring her over here and marry her cause he said she makes him happy but he runs her down behind her back.. go figure... On top of that he's fooling around behind her back too with other women..
But what bothers me the most out of all of this is the fact that my daughter has turned her back on me and has chosen to have him in her life and he's not even her real father and he runs her down all the time too but it doesn't seem to faze her at all. My son on the other hand hasn't had anything to do with him since he found out what my spouse did to me and wont' have him around his daughter and he's not talking to his own sister cause she has that man in her life.. I don't know what to do about any of this. I love my daughter and it bother's me so badly when were not talking to one another but I can't have a relationship with her as long as she's defending this man and having him in her life.. I have to wonder if one day she will finally see him for what he really is and realize her mistake of dropping her own mother from her life and defending this man.
I was wondering if anyone here has ever had any dealings with the Djinn race and what your experience's have been? I have been trying to read up on the race but really what you find on the internet all comes down to basically the same thing but different wording. There really isn't all that much information out there unless I'm looking in the wrong area.
Some won't go near them or mess with them but there are those out there that have "bonded" with them and actually work with them having them in their lives... What is your take on the whole thing? thanks..
thank you everyone for your replies. I am trying hard to NOT think about what he did to me but some day's I wake up and it's just there and then it puts me in a foul mood and I start to cry. I just will never understand how someone like that gets away with hurting other's so badly. He no sooner left for another state and got a job and will be moving into a place of his own shortly in order that he can bring his Russian woman over for the holiday's to spend with him. My daughter seems to think he's an amazing man only due to he send's her text messages telling her how he doesn't think it's right how her father in law talks to her and her husband does nothing about it. She doesn't seem to care how badly he hurt me.
I read back through all of my journals that I had kept for 14 years just to realize that this man had been messing around on me for most of those years and although I was keep a log of that and my suspicions it appears my eyes were closed to it all until I found those pics of him with that woman on his phone is when it all blew up. I have my job as stressful as it is but it's what I have right now. It just angers me that he walks around with his head held high as if he never did anything wrong while I still hurt from everything he did to me and knowing he is in a "relationship" with this other woman who knew he was married but carried on anyway with him and even went so far as to go on my facebook page and call me horrible names making fun of me and I'm about to end a year and start off a new year alone with nobody to share my life with..I have never been one to like being alone for very long and for me it's been many months of loneliness and I hate it..I tried telling my mom that the longer I am alone and have no soul mate to share everything with the more upset I become..
I'm just not sure how to get out from under it all to move on. I do know that I did nothing wrong to warrant this man to do what he did to me. If he was so unhappy he could have left at any time instead of putting me through years of this stuff. How does someone like that keep getting away with it? How do I learn to trust again and open my heart to allow another man in when I fear that it will happen to me all over again?
Last year I found out that the man I married and had been with for 14 years had gone on a Russian dating/marriage site and met a woman and started on online relationship with her then eventually ended up physical. I found out by accident when I picked up his phone and saw pictures of the two of them together on a trip he told me he was going on that was business with his job. When I confronted him about it he laughed in my face and said he has been dating her for over 2 years and that he wants a divorce from me and so on. Then he tells me that he broke it off with this woman after a few months of having this discussion with me and agreed to work on our marriage but he had lied and was lying to both me and this woman. On top of all this while he was still married to me carrying on this "relationship" with this Russian woman he was also having internet sex with other women. I finally filed for divorce but recently withdrew it telling him that I'm not paying for the divorce and since he committed the adultery he can pay for it out of his own pocket. He tells me that he is in a hurry to get divorced from me so he can bring this woman over here for good and marry her and make her legal.
