Heavy Mind

By: Crownite
Posted in:

I'm at a point where my vocabulary doesn't quite match my consciousness and I don't know what to do about it but to stop talking and writing and expressing inner state of affairs. But I'm trying.I've been struggling with myself. On one end, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be in this world and on the other end, I don't know where I want to go. Heaven? Hell? Reincarnate? I don't exactly believe in any of those things and places as I don't see any of them as distinct from this one place. I've been to heaven and hell and reborn many a time on this one plane.

Why am I struggling? It's all so stupidly simple and yet here I am bashing my head in and ripping myself to pieces. At what point do the thoughts stop and the guilt of just being who I am go away? At what point will I allow myself to just be and stop guilting myself for not "being someone else"?

05/26/15 06:46:00AM @crownite:

Hey :) I'm not suicidal, gazing. There's just moments where I'm tired of being here and engaged in the world and want to disengage.

05/26/15 06:09:55PM @briarrose:

Sometimes you don't need professional help, just a friend to talk to. Someone who has been to the darkest depths and back and who will listen when you need to talk and understand. I am sure I am not the only one on here who has a past and can relate. Here for you anytime.

05/26/15 06:48:30PM @ecila:

Is there some way you can change your world to make it better for you here? A big part of life is learning to accepts ourselves. Guilt is a waste of your time. This guy always makes me feel better: