I fear that if I love again , again I will love a Narcissist . How to end this cycle.

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Abhay Raaz
@abhay-raaz
3 months ago
21 posts

Hi Guys,

I have been deeply troubled by my relationships in past 8 years due to Narcissistic attraction. I don't know how but I always attract a narcissist or myself get attracted to a narcissist. The enlightenment of being an empath happened two years ago but after knowing this also self-control is not happening. 

Because of this I am afraid that this cycle will never break. I want freedom from narcissism but I can't able to get it.

I want your suggestion and mental guidance on how to stop this cycle of Toxic Attraction.


updated by @abhay-raaz: 09/07/17 09:42:34AM
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
787 posts
Hi....the only way I've found to keep myself out of big trouble with narcissists is to learn how I react when in the presence of one....i know when I'm in the presence of one when they open their mouths to speak...it's not really what they're saying as to the energy that's coming along with the words....i feel an immediate drain and pain in my chest...and an intense need to start arguing....and the fact that they will NOT allow me to speak or defend myself....it's an immediate negative energy and reaction from my soul.... that when all these things happen at once I know to keep my mouth shut since its completely useless to talk with this kind of person and get away from them immediately and sever all energy connections with them asap and take time to bounce back from the energy drain...they carry such an awful energy that it's difficult to NOT detect them anymore....i always know immediately now that I pay attention to the energy being transmitted by ppl....just pay attention to yourself.....its ALL there...most of the time we ignore the warning... teach yourself to trust your gut...once you trust yourself you'll be able to spot one and know what to do to keep safe...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 08/27/17 01:06:37PM
Indigo Dog
@indigo-dog
3 months ago
13 posts

Indigo Dog's Tips For True Love after a Narcissistic Train Wreck-

1. End the relationship with that soul sucking narcissist and burn the bridge behind you.

2. Heal. Take walks in nature. Get a cat. Spend time with friends that love you. Do the things you really enjoy. Remeber how fun and cool you  are. Once you have your confidence back and you feel pretty great , now you can put yourself out there.

3. Start with group dates with a bunch of your friends. Keep things light and fun. Try new hobbies, join some clubs to meet new people. Have fun socializing with lots of diferent folks to give yourself a lot of options and keep from falling into the trap of obsessing over one person. Take your time and keep working on your self.

4. Here is the key, if you are being dazzled by somene who flatters you and they almost bulldozer you over, that may not be love. It might be just manipulation. If you are not sure if you are with a narcissist pay attention to how they treat cashiers, wait staff and people who get in thier way. If they dote on you, make you feel special ( at first), but are rude and unkind to the waitress, just get up and run in the opposite direction.

5. Make sure to date a variety of new people. The love of your life might be someone you never expected. Be mindful of your personal bounderies. Just because you have the ability to do things and favors for others, does not mean you "have" to all the time. You are a human being worthy of respect not a doormat.

6. Repeat step 2. You are aware. You'll be fine. You carry the wisdom of your past. You're loveable.

Zacharias
@zacharias
3 months ago
86 posts

It isn't easy. You'll have to have the confidence of Ulysses(first name that came to mind). Every relationship I've ever had was with a crazy woman who thinks much more of herself than should. I say, work on yourself. Be the best version of yourself you can be, and be content with being alone. That way you get real picky. Test them over and over. They can hide behind being ultra nice and needy. That draws you in like a spider with a pretty web. You'll still be drawn to them even if you know what they are doing. You have to be strong. Woman like that anyway. I'm assuming your into woman, if so be the bull.

If you look for a partner in the right place your odds are better at finding someone more like you. You can volunteer at a soup kitchen or church events. I've meet great woman working for Habitat for Humanity. You could take up a new hobby like learning Aikido. Just stay away from the bar scene or anything like that. And get a cat or five. Cats are much more rewarding to sleep with IMPO. The fact that you are aware of this dynamic will go a long way. 

igor
@neverquittter
3 months ago
13 posts
I ve also felll in love with a narcisist girl for the past 18 months or so...i mean we fell in love for each other, she can be nice and caring sometimes, she know what to say and how to please as a woman..but then she becomes cold and sadistic sometimes, out of nowhere. Sheknows that we broke up a few times for that ,she even try to ask sorry for a few people she had fought and be more easy going...but in the end is a pretty old pattern for her to change, she is spoiled and will do anything to get the things she thinks she deserves ( always better the anyone else)..the thing is everytime im alone i feel like talking to her and then is like all of the other people disappear from beside me.. and everytime im happy and light head with people around me i feel she is so far away from me... is one way or another... i like more the feeling of being happy with myself and people...but then when im with her some of my ego needs get taken care of.. but everytime i ask myself "is she the one for my life?" I know in my heart that it isnt, at the same time i think " wouldnt hurt to try a bit more"..it is exactly like a drug
Abhay Raaz
@abhay-raaz
3 months ago
21 posts
@womanwhowalks thanks for the advice.