This has all be very painful for me to deal with and what makes it even harder is the fact that he packed up what he could in his car and we lost our house to foreclosure and I was forced to move out and am now living in my dad's house which is a very depressing negative scene and my spouse drove to Florida where he claimed a job awaited him which by the way he no longer works at and that woman just so happened to end up there with him for a week before having to go back to Russia. When he lost that job he ended up over at my daughter's home asking to stay at her father in laws who lives next door to them and the man said yes so now my spouse who betrayed me is living next door to my daughter and interacting with her and my grandkid's and my daughter knows full well what he did to me and the pain he has caused me but yet she allows him in their lives and has recently told me to not contact her anymore cause she don't want in the middle of this but yet she would call me talking to me about what he's doing and saying down there including that she was allowing him to sit in her home on his computer talking to this Russian woman.
I now have no relationship with my daughter as she has apparently chosen this man over her own mother and prior she would sit on the phone and tell me I should be glad to be away from him for doing what he did to me and that "just sit back mom cause Karma will get him" and so on but now defends him and accuses me of being hell bent on destroying his life instead of worrying about my own. She tells me to get over it and move on with my life but knowing he is down there with them it is so hard for me and making matters worse is she chose him over me and defends him and seems to treat him like he did a good thing by causing me so much pain.. I just dont' know what to do or how to feel about this whole situation. I have no support system here physically so I'm trying so hard to cope with all of this on my own. The only thing I really have going for me is my job and even that is hard some days to deal with when I have the issue with what my spouse did to me and that my own daughter has betrayed me..
I have been talking with a native indian who has given me information. she tells me that I do not need anyone to come in and do anything that I can do it myself. She says she that she watched the taping from the dead files on my home and that this entity was in fact a native warrior and was human a very long long time ago and that he would wear some sort of animal head during ceremonies and that is what he is portraying himself as kind of. she told me that she had an hour long "vision" about this situation and said that apparently not realizing that I have abilities out of anger in my home years ago I was crying and calling out for strength and not realizing that being on native indian land that I ended up calling forth the natives warrior God and that is why he runs around yelling that he was worshipped. She told me that chief cornplanter is not angry and that he is a peaceful man and then went on to tell me that when i did this I called forth many Indians so I need to smudge my home and she gave me a saying to say as I walk through my home to send this being back to where he came from. Most of what she has given me in the past has come to be true so I am going to do what she mentioned and try to move on with my life and help these native's to go back to rest and peace.
the minister came to my home and did his blessings and such. Since leaving the house does seem a bit quieter but I am still hearing someone moving about the house as well as male and female voices and someone is still with me and goes where ever I go. I have been told by a few that there is a woman here possibly family member who is trying to watch over and protect me and does not like my husband. I was also told that there is a child here with me possibly a child that I lost or even my inner child from when I was much younger. I got a name of sara for this child that I was told I lost. I am still being told there is an Indian Male here but I dont' have to worry about him harming me.
When I told this to the minister about how I am still feeling, hearing and sensing someone here he says to me that there are no such thing's as spirits and that there are still demon's in my home that he needs to come back out here and remove and he also suggested that I do not allow my husband back into the house as he is full of negativity. So I don't know what to think about all of this. He doesn't believe in spirits and claims them all to be demon's out to destruct us and he doesn't believe in psychics or anyone with "abilities" as he says' they are puppets for the devil.
I did check out your page and can not afford $100 dollars an hour so thank you but I'll pass. I work a part time job and am getting ready to get a divorce from a man whose been continually been having one affair after another for many years I've recently found out so I will keep looking for someone else in hopes of help. Thank you again.
thank you. yes Amy and Steve were angry with my husband. I understand that after my husband was interviewed in the garage and asked for a moment and walked off Steve was heard saying that that man deserves everything he get's meaning he has not been there for his wife when she needed him to support and stand up for her.
I have taken alot in my life but these last few years have really beaten me down but I will always get back up. I will not let this evil ruin me and I feel sadness in my heart when I think about all those that lost their lives in one way or another on this land especially those that this thing had tormented and if there is a way that I can fix that and ease these troubled souls so that they can find their way to the light finally then I am going to do it. It saddens me to know all the lives that were lost on this land that were not of natural causes.
