Should I tell him more?

000
@000
7 months ago
74 posts

So, I have been in a relationship for some time with someone who is not a sensitive, and is relatively close-minded when it comes to "the unknown". The way our relationship is headed however, marriage is definitely a probability. I really can't see myself with anyone else i've met, and he really makes me a better person entirely.

He knows of my needs, *sensitive and regular* and difficulties with going about my daily life, but he doesn't really know how i'm able to access the information that I do.

Do you think the fact that he will never fully understand this part of me is something I should really take as a sign, or should that be something that a partner accepts and tries to understand?

I tried to have a conversation with him earlier, as I was expressing my happiness for being able to significantly help someone in need that was in another part of the world recently, and he didn't understand what I was talking about at all. I could tell he was a bit scared during the conversation over the phone as well.

I've been tossing and turning about it for a week now, and it really feels odd because i'm unsure as to what to do and feel scared to elaborate on these things. I guess deep down I really want to share this really important part of my life with him. Any advice would be appreciated. 

If you have been in a similar experience, I would really love to hear if you were able to navigate this kind of thing.


updated by @000: 11/22/17 11:26:39AM
DanCZ
DanCZ
@dvrat
7 months ago
12 posts

Well, that is a tough one.  My wife was in a similar situation with myself for a while, until I was open to growing.  However, I think there are two important questions to ask yourself about this. One is about openness in the relationship.  To me it's crucially important to be fearlessly honest and open.  Can you truly be yourself if you aren't.  The second piggy backs on this question.  How happy will you be if you do not share.  How will that affect the relationship long term?

I came around because, though I didn't understand it initially, I loved my wife and respected her opinion.  Now, after examining myself and why I respond the way I do to certain people and situations, I've grown into understanding that I also deal with this and need to come to grips with what it is and what it means for me.  For me, it was because I was also overly analytical and only recently began to speak "from my heart" as my wife would say.

So, if there's anything in our experience, her honesty and openness was crucial to our marriage.  Even if I didn't understand at first, my love for her and respect for her opinion created a safe space for her to be herself.

For what it's worth, that's my experience and my opinion.  Hope it helped some.

Karen2
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
7 months ago
908 posts
Hi...being an empath is not WHAT you are it's WHO you are....it's who you are entirely....and it's lying to yourself if you don't accept who you are all the time.... telling your bf who you are before you get married is a big issue since it's a matter of trust...it shouldn't be secret and you shouldn't feel the need to hide it not from anyone....that being said I don't tell people I don't trust about my empathedness...so I understand it's a BIG sign of trust when you tell someone...so what I think is that you don't trust him completely....sometimes just blurting it out directly then letting them deal with it however they deal with things and see what happens....just get it out of the way....and that can't happen until your completely honest...he should love ALL of you and being an empath IS all of you...how HE deals with issues he doesn't understand will also clarify a lot of things for you...marriage is a big thing...laying everything on the table before you tie the knot will save you a lot of hassles in the long run....
krosskelt
@krosskelt
7 months ago
50 posts

My wife and I were married for 12 years before I told her.  I knew what I was and what it was called since I was in my teens, but didn't share with anybody.  I would have to say any many ways my marriage suffered.  I would also like to say that I don't think my wife would have been ready to hear it until she did.  I think the only reason she was able to understand was from all the experiences she had with me, and when I explained being an empath, and what I go through daily she was able to tally up all the experiences and see how it could be nothing other than true.  I didn't lie to her prior to that, I just skated the complete truth.  I would tell her things like, "I'm just tired" or "just a stressful day."  Which are true and how most people perceive the weight of their own and people around them's emotions.

It is not always a simple answer in my opinion, about if you should be completely open and honest in a relationship.  Since telling her, I've told a very select few.  Most people's initial response is...."okay Kelt has went a little south on us.  Is it intervention time?"  If they are able to get past that, and they have a little belief to what you are telling them, their next response is to attempt to close themselves off from you, they will try to block and shield.  Not everybody wants read, and many times it is better to not let people know you read them, if you want to maintain a relationship with that person. 

This is something you need to do some heavy meditating on and then go with what feels right.  I don't think my wife and I would been able to build the relationship we did if I had told her pre or slightly post marriage.  I don't think I needed to wait as long as I did, but I think she would of had more trepidation and insecurities earlier on if I had.  Our relationship has never been better since telling her, and she even helped me find this community so I could connect and not feel so alien.  

Cat Whisperer
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
7 months ago
757 posts
I can understand how your feel, as my husband was very close minded also. He has however come around to realizing that there are some things that defy conditioned logic. But as @krosskelt mentioned, it may not be well received by your boyfriend without actually experiencing things firsthand. This goes back to the skeptic thing.....which for the most part....they have to “see” to believe. Which in my case is what has brought my husband around and opened his eyes to our world. By firsthand experiencing the empathness. With me I didn’t realize that I was an empath until well into out marriage. Synchronicity led me to read several books and stumbling across this site. I did share parts of the books on being an empath with my husband which opened the conversation about the subject. When before long the things I read to him....he would comment “That’s so you!” Perhaps that might be a good way to break the ice on the subject.
As @womanwhowalks mentioned, you don’t want to go into marriage with secrets. Especially when it involves your very being. If he is really the one meant for you, he should accept all of you. But this is something that you should think very deep about to find your answer. I hope you the best.
Blessings
000
@000
7 months ago
74 posts

Exactly! On days we are driving together in the car, going out in public for events, or talking to people [especially strangers], he has gotten small snapshots of what I experience with daily, and I too have said on more than on occasion, "I'm just exhausted" or "I'm so tired" just so I didn't have to elaborate yet again on some fresh new hell I just got hit with.

He knows that I am what I am, but I don't think he fullheartedly believes it at times. It wouldn't be an issue if I couldn't feel him at the times he didn't; but it makes me very upset because i'm not someone to be a hypochondriac or look for attention at all. It is a peeve of mine. 

I'm thinking I will go with a similar approach as @krosskelt, and let him experience a little more before completely unloading. As he is a chemist and a huge skeptic when it comes to things that can't be explained completely logically, I really believe telling him everything as of now would drive him off. 

But, I think there is hope because he knows how porus I am to the environment, and at certain times will help out the best way he can. 

All of this wonderful feedback from you all is really making me think productively about this situation. 

I really really appreciate everyone's input, personal experiences and advice, it is really helpful, and I can tell it all comes from a place of caring. <3 <3 

000
@000
7 months ago
74 posts

love and light to everyone as always.

if you guys can find someone to accept you for everything you are, then so can I.

DanCZ
DanCZ
@dvrat
7 months ago
12 posts

@hana.  Absolutely you can and you deserve no less.  All the best on your journey! 

000
@000
7 months ago
74 posts

@dvrat thank you {3 

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