I am new on this forum. I am a 28 year old woman from India. I ran across the concept of an "Empath" a year ago thanks to a good friend, but I never took it seriously because I had my apprehensions about spirituality. But some recent incidents made me rethink things, and I began looking for a forum to seek support. I didn't know which group to post on to, so I hope posting here is okay, since I felt I needed to understand how to heal and protect myself first.
While on the surface, I have had a very cushy, protected life, but internally I have always been grappling with some emotional turmoil every other day. It never made sense to me why, despite having a life to be largely grateful for and small issues which could easily be solved with confidence and diplomacy, I was always depressed, isolated, had unexplained aches, fatigue, and kept away from opening up to people. And none of those feelings were mine. It always felt like I was dealing with other people's ideas of who I am supposed to be, and wasn't being allowed to connect to my core and be myself. All through childhood, i was bullied, fat shamed, and I opened up to be an extrovert only in my early 20s. But incidents of harassment at work, bullying by friends in my mid-twenties gave me so much pain, it drove me to isolate myself again. Now I have to deal with being told I am "too sensitive, rigid, cold, unemotional" all the time. Even strangers, seem to want to push their way into my personal life, and when I draw a line, they get very angry.
The reason why I sought out this forum was that I recently ran across the concept of being a physical empath. A few weeks ago, a middle-aged friend (she has hypothyroidism), told me for the third time to get checked by a doctor for hypothyroidism cause according to her i had gained weight, that my face had puffed up, and my neck was swollen. I already had been experiencing fatigue because I have low vitamin D and anemia. But suddenly, the moment she told me all this, I returned home to develop a lump in throat, extreme fatigue, sleepiness, and felt bloated. It made no sense, because all reports came back normal. When I confronted her for concern trolling me and fat shaming me, she shouted back saying, that I am clubbing her with all the jerks out there, that she is just concerned, that I cannot place a perverted intention behind everyone's concern, and that I don't know the difference between fat shaming and concern. I felt terrible, cried at work all through, and apologised for standing up for myself. Which made no sense.
The other two incidents were at my Gym, and with a male friend respectively. I noticed that at the gym, my instructor who I had no issues with, enjoyed attending the workouts, suddenly began invading my boundaries, flirting with me subtly, lying about a client who is my friend, giving me advise on how to think, eat, live my life, where to work. I knew that if I confronted him, I would not be let off lightly because he has extremely high ego. The curious thing I noticed was, I always was given the lightest workout for the shortest duration by him due to my anemia, but despite it, I would be beset with aches, fatigue, pain and take days to recover from a 30 min workout session. On the two ocassions, he was absent, I worked out with another trainer who just focuses on the work at hand, and despite working out for 90 minutes, I would be walking around ache and fatigue free and bounce back the next day.
With the male friend story, I had developed a violent crush on him, and after every time I met him, I returned home, and would be literally bound to my bed and would cry for days and not eat. I would remember every incident of unrequited love and I had to work through hell to get better. On the surface, he is a brilliant, smart, sexy, guy who everyone adores to the core. But only around him, I feel very restless, anxious, afraid. I could sense his very strong attraction for me, although he never confessed his feelings, but he was very physical in his flirting and every word that he spoke had a very serious tone to it, as if he was in love with me but scared of being rejected. I am not the sort of person who chases people, or obsesses about crushes, and this episode was very scary for me. All I could find an explanation for is, the amount of pain I felt was what he felt when he faced a break up before meeting me and liking me. And although he was a happy bugger partying around, every time after I met him, I would be gripped with pain. Someone told me he could be a karmic soul or a twin soul. I used to find that time used to slow down around him, I actually grew better after meeting him, and cleared a lot of chips on my shoulder, and the day I met him, I knew he was important to me. We had lost touch for a few months, when I stopped chasing him, and one day I fainted in my gym, and woke up to find him. It was incredible, and strange and we were speaking like no time had passed. He also seemed to have changed, and I didn't feel as restless or scared around him anymore. Meeting him and talking to him is like talking to a mirror image.
I am also overweight. I read somewhere that it is usual for empaths to be gain weight easily as it is their body's way of protecting them. And my doctor's reports are perfectly normal. I eat healthy, workout, yet I have always had trouble losing weight. I find that children and dogs LOVE me. But I can never understand adults because I seem to draw very strange, broken, almost sociopathic, uncompassionate people who hate my sensitivity.It is beginning to make me an introvert, isolated, scared, negative and I really need to help myself, and stop being on a roller coaster of unexplained emotions from others, and trying to process it for them. But from a few complete strangers, I have heard things like, "you have a very pure heart. You have a nice aura around you." I also find that the way I perceive myself in a mirror is different from how I look in pictures or real life or how others see me. It's like looking at my real self.
I am facing 31/52 of this list I found on this site:http://empathcommunity.eliselebeau.com/group/libraryofinspiration/forum/topics/52-symptoms-of-spiritual-awakening-ascension-symptoms#at_pco=smlre-1.0&at_si=54fa9ca7a3d46f3a&at_ab=per-1&at_pos=2&at_tot=4
Does this make sense? I would like to write more, but I shall cease and desist here. What does everyone have to say? how do I make myself stronger and more grounded? I need to reclaim my life for myself foremost.
updated by @sharada: 10/31/17 07:11:28AM