My husband makes fun of me and does not believe that I have any sort of abilities at all and even though he say's he's a believer I don't believe him. I will move forward with my life and continue to be who I am caring for other's and helping where I am able to and in the process I hope that I am able to heal myself and learn to let go as just today I was getting a reading done and was told that I have a barrier up around me a sort of mental block and that i need to let go of the emotions as it's hurting me and affecting others. It hurts me to hear that all my emotions are affecting other's as I don't intentionally want to harm anyone but I don't know how to break this barrier and "let go" of my emotions.
now that the show aired I can talk about it. they are however talking about doing a re visit but not sure when or if they are still planning to do it or not. I was validated by Amy Allen after the reveal that I do in fact have gifts that I don't know how to use and I have had them my whole life and that I am like a light to the spirits and entities and that due to me not knowing how to use and develop my gifts I was taken advantage of by the entities here. The sketch of the Indian Chief was not shown which upset me and I believe that the other sketch was not the same sketch we were shown the night of the reveal. the one we were shown i was sitting at the end of my bed and that thing was hanging out the attic doorway. there were several witnesses interviewed that were not used in the show but all but one of them can be seen on video clips on the dead file page. My family is still not supporting me and are saying they are embarrassed after watching the show that I made an ass out of myself and they are calling steve and amy fools and calling her a fraud. the night of the reveal was even worse for me due to the fact that hours earlier my husband had told me about an internet affair he had been having so I had that on my mind also during the reveal which the crew all knew about. After the crew left thing's really didnt' get any better as far as my marriage. he refused to discuss it anymore and said he was done with it. what you saw in the show of him was all an act. he's good at that. he's never supported me before and after the show. I also found out he went on a business trip and invited yet another woman that he was messing with for a year behind my back with so all the while i was going through this at home he was off messing with women. My marriage is over and my family is ridiculing me and the whole show and I havent' been able to find a holy person willing to come here and do what needs to be done. amy told me if i don't take care of it while i'm in this house it will follow me where ever I go.
HI wanted to let everyone know that the dead file show aired the taping of my home last night on the travel channel plus they have some interview clips on their page of some of the people they interviewed. It was intense for me and upsetting as they didn't show the one sketch I wanted them to show of the Indian Chief and it was the first time I took a real good look at the other sketch they did show of the negative "demon" thing in my home.
They did over 80 hours of taping and there was alot more that went on and was said than was in the hour long show but they did a good job. Of course, my family still don't believe me and are calling Amy and Steve fools and me an ass and making fun of me all over again on facebook as well as some of my neighbors are making fun of me and don't believe what they found when they came here.
If you missed the show you may be able to find it on the dead file page of the travel channel. they titled it "the devil's bidding" and the town is williamsport, pa.
thank you so much for your email. I do have spirits around me. one in particular I was told is an Indian chief who is watching over me. I have been told about a Martha before and if she is related to me in some way the only reference I can recall back through my family history is a grandmother that they called Millie. I don't know of any Martha off hand. I have also been told that a grandmother of mine did have the gift but kept it hidden because back then you didn't talk about those thing's so I'm not sure what grandmother that would be and also not sure what aunt it would be as far as my gifts but it's very interesting that you picked up on all of that.
I have been told that I am a sensitive and that I could be a medium but right now I'm at the baby stages of my development and that I have alot to learn and that I need to learn all there is about my gifts and how to open and close properly. I recently had a psychic in to my home and she told me about being too open and that I need to learn how to close and use my gifts that I have. She also told me that I have an attachment. She said she was seeing an Indian woman attached to me but also she was seeing an negative entity that she communicated with and she referred to it as a trickster from Native American tribes and that it's not good and there is nothing human about it anymore and that it boasted about taking souls before and has it's focus on me and so I was told I need to bring in a shaman, holy man and demonologist to remove it and the attachment.
I do try to protect myself. I have a shield but I also call on the white light to surround me as well and ask my guardians to protect me.I do know that I go to what I believe are other realms and sometimes I feel myself leaving my body and when the exit is a bad one I get jerked back into my body. it's funny cause just last night someone said something about an energy around me and it being a good thing like I'm being protected.
