Can someone please help me.. I can see the writing on the wall but what next? Context below...

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beautifullyunfinished
@beautifullyunfinished
3 months ago
5 posts

If you are reading this then thank you. I am currently becoming more more and more spiritually aware over the last few weeks and months. I am an intuitive empath.  Right now I feel like I am in the top of a tornado, swirling around and around and I can't make it stop.

Here is my issue which centres wholly on a recently ended relationship of my own.  The problem lies in the fact that I can clearly see the path ahead, it interweaves with his, around a great sense of family, love, professional and personal growth. Our paths cross and run parallel for the rest of our foreseeable lives.  I've been to three different mediums lately (because I constantly doubt myself) and they have all confirmed this so I no longer doubt my path with him.

However we are broken up because he has this idea in his head of who he has to be for me (and right now believes he isn't that man) and more recently a fear that whatever fire we had has gone (I have pointed out the fires need to be fanned and we haven't done that since we split). He told me that what we had was a fairytale and he didn't think he deserved one.

Anyway, I need out of the tornado, off the rollercoaster. This is having a massive toll on my life. We talk daily and we often talk about 'us' (usually while drinking, his drinking self wants me back in his life, his sober self well??), the energy drain is massive.  I've vetoed talks about us. But we are both at a point where we are aware of the damage and need to make some kind of decision about what doing to happen going forward.

My life it tied to his. What do I do?? I don't know what the next move is or what the steps forward are.  Do I keep doing what I'm doing (helping him through work, separation and children issues) knowing that those are some of the steps forward for him. Or do I chuck it all in the STUFF IT bucket because it is all too hard. HELP ME PLEASE.

Love and light to you xoxo


updated by @beautifullyunfinished: 09/24/17 05:41:59PM
EliseLebeau
@eliselebeau
3 months ago
414 posts

Hi,

When you state your current choices at the end of your post (keep doing the same or completely stop), I feel that neither of them are the right fit for you. 

I do feel that you have to do something or you'll emotionally bleed out, without being in a situation where you can receive the same kind of helpful care you provided.  If you burn out, you won't be able to help anyone at all, not even yourself.

The energy drain is drastic right now.  However, I feel that cutting off contact would create such an intense wave of guilt that it would be also very expensive, energy wise.  

When stated this way, it looks like you only have "bad" options.

My suggestion would be to start having a plan for this "energy expense", just like you would manage a financial budget. 

For example, set a time limit for:

1) How often you have contact with him (of any kind, including txt).  Once the limit is reach, just postpone answering until tomorrow. 

2) How long you interact (like phones calls are no longer than 30 minutes).

My last suggestion is actually related to being an Empath...

3) Use techniques to disengage from his energy when you are not directly interacting with him, such as Turning Down the Volume .  This would avoid the energy drain that comes from being tuned into his energy.

I hope this helps!

beautifullyunfinished
@beautifullyunfinished
3 months ago
5 posts

Thank you Elise, that does make sense and you have essentially pinpointed why I can't walk away (despite knowing I should), especially from the kids (their mother is leaving town and they are just little boys).  The guilt of not giving them what I know I can give them would tear me apart even knowing it's not the right thing for me.

I will soon be working for him in two capacities, through his business and looking after his children. Our options were to walk away and end it (meaning no working with him), have professional contact only, or getting back together (something neither of us are ready for).  None of those options were something either of us were willing to commit to despite knowing they were the only real options. We are both well aware that we need time and space but are seemingly powerless to give it to each other, despite both of us making an effort to date and see other people.

I don't know how working with him is going to go considering the commitment that I've made is 18mths long. If for whatever reason our relationship doesn't get back on track, there are many implications for working together.

For now I'm working on only communicating when necessary to alleviate the energy bleed. He will be in my life every day in another 6 weeks with the kids, so space between now and then is essential. 

This is way messier than my divorce, though I'm more in tune these days than I was back then!

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