Losing my Ability to Believe

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Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Ever since I went through my spiritual awakening and left my church, I've sort of lost my ability to believe in some things, and it seems to be getting worse in some ways. I'm hoping these things come in waves because I miss spirituality. I'm not saying it's not part of my life, but I seem to be much less able to believe in things I believed in before, like god, and I'm struggling to believe more and more lately.

My spiritual awakening involved waking up to many spiritual gifts like sensing beings on the other side and healing gifts and all kinds of things that many of you already do. I realized the church I was part of wasn't serving me well and I started to peel away my beliefs in it one by one, in a long and hard process. I resigned last November and never looked back. It was a very hard core church so that was no small process to leave. According to the church, I've lost my family and my soul for eternity for leaving, and I used to believe that stuff. That's the thing. I used to believe lots of things.

When I started to wake, I actually started believing in many more things than before like angels and spirit guides and reincarnation and lots of things, all while I stopped believing in other things like the divinity of Jesus or a God that was a judging, often angry man/father figure. I started connecting with my heavenly mother and reframed what I thought of god all together.

Lately I find myself wondering if any of this is real at all and wondering if it is all just created with in us and there is nothing past that, no god no angels, no guides, no other lives. I can't help believing in healing gifts because my life is so very different now than before I started this, but what if those just come from inside myself? What if the divine is just us and nothing else? I don't like feeling like there might be nothing, and I feel afraid of going into another spiritual upheaval with the resulting life-reframing like my awakening.

I know I will be okay either way, but I don't like how it feels to feel disconnected spiritually and to not be sure any of it is real in any sense of the word. I also wonder if I have just incorporated my new spirituality so deeply, that I just take it for granted now and it's like nothing to me, if that makes sense.

Have any of you gone through this?


updated by @sarah: 06/14/17 10:38:04PM
Janett Niemi
@janett-niemi
last year
86 posts

Yes, I believe that we (Empaths) all go through what you are going through, but of course, it was different because we are all unique. Mine took an academic angle, as I had taken a required humanities course at college on religion and it opened my eyes to how blind and gullible I had been. I have also gone through the, "But what if there is nothing else, no God, no angels, just this?" And I don't want to say it was easy or that I got over it quickly, but once I came out of that void, I see the world as bright, loving, exciting place with so many opportunities to spread love.

I think what helped me move out of the void was that I started talking to The Universe (Mother Earth, God, The creator-whatever name you call your higher power) and just expected an answer (Yes, I went through a stage of, "If you are who you say you are, you will show yourself to me!) and I did get answers and the more questions I asked, the closer I got to the truth. (my own truth-yours will be different as again, we are all unique)

Keep asking questions Sarah, because all questions are answered, though sometimes they may not come to you in a way you want them. When my 16-year daughter was learning about asking the Universe for answers, she yelled at me, saying "I don't want to have to figure out what that symbol, what the meaning to that message is. I want it written on the blackboard in plain English!" Ask a question and then listen to words that others speak, to songs on the radio, to the whisper of the wind, or simply, listen to your heart. You will get answers because the Universe is real and it is Love.

Sending you TONS of LOVE.

-janett-

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

"I think it is partly to force yourself to look more inward." I took a walk with an empath healer friend today and I told her about my having trouble believing and she said what you said, that instead of my beliefs coming from outside myself, like a godseparate from myself, my soul is stepping into it's own power and I am starting to be able to see that the power comes from inside myself instead of outside. I guess she isright, I have been going through a big shift lately and that is the part my soul is working on now.

I can so relate to your comment. I'm pastthe dismantling stage for the most part, and I'm in the rebuilding part, and boy, I had to shed most everything associated with my past, too. I do grieve that, but my new life feels SO MUCH better, the grief was tough, but a lot of joy followed. :) I hope that part was your experience, too.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I've definitely moved on for the most part. When I saw that leaving my church was how it was going to end up, I made a conscious decision to not stay stuck in anger or grief or any of the hard parts of it all. I would allow myself to be in those places when they served me, then let them go. I still have anger and grief sometimes, but not at all like before, and that is a relief to know that I can do what I hoped of moving on when I was ready. I expect I still have much healing and processing to do, but it is so much smoother than it was before. I guess I'm just at the part where I'm having to decide what to believe and how to believe in a new way, and I'm not totally sure how that will be.

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

I especially like what you said, "I think what helped me move out of the void was that I started talking to The Universe (Mother Earth, God, The creator-whatever name you call your higher power) and just expected an answer." I like this. I guess it doesn't really matter what god is or if it isseparate from us or not, all that matters is that I can ask and get answers.

When you mentioned the Universe being real and being Love, Irealized that I think I need to open more to love. It is my natural state, but after the ravages of going through thisspiritual crisis and getting abuse from so many who were angry that I was going through this, even though I couldn'thelp it. I think my ability to receive love is injured, because the abuse came from loved ones more than anyone else. I think if I can receive love more, I can connect more with theuniverse or god or whateverbecause that is so much of what it all is. When I think about it, I can see that theuniverse has been putting extra opportunities in my way toexperience love in many ways lately. I'm going to give this some thought and meditation and see where this idea can take me. Thank you!

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

Thank you, your response has such gentle, calming, reassuring energy. I think I needed that. Thank you.