I trust my gut feeling but unable to judge people. Perhaps I have developed unconscious biasness towards people.

Energy transmitted by narcissistic are charming and refreshing. Perhaps abuse from my childhood keeps attracting me to these energies .

I want to develop such energy that it won't attract narcissist. I want permanent shield that doesn't attract narcissist.

I want a scientific long term solution . Only trusting on guts makes me scary that my judgement is not the ultimate truth.
Abhay Raaz
@abhay-raaz
3 months ago
21 posts

@indigo-dog

thanks for your step by step advice. I will try to follow it .

But I want some advice from your experience. Some Soul searched , unique long lasting technique that is objective and universal applied to me and all.

I just want to end this abuse cycle so I want to escape step 1 and 2 . I want permanent step 5 . I just don't want to emit my energy(Empaths' energy ). I want to fool narcissist so that it will become easy for me.

I want your godly meditated unique advice.

Abhay Raaz
@abhay-raaz
3 months ago
21 posts

@zacharias

Thanks for sharing your knowledge.

Testing women is talent . Now regarding Love, several game theories are there . People play games . I play with my heart.

I will try to find religious groups, clubs , sports or groups which contains people like me.

Regarding cat, I am inept at handling pets. I never had one. I will try to get a dog if possible.

Abhay Raaz
@abhay-raaz
3 months ago
21 posts

@neverquittter

I understand your pain.

But tell me what you did that you will never fall for someone like her again ? How u de-addicted yourself from the drug like feeling? I also felt that addictive love and want some permanent long lasting solution.

krosskelt
@krosskelt
3 months ago
33 posts

@abhay-raaz

indigo-dog's #4. is one of the best pieces of advice that you might receive.  You need to take time to inspect the relationship deeper, before you let your own emotions form.  We, as empaths, get bulldozed sometimes.  Especially by emotions like lust and desire.  Notice I separate those two.  Lust is often a physical attraction, where desire can be a deep wanting for what you can offer.  One of the traps with a narcissist and empath relationship can be, we reflect what they want us to.  I feel that maybe you are attracted to them because they have a self confidence that maybe you are missing within yourself.  So in a way it is a parasitic relationship on both sides.  They want us to reflect their emotions, giving them a higher sense of self by validating those emotions.  We want to feel that high sense of self that they have, within and about ourselves.  The last part never happens though, because we are too busy feeding into their needs, and little if any of our own needs in a relationship are filled.  

When I meet my wife I was worried about letting lust and desire drive me into a relationship that may not be what was best for me at the time.  I felt desire the first night I met her.  I didn't know if it was mine or hers and could not tell.  By the third interaction I could feel the lust.  Still not knowing if it was hers, mine, or both.  I knew in the first week that I was capable of loving her, but could not feel love reflected.  By the end of the first month I could feel it in her, even though she was not ready to admit it.  

Learn to love yourself, don't let lust and desire drive you, and wait to feel that love you have shared between you both.  

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
787 posts
Believe me...if there was a permanent shield...and most of us want that too....we'd be using it non stop....but the fact is...you can only go on your gut...i read energy so it's easy for me to pick these people out...i don't judge them....i don't know them....their energy tells me everything...or aura if you prefer....i never look at the surface of people...i feel energy...to me the narcissists energy is backward...even when charming....like a black hole...they draw my energy in towards them...and it feel all wrong....we ALWAYS attract narcissists...it's just the way it is...you have fear of narcissists....use that fear to learn how to detect them...i can only give you ideas...my way is not necessarily your way as each of us has our own way of dealing with these types of people...only you can break the cycle by looking at yourself and making the effort to teach yourself...they are what they are and we can't change them...we can only work on ourselves....expand your senses energy wise...don't just see what you want to see or just feel what you want to feel...that's just the surface...what they want you to see...go deeper...they CAN be detected before they do damage...go back thru your experiences and think about how you were when you met them....find the patterns, take notice and sharpen your skills...they feed on fear and other emotions...take away the fear and emotions and analyze yourself....it really is the only way...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 08/28/17 12:14:19PM
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
787 posts
Also....you yourself will be linked to the narcissists you've been involved with...if you have not cut their cords of attatchment and pulled all roots connecting you to the ones you've been involved with ,they will still have access to your energy and will be draining you of yours and continue to drain you until you take care of that issue....
updated by @womanwhowalks: 08/28/17 12:46:56PM
igor
@neverquittter
3 months ago
13 posts
There is the point my friend. There is no way we could know not to fell with them again. We are like opossite magnets... and i told her that the other day as she ask us to come back together, the only reason we are attracted is we are opposite, but guess who gets the burden?