Again, thanks so much for your read on me. I really appreciate what you do for other's. I hope that one day I am able to read other's but that is in the future for me.
Yes i'm not too fond of the fact that I am unable to meditate right now but Amy Allen has told me that I need to learn how to open and close down properly so this sort of thing never happens again.
As for my impressions on Amy Allen and the show I found them to be very professional but very friendly and caring. I found Amy to be a beautiful person both inside and out and she knew what she was talking about. She was very nice and her partner Steve was friendly, outgoing and funny but also very serious about what he was here to do. very professional but also very caring as many times I caught tears in his eyes over some of the thing's we discussed. I very much enjoyed meeting them as well as the crew. They came in and did an excellent job.
Hi The show will air my story sometime in December or January. I have already found a Shaman willing to come in and help but I'm looking for a priest currently willing to come in afterwards and do the exorcism of my home. I have to plant Cedar trees around my property to set up a barrier to keep negative entities out so this doesn't happen again and also learn how to open n close properly before i can meditate again.
HI update on my house. Steve and Amy from the dead files came and investigated my home. I have a woman in my craft room still in her death state but I was told we need not worry about her and until she accepts her death she will remain there. Also, there was mention of a farmer that Amy met outside my home who she also said I have nothing to worry about as he is very friendly and helpful with his information. She went on to tell me that she came upon an Indian chief in my basement and sat and talked with him for some time. He stated to her that he has a sort of protective barrier around my home and is also trying to protect me from what is going on here but that the other entity has gained too much power.
Amy went on to tell me that I have an attachment. She said it was an indian woman who was lost and looking for her family but her family had been slaughtered a long time ago and that apparently this spirit saw something in me that she connected with and attached herself to me. This indian woman explained that she doesn't care about me or what happens to me and that what has been going on with me in this house she feels I deserve.
Now on to the horrible part.. She encountered what she called a trickster in the most evil form. She said at one time it was human but when it passed the power went to it's head and it turned evil and basically it's a demon now that there is nothing human about it any longer and that it has been on this land for hundreds of years and that I'm not the first one it has harassed over the years. It spoke to her in another language, laughing uncontrollably and talking backwards and in riddles. it told her it was the one who attacked me numerous times and that it's focus is on me and that it has taken souls before.
what Amy told me was that I needed to bring in a shaman and his trickster to perform whatever ceremony they feel fit then the next day I need to bring in a holy man and a demonologist to perform and exorcism on my home and then once this entity is gone the indian chief can then bind the indian woman and take her away from me and here. She says that the chief says that he is here because of what is going on here. Amy went on to tell me that what happened was that I have abilities that I was unaware of and then they started to open up and I didn't know what to do with them so wasn't sure how to open and close and use the gifts and these entities took advantage of that and that's why I've been going through this. She said once I get this taken care of I need to learn about my gifts and how to control them so this never happens again.
thank you Maria for your reply. I was out of town so I just logged on and saw your posting. I have tried the salt throughout the house. I've pretty much tried everything except exorcism which I'm pretty sure I do not need. I was able to contact the dead file show and they will be coming to my home on the 26th with Amy Allen physical physic so i'm hoping this can finally be cleared up and taken care of shortly after that once she can tell me once and for all who exactly it is lingering here around my home and the best way to go about sending them off to the light. It's taken me many years of contacting numerous people but I have finally been able to get someone to actually come here to try and help out.
HI, sorry just got your message. wasn't on for a few days. I will take a few pics around the house in the area's where the most activity occur and I will take a recent pic of myself as well and post them. I did smudge my home many weeks ago and that seemed to help alot. I do have some frankincense and some of the charcoal you mentioned. I burned some without the charcoal many weeks ago. we started doing work on the house again so I figured I'd wait till we were done with the painting and stuff before I did it again.