Janett Niemi
@janett-niemi
last year
86 posts

I like what you came up with about the love. Yes, loving others is very important, but for Empaths, the challenge always becomes finding time and actually giving ourselves love. Empaths are hard wired to feel and we do this naturally,(you are right-feeling/love is our natural state) but it is important to remember that "me" needs love, too

Coming out of this cocoon that you have built, put some time in and explore what it is that you need. What is it that makes you happy, makes you cry, makes you feel? The more time you use to learn who and what you are, the better person you will be-especially a better person for yourself. It is time for some "ME" time. It's time to fly, you butterfly!

Love yourself, Sarah. You deserve it!

-janett-

Sarah
@sarah
last year
386 posts

This is just lovely! Thank you!

Angel
@angel
10 months ago
607 posts

I know exactly how you feel, I often walk the thin line between sane and insane. The things we discover within is so foriegn to our "human side" yet it just seems to clear to our spiritual self. This disconnect often leads us to a whole lot of confusion because we are forced to either accept what we have always been taught and have learned to believe in, or do we throw away everything we have always known and accept a new truth? It's not an easy journey and it's a journey I still continue. There are many truths, but we have to decide for ourselves which truth to follow. The one thing that has helped me is the realization that truth is subjective. We are often taught and raised to believe that there can only be one truth and anything that contradicts that truth has to be false because you can't have both and both be true,right? Wrong. See, we were given freewill and this freewill allows us to make choices, which allows us to find our own truth. In Christianity, we are taught that there is only 1 God and any other God is false. We are trained to believe that everything in the bible is the "only" truth but what makes it true? Is it because a bunch of guys say so, or os there something inside that draws us to that truth? I struggled alot with Christianity when I got older because if God created everyone and loves everyone that how come he cursed me to be someone the church and himself would reject? I didn't asl to be a Medium, I couldn't shut it off, it was simply a part of who I was and left me feeling cursed since the age of 5. Basically, what I was raised to believe was truth and what I felt inside was different, so I went on search for God, not the angry fire throwing God in the Bible, but the light that had followed me and has watched and been with me since also childhood. I realized that I didn't hold the same beliefs as organized religion and therefore found my own path and my own truth within. Yet, I also understood the need that some people to need this type of structured religion is necessary for their spiritual needs to grow. But just because theirs grew and it diminished my own, didn't make one false and one true, it just means that on an individual basis, my soul needed something different. It also explains the extreme anxiety a Christian would get for going outside of the religion, but it also explained the peace I felt for moving away from their truth and moved into mine. I found a God that  I always knew was there, but now, I can truely experience him without fear! Let me tell you, I was scared to death of God because I "was cursed",lol.  I also came to the conclusion that truth is subjected and the only thing that makes a truth truth is one's belief in it. This is why some people can swear up and down that ghosts don't exsist, because they have no belief in it, therefore, to that person,they don't exsist, but for one who does believe in it,  it's a very real experience.

This type of thinking will blur the lines between your belief in the religion and your belief in spirituality. And this is a journey only you can do alone.  My suggestion is to question what you already believe and ask yourself why you believe it, then ask yourself what about it makes you doubt. Chances are you are having a conflict in what is taught by other people and the more spiritual truth you feel within. The bible say's "this is wrong", yet, I feel so much peace about this, why? You'll also question whether you create God, ect, and more "taboo" subjects, but if you believe in a God or a supreme being, then you won't doubt the exsistance of the higher being, just the differance between what the world exerieinces as God and what experieince him to be. For me, I believe in God, but the God I was trained to believe in and the God that exsists inside are two completely different Gods. The God in the bible rejects and doesn't love people like me, so why be a part of people and a God that rejects me, obviously this isn't my path, so I went inward, I threw away everything I was trained and chose to discover the God I knew within and I found a loving and wonderful God, one that has been with me and loved me all along. One that is proud of me and helps me connect to my higher spiritual self. In short, if it draws you closer to the light/God, then this is the path you are meant to be on, if it takes you away from it, it's probebly not the path for you. The reality is, we come here alone and we leave alone. The person we must face is only ourselves. God gave us freewill, the freewill to choose. The goal isn't following man's ideas and perceptions, because it takes away from the entire purpose to choose :) The goal is to bring you closer to him, if you so choose, that path isn't in a book, it's your in your heart and that beautiful light that brings you close to him is your path. You will feel some anxiety over this, but this is where you need to decide if it's because your going against what you truely believe, or is it fear cause by going against what you were trained to believe.Ask God to help you on this journey, to help you find the truth that is meant for YOU, and this journey will hopefully be more peaceful.

I hope this helps,though it's a very challanging journey, I promise, it is well worth the journey.

Blessed Be,

Angel

Angel
@angel
10 months ago
607 posts

One more thing, you started this path for a reason and without having just a little bit of belief in it, you would have never started this journey to begin with. So, if you have enough faith to begin the journey, then it is a reality to you. Perhaps it's not about belief questioning the belief, but maybe more about pin-pointing more specifically what you believe and why. Sometimes it's aleap of faith, but by pin-pointing certain things you are not clear about and bringing more clarity to it, may help you understand why you are on this path to begin with and will also increase your faith that you are on the right path for you :)

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