Things have been going very well on my healing journey lately. The only thing that I don't like is the past couple of years I've been in this place of healing, it seems like all the issues I've had in my life have lined up and when I've full addressed one, the next one comes up for healing. I'm kind of exhausted, and there doesn't seem to be much rest between issues coming up.
Well, I've been feeling good lately, and more whole than I have in a while, until a couple of weeks ago. I have a job I like, but I needed to be working more hours. Another position opened at the school and I got the job. Since that day, for some reason, it's brought up what might be my root issue. It's so painful that I am having a hard time even keeping my spirit in my body. I"m having so much depression, I started feeling scared and started seeing a therapist.
Last evening, I found a technique that is quite similar to one that one of you told me about a year ago that helped me. I did it. I found the emotional pain that I was feeling the most and went into meditative state. I sat with it and asked when I last felt this feeling, then when I first felt it. I was able to find the root of the pain. Then I was able to ask what it needed, and be with myself and call on heavenly help to relive the situation in a healthier way. It helped surprisingly well. I actually felt so much relief that my spirit was mostly in my body.
A few hours later, I woke in the middle of the night with a huge crushing, emotional pain. It's a feeling I know because I've had it all my life and it feels like the root of my sometimes depression and very prevelant anxiety. The pain was turned up to eleven, though, and I could hardly breathe. I did the technique on it. I found the root of it, but I wasn't able to see what it needed. I stayed present with that horrible feeling, breathing and doing my best to survive it for FOUR HOURS! I was not able to hear what it needed and I didn't know what to do. This morning, I am feeling that pain and I"m trying to distract myself so I can go to my new job and celebrate my husband's birthday and all that but the pain is so deep. I am having a hard time not crying and crying.
The pain was from when I was a new baby, and found life so painful that part of me died and went to live with my mother goddess in heaven. I knew I'd only been half here really all my life, and I knew I'd been with my heavenly mother, but that's why. I do not know how to integrate those two parts or convince the other half of me to come back or what I need to do. I can't die now, it's not time, but I can't live with this pain. I feel like it came up with such force because it is ready to be integrated and made whole, but I don't know what to do. Any of you healers have any advise?
updated by @sarah: 04/20/17 10:46:31PM