I'm at a point where my vocabulary doesn't quite match my consciousness and I don't know what to do about it but to stop talking and writing and expressing inner state of affairs. But I'm trying.I've been struggling with myself. On one end, I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be in this world and on the other end, I don't know where I want to go. Heaven? Hell? Reincarnate? I don't exactly believe in any of those things and places as I don't see any of them as distinct from this one place. I've been to heaven and hell and reborn many a time on this one plane.

Why am I struggling? It's all so stupidly simple and yet here I am bashing my head in and ripping myself to pieces. At what point do the thoughts stop and the guilt of just being who I am go away? At what point will I allow myself to just be and stop guilting myself for not "being someone else"?