This life is all of making choices and expressing our free will... the best gifts we have and responsabilities as empaths, the more trucky it can get.. this last year alone i was traveling i learned so much about lust..i couldnt believe. In a very bad way i mean cause lust is hell, is possession and everybody is alone at the same time want to be attached. So you ll learn a lot by this, who are the narcisist around you. Dont pity them, dont fear them, they are what they are, even they didnt choose to be born like this, they will bring harm around them
Zacharias
@zacharias
3 months ago
86 posts

I love all the advice your getting here. It's really good. If I had known these things 25 years ago I would not be with the woman I am now. Having said that, my wife still has my undying loyalty. It's been a roller coaster of a relationship that led to being able to raise my daughter for the past 16 years. She is my sole focus and purpose, so I regret nothing. 

You don't have to get cat. They do a thing is all. They transmute the energy you pick during the day. I love cats and think every empath should a have few, but it's isn't necessary. 

I believe there is a reason we are attracted to them. They feel we can fulfill a need they have and want that to the point of obsession, but then they do everything to change us without changing themselves. It's what they truly desire yet they will fight the change with tooth and nail. The reason they need us is they can't change without us. Change is hard on everyone, so they play the games and fight like crazy. In the long run it can make us as empaths stronger, or keeps us weak if we allow it.

The one thing I would say that has already been said is analyse, analyse, and analyse again. Don't go by your "Gut" here because that will mislead you unless your a really healthy empath. It's incredibly hard to distinguish your emotions from theirs. Your spirit wants to be with them. In the greater scheme of human existence we all benefit if you marry a narcissist, because the odds are you'll have empathic children. I believe this is the Divine plan. It only works if we change them, not the other way around. At least our children will help change the world if we choose that burden. In the Christian world we are called Burden Bearers. I bet there is a name for it in Hindu as well, which is probably similar. The Indian religions know much more about us that eastern religions do. So I believe your on the right track.

Something else you mentioned was childhood abuse. It's important to forgive them and forgive yourself. That will help heal your spirit. It makes you stronger.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
3 months ago
787 posts
That's right...analyse analyse analyse....until you know , without a doubt, that what your gut is telling you is absolutely right....your goal is to get yourself to that point...even when questions running through you head or others doubting you you can rest easy knowing your gut is telling you the truth....your goal is to get to that point....and when you reach it...narcessists will no longer be a problem because you'll have a plan to take care of the issue and know how to avoid them...thats your goal...i'm not gonna ever be ruled by fear....but I will let it help me overcome obstacles....cause it now slows me down to analyse the energy and avoid possible trouble...and if I can't avoid....i have ways to deal with the energy drain and...yes I feel it too...panic these people cause when I touch their energy....i have ways to remove it asap so I'm in control...not them...at this point in your life the narcissist is in control because you're afraid...you will always be afraid until you have a plan that works for you...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 08/28/17 04:11:21PM
Abhay Raaz
@abhay-raaz
3 months ago
21 posts

Thank you guys for all your wisdom and insights. I will try to inculcate what you have been suggested. In case of any troubles I will take help if you guys again.

And also if you guys feel to advise me on some thing special at any moment of time, feel free.

Sometimes ideas come randomly and at unimaginable places.

You all are awesome. Thanks again.

Rene''
@rene
3 months ago
1,194 posts
I know the feeling. Empaths are so use to trying to heal the world the automatically look for and attracts people that needs to heal. We are safe havens and we often get our hearts broke because people fall in love with our energy and they are attracted to it but once they are feeling better , our light don't seem as bright to them as it was in the beginning and it's because they have drained our energy and leaves us with nothing in return except excess baggage if we don't know how to release it. But those darn narcissistic keeps giving us hope when they arnt any just to keep us on their side. A narcissist with a Empath friend makes him look like a good person.
What I now do is I step back, no matter what I feel for a person and I observe them. I look how they treat other people and animals and how they treat me. And what they are bringing in to the relationship. I let all red flags fall where they may.

But ...my best advice is to take time to yourself. You have to take time to kind your own strengths and weaknesses and to love yourself. My "me" time comes before anything else. It's how I heal, think and analyze my thoughts and feelings. I have had to force to make myself not message narcissistic people when I'm lonly or bored.
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
3 months ago
728 posts
Well said @zen-angel!
Welcome to the EC 😊
Zacharias
@zacharias
3 months ago
86 posts

@zen-angel Seems to me your experience made you stronger. Without it you wouldn't be the person you are today. I love the person you are today. Thank God for Narcissists

LaoG
@laog
3 months ago
137 posts

i think if you become more aloof in public about your nature kind of like hiding it, they won't try to zone in. they are pretty bad people and you wouldn't like them they're just good actors. your instinct is good but they manipulate your impression of them. just takes some coldness i think to deal with them but thats my best guess i think no matter what narcs will look for someone empath or not.

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