Trying to stop the empathy

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
428 posts
I had a minor health scare recently that made me rethink things, ALOT. I know we all talk about taking in others emotions, stress, etc. And how to stop it or can we etc. I know you all have heard me vent about work and friends, and after all the pounding in my head and rapid heart rate, I felt like I was dying inside. I believe I met another soul mate in life, and something again just popped in me. As I'm not "worrying" or "caring" so much and taking in people's stress at work, I've been feeling better. I Like I'm giving them there stress back. Same for friendships, I refuse to be there punching bag of emotions.

I feel like I'M FINALLY taking care of me and falling in love with myself again. I have energy now to work out, dress up, put on make up, eat better, do things around the house, and want to go out. I feel like I'm glowing again, and I must be because I'm getting lots of compliments from people.

I know my coworkers feel more stressed more than ever and still want to vent and push things off on me, but I'm getting good at the "no" and the boundaries. Lot of my friends barely talk to me anymore as they have nothing positive to say.

I seriously never knew how good it feels until now. Yes I miss helping, and still can feel their pain or sorrows or stress and it hurts. But I feel "healthy" again.

So now bigger question, why do I still "feel" bad for not helping? I mean, I seriously haven't felt this happy and healthy in years.
updated by @tigerlily: 09/02/18 12:36:10PM
Cat Whisperer
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
769 posts
I believe that it is because down deep we tend to be people pleasers. I feel the same way when I have to tell someone no and exercise my boundaries. Just last night I had to reinforce my boundaries....I have felt great all day even though I didn't get a good nights sleep due to worrying that I might have been too hard on the person, even though they had it coming. I was kind, understanding and listened to what they had to say but I put and end to the using. Still that feeling bad for not caving to them was there. I just chalk it up to our compassionate nature. You are definitely not alone on this one. We do have to take care of ourselves first....you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Blessings
Cat Whisperer
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
last year
769 posts
@hermes
Great advice as always :) and you explain it so well
Blessings
Soothsayer4
Soothsayer4
@soothsayer4
last year
49 posts

@tigerlily,

First of all, why in the world would you want to "stop the empathy?"  It is not something you can just shut off.  Have you tried to dam a rapidly flowing river?   Believe me I tried before for my own sanity/boundaries/self-preservation/etc.  It did not work because it is a current that can never be broken... it just builds up over time when trying to dam it up. My advice to you is to allow the empathy because it is who you are.  Just see it as a looking glass into the world of another.  You can decide whether to act on what your see or not.  We experience many personal worlds (the paradigms that others live within despite a greater connection we all share).  Though, what makes us separate is the awareness we have.  It is up to us how to proceed with that awareness.  It is not something we can just shut off like a faucet.  It is always there reminding us what we are.  Embrace what you are... a Psychic Empath.  It is what makes us uniquely separate from the rest of humanity. WE CAN NOT HAVE A GREATER GIFT.

Raindancer
Raindancer
@raindancer
last year
28 posts

Gifts can be curses under the wrong circumstance. It is all too easy to understand why someone would want to stop it.  I myself got myself in deep water from mine.  Part was the boundaries and part was a very spiritual path supported by the most outrageous synchronicity that many said it must be a "God thing".  It happened in a way that many found hard to believe for how things unfolded, yet opposite of what was needed. It would have been better to never have been in tune in some ways for something to happen that ended up spirit shattering.  That show about the psychic who helped Phoenix police had years of trying to suppress her own gifts as much of it tormented her.  Much of this can be a double edged sword and when the reverse side cuts it can cut deeply.  For myself i recommend people be very careful as if they get themselves into water too deep they may just drown.  Discretion really is the better part of valour sometimes and with this it is best to be careful.  I hear all you say and think what you say would be very much for the best -  in a perfect world.  Sadly, we are in a world where we can get squashed if not careful and a gift can end up being a curse if we do not have the right people around.  We can not have a greater gift?  We also can not have a greater curse.  It all depends on so much else that is beyond merely us.  Please be extra careful when diving in deep waters.  There may be sharks there and the water may be so deep we can not swim back when we are tired and need relief.  Just some words from someone who is broken so much it is hard to put these words.  I got in too deep.  My life has been broken.   I don't say this with any intent of demoralizing anyone as much as saying be careful out there. 


updated by @raindancer: 06/19/17 11:18:42PM
Raindancer
Raindancer
@raindancer
last year
28 posts

That, and maybe there is the boundary thing too.  In life sometimes the user will seek out the most giving people and burn them down.  With them they bring their energy too.  When this happens it becomes more impossible to those who show up in good faith or those who are lost wanting to find their way.  There are those who are lost and just need someone to help them find their way.  There are those who get others lost.  It is that second type who can be sharks.   Regarding the spiritual part, I tried to set up protection yet ended up having everything come at me.  Maybe it is a matter of knowing our limits and keeping to those and then extending beyond those only as we heal and have better influences around us - influences that give us strength to face that which is not so healing.  My way of saying not to jump into the deepest waters until we have the full deep water gear (good friends, our own healing, good life circumstance being the deep water gear). If we get into the deepest spirituality it can trigger that which is not healed in us or if we have people close who are terrible influences they can push us beyond what we can deal with.  We need to be ready for the deepest waters and have the right spiritual gear regarding influences around us i think.   Hope that makes sense. 


updated by @raindancer: 06/20/17 04:49:11PM
TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
428 posts
It still feels great to put energy to myself. It's draining to help someone if you can't help you first. I'm not here to be selfish or anything, but no one has really helped me when I needed it. Probably neither of you either. They all just run. Great friends right? Same for those at work and acquaintances right?

