I am finally at a place where I'm coming out of the darker parts of my spiritual journey, and I feel amazing!
I suppose, I've been on this journey for decades really, but it hit full tilt when about a year ago now, I got a spiritual prompting that told me to step away from my church. I was VERY entrenched and couldn't listen to the prompting. Eventually a few months later, I was able to, but not without getting a huge case of religious trauma syndrome because of the circumstances surrounding it.
As soon as I left, I got another prompting that told me to not just know, but to really get to FEEL what it feels like to be outside of my church. I also wasn't able to follow that prompting yet. It took me months and months to get to that point. When I did, I started seeing my religion objectively for the first time and realized it may not be for me. It was a shocking, painful and uncomfortable feeling.
Once I got to the point where I could finish what that guidance had told me to do, I got another one. It told me to stop asking if the church is true, and instead ask if it is serving me well. Again, like with all the others, I was unable to do it right away. As I learned how, though, my idea of faith and truth shifted dramatically. I saw that it is best to look for good and what serves an individual well on their journey, rather than worry about absolute truth. I'm not even 100% sure there is an absolute truth, and if there is, we human beings could never understand it.
The last prompting I got was to step more out into the world. I'm at the place where I don't know how to follow it, but I for sure trust it, because I see how things have worked out so far.
It's so strange to me that my stepping away from my religion has brought me closer to God than anything has. I have learned to trust God and that my needs and journey count. I've also come to believe that the holy spirit that prompts us is the same thing as our guts. They will always tell us the same thing, and are pretty much the same thing in a lot of ways. I am more confident in the divine and in myself. I am beginning to look forward to where this journey will take me next, and I am glad I'm out of the dark night of the soul part. There has been so much more to this journey that I am able to really share at this point, but I'm just now being able to look back in wonder at how my life has changed this year. Thanks for letting me share it with you.
updated by @sarah: 05/11/17 06:05:35AM