Not sure what to call it..

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Reckless
@reckless
2 years ago
117 posts
This month alone will prove to be intense and challenging in more ways than I will ever face in my life. Until this point it has been hell. I can see things will change almost as if it were magical. It may sound easy and moving faster in time would help, but I can't for some reason. Time has slown down for me. I must remain cautious...I can't wait. Once this ends I will be able to create a small portion of what will come in the near future. I sort of planned this, years ago, ten almost. I will complete myself when it is least expected. There is nothing anyone can do to stop me. I may slip in time, like always, but it will work out. I've already seen it. A little more practice then I will have mastered myself completely.Even as much as it seems I am in control, it was meant to be this way. I am powerless to control where my life was supposed to lead. What confuses me is that I tried so hard at some points just to end up where I thought I was avoiding. How strange. I guess I will accept things as they should be.I'm not complaining, it is just I'm seen as a powerful person to others. I question that because I thought life was meant to be unpredictable. I don't understand how all my choices still led in the same direction it was meant to.I think too much rather than live the moment. I guess I need others to stop living so far ahead of myself. It worked before. I just can't handle so much attention and strangers. I know most guys would killl for it but I question everything. Even when I did lose myself I couldn't lose myself completely. It was just too hard to let go.Being what I am today, I feel better and happier, to some point. At times I feel that not knowing the future, not knowing what to expect, will make life more of a life. I mean if you seen yourself as a celebrity in the future, why would you even try? It really ruins the element of surprise and that sort of ruins the fun. Imagine living and waiting years for something when you could have done whatever and still had it coming regardless. That is the difference that I speak of.Just a bunch of thoughts yeah.
updated by @reckless: 07/07/17 03:45:27AM
Reckless
@reckless
2 years ago
117 posts
It seems I have found what I have been searching for. I suppose it came at the right time, as I was making a decision that brought forth something I had not seen.

Went through so much within such a short time. Now I can move forward, and I have.

With the "lost weight" I can easily create a new life. I no longer live by the rules established long ago. I am free, yet I still am trapped. I will find a way to remove myself completely.

My unstoppable force is no longer required. I have what I want. The events I was seeking was not met but I've decided against it. I will not create a life for that reason. It will be for myself, and for myself only.

But I will always stay hidden. The smartest people in history, and most successful, are the people you never will know. The ones that seem to come out of nowhere. That is where the most fun lies...

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