I've been in those deep waters many times, and this past time around that gave me the health scare, I felt I was dying inside. I started noticing some signs and followed them, and that's how I feel I was able to come back above water and breathe. I feel I was being told my gift was being misused by people hence the signs. If that makes sense. I am tired all the time now, but a good tired where I need sleep and wake rejuvenayed. Not like before.
Raindancer
Raindancer
@raindancer
last year
28 posts

Tigerllily, i wish i had no clue of what you mean.  Sadly, i realized how much smart than we humans little fire ants are when it comes to things of which you speak.  Fireants?   Some who give are used up and burned down by those who then run to someone else to burn out.  I am sorry if you have been through this in any way.  Fireants really do have an instinct of shared cooperation much more. HUH???  What are you saying Raindancer?  

Okay, when young i remember being in Houston and walking through flood waters.  If you have been to Houston you will understand this is not rare.  However, when seeing floating stuff be careful where you walk!  I saw what i thought to be a bunch of wooden floating stuff and walked on through it.  OUCHHHHH.   I was being stung all over.  I realized then the stuff was actually fire ants.  They were holding to each other and staying afloat and looked like a bunch of stuff just being washed by the rain.  I realized somehow they were floating when apart they would each drown, this by spreading themselves over the water.  Being too young to know what surface tension was, i knew somehow they were doing this and they were doing it automatically. 

In nature, when one fire ant would drown by itself, they hold to each other and float atop the water distributing themselves out over the surface.  The water molecules cling to each other just enough to cause some surface tension, which the ants are able to use by holding one to the other in a huge cluster.  They survive the storm by holding together.  Do you hear what i am saying?

I talked about being caught in deep waters.  Problem is, too many were piling on for you to keep them from drowning.  What about your own air?  Fire ants save each other, working together so that all will survive.  Think about how poor people are at this before any of us think we have the right to judge that species by their tiny little brains.  When times are tough, they don't pile on to one.  They survive together. 

They do not drown because they help each other!  Maybe you need some "fire ants" in your life so to speak.  I hope you understand how i mean.  During tough times we all need people we can stay afloat with rather than people who only hold to us to keep them from drowning.  We are best when we all work together to keep each other from drowning. 

I wonder if your own health is a metaphor that applies.  You were kept under the surface fighting for your own air when you needed others who could keep you afloat too.  I hope you find those who are best for you in this way.  We all need people who can help us, even the empaths. 

Who is to debate this wily and more wise little creatures on their wisdom on how to stay alive together when the waters are too deep? 

Wishing you floating buddies for tough times

Raindancer

TigerLily
TigerLily
@tigerlily
last year
428 posts
@raindancer this all makes sense and I understand. Yes, it does feel like I'm drowning or like someone playing with me. As a kid remember we would dunk each other and think it was fun until someone got hurt? It is like people are deliberately doing this to me as it is fun for them, toying with emotions as it makes them better. Then I'm hurt. I feel like my power is sometimes being taken from me for their own joy. This is why I want to stop the empathy. The unbalance of emotions causes great destress.
I've seen a few different therapists recently to just get opinions, and each one talks about the negativity in my life. To stop worrying and stop helping others, and to focus on me. I feel my power of positivity and joy being stripped by a current that I can't escape as others keep holding on to me like the fireants to save them. Only they will be the first to let me drown if they can. Feels also like those that need help are just bwing put in my way that I can't avoid. Normally I can hold and not need anyone and be fine. But lately I feel like I need someone. All that stress, negativity just builds inside, I feel like I'm a vortex in my head spinning and need someone to stop me. I don't like this and normally turn to physical activity and nature to release. However, this past week, it feels like they are pulling me to them and I'm trapped. Make sense?
Raindancer
Raindancer
@raindancer
last year
28 posts

When people toy with your emotions, that will certainly leave you in position to be drown, metaphorically speaking of course.  When others simply are not helping you to stay afloat in life, that is metaphorically them leaving you in position of drowning.  We all need love and support.  The fire ant thing i found as a metaphor for how people should be and from hearing you talk it sounds like you do not have enough "fire ants" in your life.  Yes, you do need someone.  Maybe you need a few who remember to not let you drown in life.  That is the whole thing about "fire ants".  It takes more than one.  It takes a colony or "it takes a village" if putting it that way.  I hope you find the right others to help you be able to care and give in ways where you are not run dry and left unable to swim in life.   We all need that.  If right now too many are pulling you in in ways you feel trapped, you need things to even out so that all are able to float together.   I wish this for you as it sounds very much needed right now. 

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