Sometimes I wish I could go back, at times knowledge is power, but sometimes it strips that power. When I was younger I lived in a pretty dark world, but the light within guided me, without question. When you are unaware that that light could be snuffed, then you live believing that the light is always with you. But once you experience a lie without light and being forced to create your own, your reality changes. It offers the ability to think in a different way, but it also forces you to realize a reality that never exsisted before. Though I longed for knowledge, once I gained that knowledge, it opened me up to other knowledge that I can never"unlearn". When I was young, and approached by my first lost soul, my instinct was for him to go to heaven. It wasn't until that moment that I was introduced to a whole different world, hell, or at least his. At that moment I saw him. After him, I saw, felt and experienced the darkness that followed him, which lead me down a path of understanding that darkness and the fear that came with it. I still had belief, not by what I read, but what I already knew. Once I began to obtain knowledge, I lost alot of belief, I no longer went on instinct. Though provided answers, it also left me with more questions. I now had to search for "proof" instead of relying on "just knowing", which in turn, all the knoweldge brought me back to what I knew all along, the only difference is now I have names to all of this. I now have a deeper understanding of all of this spiritual stuff, but it came at a very high price. Trading in instinct for knowledge, mentally it helps to figure thing out and it makes more sense, but it doesn't flow as freely. I went from a world where I believed anything and everything is possible into a world where I now question everything. Blind faith was once a source of power, a power source I no longer have, so I have to pull on more logical things to pull power from, yet being an emotional being, doesn't seem so logical,lol.
On the flip side, knowledge has given me deeper understanding to some of the things I have done and what I am capable of doing. It's open me up to new possibilities that I couldn't have imagined before. It's also nice,sometimes to go that deep, to understand and find longer lasting ways to deal with the issues with Spirit, but it also makes less connected.
Like I said, alot has been gained through the knoweldge I found on this path, but alot has also been lost. Everything comes at a price, the question is whether or not it is worth it, and I haven't decided yet if it was really worth it. Knowledge really separated my human side and spiritual side, where, when I was young and did not know, it was connected, everything was in sinc. So, IDK.