exclusivity in a group & how that affects an empath, insight please?

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strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
5 months ago
17 posts

I haven't been on here for a while. I get so caught up in everyday life that I forget about this little place. It's almost like home reading things that people post. I can relate so much. I love how 'feeling' is involved in almost everything. I used to despise being a 'feeler'. I felt weird and different. I felt that I could see so much selfishness in others and it caused me pain. I didn't know how to turn it off. I started to get on somewhat of a high horse, priding myself for not being as selfish as other people. Learning how not to be through others is a gift, but it's certainly not something that should inflate my ego in a way that harms myself. For as long as I can remember, I've self-destructed with this type of behavior. Once I got into sobriety the behavior subsided a lot because I was no longer using an external force (alcohol) to cut of my connection with self. I blocked my empathic abilities for a good 6 years because of pain & selfishness. I'm connected to self again & most importantly something bigger than myself (God, Power of the Universe, Mother Nature, etc.) I've been sober 6 years this month. I'm almost out of the woods. I can feel others in ways that are joyful, exhausting, painful, loving -- it's hard sometimes. I start to isolate from groups of people because the exclusivity is EXHAUSTING to me. This is specifically towards a group of people I was very much apart of, but now feel myself pulling away. My question is, is this normal for an empath? I know we cannot all be stereotyped under an umbrella per-say. Just because I need X amount of decompression time doesn't mean the next empath will need that same amount of timel. But I'm wondering why the exclusivity of a group bothers me so much? Does anybody else feel this way? Maybe there's something I'm missing.

GROWING is hard at times. Standing alone is how I grow. I cannot follow a crowd to grow, so therein lies change. Which is typically a difficult thing for humans in general. 

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
5 months ago
785 posts
Hi...i used to think something was wrong with me for not wanting to be around people....turns out it's normal...lol...as we grow older I think we start out growing certain things including friends....sometimes family...etc...for a time I kept away from my family and I have one friend at the moment...but I don't see him very much because I can't be around him for long...lol...his energy is not comfortable for me to be around for long..i think a lot of empath have had the same thing happen...so your not alone in that.... because other peoples' energy is too strong...draining...we need plenty of rest so don't be afraid to take that time to rest and ground yourself when you need it nor feel guilty to do it...your health is important...and I think It's totally awesome that you decided to embrace your abilities and not hide from them....congrats on your sobriety....totally awesome!
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
5 months ago
726 posts
Hi @stugglebunny,
I also numbed my senses with alcohol for years. So much so that it took it's toll on my health. Kudos to you on your sobriety! As for the exclusivity of cliques.....they are exhausting, not sure why. Perhaps the negativity that comes along with singling people out...the judging. Oh how I can feel judging! I was also dealing with this dynamic just last year. Since distancing myself from all of it I feel so much better. I felt so different and left out. At first it really bothered me but I have come to the conclusion that I didn't really have anything in common with them in the first place. I only realized this when I stepped away. Hard part is....the clique is comprised of my own in laws! I still have to see them on occasion but now I just keep my distance....I also don't try to fit in....I am no longer in need of anyone's approval and am quite comfortable marching to my own drum.
Blessings
updated by @cat-whisperer: 07/06/17 06:24:51AM
Zacharias
@zacharias
5 months ago
85 posts

Good question. I don't have an answer, but I've done the same. I broke away from the group I was with as teenager. Ever since I go from one group to another. When I start to develop a history with people, I move on. There is a point where people start to be less considerate because they know you well. That's when I find another group. I try to be a bit intimidating and extremely nice at the same time. It's my way of controlling their emotions and judgments. If they start to get to that point I'll do something that confuses the hell out of them. So far it's worked with the groups I'm with now for about 2 1/2 years. I have structured socialization sessions. I very rarely let anyone come to my home. I always drive my own vehicle anywhere I go. Oh, and I pray alot. It still makes no difference what I do. I don't have any desire to stay with the group anymore. I'm ready to move on even though I haven't been pushed out this time. It's seems to be something God is guiding me to do. 

These are my techniques that I have developed in order to keep my sanity. Also, I value truth above all. It's necessary to go from group to group in order to understand them. Personally, I am incredibly curious about what makes them do what they do. They still confuse the hell out of me.  

