I had a really powerful past life or maybe pre-life experience the other day. To be honest I still feel funny sharing this stuff here because it's personal, but it's had such a big impact I want to share.
As a lot of my posts here have dealt with I'm in a time of spiritual awakening and moving away from my intensive religion. This has been an excruciating, euphoric, confusing, stressful, intense, blessed time that I am very grateful for. It feels a lot like those books and shows about people leaving the Amish faith or a polygamous compound. It's been that life changing for me.
Well, part of this process has involved a fair amount of grief and anger. I kept feeling mad especially that I didn't finish this awakening when it first started decades ago when I was a teenager. It would have been smoother and less traumatic for me to have gone through it then, then now when I've raised my kids in it and all that.
When I was once again lamenting that fact the other night, I was meditating and I suddenly saw myself before I came down to this life. I saw I was making plans with my guide about what I wanted to learn and experience this time around. I saw that before I came here this time, I had been fascinated by my particular religion. I saw that I'd learned a lot about it and studied it, but that one of the things I wanted from this life was to actually experience being a part of that faith. It sort of felt like a religious scholar who is fascinated by the Amish, and gets an opportunity to live in their community for a year. What an enriching, dream come true opportunity. Well, that's what I did with my own religion in this lifetime.
I suddenly saw the things that have been giving me pain in a new light. I saw that having a religiously addicted parent made it so I could have an especially immersive experience. I saw that even though I'm not even from this part of the country, I just happened to end up two miles from our church world wide headquarters, what a thrill that must have been to my spirit to be that close to its heart. I saw many more things like that. I also saw that it was a blessing that I didn't finish my awakening until my early 40s instead of my teens. That way I got to really be involved all the way, in a way that wouldn't have been complete if I'd left as a kid. It was all part of the plan I chose.
I feel like my time in that religion is probably at a close now. Who knows. I've been so guided through this whole process. If I feel drawn back for some reason, I'll go back, but it doesn't seem to be moving that way at all. Now, since I had that past life related experience, I feel like I can leave with great gratitude instead of confusion and anger and sadness. What a blessing!
updated by @sarah: 03/11/17 09:25:21PM