How to Cut Off These Damned Feelings

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sensi-sante
@sensi-sante
6 months ago
19 posts

Some of you may have already discussed this situation, so sorry if mine sounds like a repeat...

Over a year a year and a half ago, a guy I'd gone to high school with reached out to me to do a business-related project for him. We were acquaintances back in the day, but grew closer while working on the project and I began to grow intense feelings for him. After months of crushing on him and fantasizing about how blissful our relationship would be, I finally told him how I felt. He said he wasn't sure how to respond. He wasn't mean or disrespectful about it. Finally, I had to be honest with myself and realize that he just wasn't that into me – he was only sexually attracted to me. Even though I very much wanted to sleep with him or at least TRY to sleep with him with no strings attached, I never did... because I knew in the end, I would end up getting heartbroken. I'm more of a relationship type of lady and eventually, I would want more from him than he would be willing to give.

Over the next several months, I slowly ceased contact with him but my feelings for him did not. Recently, while scrolling through my Instagram feed, I saw a photo he'd posted of himself with his new girlfriend. My heart shattered and I cried myself to sleep. Then I was mad at myself for still feeling that way toward someone I knew it wouldn't work out with. We'd never even gone out on a date or anything! But I saw him as my ideal guy. My brain knows better, but my heart hasn't yet followed suit.

I've always been the kind of person who (after admitting that I'm crushing on a guy) falls deep, no matter how hard I try to hold back. It doesn't happen with a lot of guys but it takes a very long time for those feelings to go away, even if I no longer have contact with the person. I confuse myself on whether it's because I've cooked up this hot romance in my head or if there is in fact a deep connection, but it's not meant to be on a romantic, sexual level.

I accept full blame for how I'm feeling. This guy never lead me on. I created this relationship in my head and I suppose it just takes time to heal from that. Has anyone been through this before and do you have any suggestions for moving on? I absolutely hate that I have no control over my feelings right now.


updated by @sensi-sante: 09/22/17 02:17:18PM
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
6 months ago
108 posts
All I can say is, I am in the same boat. Different details, but remarkably similar. I posted about it below. I am really struggling and have exactly the same thoughts today, why can't I control my damn head!!

I wish I had an answer, but I don't. I am trying to stick with a healthy lifestyle, i.e. Doing meditation, trying to stay positive and hoping that time will heal my broken heart.
JoniG
@jonig
6 months ago
33 posts
I TOTALLY get it & I do the exact same thing!!! That's why I wondered if anyone/empath had been or was in a normal relationship...meaning not the huge bells & whistles kind of thing...and are/were they hapoy/satisfied? It takes forever for me to let go mentally & I can't tell if Ive just invented or unconsciously picked up their feelings? Either way, its REALLY painful. I obsess & imagine. I have no advice because I'm still trying to understand it. I would LOVE for my heart AND head to be on the same page for once! I'm tired of being in lopsided relationships because my heart led me there without consulting with my head...
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts

Yup, I'm going through same thing. I knew her from university and we've been in contact over the years but past six months it became very intense emotionally. I think I pushed the romantic with her and she sort of was into it but I too had to be honest with myself and realise that she just isn't that into me. My head knows it was all kinds of wrong but the pain after we stopped speaking was immense. I suffered badly for about a week and I still have some sleepless nights.

Like you, I'm mad at my heart for holding on to her when my head knows it's not the right match at all. Like it's becoming annoying and really affecting my life on a day to day basic. I'm funcioning but every now and then I dabble in looking at pictures of her and even send an email.

It's like our emotions made a connection and once broken all that's left is a wound that's taking its time to heal and every now and then cries out for relief. It's an emotional and sexual thing but intellectually we have nothing in common and I really just want to move on. Someone needs to tell my soul that though.

I think dealing with the pain head on helps the healing though. Perhaps directly after your break with him you never confronted your feelings of the breakup so you never really let the pain go and after seeing the picture it all came flooding back. I would say allow yourself to grieve the loss, feel the pain. It could take a few months but if you confront your feelings research shows that you'll begin seeing the positives after 11 weeks. So they say,


updated by @stills: 05/12/17 02:31:43PM
sensi-sante
@sensi-sante
6 months ago
19 posts
Thanks for your responses. I hate that we're all going through it, but glad to know I'm not alone.