TigerLily
@tigerlily
5 months ago
309 posts
Congratulations on your sobriety!!! I'm so happy for you :)

I did the same, I drowned myself in alcolhol and cigarettes and frozen pizza and doritos and cookies. I gained 60lbs from it. I always knew I had a problem with and needed to stop. I can stop for good time, then I slowly trickle back. Everyone always said I had a problem with people. Then as years went and I matured, I realized I wasn't the problem. But all that did emotionally damage me. For years and years people in the group took advantage of me. As I let loose and met new people, same thing. I learned how to set better boundaries and now people come to me again, to fix. It's like I can't avoid it. I to feel alone in this world and uncomfortable with all these feelings that rumble inside. No heeling could permanently fix it, but routine maintenance could for a bit. Until something else in me broke.

I think instead we need to see how strong we are deep inside and ride that. Always remember that when we feel down from all the emotions to rise again. I know how tiring it is, and I get fed up to. I'm trying now to just accept things and let it go, when I have it mastered I will share :)
strugglebunny
@stugglebunny
5 months ago
17 posts

@womanwhowalks @cat-whisperer @zacharias @tigerlily -- Thanks so much for the identification with my current struggle. I love this place so much for that! It's amazing :) Also, thanks for the congratulations on my sobriety. It's been worth every single moment. 

Gah, if the clique was my in-laws I believe I would struggle 10 x's more. You have given me some insight & now I feel grateful. The energy that's felt within an exclusive group is exhausting & I find myself feeling the judgment from others towards people who aren't in the "group" which disgusts me. I feel like I start distancing because I become judgmental myself of the actions of people in the group which causes me to dislike myself a bit -- if that makes sense. I pray a lot too -- for God's guidance in these situations & in life in general. He/She or It is something I feel I have to follow in order to be true to myself, so I trust those gut feelings. I guess sometimes I feel isolated & it takes some time to get to acceptance with that. Life is so crazy, you know? It's a circle, & it never stops. These things continue over & over & I'm unsure that we ever really get the gist of it. Thank you all!

Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
5 months ago
726 posts
@stugglebunny
I understand what you mean about starting to judge as well. Since we are empaths we will also pick up on the collective emotions of others. That picking up of emotions seems to be stronger when you are dealing with more than one with the same emotions (judging). I also can relate to the disliking of my own emotions when I catch myself judging. It's a human tendency really. We just have to make a conscious decision not to entertain such thoughts which can be challenging when around such people. Exactly why I stay my distance and am comfortable doing so. We gotta surround ourselves with positive people when at all possible. If no positive people to be around, I'll just fly solo, lol
Blessings
Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
5 months ago
507 posts

@stugglebunny:

Groups are tough for empaths. Especially if your senses are heightened and you can almost read people's negative thoughts. I have had good luck carrying around protections stones. They help absorb some of the energy I encounter during the day so that I can function better in public and in group settings. I have a lot of group settings with work and without finding the usefulness of protection stones I don't know how I would have survived. Have you tried using stones? For women there are some decent looking protection stone bracelets you can find on Amazon (the darker black stones like black tourmaline work best for keeping negative away from you). And then aside from that, practice daily grounding exercises so you can rid yourself of everyone else's feelings and energy that you have absorbed.

Raindancer
@raindancer
5 months ago
27 posts

strugglebunny:

GROWING is hard at times. Standing alone is how I grow. I cannot follow a crowd to grow, so therein lies change. Which is typically a difficult thing for humans in general. 

What you say here has a truth to it yet people who are moving the right direction can also be a source of growth.  If you follow a crowd, it can be hard to grow yes. . . . . if that crowd is walking a direction away from any growth.  That is the problem with crowds too often, they are set in ways to not necessarily create the atmosphere for growth as much as to protect the group or members of the group in ways that frankly are stagnation or walking backwards.  The right people can have it to where we do not have to walk alone to walk into growth.  They are not always so easy to find. Yes, at times we have to separate ourselves to know what is us and what is our gains and make sure the direction we walk is the right one.  At the same time, that struggle is a bit easier when not walking with people trying to rip us away from the truth.  It is when we are around those who want us to deny truth that we get into trouble. 