Should I post these pictures on my page? or here? I had been told to stop taking pictures in my home as whatever is here will continue to stay here as they will be attracted to me taking pictures of them so I stopped taking them. I believe I have several males and at least one older female here and I also feel there are children here. I know one of them that goes by the nameRachel also, the older female I believe her name to be Roselyn or who I refer to as Rosey. I'm not sure if it's a child following me around so closely or someone totally different but it's the NOT knowing for certain that really gets to me. I've had a few names pop out at me that seem to come up often as far as male names. I will take some pics though. thanks so much. Jodi
I do not feel scared or threatened in any way. what you mentioned to do above I have done that time and again since this started. That's why I asked how can one tell if they have an actual attachment or if it's just spirit following you around? maybe a youngster perhaps? I"m not sure. I've asked time and again who are you and what do you want but as I stated I won't understand what they are saying if they do tell me since I've been having alot of trouble with my hearing lately. I have gotten a name Nickolas and shortly after that the word guide and so I'm not sure. I guess I tend to put my guard up when I can not actually "see" who it is that is talking to me or moving about the house.
I was wondering if anyone here has any experience with people who have or have hadattachment As some of you know, I've been dealing with stuff in my home for over 3 years now. Some days are very quiet where as other days are so loud it sounds like an army going through my home.
As long as this has been going on I have felt someone following me day and night everywhere I go. it's not just around my home. it's when I leave my house to go anywhere else too. I am not able to "see" who it is and I've been having a difficult time with my clear hearing so I have no idea even if I would ask who it is. I thought maybe for a long time it was one of my guides but when I asked others they all said that you don't "feel" your guides like that and they wouldn't follow you around day and night like that. I do feel that whoever this is may be male and they like to tap on my chair on occasion but as of yet I am unable to ask questions and figure out the answer even through the tapping.
I was told a while back that I have an attachment but if that is true I have no idea how to remove it. I have tried anything and everything to take care of this situation. I do NOT want any attachments to me because from what I understand they are like energy vampires and take your energy life essence from you and make you ill.
whoever this is it seems so real that if I turn I almost think I will actually see someone standing there like you and me but I never do. Is this normal and does it sound like and attachment? How can I figure out who it is and what they want and why they are following me around so closely? thanks.
thanks for all your input. "that girl" happened to have found me on facebook one day and she belongs to this group. I didn't approach her. that girl was the one feeding me this information about what's in my home. as for the sexual part. I was sexually attacked in my home over a year ago by something that I could not see. it happened a few times then it was over and done with. I am not catholic but my husband thought bringing a catholic priest in would help. I do not in any way feel threatened while being in my home. Since, this is all new to me as of about a year ago I'm like trying to learn all this stuff on my own sort of trying to know what the different energies are and so on. For all I know, whoever it is that's following me around so closely could very well be someone watching over me. I dont' have the sight like some and as of yet am not able to clearly make out what they say to me not that I sit around day and night actually spending all my time trying to do so. I don't believe there is anything dark here. I was trying to get some input from others as to what may be following me around so closely that I am feeling. I do trust in God and call on him quite often to help clear my home and I pray and surround myself with the light of God and always ask that only those good for my higher self be near me.
I do have tarot cards and pendulums in the house but haven't been using them. I was trying to learn how to use the tarot cards for some time which I was told that it can be done but may take some time if you aren't adept at them from the get go. I have them basically in boxes sitting on a shelf and have a quartz with all of them.
I also have quartz all about my home as well as negativity stones and I burn incense and stuff often. I do cleanse my stones often as well as I know they can pick up negativity from the environment.
I really don't understand what it is that is going on in my home but I do know I hear children's voices, male voices and female voices often around here and what sounds like thing's being moved around and there is walking around the house all day long. I was wondering if any of this might have to do with poltergeist activity at all? I do not feel threatened in any way but it's just I feel like I never am alone in my own home or have privacy as I do know I am followed by someone where ever I go all the time. whoever this is even leaves the house with me cause I hear them in my car and so I'm not sure who or what they are.