About 10 years ago, I was in a normal relationship that lasted a little over 2 years. I loved him, but didn't feel a deep connection with him like I've had with others so I wasn't IN LOVE with him. Before him, most guys I felt deeply connected to had bruised souls and/or were abusive. So this normal relationship was one I was glad to be in. We went on real dates, he was kind, treated me nice, got along with my family, had ZERO abusive qualities about him, but I couldn't shake this feeling that he was being dishonest with me. Long story short, he was cheating on me. He never admitted it but a big lie he'd told confirmed my intuitions.

So to me, even though he was a cheater, our seemed normal because it didn't involve any abusive incidents like I'd gone through in previous relationships.

Now, as far as getting over my current feelings, I hope it takes a lot sooner than 11 weeks to wear off! But that seems about right. I know I'll get through it eventually, but the process of that happening really sucks. Sometimes I wish feelings came with a power switch.
Cat Whisperer
@cat-whisperer
6 months ago
726 posts
@sensi-sante
You are not alone....I still feel that way with someone I knew over 20 years ago. Like you I think I manufactured most of the relationship in my head due to being in a failing relationship at the time. He still pops into my head on occasion and I still wonder if it would have worked out...but I know better, he was a major alcoholic, and probably still is. Hopefully time will heal this for you
Blessings
updated by @cat-whisperer: 05/13/17 06:39:51AM
igor
@neverquittter
6 months ago
13 posts

i had put something here earlier, it didnt go online.

it has been happening to me same way for one year and a half, i end it up by noticing she is a narcisist, she is notnecessarily a bad person, but she is a narcisist, they will manipulate and try to rule over anything, is like a pathology.

we have always being in this passive agressive mode, till i realize it is not good at all, and im far away from my observing side and sanity...seriously it makes one go mad...

i broke out with her already like more than 10 times, but whenver we feel lonely we come back to each other, 2 differents poles attract each other, our sexual and emotional conexion is the strongest i ve seen, she gets into my dreams and i feel i trade places with her emotions very much...

thing is i need to get pass that, cause i know she is not the one for me, but she is obsessed now im a very good guy for her!

nice being sharing this!!!!

JoniG
@jonig
6 months ago
33 posts
Unfortunately, one of the conclusions I'm coming to is....we as empaths feel so much for damaged individuals that it hits our hearts intensely. "Normal", well adjusted individuals are better for us in all ways but the intensity factor. Since we are all feelings, this doesn't ring in as "in love" although can be very loving & healthy. I feel cheated! I want both!!!!! Is it possible? Do I have to give up the intensity for safety? This is a very sobering thought for me 😔
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
6 months ago
108 posts

@jonig You bring up a very good question. I am over fifty now, and I really am worried that the answer is yes, we do have to pick.  It just seems like this is a common thread.  If anyone has the intensity and the health as well, please speak up!

I don't even know when I will feel ok again after this latest drama.  Even when this person showed no compassion or sensitivity, I could not and cannot turn off the feelings.  It makes me mad, but I'm not going to lie, the feelings are good.

I did meet with my new therapist and she said that the fact that I have been so lonely and unfulfilled is why this happened.  OK, but at the same time, I also have a good life.  I have stability and security and a good partner.  It's no one's fault that we are all the way we are.  It is probably obvious, but I am extremely frustrated at this situation right now, so this post is timely. 

Is this just a case of no one can have it all?  If that is true, fine, but I just want peace. 

JoniG
@jonig
6 months ago
33 posts
@calmidwester...I am closer to 60 than 50. I honestly can't remember ever picking the smart, calm, normal person. Sad to say but true. I bend to my heart always. I am in a relationship now with a REALLY great guy but, still find myself missing that intense element. I don't want to rescue people for the rest of my time, I would like stability but, I am missing those feelings. Because if that lack I'm finding it hard to commit to this relationship. Mostly because I don't trust my heart to not lead me on a wild goose chase. I don't want to hurt this great guy by being a flake. I'm honest with him about my feelings. He's so great, he gets it and is STILL willing to be whatever it is now. I'm disappointed in myself...for not being able to commit to healthy, for not feeling intensity for this man, for still wishing for more.....I really would like to know if anyone really does have it all? And, if they do...what does that look/feel like?
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
6 months ago
108 posts
@jonig I just don't know. I feel very sad about all this right now. I am sure that having it all is not possible in the sense of being happy all the time and never having any struggles. But, a more fulfilling relationship, I like to think it would be possible. I am pretty sure it's not in the cards for me though. Sorry, just pretty mopey today.
sensi-sante
@sensi-sante
6 months ago
19 posts