We can not follow a crowd to grow.  We can walk with one the right direction and grow.  I hope the difference is not too confusing.  I hope you find the right people to where honesty with yourself and honesty with others is not compromised.  Sometimes we may need to be alone to not have the peer pressure or any need to conform rip us away from who we are.  With a couple of people i have found this workable.  Sadly, they are not the easiest people to find at all.  When having found them, i find they can accelerate my growth by them helping ease or heal sore points where the sore points separates me from growth. 

Hoping i am making some sense.  There are times to stand alone and know what is truly us yes.  There are times when not having to walk alone and we walk with someone who is helping us walk the right direction can be helpful. 

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
4 months ago
507 posts

@raindancer:

I think we all go through stages as an empath. Early on we are just trying to cope with all that we absorb that makes us sick or uncomfortable. We often like to be secluded to avoid picking up low energy from others. And then at some point we learn how to cope and shield and then can go out in the world among the people. And once we reach that point we can, if we choose, offer to help calm and heal those that need our help. 

I would say there is nothing wrong with feeling the way you do and at this point not wanting to be part of group settings. You have to take care of you first as an empath or else you are no good to anybody. But at some point you will transition to where group settings are less of an issue. 

Indigo Dog
@indigo-dog
4 months ago
13 posts

Nice thread. It is natural to outgrow a group that no longer resonates with you. You still love them but is feels off putting to be with them when they no longer reflect your values or energy vibration. Some will keep up to speed with you and some will fade out of your life. I think your gut is telling you to be true to you. Don't hold back your awesomeness just to try and force yourself to fit in.

Deborah Craig
@deborah-craig
4 months ago
73 posts

CONGRATUALATIONS ON YOUR SOBRIETY @strugglebunny!😀❤️And I can relate to so many comments on here!  I'm lucky that for some reason I just did whatever I felt like,and  not trying to fit in anywhere,but I did,lol!  I was always a free spirit!...as far as judging,OMG,who knows or cares what ppl thought about me meaning at 17 having fur coats,clothes galore and people thinking I have a sugar daddy! Lmao....when people were gathered together in the summer in front of each other's houses,I would say People it's called WORKING!   The only people I care about are my close and True friends of how they feel meaning I would never want to hurt them,and if I did through a misunderstanding that's what I want to know because they matter!  Iv been truly blessed! People are lucky to have one true friend,I have 5,and were there for me at the worst time of my life about 5 years ago..They all were there for me! It was truly overwhelming with gratitude!   Unlike my family,all 2 of them..I told my story on here awhile back,looong story but without these friends I don't know what would have happened because One of the members of my family is a Catholic Priest I call the Anti Christ and I never saw it coming....He took over 200,000 from me! Another story!  The worse was the mental and verbal abuse!  Just in case anyone is wondering Priests do not have to take the vow of poverty! Well he didn't because he is a diocesan priest....In the Archdiocese of Chicago but ran to Palm Springs,Ca...only Priests that belong to orders like Jesuits,Franciscans ,ect do and have to live amongst each other..Not that anyone cares but the Anti Christ non of these ever applied to him...Good place to join if you never want to work!....

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
4 months ago
785 posts
One thing you gotta remember is that no one...and I mean no one...ever clears their own energy out....all these ppl we meet are also connected to ppl who have in some way...judged them....or have hurt them....in some way....at the energy level....and we...me...as an empath pick THAT up...so most of the time when I'm thinking...say in a judgmental way about a person...it's not me actually thinking those kind of things....it's coming from the OTHER person's energy....i know I never think badly of a person when I 1st meet them cause I don't know the person at all...so when my mind fills up with negative things while in the presence of a person or a group of people I know the thots I'm thinking are not actually me....in a group it's much harder to pinpoint who or where the negative thots are coming from...as I said....no one EVER clears out their own energy....it surrounds ppl like dark clouds that feel so heavy and dark....as an empath I pick up a LOT in my own energy field from other ppl...it follows me home and takes some time to clear out....yesterday I spoke to a co worker and he linked quite painfully to me....i had to purposefully take his link out to balance my own energy out.....i felt the drain all evening after I spoke to him....so Don't be so hard on yourself ....so long as you know who and How you are in a group in the way that you think and feel...eventually you'll get better at telling the difference between you and other ppls thoughts...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 07/29/17 12:21:23PM

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