I turned 40 a few months ago and the possibility of "having it all" in a relationship has been crossing my mind a lot lately. When I cried about my crush's new relationship, I was also crying because I wasn't certain if I will ever find a true, everlasting love. A love that is intense, loyal and passionate, not with all the toxicity. Maybe that seems a little too much like a fairy-tale, but I've met couples who genuinely love AND like each other. They've experienced ups and downs but they make it work. (I don't think either of them have partners who are narcissistic, insensitive, etc. though which I'm sure helps a great deal.) Since I've experienced a few toxic relationships with abusive partners, I feel that I deserve a fairy-tale romance. I don't expect a perfect man but am I setting myself up for disappointment to want a man who is mentally and emotionally healthy, who will respect me, my body and my feelings? I'm an introvert, so I'm comfortable with being alone; however, I wish that I can meet someone whom I can have a good, normal relationship with.

Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts

Well, I've had a realisation that those intense feelings, that pain, is real love. Can't avoid it. Love is pain. It hurts. I've been in relationships before where I love the person dearly but the intensity, the pain isn't there which is probably why it fizzled. This girl has me sobbing like a baby coz I'm crazy about her. I need to stop denying those feelings, probably because I'm afraid of the intensity. I'm afraid because it can detroy me but I guess that's the leap of faith I need to take. I can't live a lie, and I don't want to be a coward. So I emailed her these thoughts and feelings and emailed back basically telling me she feels the same and hopes I make the move (there's distance between us logistically).

Sorry to hijack this thread but I'm thinking these feelings will never leave. Ever.  They'll probablu become manageable in time but it seems the only thing that can ease the pain is the cause of the pain. I've got to go for it as scary as it is because as Aimee Man sings: 'It's not gonna stop until you wise up." Even if I don't get her, I got to accept that I'm in love with her, it's beyond logic, embrace the pain, let it make me a better person and channel it into something creative.


updated by @stills: 05/16/17 05:11:00AM
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
6 months ago
108 posts
You're not hijacking at all @stills. I think at least it's good that we are all seeing it is a common theme for us. I absolutely am trying to channel the pain into something for good, but I just can't figure out what that is yet. Sigh...

@sensi-sante, I am an introvert too. I know I am ok alone, but the thought of it makes me very sad. But, being with a toxic person or where I am basically a roommate is also no fun. Ahhhh, life....
sensi-sante
@sensi-sante
6 months ago
19 posts

Well, I was doing okay this week (or so I thought) until that feeling of heartbreak came over me again. I found this quote online and it describes my feelings almost perfectly... 

IMG_2065.JPG

CalMidwester
@calmidwester
6 months ago
108 posts
Wow, this is exactly how I feel lately.
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
Lol...here I thot I was the only one...i'm not one of those people who rush into anything...but there ARE certain people who I connect to rather strongly....and I don't know why as I KNOW there can't be anything between us...it's not just emotions but also thoughts my head immediately jumps to having a relationship and all that and I don't KNOW the person all that well....it almost feels like these emotions and thoughts are NOT about me but may be coming frome somewhere else ...so I pull all contact and energy cords I can from that person....if I see or talk to the person again it all comes back...so is it me?...or coming from that person?..or somewhere else?....I know that most people do NOT sever any energy cords and links within their energy to all the people they know or any past relationships they've had...they haven't cleaned out their connections at the energy level...you think that once you stop talking to someone, that would be that...but it's not....so...am I REALLY attracted to this person?...or is it all the crap they're carrying around in their energy that i'm picking up on?...and THINK i'm attracted to that person?....that's why I'm not in a relationship....I don't trust what's coming from anyone's energy...at all...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 05/21/17 03:05:18PM
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts

Yeah, I have the same kind of issue. Like is the pain I feel when we're not speaking my pain, or hers? Or both? I ask because it's an unusual pain, like it's not mine. As an empath you guys know what I mean. When you just feel like a feeling in you is an interpretation of someone elses energy. I just don't know.

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
Yup...and the only thing i've found helpful is clearing ALL etheric/energy links and cords and roots to people....I did a pretty in depth removal of those links and hooks from present day to my childhood....I also found some past life cords that were affecting my present day life that didn't need to be there....I removed everything I didn't want to need...school mates...teachers....boyfriends...ex husband...pretty much every one....I continue to run into problems with new ones that attatch...but I remove those as well....I went through a period where I just pulled em all out...and I didn't care who it was...as I know that when I speak to these people again they'll just reattatch....but I can now detect when an energy cord attatched and can remove it if and when I want....and once I do my energy smooths out again and what ever I was receiving through that link is gone...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 05/21/17 03:38:50PM
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts
I know exactly what you mean. Ive used that technique for many years, I close my eyes and sense a cord, or more like a tentacle and using visualisation techniques, like martial arts, I detach them and repel them. But this one is a little harder, probably coz it's more deeper. Doesn't even feel like a cord, feels more like she's attached to me herself. When I've tried to detach I experience great pain, like I'm tearing a part of myself off, it just doesn't work and I'm afraid to try again.
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
Yes...I do know what you mean... and it will hurt....do you know where the cord is attatched?...
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts
Thinking about it now seems to be a big one around my solar plexus
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
So she's strongly rooted to you....I think your gonna have to cut out the roots then pull the cord..like you would to a bad weed....
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts
Yes. I tried to but it backfired and hurt me even more. Hard to explain. Perhaps I'll try again.
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
The thing is...you are linked to her..her energy cord is like a phone link...information is going 2 ways..hers to you...yours to her...take your own energy cord off her...then start looking in her own energy cord...it holds the key to where she is and is actually doing and her purpose....but keep trying...it WILL eventually come off...
CalMidwester
@calmidwester
6 months ago
108 posts
I need to think about this cord cutting thing for sure. I know Elise suggests the turning down the volume thing as well. I've been very busy with some family stuff, but I need to work on this now. It's 'over' and the only choice I have is to move on and take care of myself.
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
Sometimes extra steps need to be taken...and there are many methods for an empath to learn about...i tried turning down the volume and it didn't work for me...i'm just way to sensitive i guess...when I found out about the links and cords and how they exchanged info AND emotions and I started taking them off and things got quieter and quieter I realized I found my solution...lol...people are absolutely LOADED with these cord and links and don't realize how LOUD they are...lol
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts
I agree, they are totally a real thing. There have been times I've meditated and discovered one person may have multiple cords into me, groin, stomach, head and I simply imagine myself pulling them out, they thrash and fight to reattach but then I use a sword of light to still up the shaft of them. Sounds crazy but I swear I've been doing it for years. Just with this girl I felt I needed to allow myself to be vulnerable to really take a leap of faith on her and the connection went deep but circumstances prevent us being together. I think I haven't made the conscious decision yet to detach which is why it's so painful to try.
Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
Sometimes I use crystals or my medicine pouch to 'loosen ' the hold of certain cords....her hold on you may be her own fear of whatever she's afraid of....so the crystals or medicine pouch will send healing energy to the roots and cord to relax them...then maybe it will come free...just put them on the spots you know where the point of entry is and where you feel the roots to be....the travel to different parts of the physical and energy and soul bodies thru the Chakras...so it's not just the Chakras it's attached to....she may need a different approach than the sword...a gentler approach...i like to use selinite or kyanite to absorb the negative energies from the root and point of entry and the medicine pouch with healing herbs....
updated by @womanwhowalks: 05/22/17 02:08:08PM
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts
Yeah the sword thing I've never used on her.
Stills
@stills
6 months ago
13 posts

Can you tell me more about the crystals and medicine pouch? What they are and where to find them? Thanks.

Hop Daddy
@hop-daddy
6 months ago
502 posts

@stills:

While you await a response from @womanwhowalks, I thought you might find some relevant crystal info. from an older post:

http://empathcommunity.eliselebeau.com/community/forum/my_posts/27513/what-are-your-favorite-crystals/search_string=crystals

Karen2
@womanwhowalks
6 months ago
783 posts
Well...i make my medicine pouch...with cotton fabric and hemp cord to wrap...in the cotton fabric I put a small handful of white sage, a few pinches of sweet grass...a small handful of ceder and a pinch of tobacco...i then close the fabric and wrap a few times with hemp cord...and it's ready to use....for the crystals...if u live in the city there should be a crystal shop or a metaphysical shop that sells crystals of all kinds...if not...ebay and Amazon will have all that including the herbs for the pouch...the cotton fabric can be bot at Wal-Mart in the sewing supply section...they usually sell cotton squares for quilting and hemp cord I found at the dollar store or it may be in the same section at Wal-Mart...if you don't want to put the tobacco that's ok...but the other 3 ingredients will will absorb the negative energies and sooth...
updated by @womanwhowalks: 05/22/17 02:54:46PM

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